Talking to 8 year old about death

My grandfather passed away yesterday (on my son's birthday) and we plan on telling him tomorrow so he doesn't make the connection with his birthday.

Any tips or suggestions or books?

Talking to 8 year old about death

my son is ASD and we had to do this in Feb. His home aide passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. She was at our house 4 days a week.

We were very honest and direct. No books, just told him the truth and answered any questions that he had.

Re: Talking to 8 year old about death

My grandma passed on my son's birthday last year. She was 97 and sick for a while, so they knew it could happen. We just told them unfortunately grandma passed away. They saw me crying. It happened at midnight so it was not like we could wait a day as we had to do funeral stuff. We had already had a vacation planned for about a week after. We went on it and that helped everyone heal a lot.

Re: Talking to 8 year old about death

Honesty.

Ever since our son was born we've discussed things like death because my entire family is gone. He would ask about them and I was honest...always. With being honest death is just a part of life to him and it's not traumatic. When his Papa on his father's side died he was prepared. He attended the wake and funeral and celebrated the Papa he knew and loved.

Re: Talking to 8 year old about death

So sorry for your loss.
I would just be as honest as you can and let him ask whatever questions he has. Let him lead the convo, so to speak. I wouldn't overload him with info, just the basics.

I know it's a given in life, but death is the one part I could do without. LOL.

Re: Talking to 8 year old about death

My dad died when my kids were 7 and almost 8.. we had a few deaths before that but that was very hard on them.

I think it’s important to be honest with them, but to let them know that however they react is ok, and that their feelings can change or go up and down and that’s ok too. That they can always come and talk to you.

I was waiting for my kids to be sad, my then 7 YO cries more now at 9, if my dad is brought up, then she did when it happened. So I think it took a bit to understand the finality of death to them. Having photo albums showing fun times and having them remember him, has helped all of us heal more.

Talking to 8 year old about death

Thank you all so much for the advice. We are telling him tomorrow.

Re: Talking to 8 year old about death

Sorry for your loss.

Last month, my best friend passed away unexpectedly. I waited some time before telling my 8-yr old son - - only because I couldn't talk to him and keep it together.

When I did tell him, I was straightforward. He asked a few questions and then got quiet. I told him that I wasn't sad to talk about her - - so if and when he had questions, I wanted him to come ask me. It's been a few weeks, and he's asked me several questions.

It stinks to hit them with something so "real" - but kids are stronger than adults, sometimes.

Good luck.

Re: Talking to 8 year old about death

Re: Talking to 8 year old about death

When my mother (her grandmother) passed away on her birthday... I used a death workbook made for kids that we worked on together. activities like drawing pictures and making lists about the people. Unfortunately I don't remember the name of it but you can basically do it yourself by journaling with him. Make a goodbye scrapbook essentially with his own thoughts and drawings.

For actual books---
The best books that I love using were:
-Always Remember by CeCe Meng
-Something Very Sad Happened by Bonnie Zucker
-The Goodbye Book by Todd Parr