Does the fear ever go away?

As AF approaches, I have been having such anxiety, as I know we are supposed to move forward with preparations for my next transfer. I am driving myself crazy and having serious doubts on trying again. I am so scared that "it" will happen again, and not sure how or if I can handle it. It has been more than 3 years of TTC, and my Only pregnancy ended in a m/c. There is no reason or explanation as to why it happened, the same way that I don't have a clear explanation to my infertility.

Basically, have you been able to move on and not be scared?

Re: Does the fear ever go away?

After a loss, I don't think it's possible for the fear to ever go away!!

I don't think it's right to go into it naively.. You KNOW a loss is possible. You've lived it. When I got pregnant with my triplets, I was told by friends things like.. "Ohhhh you've had your share, things will be good this time".


The honest truth is, anything is possible and you have to know that IF you do have a loss, it will be horrible- but it will not be the end.

You cry.. scream .. mourn .. and take the time you need to do whatever it is you have to do to get back on your infertile horse and try again!


Of course through it all, you hope that things will be different next time. As Kelley said in her recent post, "hope" is the most important ingredient in ALL of this. In a world filled with the unknown, hope is all you have.

Message edited 3/15/2012 6:50:11 PM.

Re: Does the fear ever go away?

I don't know.

My body healed so quickly and everyone else around me seems to have moved on but I am stuck here feeling like someone stuck their hand in my chest and ripped a piece of my heart out. I am PETRIFIED it will happen again. At the same time I want another baby more than anything in the world. It is so scary and I feel tainted almost, my innocence was robbed (I know I am so dramatic, lol!). I mourn the idea of a calm, peaceful pregnancy because it is just not going to happen. I am going to be so scared of every little thing. My head space is so cloudy right now and all over the place. It is all I think about and it happened in January. I will never understand why we have to go through this and it just sucks.

Sorry I am no help.

I do hope that when my (hopefully) next pregnancy progresses and time goes on I will feel more comfortable. You know, probably around 39 weeks.

I wish us both happy and healthy pregnancies!!! Hopefully we can keep the worry to a minimum.

Re: Does the fear ever go away?

I had a miscarriage in March of last year and am now 7 months pregnant and I am afraid every.single.day. I think it's totally normal to be fearful after suffering a loss. We're now jaded. But, every good doc appt, every sono, every day that passes without incident-makes it bearable.
I wish you nothing but the best and give you lots and lots of babydust

Re: Does the fear ever go away?

Never... i am a member of a fb group that spun off from thebump TTCAL board and there are a bunch of girls that are now pregnant and they have a saying "today, I am pregnant" and thats how i have to look at it from now on... my vow is to enjoy every pregnant from start to finish... no amount of worrying is going to change anything...

Re: Does the fear ever go away?

Re: Does the fear ever go away?

Re: Does the fear ever go away?

Thanks you all so much for your input and sharing your experiences. It saddens me that we have to have this in common and share such grief. Yesterday was a bad day, today will be a better one. So for now, I am going to take it day by day, and not worry so much about something that Could happen, but not necessarily Will happen.

I pray for all of you, I hope that you find peace and most importantly move on to have your dreams come true.

Re: Does the fear ever go away?

i don't think so.... I recently found out I am pregnant again.... and am petrified. I have had two losses -- and don't think I will ever not be afraid, but know without a doubt that whatever is meant to be will be. This time I will be on Lovenox, so hopefully that will make this outcome different than the last two.... but the fear is always there.

We have all lived through the pain of loss... we know it can happen, and think it will always be inthe back of our brains, kwim?

I just keep thinking positively and have faith in my drs.

to you and hope that you have a succesful pregnancy ( and that we all do as well)

Re: Does the fear ever go away?

nope, it won't go away. I'm pregnant now after 2 miscarriages and analyzing every single symptom. If I feel ok I analyze that. I could have a weekly sonogram and still be nervous. I think it's normal after a loss.

Re: Does the fear ever go away?

Nope. I am 23 weeks pregnant and kept telling myself that once I got all my tests back and I could feel movement I would stop being scared.

Wrong. I was lucky and started feeling the baby early but now I just find myself over analyzing whether or not it has been too long since I felt the last movement, or is that twinge round ligament pain or something to worry about, etc.

I did finally put a small deposit on baby furniture as I was told it can take a long time to come in once ordered, but other than that I haven't bought a single item for the baby.

I feel robbed of the ability to be excited about being pregnant because of my loss and I hate it.

Many hugs to everyone - those pregnant and scared and those still waiting and scared.