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ruby
you rang?
Member since 6/08 5573 total posts
Name:
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Why does this all have to be so hard?
I'm sorry for the dramatics, but I'm sitting here in tears right now. My advocate and I wrote a strongly worded letter to the district voicing my disagreement with his IEP and will be dropping it off today. I'm worried that I'm doing the wrong thing and once I drop it off I obviously can't take my words back. Worried that I'm the one creating an antagonistic relationship with the disctrict while they refused to acknowledge any changes/revisions we brought up at the IEP. All they kept stating with their already prepared IEP was,"this is our offer". We do not feel like we were treated as equal members of the team at all and I stated as such. Reccommended ABA "as needed". Recommended 2 group sessions for speech weekly (he's mostly nonverbal). No OT when he has sensory needs and they affect his attending in school. I know I need to fight for what he needs but I just hope I'm doing the right thing by him....if we eventually get what we're asking for I'm thinking it's going to be a fight every single year....ugh, maybe we should move...I don't know if I can do this every year, i'm emotionally shot....and this is only preschool! I'm scared....scared what happens now...
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Posted 2/9/12 7:57 AM  |
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sapphire
LIF Adolescent
Member since 6/06 568 total posts
Name:
Elizabeth
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Re: Why does this all have to be so hard?
First don't apologize, because this is all 'BEYOND" hard. It's challenging to be a parent, and then when your child "needs" things out of your realm of giving, it's so disheartening when you have to "fight" for them and also rely on others to give them. Sometimes we put so much hope in people to help our child and they let us down. School districts should be a support, you pay taxes and you should find "help" there, not discomfort.
Don't even worry for a moment that you are starting an 'adverse" relationship with the district. You are a parent who cares about her child and his success. That should be celebrated and never frowned upon. Deep in their hearts every committee member knows that. They obviously have to play hardball with $$$$ but that doesn't mean they think you are out of line.
So sad that it's all about the $$$...
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| Posted 2/9/12 11:28 AM |
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fdny-ot
LIF Infant
Member since 2/12 123 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why does this all have to be so hard?
You are doing the right thing being by advocating strongly for your child. IEP meetings are not supposed to be one-sided. The plan for your child is created during the meeting, after reviewing progress reports, evaluations, and most of all, considering parental input. It should *not* be ready or completed when you get there. You have the right to disagree with their "stated offer", especially when you know your child deserves more (or needs less). There has been a series of training last year (November to December) that discussed the reforms being made to CPSE/CSE programs and how district administrators should look at IEPs and help in creating a plan that will be most beneficial to the student. Let us know how it goes. If you wanted to discuss more, PM me...
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| Posted 2/9/12 12:21 PM |
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ruby
you rang?
Member since 6/08 5573 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why does this all have to be so hard?
Posted by fdny-ot
The plan for your child is created during the meeting, after reviewing progress reports, evaluations, and most of all, considering parental input. It should *not* be ready or completed when you get there.
This is what I thought. We walked in and they slid the already filled-in IEP across the table and said "this is our offer". I was so confused because I thought we have some input. I said as much in my letter.
Message edited 2/9/2012 12:36:25 PM.
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| Posted 2/9/12 12:35 PM |
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fdny-ot
LIF Infant
Member since 2/12 123 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why does this all have to be so hard?
I'm curious, what's your SD and are you in Nassau or Suffolk?
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| Posted 2/9/12 12:43 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Why does this all have to be so hard?
The IEP absolutely should not be filled in before the meeting, but I bet many districts do this. I am just surprised that they were so blatant about preparing it ahead of time.
Our transition meeting was tough. I think we were naive when we went in and were not prepared to be shot down on a few things because we didn't feel like we were asking for too much (and neither did our team). We left feeling very discouraged. At the follow-up meeting, I started out by telling the chair and the other district people at the table that while I am aware this is something they do every day, it is very emotional for a parent to go through the meeting.
I do think that some chairpersons try to bully people into accepting what the district offers, instead of offering what the child needs. If you don't do your homework and you don't know what to ask for, some districts will take advantage of that. I have heard stories from other parents and from friends who are teachers who have sat through CSE meetings.
I think writing everything in a letter is the best thing for you to do. It allows you to clearly state what you want, and you have a written record of your request. It shows the district you are taking this very seriously and not backing down and it puts the ball in their court. I don't want to have an adversarial relationship with my district either, since i think we will have to work with them for a long time. However, the most important thing is that our kids get what they need.
Keep your eye on the prize. It is all so hard, but you are doing the right thing, IMO.
Message edited 2/9/2012 12:51:28 PM.
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| Posted 2/9/12 12:50 PM |
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ruby
you rang?
Member since 6/08 5573 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why does this all have to be so hard?
Posted by fdny-ot
I'm curious, what's your SD and are you in Nassau or Suffolk?
neither, we're in NJ.
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| Posted 2/9/12 12:55 PM |
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rbsbabies
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/08 544 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Why does this all have to be so hard?
You are totally doing the right thing, they are WRONG. All they want to do is save as much $ as they can, NEVER forget that. That's what they do. I'm sorry but most districts do not put the child's best interest first, they put there f*cking budgets first and everything else is secondary.
As I told you I myself have had many many fights. And I probably have many more to come. I promise you this, when you get past all this nonsense and get what your child deserves the picture will become clearer and it will make you stronger.
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| Posted 2/9/12 2:24 PM |
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Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it
Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Why does this all have to be so hard?
If for any reason you do NOT agree with anything at the meeting...DO NOT sign anything. Just say this meeting is adjourned and you will reschedule,
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| Posted 2/10/12 10:47 AM |
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Re: Why does this all have to be so hard?
You're doing the best thing for your child, that can't be wrong. Stay strong. Good Luck! 
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| Posted 2/10/12 1:02 PM |
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bayla
Love my two kiddos :)
Member since 8/06 7178 total posts
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Re: Why does this all have to be so hard?
definitely don't be afraid to voice your concerns and opinions. I am an OT and work in NJ and I have to say, the districts I work with are always leaning toward what the parents want, especially for the parents who are very involved. It is your child and you have the right to fight for whatever you think your DC needs. Also, don't forget, if your child had an OT eval, and they didn't qualify now, in 6 months you can go back to your district and tell them you still have concerns and they can do another one
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| Posted 2/10/12 1:42 PM |
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ruby
you rang?
Member since 6/08 5573 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why does this all have to be so hard?
Posted by bayla
definitely don't be afraid to voice your concerns and opinions. I am an OT and work in NJ and I have to say, the districts I work with are always leaning toward what the parents want, especially for the parents who are very involved. It is your child and you have the right to fight for whatever you think your DC needs. Also, don't forget, if your child had an OT eval, and they didn't qualify now, in 6 months you can go back to your district and tell them you still have concerns and they can do another one
They didn't even do an OT eval, even though he's been getting OT through EI for over a year. Another of my complaints- they failed to do a comprehensive evaluation therefore how can properly determine what an appropriate setting would be.
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| Posted 2/10/12 2:44 PM |
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