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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
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serious q about gf's with kids UPDATE LOLL
Serious q, do all/most/some of your gf's with kids have a difficult time getting back to you in some form (text, email, calls)?
I'm finding it nearly impossible to stay friends with some women. Some leave you hanging with plans, some cancel plans all the time because of kid things that pop up (and i'm not talking illness, i'm talking oh I forgot Jenny has a birthday party that day!)
I know this topic has come up before. Just venting I guess. I know i'm not the center of these women's worlds, nor are they mine, but don't constantly leave me hanging because you can't get your head out of your ass.
update: i just had to add this. I was HYSTERICAL laughing. So one friend texted me about 2 weeks ago that we should go for dinner this week. I said fine just let me know a date. Never heard back and I didn't pursue. Today I get a text "Want to go to dinner in mid Sept?" I REALLY wanted to reply "Nah i'm booked till early January. Hit me up then" LMFAO!!
Message edited 8/20/2013 6:21:55 PM.
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Posted 7/12/13 7:52 PM  |
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ihilani
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/07 858 total posts
Name:
alias
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Re: serious q about gf's with kids
It does suck.
Personally, I'm waiting until the kids go away to college. Even then, I'm doubtful.
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| Posted 7/12/13 8:30 PM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: serious q about gf's with kids
years before then dh and i will be happilly retired and out of this state. so we'll see each other even less (so you are exactly correct)
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| Posted 7/13/13 10:45 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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serious q about gf's with kids
While I understand that people get busy and it can, at times, be easy to forget plans here or there, I think it's not very nice to leave anyone hanging when it comes to plans on a whole, whether or not you have kids. It makes me wonder if they're just being jerks and blaming the kids rather than just owning up to what they're doing.
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| Posted 7/16/13 3:54 PM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: serious q about gf's with kids
Posted by HoneyBadger
While I understand that people get busy and it can, at times, be easy to forget plans here or there, I think it's not very nice to leave anyone hanging when it comes to plans on a whole, whether or not you have kids. It makes me wonder if they're just being jerks and blaming the kids rather than just owning up to what they're doing.
I feel like i'll never really know.
But I texted about an event 3x and was told 3 different answers. 
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| Posted 7/16/13 11:30 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: serious q about gf's with kids
Posted by Mushesgirl
Posted by HoneyBadger
While I understand that people get busy and it can, at times, be easy to forget plans here or there, I think it's not very nice to leave anyone hanging when it comes to plans on a whole, whether or not you have kids. It makes me wonder if they're just being jerks and blaming the kids rather than just owning up to what they're doing.
I feel like i'll never really know.
But I texted about an event 3x and was told 3 different answers.
Yeah, I think that's just plain annoying. Kids not having anything to do with it. You, as a friend, in my opinion, are doing the RIGHT thing by trying to make plans. Just because you have kids doesn't mean you can't make plans anymore.
I think this person you're dealing with is just being a crappy friend. I'm sorry 
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| Posted 7/23/13 2:38 PM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: serious q about gf's with kids
Well i apreciate your opinion. I obviously feel the same way.
I feel the friendship fading fast. The few and far between times i hear from her (i have stopped initiating contact) i have been ever so slightly snippy in response. I am having a hard time concealing my annoyance with her.
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| Posted 7/23/13 7:33 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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serious q about gf's with kids
I've learned over the years that people come into our lives but that doesn't mean they're meant to stay there permanently. It's not a bad thing, it just sort of happens. We grow out of the friendship and move on. I think it's all part of the ebb and flow of life.
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| Posted 7/23/13 10:10 PM |
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shadows
LIF Adult
Member since 1/10 4694 total posts
Name:
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Re: serious q about gf's with kids
Posted by Mushesgirl
Serious q, do all/most/some of your gf's with kids have a difficult time getting back to you in some form (text, email, calls)?
I'm finding it nearly impossible to stay friends with some women. Some leave you hanging with plans, some cancel plans all the time because of kid things that pop up (and i'm not talking illness, i'm talking oh I forgot Jenny has a birthday party that day!)
I know this topic has come up before. Just venting I guess. I know i'm not the center of these women's worlds, nor are they mine, but don't constantly leave me hanging because you can't get your head out of your ass.
I posted something similar a few months ago - my thread is still down at the bottom of page 1 
So obviously my answer is YES. The good news, i guess, is that my outlook has changed a bit since i wrote my post. I no longer care. I haven't lost friends b/c of their kids - they have lost ME as a friend. And that's their doing and their problem.
I hadn't heard from / gotten a return text from my one friend in MONTHS. Then Friday i got an email invite to her kid's 3rd birthday party. Needless to say, I will not be going. I'm done doing things that i don't want to do (and sorry, but sitting at a party with 20 kids running around is one of those things) for "friends" who can't spare 2 hours over the course of 6 months to grab a cup of coffee together.
I have another "friend" where it's an ongoing joke between me and DH how. She'll text me like once a month "oh sorry i'm the WORST friend - i never see you - what are you guys doing next Saturday, i'd love to have you come over for dinner, let me know if that works" I'll respond "sounds great, i'll text you later in the week to firm things up" - well literally EVERY TIME i've texted her later in the week, there has been an excuse and she has cancelled. I think it's been like 5 times now I told DH i'm cutting ties and not even responding to her texts anymore. How rude and self-centered can you be. I guess since I don't have kids, you can mess with my Saturday night by making plans and then breaking them - repeatedly 
Sorry this turned into my own personal rant. I totally get it and it sucks. I'm at the point where i feel better off to not have the aggravation of people like this in my life anymore. A lot of my DH's friends are married without kids, or single/dating, and we've been hanging out with them more (and frankly, having a ton more fun!).
The bottom line is that women like this don't deserve YOU as a friend. 
Message edited 8/4/2013 4:04:45 PM.
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| Posted 8/4/13 4:04 PM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: serious q about gf's with kids
Posted by shadows
Posted by Mushesgirl
Serious q, do all/most/some of your gf's with kids have a difficult time getting back to you in some form (text, email, calls)?
I'm finding it nearly impossible to stay friends with some women. Some leave you hanging with plans, some cancel plans all the time because of kid things that pop up (and i'm not talking illness, i'm talking oh I forgot Jenny has a birthday party that day!)
I know this topic has come up before. Just venting I guess. I know i'm not the center of these women's worlds, nor are they mine, but don't constantly leave me hanging because you can't get your head out of your ass.
I posted something similar a few months ago - my thread is still down at the bottom of page 1
So obviously my answer is YES. The good news, i guess, is that my outlook has changed a bit since i wrote my post. I no longer care. I haven't lost friends b/c of their kids - they have lost ME as a friend. And that's their doing and their problem.
I hadn't heard from / gotten a return text from my one friend in MONTHS. Then Friday i got an email invite to her kid's 3rd birthday party. Needless to say, I will not be going. I'm done doing things that i don't want to do (and sorry, but sitting at a party with 20 kids running around is one of those things) for "friends" who can't spare 2 hours over the course of 6 months to grab a cup of coffee together.
I have another "friend" where it's an ongoing joke between me and DH how. She'll text me like once a month "oh sorry i'm the WORST friend - i never see you - what are you guys doing next Saturday, i'd love to have you come over for dinner, let me know if that works" I'll respond "sounds great, i'll text you later in the week to firm things up" - well literally EVERY TIME i've texted her later in the week, there has been an excuse and she has cancelled. I think it's been like 5 times now I told DH i'm cutting ties and not even responding to her texts anymore. How rude and self-centered can you be. I guess since I don't have kids, you can mess with my Saturday night by making plans and then breaking them - repeatedly
Sorry this turned into my own personal rant. I totally get it and it sucks. I'm at the point where i feel better off to not have the aggravation of people like this in my life anymore. A lot of my DH's friends are married without kids, or single/dating, and we've been hanging out with them more (and frankly, having a ton more fun!).
The bottom line is that women like this don't deserve YOU as a friend.
Thank you for this reply. I completely agree. I stopped chasing, I don't have time. And i'm offended that i'm left hanging with plans because I don't have kids so obviously my life is on hold waiting to hear from folks and all my weekends should be free and I shouldn't have anything better to do than wait for you to call me and say "we're on". Please. later for that shit.
And I completely identify with your 'rant'!! Screw that noise. I think we're at the point in our lives where we know who deserves our time and who doesnt.
And thank you. I feel much better about it all.
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| Posted 8/4/13 11:08 PM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: serious q about gf's with kids UPDATE LOLL
update in op
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| Posted 8/20/13 6:23 PM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
Name:
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Re: serious q about gf's with kids UPDATE LOLL
Posted by Mushesgirl
update: i just had to add this. I was HYSTERICAL laughing. So one friend texted me about 2 weeks ago that we should go for dinner this week. I said fine just let me know a date. Never heard back and I didn't pursue. Today I get a text "Want to go to dinner in mid Sept?" I REALLY wanted to reply "Nah i'm booked till early January. Hit me up then" LMFAO!!
Honestly, Mid September isn't that far away. I have a lot of busy friends (with kids & without) who need to schedule in advance like that.
I saw a friend last tonight and we want to get together with our significant others on a weekend, and between traveling and family functions, etc, we are looking at mid-late September too.
At least she's making an effort. I would see if you can secure a date now though, so the same thing doesn't happen where you don't hear back.
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| Posted 8/21/13 12:35 PM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: serious q about gf's with kids UPDATE LOLL
Posted by tourist
Posted by Mushesgirl
update: i just had to add this. I was HYSTERICAL laughing. So one friend texted me about 2 weeks ago that we should go for dinner this week. I said fine just let me know a date. Never heard back and I didn't pursue. Today I get a text "Want to go to dinner in mid Sept?" I REALLY wanted to reply "Nah i'm booked till early January. Hit me up then" LMFAO!!
Honestly, Mid September isn't that far away. I have a lot of busy friends (with kids & without) who need to schedule in advance like that.
I saw a friend last tonight and we want to get together with our significant others on a weekend, and between traveling and family functions, etc, we are looking at mid-late September too.
At least she's making an effort. I would see if you can secure a date now though, so the same thing doesn't happen where you don't hear back.
it's weeks away. we both work in the city. to me its comical. i told her to pick a day and let me know. no reply.
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| Posted 8/21/13 9:57 PM |
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shadows
LIF Adult
Member since 1/10 4694 total posts
Name:
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Re: serious q about gf's with kids UPDATE LOLL
Posted by Mushesgirl
Posted by tourist
Posted by Mushesgirl
update: i just had to add this. I was HYSTERICAL laughing. So one friend texted me about 2 weeks ago that we should go for dinner this week. I said fine just let me know a date. Never heard back and I didn't pursue. Today I get a text "Want to go to dinner in mid Sept?" I REALLY wanted to reply "Nah i'm booked till early January. Hit me up then" LMFAO!!
Honestly, Mid September isn't that far away. I have a lot of busy friends (with kids & without) who need to schedule in advance like that.
I saw a friend last tonight and we want to get together with our significant others on a weekend, and between traveling and family functions, etc, we are looking at mid-late September too.
At least she's making an effort. I would see if you can secure a date now though, so the same thing doesn't happen where you don't hear back.
it's weeks away. we both work in the city. to me its comical. i told her to pick a day and let me know. no reply.
I'm not kidding, i think we have the EXACT same friends. lol. And i bet once mid September rolls around she'll ask you if you want to do dinner in November instead It IS comical. I mean why even reach out to you in the first place if she's not panning to make and KEEP a date.
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| Posted 8/25/13 9:12 PM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: serious q about gf's with kids UPDATE LOLL
Posted by shadows
Posted by Mushesgirl
Posted by tourist
Posted by Mushesgirl
update: i just had to add this. I was HYSTERICAL laughing. So one friend texted me about 2 weeks ago that we should go for dinner this week. I said fine just let me know a date. Never heard back and I didn't pursue. Today I get a text "Want to go to dinner in mid Sept?" I REALLY wanted to reply "Nah i'm booked till early January. Hit me up then" LMFAO!!
Honestly, Mid September isn't that far away. I have a lot of busy friends (with kids & without) who need to schedule in advance like that.
I saw a friend last tonight and we want to get together with our significant others on a weekend, and between traveling and family functions, etc, we are looking at mid-late September too.
At least she's making an effort. I would see if you can secure a date now though, so the same thing doesn't happen where you don't hear back.
it's weeks away. we both work in the city. to me its comical. i told her to pick a day and let me know. no reply.
I'm not kidding, i think we have the EXACT same friends. lol. And i bet once mid September rolls around she'll ask you if you want to do dinner in November instead It IS comical. I mean why even reach out to you in the first place if she's not panning to make and KEEP a date.
Exactly. That's why I literally when I got the text.
I believe she is doing this to make herself feel better, i.e. well I reached out that's good enough so no one can say I didn't try kwim? That's my honest opinion of it.
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| Posted 8/25/13 10:17 PM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: serious q about gf's with kids UPDATE LOLL
Well we still haven't seen one another. But rumor has it we're having dinner this saturday lollll....i feel like it would be easier to schedule peace talks in the middle east
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| Posted 10/8/13 10:55 PM |
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BunnyWife
Insert Witty Comment Here
Member since 5/07 8274 total posts
Name:
BunnyWife
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Re: serious q about gf's with kids UPDATE LOLL
Posted by Mushesgirl
Well we still haven't seen one another. But rumor has it we're having dinner this saturday lollll....i feel like it would be easier to schedule peace talks in the middle east
Oh man! It's rough when our friends have little kids. The good news is, once they get older, (the kids, that is!) it does get easier
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| Posted 10/9/13 12:49 PM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: serious q about gf's with kids UPDATE LOLL
Posted by BunnyWife
Posted by Mushesgirl
Well we still haven't seen one another. But rumor has it we're having dinner this saturday lollll....i feel like it would be easier to schedule peace talks in the middle east
Oh man! It's rough when our friends have little kids. The good news is, once they get older, (the kids, that is!) it does get easier
That's true! Hubbs and I will be retired on a sunny beach in 10 years so they'll have to come see US 
Gotta love the CF life!
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| Posted 10/10/13 9:34 PM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: serious q about gf's with kids UPDATE LOLL
ok so i've really had it with this person.
about 2 weeks ago she asked me to do lunch on a specific date. i said great.
just found out she can't do it. she asked me about another date and i'm not free. i just responded 'busy'.
you know, when someone makes plans with you, you generally BLOCK OUT that time so you don't make any other plans. i feel she has no concept that i may have turned someone else down or had another thing to do that day but i made plans with her. and now she cancels.
well its the last time. i may sound nasty and harsh but i don't think i'll make any more plans with this person. and its sad because we're good friends. but i'm done being the yo yo because i don't have kids. maybe she'll get the picture when i never see her anymore.
vent over
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| Posted 12/9/13 9:43 PM |
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chilltocam
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 9141 total posts
Name:
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Re: serious q about gf's with kids UPDATE LOLL
Posted by Mushesgirl
ok so i've really had it with this person.
about 2 weeks ago she asked me to do lunch on a specific date. i said great.
just found out she can't do it. she asked me about another date and i'm not free. i just responded 'busy'.
you know, when someone makes plans with you, you generally BLOCK OUT that time so you don't make any other plans. i feel she has no concept that i may have turned someone else down or had another thing to do that day but i made plans with her. and now she cancels.
well its the last time. i may sound nasty and harsh but i don't think i'll make any more plans with this person. and its sad because we're good friends. but i'm done being the yo yo because i don't have kids. maybe she'll get the picture when i never see her anymore.
vent over
Doesn't sound nasty or harsh at all! Being cancelled on, on a rare ocassion - hey, it happens. But someone who is willing to do that all the time, not good at all. I think I would say something (and I would TRY not to sound nasty, but not so sure I could pull it off). The next time she tried to "schedule" a time to get together I would say something like, "thanks, but we both know what will happen when the date gets closer, and I've declined other invites too many times because I really thought we had plans." Just because you have kids, the world doesn't revolve around you. (And there are plenty of people with kids who can still make and KEEP plans!
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| Posted 12/10/13 11:16 AM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
Name:
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Re: serious q about gf's with kids UPDATE LOLL
I know earlier in this thread, I defended your friend, because I know sometimes people need to plan far in advance, but this is really crazy now, especially since she is the one picking the dates & then cancelling.
Did you ever see her in October?
Sometimes you do just have to draw the line.
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| Posted 12/10/13 11:32 AM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: serious q about gf's with kids UPDATE LOLL
Posted by chilltocam
Posted by Mushesgirl
ok so i've really had it with this person.
about 2 weeks ago she asked me to do lunch on a specific date. i said great.
just found out she can't do it. she asked me about another date and i'm not free. i just responded 'busy'.
you know, when someone makes plans with you, you generally BLOCK OUT that time so you don't make any other plans. i feel she has no concept that i may have turned someone else down or had another thing to do that day but i made plans with her. and now she cancels.
well its the last time. i may sound nasty and harsh but i don't think i'll make any more plans with this person. and its sad because we're good friends. but i'm done being the yo yo because i don't have kids. maybe she'll get the picture when i never see her anymore.
vent over
Doesn't sound nasty or harsh at all! Being cancelled on, on a rare ocassion - hey, it happens. But someone who is willing to do that all the time, not good at all. I think I would say something (and I would TRY not to sound nasty, but not so sure I could pull it off). The next time she tried to "schedule" a time to get together I would say something like, "thanks, but we both know what will happen when the date gets closer, and I've declined other invites too many times because I really thought we had plans." Just because you have kids, the world doesn't revolve around you. (And there are plenty of people with kids who can still make and KEEP plans!
Agree! Thank you! I Have(in italics) friend's with kids of course who don't do this. Next time she proposes something I will have to tactfully text (she has no time ever to call me) back.
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| Posted 12/10/13 11:09 PM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: serious q about gf's with kids UPDATE LOLL
Posted by tourist
I know earlier in this thread, I defended your friend, because I know sometimes people need to plan far in advance, but this is really crazy now, especially since she is the one picking the dates & then cancelling.
Did you ever see her in October?
Sometimes you do just have to draw the line.
Yes we finally did see each other after all that. I stuck to my guns.
Agree about drawing the line. We'll be text buddies.
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| Posted 12/10/13 11:10 PM |
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