Back here again with questions.

I started to miscarry last wednesday and have a scheduled D&C tomorrow - my bleeding only lasted a day so they scheduled my D&C in case I didn't miscarry naturally and as I have not I am going ahead with it tomorrow.

This is my second miscarriage and my second d&c in ten months.

When I got the news last wednesday morning that there was no heartbeat I was devastated but for the last two days I have just felt numb all over - no emotions really...I cry if I speak to someone about it but mostly I dont speak about it so I just carry on like a robot - I have two other kids.

My question is if you have had a second miscarriage did you feel numb about it or were you just as emotional the second time around. When I got the news last week I thought I would die and it felt worse than the first time but since then..nothing just complete and utter numbness. I wont cry on front of my kids so I have been carrying on as normal all weekend and today.

I am scared that I am going to have a complete and utter meltdown at the hospital tomorrow morning.

My other question is when do they induce labor and you can have the option of holding the baby versus a D&C? Does anyone know at how many weeks.

I am 14 weeks.

Sorry so longwinded..

Re: Back here again with questions.

Everyone handles things there own way... but I think having a certain amount of numbness is totally normal and I've definitely been there myself.

My first loss was (for lack of better words..) "the biggie". It was the pregnancy I managed to carry the farthest (17wk3d), so in comparison all my other pregnancies were much shorter. I always felt like I would need to get past the point we lost my son to allow myself to really feel attached to the baby and accept that it was really going to happen. Since my other pregnancies ended earlier, I always had an element of doubt in my mind that things would really work out since I was not near my "target" milestone of 17wks.

At this point, after almost 2.5 years of fertility treatments and no live children to show for it ... I feel very.. VERY .. numb. I have witnessed most of my friends move forward because fertility treatments DOES work for MOST people at SOME point.. yet so far for me, it has not. I've experienced the loss of babies... friendships from people who distanced themselves because they felt awkward being around me with their own babies while knowing what I was going through... .and most of all, my loss of faith that this may actually end well one day. Numb, is a very accurate description here.


As far as being able to induce labor... I was given that option at 17wks, though I chose a d&e (similar to a d&c but more involved). I actually did want to induce labor and get to hold my baby but for a variety of reasons, I was told my several doctors that a d&e would be best.

What you can do is ask for a footprint... At 14wks, it would be tiny but probably doable.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. If you have any questions about a d&e, feel free to FM. Though similar, there are very distinct differences from a d&c which you say you have already experienced.

Re: Back here again with questions.

so sorry Sara that your going through this

no advice just lots of

Re: Back here again with questions.

Again, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I've been there and felt numb too, but more so with my second mc. For me, after the first time, I think I had an attitude of that it was just bad luck. But when it happened a second time (11w), after seeing a hb, was when I was most numb and in meltdown mode. For me, it was coming to a realization that maybe I couldn't carry a baby and that the road would be much longer than I anticipated. After my 3rd mc, I felt as if I was on autopilot, since I had a healthy baby in between mc 2-3. It was like I was just trying to go on with life and keep things routine for my ds. Then I would periodically get so sad out of nowhere when I had some downtime because I had a sense that I never got to properly mourn like I previously did. Each mc was a different process/feeling for me.

As far as inducing labor, I have no clue since I've only had d&c's. Don't be afraid to have a meltdown at the hospital - I did after my second mc and everyone was so caring and understanding. Hoping that you can find a way to get through this difficult time.

Re: Back here again with questions.

I am so sorry you are going through this I had a m/c about 3 years before DD and then, my most recent, about 7 months ago. Both of the m/c happened at the same time (8-9 weeks) so the only option for me was a D&C. The first time I had a m/c I had a meltdown at the hospital and the second time I had a meltdown at the hospital too. The staff at the hospital was very understanding. For me both times were bad emotionally but when I had the second m/c I just couldn't understand how it could happen again and I felt like my body failed me.

When I had the first m/c DS was 2 years old. When I had the second m/c DS was almost 5 years old and DD was almost 2 years old. I felt like a robot too...just trying to get through each day.

Lots of
Please let me know if I could do anything

Re: Back here again with questions.

Please know you do have options and dont be bullied into thinking you have no rights in what you wish to do with the baby.I lost 3 babies to m/c and all were handled naturally at home - My most recent one was on Jan.25th at 8 weeks. The Dr. tried to bully me into a D & C and i refused because the most important thing to be was having rights to my baby- getting to hold her and give her respectful burial. The Dr. tried to tell me it was not possible and the baby is not even visible - he was extremely wrong! I volunteered for the past 9 years in helping parents dealing with these circumstances so i was pretty prepared. Getting to spend time with my beautiful tiny baby, holding her and putting her to rest in the way i wish made all the difference in the world. Dr.s tend to be jerks when dealing with miscarriages. If you want to see your baby, hold him/her - tell the Dr. befordhand and ask if there's any way they can take the baby out intact so you can do so. Funeral homes will take care of your babies remains for free most of the time and cemeteries especially Catholic ones will do burial for miscarriages , PLEASE feel free contact me if you need help or have questions.

Re: Back here again with questions.

Re: Back here again with questions.

It's sad thats it's considered taboo to bury 1st trimester babies. You dont hear much about "miscarriage" burials unless they are near 20 weeks. My Ob thought i was insane for doing so, as well as the first funeral home i contacted. But my cemetery was so supportive ( St. Charles in Farmingdale) and my 2nd try at a funeral home i really lucked out and the funeral director was like a God sent angel. She was so amazing letting me have a mini funeral/ baptism and was with us during the burial & stood after talking to us- and she did everything free! That kind of kindness brought a incredible amount of comfort to me & my husband. It's hard to find the right people/ places to handle such a sensitive & nearly unheard of requests- to treat your baby as your baby no better how small it is. From my years of experience in helping grieving moms dealing with miscarriage- the #1 most helpful thing to do is properly lay your baby to rest. So many women have to deal with a lifetime of wondering what physically happen to their baby after it was taken out( and trust me, you dont wanna know), wishing they could of just held them, seen them ,grieve and get some sort of closure . But Dr.s like to brainwash women that these babies shouldnt be seen for whatever BS reasons. To see and hold that tiny precious little body is extremely comforting and brings alot of closure. Sure it's not more or less sad but you dont have to live with those " I wish i could of...I wonder where.." Thats alot more torture in my opinion to not know these things. Even if a woman has to get a D & C , she still needs to be made aware that she has rights to see the baby & have a burial but the problem is it's so dehumanized by society and the medical community that they rather aviod letting the parents know of those options. It enrages me because so many women suffer far worse depression afterwards because their beloved babies were treated like they were nothing but reproductive contents. There should be more services installed to help in these circumstances and it's a big passion for me to make sure grieving mothers & their little angels get the care & respect they deserve.

Re: Back here again with questions.

To anwser your question, I have been frightenly numb with my most recent loss. I was shocked i reacted this way and almost mad at myself for not being hysterical. Well, inside Im hysterical screaming & crying and it's so painful & overwhelming that it seems like my body went in " shut down" mode where it's scared to open the flood gates. Im still going thru it nearly 2 months later, i feel like a zombie with no emotions. I wanna let it out soooooo bad because it almost kinda feels physically painful bottling it up against my will.

Did they offer you meds to induce natural miscarriage? They tend to jump the gun with D & Cs . If you dont feel comfortable with a D & C, please ask about other options, follow your gut in whats right for you . It shouldnt matter how many weeks you are, if you want to hold your baby, speak up and demand it. 14 weeks is a very visible & decent size unborn baby body - i held my 6 & 8th week babies which were clearly visible and the best decisions i ever had.

Posted by beachgirl

My question is if you have had a second miscarriage did you feel numb about it or were you just as emotional the second time around. When I got the news last week I thought I would die and it felt worse than the first time but since then..nothing just complete and utter numbness. I wont cry on front of my kids so I have been carrying on as normal all weekend and today.

I am scared that I am going to have a complete and utter meltdown at the hospital tomorrow morning.

My other question is when do they induce labor and you can have the option of holding the baby versus a D&C? Does anyone know at how many weeks.

I am 14 weeks.

Sorry so longwinded..

Re: Back here again with questions.

Re: Back here again with questions.

Re: Back here again with questions.

Re: Back here again with questions.

I am so sorry.. I have had 2 mc, both within 5 months of each other. The first mc I had a d&c and the second I had a mc naturally. I was finally accepting what happened and then I mc again. I am emotionally drained. It has taken a toll on me in many ways. I hope you are doing okay. If you need anything feel free to fm me.

Re: Back here again with questions.

Im soo sorry you are going through this. I had 2 mc's 1 at 23 weeks and the other at 12 weeks.

With the 23 weeks one i was induced in the hospital and so drugged because I didn't want to know what was going on. They gave me the option of them taking care of the baby or me afterwards. Once I came down from all the medication I decided to bury my little boy. Honestly, I don't rememeber much of the delivery or even holding him afterwards which everyone says I did(since I was highly medicated). i was able to go back to the hospital to hold him before he was sent to the funeral home. It was probably the best decision I ever made.

As for my most recent mc at 12 weeks. I found out there was no heartbeat and I opted for the medicine as opposed to the d&c. I delivered at home it was a horrible sight to see. I had DH there to help me through it all. It was emotional but I was like you the whole time. Numb to everything around me and what was going on. When I went to talk to my doctor later they asked me how everything was going and I said that i'm dealing with this one alot better than my first because I am numb to everything. I've been carrying on my life with my kids who are here and acting like nothing is going on.
Again, I'm sooo sorry for your loss.
If you need anything, feel free to fm me.

Re: Back here again with questions.

Thank you so much everyone

I had my D&C yesterday and I have to say I did cry in the hospital and in recovery but was so out of it for the rest of the day I didn't feel anything much. It took me a long time to recover from the anesthesia and I was pretty sick afterwards so I wasn't released until later in the evening. My 6 year old was very concerned when she saw me in the hospital - I had hoped to be up and changed when they got there but they let them in while I was in the bathroom so I had to spend the rest of the evening reassuring her that I was okay.

Today I only cried once and that was when I called my mom. I guess the only time I cr or think about it is when someone calls that knows that happened.

I am still feeling really numb and to be honest that is concerning me as I should be feeling something else and I wonder when the other shoe is going to drop.
I am so sorry for all of your losses and I feel one MC is enough for anyone to have to deal with but so many of you have dealt with more

Re: Back here again with questions.

Sorry, no advice, but just sorry you are going through this.

Re: Back here again with questions.

Posted by beachgirl

Thank you so much everyone

I had my D&C yesterday and I have to say I did cry in the hospital and in recovery but was so out of it for the rest of the day I didn't feel anything much. It took me a long time to recover from the anesthesia and I was pretty sick afterwards so I wasn't released until later in the evening. My 6 year old was very concerned when she saw me in the hospital - I had hoped to be up and changed when they got there but they let them in while I was in the bathroom so I had to spend the rest of the evening reassuring her that I was okay.

Today I only cried once and that was when I called my mom. I guess the only time I cr or think about it is when someone calls that knows that happened.

I am still feeling really numb and to be honest that is concerning me as I should be feeling something else and I wonder when the other shoe is going to drop.
I am so sorry for all of your losses and I feel one MC is enough for anyone to have to deal with but so many of you have dealt with more

Re: Back here again with questions.

I just wanted to say I am sorry for everything you have gone through and send you some

Re: Back here again with questions.

Thank you