Working moms with stressful careers who get home "late"....anyone??

I am new to this whole elementary school thing! So what's it really like to be a working mom of a school aged child? Will my kids be the odd man out? Will we be left out of things? I just don't want my career to impact them in any way. We can't do play dates on a regular basis!! I don't think there are many moms like myself in my
School. I don't have time to be involved with the PTA (get home too late and if I have 30 min free it's rare!!). I simply curious and would love to read responses from moms with stressful careers!!! Thanks!!

Message edited 9/8/2016 12:35:39 PM.

Re: Working moms with stressful careers who get home "late"....anyone??

I get home at 6 pm and now DD is getting home at 245 pm with her new early schedule at her elementary school.
She is in 1st grade.

My situation is a bit different as my DH is a stay at home dad, so I don't have to deal with before and after care etc.

She does like to do her homework with me though, so when i get home at 6 pm we do her homework and DH makes dinner.
(Generally he will make her dinner first and she'll have eaten already by the time I get home. He and I like to eat dinner alone, after she goes to bed, it's our quiet time to watch our shows etc)

If I have to go to NYC though and have events/dinners after work, all bets are off. I'm getting home after she goes to bed and I don't see her.

In terms of play dates, we don't do play dates.
She does gymnastics on the weekends and sees her friends at school.
We go to whatever birthday parties we are invited to and can make.
I was never a play date person- putting my schedule aside- because I really have social anxiety when it comes to interacting with other moms. That's my issue
I'm a bit of a recluse and like to be alone with DD and DH and our family, that's about it
She has never suffered for that though. She's very well adjusted and never really shows an interest in getting together with friends after school etc.
IMO that time is OUR time as a family.

I also have no desire to be a part of the PTA- even if I didn't work- for the same reasons mentioned above. I am not a people person, so to me, that would be torture.


I do support the PTA though. Pay my memebership dues, buy their fund raisers etc.

Message edited 9/8/2016 3:18:35 PM.

Working moms with stressful careers who get home

My kids see their friends in the after school program. On weekends we do play dates- definitely not every weekend. But if we do a play date, that's when it happens. Most of the sports, etc happen on weekends.
My older DS will tell me if he feels he's missing out on something. But most of his friends' parents work too so they all hang out together at after school. If they didn't go to after school, I think they would feel like they were missing out more.
When my kids started school, I did not change my hours at work and really worried that he would be missing out. I also felt guilty for leaving him in the after school program so young. But he loves it. Homework is done there so I just review it to make sure that it's correct.
Once I took the day b/c a kid in his class had a birthday party on a Wednesday after school and I didn't want my kids to miss out. Turns out that very few classmates came. My son missed the after school program where most of his friends were. So I realized I'm better off not changing things because it works out for now.

Re: Working moms with stressful careers who get home "late"....anyone??

First off, take a deep breath

My son started 4th grade today, my biggest piece of advice is to not stretch yourself or your child too thin.

My son has gone to latchkey since he was in K, and oftentimes I am the last parent there IMO there is no reason to have playdates during the week, so Idt your DC will feel they are missing out. As another poster said, if they are in aftercare they will socialize there.

It got a little bit more complicated as he decided he wanted to play baseball, but we worked that out as well.

We do playdates on the weekends, but my DS goes to his dad's every other, so it isn't all the time.

I think my ideas on this are skewed because my mother worked and my grandmothers worked, so it is the norm for me, and I never felt like I missed out

Working moms with stressful careers who get home

My kids are now in middle and high school, but I have always been a ft working mom. It's definitely not easy, but you make it work. My kids went to aftercare when they were younger. Now that they are older, they let themselves in and stay there until we get home.

I never really allowed myself to feel left out of school events. I always reserved a certain amount of my vacation time to take off for school trips and mothers day teas and things. It sucks, and it limits the amount of actual vacation you can take, but worth it to me to be there for those things. Summers were (and still are) my most difficult time of year. I want to take them to the beach and the park, but I can't because I'm stuck at work.

Homework when they were younger was easy. My middle schooler needs my help often and since I'm not home until 6, we eat a quick dinner and are often up several hours doing his homework (which is hard!). We could never really do sports, but my kids are not really big into it so it was okay. My daughter stays after almost every day for student govt, honor society, newspaper, etc. But, she takes the late bus home and its fine.

It's tough. But I'm able to give them things some can't afford.

Re: Working moms with stressful careers who get home "late"....anyone??

It really depends on the neighborhood you live in. Some areas have many working parents with strong after school options. Other areas have mainly teachers and SAHP's where the after school options are limited.

Where I live the vast majority are home or teachers. The mothers that work very full time have husbands working at home or their parents helping out. The daycares here close down by 6, no way you are making that from the city.

Also, even as a SAHM we don't do many play dates. The kids are so tired from the day, they don't want to. Weekends are mainly reserved for family time unless there is a birthday party . Don't worry!

Message edited 9/8/2016 3:09:27 PM.

Working moms with stressful careers who get home

My husband is home some days but, I'm out of the house for 12 hrs 4x a week (I work from home one day).

We have PTA every other month in the evening so I try to make those meetings. I've signed up for committees that can work with a working parent (making phone calls, reviewing scholarship applications, etc) to show that I want to be involved.

We have a lot of teachers, nurses and first responders in our area who have some flexiblity in schedules so it is hard. My husband is home a couple of days a week (varies) as a first responder so we try to make his schedule work with our son's... He goes to aftercare as well and he loves it (he'd rather go to aftercare than come home - he has a lot of good friends there so it helps!)

Hang in there - it takes awhile to get into a groove and figure things out but, it will work!

Re: Working moms with stressful careers who get home "late"....anyone??

I switched jobs recently so I don't get home as late, but it's still a struggle to get DS to his activities. He's in 3rd grade and is now in travel soccer and travel hockey, which each practice twice during the week. At my old job, he had fewer weeknight activities and I'd often miss them because I had meetings at night. DH's schedule is a little more flexible, but the only way we could handle the commitments is because I can usually get out of work now to pick up the kids.

There seems to be more SAHMs or those who work part-time. DS used to go to aftercare at our daycare because I needed the late pickup. This year, he's at aftercare through school. He has several friends and neighbors in there and seems to enjoy it. As far as play dates, he has gone home with a friend occasionally and I picked him up after work. He gets to see friends during the week and on weekends through sports.

I can't be a class mom and it can be a struggle to make school events during the day. Parent-teacher conferences are during the day, but I have made them work. I haven't chaperoned a field trip yet although I don't remember there being many field trips beyond K. It's tough to balance everything, but there are definitely other families struggling with the same thing. You're not alone.

Working moms with stressful careers who get home

DH & I both work all day, everyday. DD goes to aftercare - every single day. She is generally the last kid to be picked up, right before 6:00pm. She doesn't have play dates on a regular basis. Maybe 1-2 per school year. We do our best to take her to the b-day parties she is invited to, if she says she wants to go. We have tried different activities for her on the weekend - dance, ice skating, art classes etc. We sign up for a session, and continue until she says she is no longer interested, then we move on to the next thing.

Working moms with stressful careers who get home

You're going to be fine. I always say you aren't the only mother alive to go through this. Tons of moms do this every day.

Both my husband and I work full time jobs. She has always stayed in aftercare until 6pm. She loves it. She has friends and pretty much its an afterschool play date every single day. She has made friends who are older than her and now that she's in 3rd grade she has friends who are younger than her. It gives her time to do homework, they giver her a snack, she's safe and she's having fun. What more could I ask for?

He picks her up most days around 6ish and I get home around 615 or so. It's just part of life. For 6months I had two jobs and would get home 9pm or even later. I saw her rarely. But I was putting food on the table. To me that was important and every moment I had with her I absorbed her. But those days she was in pre-K not grade school.

Now a days she's in Girl Scouts which meets on weekends. I am not part of the PTA because I don't want to be. But she's active in one day Dance and one day Cheer where she gets to go to the High School and join a dance team or cheer team. Dance Team performs on the field during half time at a game and she loves it but it's ONE day a year. Low commitment. which I love.

My father was in the Navy. He was out to sea while I was in grade school. When my parents got divorced he was never home, too busy working to keep us fed. I just knew he loved us and that's all that mattered. I don't think I was ever the odd kid out. I know my daughter isn't. I live in a middle class neighborhood with working families. Everyone works. Sure there's stay at home parents too but generally everyone has a working parent. It's just part of life. Guess that's why I like where I live.

Working moms with stressful careers who get home

I haven't read other responses, yet, but I am a WAH mom, and mainly work at night when everyone's tucked into bed.

We don't do regular play dates. We barely do play dates at all. I am not involved in the PTA and don't really have an interest in it. That probably makes me sound bad, but I feel like i can barely keep up as it is, i don't need more on my plate!

The only thing you may miss out on is during the school day stuff- IF you can't get there. Otherwise- don't worry about it! Our nights and weekends are home/family time and our kids are happy. It's all good.

Re: Working moms with stressful careers who get home "late"....anyone??

Thank you so much everyone! :)

Re: Working moms with stressful careers who get home "late"....anyone??

There is no possible way that 'your career won't impact them in any way' .......
there same way there's no possibly way a SAHM not working outside of the home doesn't also have both positive and negative impacts on her family -
The fact that you have a career will make your kids lives different, not worse

So, #1, get that negative idea RIGHT out of your head now - or you'll go crazy!

There will be things that your kids miss. There will be parties afterschool at 4pm. There will be the occasional playdate afterschool, there will be class trips and class parties and class 'whatevers' in the middle of the day, that you will miss. Your child will be disappointed. Your child will move on, because disappointment is a part of real life.

Your kids will have friends in school. Playdates can happen on the weekend, even if it's meeting up for an hour or two at the park. MOST kids, at least in my area aren't doing after school playdates. There's too much going on between sports, homework, etc. so my kids aren't missing too much. - I make sure to plan a playdate now and then at our house, and include anyone and everyone I had to decline an invitation from.

Bottom line, you have to decide what is important to/for you and your family.
My life is organized chaos. My older son plays ice hockey, and the younger one baseball. The older one also has religion. Mon/Tues/Thursday is hockey practice - he's picked up from aftercare, and we don't get home until close to 8pm. Weds is religion class 6-7. The little one has a baseball game a week. Our weekend morning are full of hockey and baseball .......
They love it, we are willing to make it work - and yes, they are out of the house ALL day, but that also means they're not in front of a TV or video game or iPad - so, it's a trade off. Sometimes we give up our weekends for a playdate, or we've made friends with classmates parents - so the playdate turns into a get together for the family - Your friendships will form with parents, you just have to put a bit of effort into it. But regardless, your kids won't be left out in the cold.

Sometimes it will feel that way, and you'll feel horribly guilty and want to quit your job tomorrow - but when you talk yourself off the ledge - it's all fine. The kids are fine. They don't NEED us to force socialization on them - they are FINE at school

Re: Working moms with stressful careers who get home "late"....anyone??

Posted by MarisaK

There is no possible way that 'your career won't impact them in any way' .......
there same way there's no possibly way a SAHM not working outside of the home doesn't also have both positive and negative impacts on her family -
The fact that you have a career will make your kids lives different, not worse

So, #1, get that negative idea RIGHT out of your head now - or you'll go crazy!

There will be things that your kids miss. There will be parties afterschool at 4pm. There will be the occasional playdate afterschool, there will be class trips and class parties and class 'whatevers' in the middle of the day, that you will miss. Your child will be disappointed. Your child will move on, because disappointment is a part of real life.

Your kids will have friends in school. Playdates can happen on the weekend, even if it's meeting up for an hour or two at the park. MOST kids, at least in my area aren't doing after school playdates. There's too much going on between sports, homework, etc. so my kids aren't missing too much. - I make sure to plan a playdate now and then at our house, and include anyone and everyone I had to decline an invitation from.

Bottom line, you have to decide what is important to/for you and your family.
My life is organized chaos. My older son plays ice hockey, and the younger one baseball. The older one also has religion. Mon/Tues/Thursday is hockey practice - he's picked up from aftercare, and we don't get home until close to 8pm. Weds is religion class 6-7. The little one has a baseball game a week. Our weekend morning are full of hockey and baseball .......
They love it, we are willing to make it work - and yes, they are out of the house ALL day, but that also means they're not in front of a TV or video game or iPad - so, it's a trade off. Sometimes we give up our weekends for a playdate, or we've made friends with classmates parents - so the playdate turns into a get together for the family - Your friendships will form with parents, you just have to put a bit of effort into it. But regardless, your kids won't be left out in the cold.

Sometimes it will feel that way, and you'll feel horribly guilty and want to quit your job tomorrow - but when you talk yourself off the ledge - it's all fine. The kids are fine. They don't NEED us to force socialization on them - they are FINE at school