Considering Adoption..

Hi,

My DH and I have been TTC for over a year now, we are both 40, and are not doing well on our own. We are under a fertility doctors care, and haven't decided if we are going the IVF route just yet. We are seriously starting to think about adoption and welcome the idea. I'm not sure how to start - I know that you can go through online agencies, but if we wanted a closed adoption, does that even exist anymore? I'm having a hard time finding info on this. Our biggest concern is the timeframe and overall cost, we are ready and willing to put in the work and effort. Any help or recommendations would be greatly appreciated

Thanks!

Re: Considering Adoption..

Hi! how awesome!!
We adopted our son from Korea 9 months ago. Hes 2.5 now, and just the sweetest most fun little guy- well worth all of the work we had to do!!
I did a lot of research on adoption before we started. First you have to decide if you want to do a domestic adoption (be matched witha birthmom here in the US) OR international.
if you have your heart set on a newborn, your best bet is domestic adoption. Most countries with international adoptions have toddlers available. Which is AMAZING, too!! DS was 21 months when we adopted him, and i still feel like we got to experience the baby phase, too (high chair, crib, sippy cups car seats, wanting to be rocked to sleep...)
if you really want a totally closed adoption, your best bet is international adoption. you live in a whole different country than the birth parents, so its a lot less likely that you'll have contact with them. BUT its a big trade off, because that means you also get less background information about them, too. And its harder to answer any quesitons your child might have when they get older. so having some degree of openess really can be better for the child in a lot of ways.
Most domestic newborn adoptions have att least some degree of openess. Its whatever you and the birth parents agree on. So its not like you would have to have weekly visits with the birthparents for the rest of the child's life. an "open" adoption could just mean sending a letter and pictures twice a year. again, when you're matched with a birth mom you would talk about it and come up with an agreement about how much contact you both want.
As far as agencies- i live in NJ, so i dont know if i can be much help for agencies. But once you figure out what kind of adoption you want, you can just do online searches and read "reviews" of different agencies and find one.
GOOD LUCK!!! I can tell you that adoption is the most amazing gift to you, and the child. And parenting an adopted child is just as fun, special,overwhelming, and hard as parenting a biological child

Re: Considering Adoption..

Thank you so much for taking the time out to reply to my post! It was helpful to me, so thank u again :) Also
congrats to you on your little boy!! That's so exciting and great to hear how happy you are :)

We are still discussing what we are looking to do, but I wouldn't mind a 1 or 2 year old. That is fine with us. That Adoption Alliance located in TX is interesting me. They deal with semi open adoptions. Has anyone else heard of them or worked with them? Would love any feedback :)

Re: Considering Adoption..

My DS has been home for home for almost 8 years so our experience is old but I will share how we started.

We began our research by attending a few seminars. Spence Chapin ran the most informative general seminar IMO. At the time they worked both domestically and in a number of countries internationally. Ultimately we did not use them but they are a wealth of experience and information. We joined
Adoptive Parents Committee which is a great local resource of adoption professionals and adoptive parents in all stages of the process. This group gave us the opportunity to speak first hand with people adopting through social services, privately and internationally. We heard first hand about the different experiences and outcomes. Once we decided which direction we wanted to go in (international) we started researching agencies. Once we found our agency it was the paper chase and referral, more paper, travel and finally bringing our boy was home.

Good luck to you in your journey!

Re: Considering Adoption..

Posted by FranM

My DS has been home for home for almost 8 years so our experience is old but I will share how we started.

We began our research by attending a few seminars. Spence Chapin ran the most informative general seminar IMO. At the time they worked both domestically and in a number of countries internationally. Ultimately we did not use them but they are a wealth of experience and information. We joined
Adoptive Parents Committee which is a great local resource of adoption professionals and adoptive parents in all stages of the process. This group gave us the opportunity to speak first hand with people adopting through social services, privately and internationally. We heard first hand about the different experiences and outcomes. Once we decided which direction we wanted to go in (international) we started researching agencies. Once we found our agency it was the paper chase and referral, more paper, travel and finally bringing our boy was home.

Good luck to you in your journey!

Re: Considering Adoption..

As another poster said, if you want a closed adoption then I would consider international adoption.

NYS and other states in the country are trying to do away with closed adoptions all together. Even in NY, and adoptee is able to obtain their original birth certificate. (I MIGHT be wrong about this because this is something they were fighting for several years ago. I'm not sure what the outcome was) Since this contains the bio parents information it's not really a closed adoption.

Check out adoptive parents committee. They have a chapter based on LI.

HTH

Re: Considering Adoption..

We adopted our daughter and used the Adoption Alliance in San Antonio. It was an amazing experience and we are so blessed to have our sweet little girl. We were there for the birth and I cut the cord. Obviously we met the birth mother and we also had the opportunity to meet the birth father as well as their other children (they had 2 other).
Please let me know what questions you have and I will gladly answer them and help in any way I can.

Re: Considering Adoption..

how much did it cost for adoption ? what agency did you use ?

Re: Considering Adoption..

I agree with the previous posters.

We adopted our son 2 years ago. He was born in Missouri. We were with him less than 24 hours after he was born. We have a semi-open adoption. We send pictures and updates 2x/year. The birth parents don't even know our last name so there is no way they could find us.

The cost varies with domestic adoption, depending on your budget. The higher your budget, more is available to you. From what I heard, the minimum is $20000. That does not include travel costs/hotel/food. Those are extras that you will need to pay for. That can get pretty high depending on where you adopt from and how long you're there.

Good luck with your journey!

Considering Adoption..

My friend did domestic adoption & from the time she got twins boy/girl in 9 months. They are now 2 1/2