Teaching Basic Manners to an Autistic Child

This subject line sounds like a tall order! DS has made a lot of progress in the past year, he really has. One thing he still does however is refuse to speak if he does not feel like it. His teachers find ways to draw him out, but if he doesn't feel like talking, he doesn't do it.

One thing I have been trying to work on with him lately is saying hi and bye to people, other than me and DH. Often he refuses to do this, and modeling it myself doesn't seem to work. He has the words and has for a long time, but will not use them. And he gets confused about why he needs to do this when he doesn't want to, I think he really doesn't understand the concept that it's rude to say nothing or not at least wave.

I started with his teachers and his bus driver, but if the spirit doesn't move him, he won't do it. Any tips or should I drop this for now? I need to talk to his SLP also, she may be able to work on this with him.

Message edited 2/29/2012 11:46:01 AM.

Re: Teaching Basic Manners to an Autistic Child

Perhaps through imaginary play. If you have any figures that your ds plays with, when you put them away, you can say "goodbye xxxx", "goodbye xxx".

Puppets ,...can be used to simulate different situations. Put on a puppet show for him, then maybe have him eventually take over ?

Say "hi" to any stuffed animals, or 'bye' to them.


There are a lot of songs regarding "hello" and "goodbye", if you need any, let me know I probably have a few on cd.

Have all therapists say "hi" and "bye" each time they greet/leave him, they usually do this I am sure, but tell them to really try to get him to respond.

Re: Teaching Basic Manners to an Autistic Child

does your DC use a reward system/token board?
Can you incorporate this hi/bye goal into that reward system?
you can use anything that motivates him to make the hello goodbye process more appealing. YOu can practice like the previous poster stated with toys then when you or DH come home from work or if DC has siblings have them walk in and out of the room ect.... and then work on one person at a time - bus driver, teacher, therapist ect....

Re: Teaching Basic Manners to an Autistic Child

We aren't really using a reward system with him at the moment--our problem is finding a reward that is easy to give often that he values. Stickers, tattoos, no. Candy would be a big yes, but I've cut sugar way down for him. We had a surprise box full of dollar store variety toys, and he liked that for awhile, but lost interest. We were downloading apps for a bit, but he gets obsessed with them, so I'm trying to cut his gaming time down.

But the imaginary play sounds great. He has Scooby Doo figures that he really likes, so we'll try that. I think if we do it in a silly, fun way he would like it. Songs may work, but lately he's not so into music. If I just put it on in the car though, he'll listen.

This probably sounds like a lot to ask of a child, but he can do it and I think other kids are starting to get offended when he says nothing. And I do want him to get that there are certain social things we all should do (regardless of whether we want to or not) and just get him out of his own world a little. It will take some time though.

Re: Teaching Basic Manners to an Autistic Child

Maybe try a social story and/or social skills video or software...
Sometimes, it helps to really explain exactly what to do, when, and why in simple/fun terms.
I've made a lot of them on PowerPoint because you can make them fun and motivating.

Imaginary play can be helpful, but generalization may be tough. If you can get people to practice in more "real life" situations, that would be great.

If you are practicing with familiar people who understand your DS's needs, maybe you can show him a visual prompt (or even have the teachers and bus drivers show him one (not sure how old he is, but either the word on an index card, or even a little cartoon waving with a speak bubble).

Just think practice, practice, practice in comfortable situations, limit verbal prompting, reinforce (even with social reinforcers like high-fives, tickles, and verbal praise), then expand out to other people and situations.

GL!