Updated. Went to Dr. MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

Im extremely upset. I was a little over 5 weeks and i started spotting, the girls on the pregnancy boards were very supportive and many said that it could be totally normally. Well I tried to go about my day yesterday and not worry but I realize that since Saturday morning when I started spotting that the soreness that I had been feeling all along in my boobs was fading and this morning it was almost gone. I had a bad feeling and I took a test. Not pregnant. Im very sad and have so many thoughts running through my head.

......

We got pregnant right away and I feel like someone is punishing us saying who do you really think you are, getting pregnant right away and then it actually sticking.

I was supposed to go into my dr tomorrow morning to check my hcg levels (since I had called the Doctors ER line on Saturday) and then I was set to come back Thursday to re-check and if all was good, they would be doubled. Well, I just dont want to go now...I feel like it's heartbreak all over again to go and hear and my hcg levels are at 0 or are super low. Plus I would have to wait till Friday for the results so its a week of a tiny bit of false hope.
But, what should I do at this point? I mean, even though Im very upset, I think I want to try again right away...but I have no idea about anything now and Im just kinda lost and confused....

I just cant help but thinking that I was so nervous this time and I had never had a MC before and so I can only imagine that next time if I get pregnant, I wont even be excited and be even more worried. I just dont know that I can deal with this stress for months on end or the ups and downs. How do people deal with that. Im really happy with my life and I want a baby so bad but I don't know that I can function in my daily life not being happy and feeling this stress and worry every day.

This is kind of a vent, kind of a reaching out for support.

Message edited 2/13/2012 8:20:23 PM.

Re: MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

oh and does anyone know what this would be considered..a chemical, something else. Im definitely not knowledgeable about any of this.... I guess now I will become educated on it all though

I have so many questions...sorry...could this spotting just really being my AF that would have been a week and a half ago if I hadnt been pregnant or is this just the MC....if this isnt Af, when would it come? When can we actually start trying?

Re: MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

I am so sorry for you loss I have had two Chemical pregnancies in the last 3 months ( it sounds like that is what you had). Both times I had exactly what you had... I took a test early , it was positive, but then I got my period about a week late and then the pregnancy tests no longer said pregnant. This board is great support!! Again I am very sorry

Re: MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

I'm so sorry for your loss Have you gotten your full period yet? It's good to go to the dr and get your HCG levels checked just to see what's going on with your body. Of course when you do get your period then it's safe to say your levels are down to 0. I know it's difficult and devastating but the only thing to do is to move forward. One m/c doesn't mean that you'll never be able to have children and of course the next BFP you get is going to be nerve wracking. It's unfortunate but early miscarriages are really common, many woman who have one go on to have normal, healthy pregnancies.

Re: MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

thank you both. i just started bleeding heavier along with i guess what you might call clots or what i guess looks like clots. i have this sometimes though with my period when its heavy (i thought everyone did?? i could be wrong).

i dont know..could this be my period? or it's the shedding and associated with the loss?

i decided i am going to go to the dr. still tomorrow. obviously tell them what happened so they can check the hcg still and maybe i will speak to her about any other tests at this point and when i can try again realistically.

i guess i would count this a cd1 if this in indeed my period

Message edited 2/12/2012 9:49:31 AM.

Re: MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

Oh, I am so sorry to read this. First, you know of course you are not being punished; unfortunately, that's just how it goes sometimes.

As I wrote to you, I miscarried my 3rd pregnancy at just about 10 wks (although I knew at 8-9 wks it would happen). If you decided to go with the practice we discussed, have no doubt you are in great hands! Just going for my visits during the ordeal left me feeling so much better. They advised me to wait two cycles, but that might be different for you...

From my experience, yeah, I definitely worried more and longer with my next pregnancy than I would have otherwise. But I did also have a lot of excitement and joy too...you will too.

If you ever want to talk/vent/etc, feel free to drop an FM...

Re: MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

Posted by Eireann

Oh, I am so sorry to read this. First, you know of course you are not being punished; unfortunately, that's just how it goes sometimes.

As I wrote to you, I miscarried my 3rd pregnancy at just about 10 wks (although I knew at 8-9 wks it would happen). If you decided to go with the practice we discussed, have no doubt you are in great hands! Just going for my visits during the ordeal left me feeling so much better. They advised me to wait two cycles, but that might be different for you...

From my experience, yeah, I definitely worried more and longer with my next pregnancy than I would have otherwise. But I did also have a lot of excitement and joy too...you will too.

If you ever want to talk/vent/etc, feel free to drop an FM...

Re: MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

I got pregnant on our first month trying as well....and it ended in a chemical. I questioned whether I could keep a pregnancy and I worried about getting pregnant again. We tried again right away and two cycles later I got another BFP. I was definitely more worried about every little twinge. I constantly analyzed symptoms. I took tons of cheap internet preg tests and compared the lines. It's normal to feel this way. But the good news is that you CAN and DID get pregnant.

Chemicals are unfortunately very common, but they don't indicate that you will have any issues in the future with having a successful pregnancy. That was true for me because the BFP I got after my chemical did stick and my DD is perfectly healthy and the pregnancy went very smoothly. Even though you never stop worrying, try to force yourself to stop and enjoy your next BFP (even if it's just for an hour at a time) because it goes so fast and it WILL happen for you.

I'm sorry for your loss, and I wish you all the best for whenever you start trying again.

Re: MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

thank you very much, stories like yours give me hope and make me feel slightly better today.

i feel guilty for feeling so upset because it was so short. and i feel stupid for being excited when i got my bfp.

Re: MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

im so sorry Lorin... ive had 3 chemicals... the first one was like yours... except it was at 6w that i started bleeding and my beta was 7.

This recent one i tested before AF was due and with in 3 days the tests were negative... I actually got AF 2 days early.

You should have your beta done tomorrow

Re: MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

Posted by AngnShaun

im so sorry Lorin... ive had 3 chemicals... the first one was like yours... except it was at 6w that i started bleeding and my beta was 7.

This recent one i tested before AF was due and with in 3 days the tests were negative... I actually got AF 2 days early.

You should have your beta done tomorrow

Re: MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

Posted by mrssoto

Posted by AngnShaun

im so sorry Lorin... ive had 3 chemicals... the first one was like yours... except it was at 6w that i started bleeding and my beta was 7.

This recent one i tested before AF was due and with in 3 days the tests were negative... I actually got AF 2 days early.

You should have your beta done tomorrow

Thank you Ang...I know that you have being going through A LOT and I am so truly sorry for your losses, previous and recent as well. your strength is amazing.

Is beta just another word for hcg levels?

Message edited 2/12/2012 12:42:15 PM.

Re: MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

I'm sorry.. I know how frustrating it is to have a board full of people tell you it happened to them and then have it work out VERY different for you I had a loss from a SCH twice.. Usually they only cause a loss in 2% of pregnancies... but it robbed me of two pregnant (and once it took out 3 babies at once because I was almost 8wks along with triplets). It stinks... I'm sorry you are going through this.

Re: MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

Re: MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

Oh Lorin, I'm SO sorry. I had a m/c at 6w back in December, but I didn't m/c naturally. I went in for a d&c a week later. It was absolutely devastating and you're completely normal for feeling the way you do. I was a wreck for about a month after. It just takes time to move on.

I don't have much knowledge about chemicals, but I know my doctor told us we could start trying again after my first cycle.

Re: MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

Thank you Laura. I just sent you a fm.

Re: MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I would definitely recommend to still go to the doctor to double check your levels.

I also had a m/c back in November. I was about 10w. I had a missed m/c so I didn't miscarry naturally. I had to have a D&C. My doctor told us that we could start trying after my first period after the D&C.

I have no experience with chemicals, but I can tell you that the past few months have not been easy for me since the m/c. You are going to go through a lot of emotions, especially what you've described. It's normal to feel what you are feeling. I still get extremely upset over the littlest things and I am unsure of what I'll feel once I get pregnant again, but I will figure that out once I get there. You will too. Take some time for yourself and see what your doctor says first.

Good luck!

*Edited for spelling

Message edited 2/12/2012 9:39:48 PM.

Re: MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

I'm so sorry for your loss! I do agree about keeping your appt. today so that you can touch base with your doc and have a beta done.

As far as being nervous the next time you get pregnant, I have to say that you probably will be. I've been pregnant 5 times (3 mc's, 1 healthy dc and pg again now) and each and every time I have been a nervous wreck in the beginning. On the upside, when I was pg with my dc I did start to feel more at ease after the first tri and wound up loving being pg. This time around, I'm just starting to get less nervous bc the first tri is over. Keep us posted on how you make out at the doctor today and feel free to fm if you need to talk/vent.

Re: MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

Thank you again everyone for all of your love and support! It really helped me get through yesterday a little easier.

I just came back from my doctor who was very sweet and comforting. She didn't seem to want to do any testing at this point since it was thankfully a 1st MC...I will get results of my hcg levels tomorrow and if they are 5 or lower, we can ttc again right away since I wasn't far along with this pregnancy. She did reassure me of the stats (that 1 and 5 end in MC so at the very least, I am not alone--which I did know)

So, I am hopeful and having a little bit of a better day. I did end up crying again when I was in the office when i saw the sonogram machine knowing what would've been but the nurses and doctor were very kind so it helped.

I am trying to move forward and taking one day at a time and be positive.

Thank you all and I am here for all of you as well as you go through this crazy, sometimes bumpy ride!

<3...Lorin

Re: MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

I am so sorry for your loss, but happy to read that you are having a better day today.

Cry whenever you need to or want to - you are more than entitled to it.

Good luck to you as you move forward.

Re: MC..vent/support/just so sad and confused

I'm so sorry for your loss. I miscarried naturally at 6 wks. Even now after four months its hard sometimes but it does get better which I know it doesn't seem like it right now. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way that you do. The ladies here are so supportive and you just know that your not alone when you just need to express your feelings here.