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busymomonli
Resident Insomniac
Member since 4/13 2050 total posts
Name:
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PSA for everyone
Four years ago I lost my close friend to cancer. She was married with one child. In April, her husband got Covid and never woke up from a nap. No health conditions that we know of. They had no really close relatives and all parents are passed.
My PSA is this: Please, keep all of your passwords, life insurance info, employer information, banking information, etc. in a folder and SHOW your kids where it is. The son in this case is 18 but they are having a heck of a time because he doesn't know any of this. He did not know passcodes to their phones, how to pay the bills, screen names or passwords. It has taught me a valuable lesson since my kids are 21 and 18.
Jut throwing this out there if it should help anyone.
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Posted 9/13/21 3:32 PM  |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: PSA for everyone
Great advice! I made a binder a while back with important info that I keep on my desk for this exact reason. You just never know.
I'm sorry for the loss of both your friends. 
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| Posted 9/13/21 3:35 PM |
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StaceyWill
It's a girl!!!
Member since 6/10 21539 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: PSA for everyone
This is really great advice. I'm just thinking if something God Forbid happened to me - DH would have no clue how to pay anything - or when anything is due. I am going to share this info with him tonight.
My thoughts and prayers to your friends son...how hard it must be to lose both parents so young.
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| Posted 9/13/21 3:40 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: PSA for everyone
Ugh what an awful story.
My DHs dad is still alive but he refused to write everything down and would tell DH randomly- oh i have money in this bank account, and some in that one. Oh don't forget I have a $200 CD in this bank. And my IRA is here.
Well he ends up in a nursing home and DH and his sister are running around to 12 different banks all over long island where he had money squirrelled away.
He never made any plans for his house or assets either so they had to work with a lawyer and spend tens of thousands trying to shelter as much as possible and work out how he would pay for his care.
It was a mess. Made us really think about having our affairs in order.
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| Posted 9/13/21 3:57 PM |
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Re: PSA for everyone
So sad. I have always written everything down in a notebook and that is how I do my finances for the last 20 something years. It is just easier for me to see it all written down.
My dad was into spreadsheets and you can see still the breakdown of pricing from my wedding lol.
Mom has everything written down and has already put us on her bank account.
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| Posted 9/13/21 4:09 PM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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PSA for everyone
When I was diagnosed with cancer last year, I got the "I'm Dead. Now What?" book. It really helped me figure out all the little things you'd never think about to include for family after you pass. I told everyone where I keep the book. I put all my passwords on a sheet of paper and put it in a safe - in case my house got broken into.
https://www.amazon.com/Important-Information-Belongings-Business-Affairs/dp/1441317996/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=i%27m+dead+now+what+book&qid=1631564043&sr=8-3
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| Posted 9/13/21 4:15 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: PSA for everyone
Posted by Funkybutt
When I was diagnosed with cancer last year, I got the "I'm Dead. Now What?" book. It really helped me figure out all the little things you'd never think about to include for family after you pass. I told everyone where I keep the book. I put all my passwords on a sheet of paper and put it in a safe - in case my house got broken into.
https://www.amazon.com/Important-Information-Belongings-Business-Affairs/dp/1441317996/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=i%27m+dead+now+what+book&qid=1631564043&sr=8-3
OMG how depressing 
But how necessary I guess...
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| Posted 9/13/21 4:16 PM |
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nycbuslady
LIF Adult
Member since 9/15 1066 total posts
Name:
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PSA for everyone
OMG, that is horrible! I feel so sorry for the son -- 18 is still a kid!
We have the same passcodes to our phones and computers, so we can get in. And, even though a lot of things are electronic, we still get some paper statements. So, if -- God forbid -- one of us goes unexpectedly, things would start coming in the mail and they'd have some info.
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| Posted 9/13/21 4:37 PM |
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mrsdukes
LIF Adult
Member since 1/09 943 total posts
Name:
Liz
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PSA for everyone
So sorry for the loss of your friends. This is very good advice. I have everything written down on a list in a paper file. Passwords, banking info, etc. Last fall I wasn’t feeling well (turned out to be a perforated appendix), and before I would leave for the hospital, I made sure my husband was aware of where it all was. My adult kids know where the info all is too.
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| Posted 9/13/21 6:09 PM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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PSA for everyone
OMG first I'm so sorry for your loss.
This is a good PSA. No one wants to face their mortality but we just never know when we're going to go. Also have a will and have someone who knows where it is..especially if you have small kids.
We did one last year and kept a copy at home. My parents and siblings know where it is God forbid they need to use it.
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| Posted 9/13/21 6:10 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: PSA for everyone
This is so smart. A girl I know became a very young widow and I learned through her how messy and difficult it can be.
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| Posted 9/13/21 8:05 PM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11487 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Re: PSA for everyone
People, please do not give too much info on how you do this on this thread.
That being said, I have begged my parents to please do this and they refuse.
I asked my exH to do this and he did. When we separated, he changed all the passwords and I had no access to anything. It is still a nightmare because he refuses to give me info for some things that are needed.
So in the event of death AND divorce, make sure you have this info somehow.
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| Posted 9/14/21 3:23 AM |
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Re: PSA for everyone
Posted by klingklang77
People, please do not give too much info on how you do this on this thread.
That being said, I have begged my parents to please do this and they refuse.
I asked my exH to do this and he did. When we separated, he changed all the passwords and I had no access to anything. It is still a nightmare because he refuses to give me info for some things that are needed.
So in the event of death AND divorce, make sure you have this info somehow.
I am confused what you believe people haven given too much info about in this thread.
Why do your parents refuse? I am surprised they haven’t heard or read about people who have such difficulties after someone dies to get their information and to take care of their estate.
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| Posted 9/14/21 6:49 AM |
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busymomonli
Resident Insomniac
Member since 4/13 2050 total posts
Name:
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PSA for everyone
Thanks for the kind words. They were such great people and their poor son is struggling. It's a sad situation, but it has taught me a valuable lesson.
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| Posted 9/14/21 7:11 AM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11487 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Re: PSA for everyone
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
People, please do not give too much info on how you do this on this thread.
That being said, I have begged my parents to please do this and they refuse.
I asked my exH to do this and he did. When we separated, he changed all the passwords and I had no access to anything. It is still a nightmare because he refuses to give me info for some things that are needed.
So in the event of death AND divorce, make sure you have this info somehow.
I am confused what you believe people haven given too much info about in this thread.
Why do your parents refuse? I am surprised they haven’t heard or read about people who have such difficulties after someone dies to get their information and to take care of their estate.
Saying it’s on a paper in my closet in my hallway is too much information. Who knows what lurkers could do?
Don’t bring my parents into it. It seems that you are suggesting they don’t care about me or something. What a strange thing to comment on and on my comment nonetheless. Nell said a similar thing.
I have asked them and they say they don’t want to talk about it. There’s nothing more I can do.
Message edited 9/14/2021 8:20:40 AM.
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| Posted 9/14/21 8:11 AM |
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Re: PSA for everyone
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
People, please do not give too much info on how you do this on this thread.
That being said, I have begged my parents to please do this and they refuse.
I asked my exH to do this and he did. When we separated, he changed all the passwords and I had no access to anything. It is still a nightmare because he refuses to give me info for some things that are needed.
So in the event of death AND divorce, make sure you have this info somehow.
I am confused what you believe people haven given too much info about in this thread.
Why do your parents refuse? I am surprised they haven’t heard or read about people who have such difficulties after someone dies to get their information and to take care of their estate.
Saying it’s on a paper in my closet in my hallway is too much information. Who knows what lurkers could do?
Don’t bring my parents into it. It seems that you are suggesting they don’t care about me or something. What a strange thing to comment on and on my comment nonetheless. Nell said a similar thing.
I have asked them and they say they don’t want to talk about it. There’s nothing more I can do.
I think the only person who said where they leave their info is Hofstra so maybe address her with that.
YOU brought your parents into it and while no one suggested they didn't care about you, someone might need to talk to them (outside of the family if necessary if they don't listen to family) about their estate and what will happen when they pass and all the hassles you will go through.
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| Posted 9/14/21 8:29 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: PSA for everyone
To add, if you don't already have one definitely get yourself a fire proof safe as well for all of your important documents such as birth certificates, passports, social security cards, etc. It's easier having everything in one place and it'll keep those documents safe should God forbid you have a fire.
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| Posted 9/14/21 8:32 AM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11487 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Re: PSA for everyone
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
People, please do not give too much info on how you do this on this thread.
That being said, I have begged my parents to please do this and they refuse.
I asked my exH to do this and he did. When we separated, he changed all the passwords and I had no access to anything. It is still a nightmare because he refuses to give me info for some things that are needed.
So in the event of death AND divorce, make sure you have this info somehow.
I am confused what you believe people haven given too much info about in this thread.
Why do your parents refuse? I am surprised they haven’t heard or read about people who have such difficulties after someone dies to get their information and to take care of their estate.
Saying it’s on a paper in my closet in my hallway is too much information. Who knows what lurkers could do?
Don’t bring my parents into it. It seems that you are suggesting they don’t care about me or something. What a strange thing to comment on and on my comment nonetheless. Nell said a similar thing.
I have asked them and they say they don’t want to talk about it. There’s nothing more I can do.
I think the only person who said where they leave their info is Hofstra so maybe address her with that.
YOU brought your parents into it and while no one suggested they didn't care about you, someone might need to talk to them (outside of the family if necessary if they don't listen to family) about their estate and what will happen when they pass and all the hassles you will go through.
Seriously? The thread is about parents leaving info for their children. Others have mentioned their parents. Instead you pick up on mine and give *unsolicited* advice. Don’t tell me that someone needs to talk to them. I said they refused. There is nothing more I can do. What part of that don’t you understand?
But it’s the same narcissistic behavior as usual with you— pick out a comment from your usual pool to get some supply, someone responds, triangulate (in this case bring Hofstra into it) then you gaslight them. *yawn* so typical, unoriginal, and predictable.
Message edited 9/14/2021 8:40:06 AM.
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| Posted 9/14/21 8:38 AM |
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Re: PSA for everyone
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
People, please do not give too much info on how you do this on this thread.
That being said, I have begged my parents to please do this and they refuse.
I asked my exH to do this and he did. When we separated, he changed all the passwords and I had no access to anything. It is still a nightmare because he refuses to give me info for some things that are needed.
So in the event of death AND divorce, make sure you have this info somehow.
I am confused what you believe people haven given too much info about in this thread.
Why do your parents refuse? I am surprised they haven’t heard or read about people who have such difficulties after someone dies to get their information and to take care of their estate.
Saying it’s on a paper in my closet in my hallway is too much information. Who knows what lurkers could do?
Don’t bring my parents into it. It seems that you are suggesting they don’t care about me or something. What a strange thing to comment on and on my comment nonetheless. Nell said a similar thing.
I have asked them and they say they don’t want to talk about it. There’s nothing more I can do.
I think the only person who said where they leave their info is Hofstra so maybe address her with that.
YOU brought your parents into it and while no one suggested they didn't care about you, someone might need to talk to them (outside of the family if necessary if they don't listen to family) about their estate and what will happen when they pass and all the hassles you will go through.
Seriously? The thread is about parents leaving info for their children. Others have mentioned their parents. Instead you pick up on mine and give *unsolicited* advice. Don’t tell me that someone needs to talk to them. I said they refused. There is nothing more I can do. What part of that don’t you understand?
But it’s the same narcissistic behavior as usual with you— pick out a comment from your usual pool to get some supply, someone responds, triangulate (in this case bring Hofstra into it) then you gaslight them. *yawn* so typical, unoriginal, and predictable.
Sorry I hit a nerve. I thought this thread was a very good and informative one. I get that not everyone is as organized as others and aware of what happens once they are gone with their assets and what hassles families go through to sort it all out.
Hopefully, for your sake, they will come around one day so you won't have the headaches that others are sharing that they have had.
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| Posted 9/14/21 8:45 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: PSA for everyone
Posted by Hofstra26
Great advice! I made a binder a while back with important info that I keep on my desk for this exact reason. You just never know.
I'm sorry for the loss of both your friends.
I don't think I would leave that on your desk. If your house gets broken into that would be pretty easy to find. I think I would put it somewhere more secure.
And as KK said, maybe don't tell a bunch of strangers on the internet where all your personal info is!
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| Posted 9/14/21 9:56 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: PSA for everyone
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
People, please do not give too much info on how you do this on this thread.
That being said, I have begged my parents to please do this and they refuse.
I asked my exH to do this and he did. When we separated, he changed all the passwords and I had no access to anything. It is still a nightmare because he refuses to give me info for some things that are needed.
So in the event of death AND divorce, make sure you have this info somehow.
I am confused what you believe people haven given too much info about in this thread.
Why do your parents refuse? I am surprised they haven’t heard or read about people who have such difficulties after someone dies to get their information and to take care of their estate.
Saying it’s on a paper in my closet in my hallway is too much information. Who knows what lurkers could do?
Don’t bring my parents into it. It seems that you are suggesting they don’t care about me or something. What a strange thing to comment on and on my comment nonetheless. Nell said a similar thing.
I have asked them and they say they don’t want to talk about it. There’s nothing more I can do.
I think the only person who said where they leave their info is Hofstra so maybe address her with that.
YOU brought your parents into it and while no one suggested they didn't care about you, someone might need to talk to them (outside of the family if necessary if they don't listen to family) about their estate and what will happen when they pass and all the hassles you will go through.
Seriously? The thread is about parents leaving info for their children. Others have mentioned their parents. Instead you pick up on mine and give *unsolicited* advice. Don’t tell me that someone needs to talk to them. I said they refused. There is nothing more I can do. What part of that don’t you understand?
But it’s the same narcissistic behavior as usual with you— pick out a comment from your usual pool to get some supply, someone responds, triangulate (in this case bring Hofstra into it) then you gaslight them. *yawn* so typical, unoriginal, and predictable.
Jesus Christ she is just asking why the refuse, as in DO THEY HAVE A REASON? I would be curious if there was a reason they didn't want to as well. Are they afraid someone will find it? Are they just super private? There could be many reasons, you put it out there but then you attack when someone asks what the reason why might be?
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| Posted 9/14/21 9:58 AM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11487 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Re: PSA for everyone
Posted by lululu
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
People, please do not give too much info on how you do this on this thread.
That being said, I have begged my parents to please do this and they refuse.
I asked my exH to do this and he did. When we separated, he changed all the passwords and I had no access to anything. It is still a nightmare because he refuses to give me info for some things that are needed.
So in the event of death AND divorce, make sure you have this info somehow.
I am confused what you believe people haven given too much info about in this thread.
Why do your parents refuse? I am surprised they haven’t heard or read about people who have such difficulties after someone dies to get their information and to take care of their estate.
Saying it’s on a paper in my closet in my hallway is too much information. Who knows what lurkers could do?
Don’t bring my parents into it. It seems that you are suggesting they don’t care about me or something. What a strange thing to comment on and on my comment nonetheless. Nell said a similar thing.
I have asked them and they say they don’t want to talk about it. There’s nothing more I can do.
I think the only person who said where they leave their info is Hofstra so maybe address her with that.
YOU brought your parents into it and while no one suggested they didn't care about you, someone might need to talk to them (outside of the family if necessary if they don't listen to family) about their estate and what will happen when they pass and all the hassles you will go through.
Seriously? The thread is about parents leaving info for their children. Others have mentioned their parents. Instead you pick up on mine and give *unsolicited* advice. Don’t tell me that someone needs to talk to them. I said they refused. There is nothing more I can do. What part of that don’t you understand?
But it’s the same narcissistic behavior as usual with you— pick out a comment from your usual pool to get some supply, someone responds, triangulate (in this case bring Hofstra into it) then you gaslight them. *yawn* so typical, unoriginal, and predictable.
Jesus Christ she is just asking why the refuse, as in DO THEY HAVE A REASON? I would be curious if there was a reason they didn't want to as well. Are they afraid someone will find it? Are they just super private? There could be many reasons, you put it out there but then you attack when someone asks what the reason why might be?
It’s the sentence after the question of why refuse? — the part where she says I’m surprised they haven’t heard, etc. They know. ETA: WW already said sorry, so there’s no need to continue the back and forth.
I have asked many times, especially after the nightmare I had with paperwork after my divorce. I get yelled at and told to be quiet or don’t worry about it you can deal with it when we die or it’s none of your business. It’s mostly my father and my mom is just like “your dad does the paperwork, can you just let me live before talking about me dying.”
I’m seriously freaked about this because there are a few other factors that I don’t know about that I really should. It’s going to be a nightmare because of one major factor (the house).
Message edited 9/14/2021 11:09:41 AM.
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| Posted 9/14/21 10:58 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: PSA for everyone
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by lululu
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
People, please do not give too much info on how you do this on this thread.
That being said, I have begged my parents to please do this and they refuse.
I asked my exH to do this and he did. When we separated, he changed all the passwords and I had no access to anything. It is still a nightmare because he refuses to give me info for some things that are needed.
So in the event of death AND divorce, make sure you have this info somehow.
I am confused what you believe people haven given too much info about in this thread.
Why do your parents refuse? I am surprised they haven’t heard or read about people who have such difficulties after someone dies to get their information and to take care of their estate.
Saying it’s on a paper in my closet in my hallway is too much information. Who knows what lurkers could do?
Don’t bring my parents into it. It seems that you are suggesting they don’t care about me or something. What a strange thing to comment on and on my comment nonetheless. Nell said a similar thing.
I have asked them and they say they don’t want to talk about it. There’s nothing more I can do.
I think the only person who said where they leave their info is Hofstra so maybe address her with that.
YOU brought your parents into it and while no one suggested they didn't care about you, someone might need to talk to them (outside of the family if necessary if they don't listen to family) about their estate and what will happen when they pass and all the hassles you will go through.
Seriously? The thread is about parents leaving info for their children. Others have mentioned their parents. Instead you pick up on mine and give *unsolicited* advice. Don’t tell me that someone needs to talk to them. I said they refused. There is nothing more I can do. What part of that don’t you understand?
But it’s the same narcissistic behavior as usual with you— pick out a comment from your usual pool to get some supply, someone responds, triangulate (in this case bring Hofstra into it) then you gaslight them. *yawn* so typical, unoriginal, and predictable.
Jesus Christ she is just asking why the refuse, as in DO THEY HAVE A REASON? I would be curious if there was a reason they didn't want to as well. Are they afraid someone will find it? Are they just super private? There could be many reasons, you put it out there but then you attack when someone asks what the reason why might be?
It’s the sentence after the question of why refuse? — the part where she says I’m surprised they haven’t heard, etc. They know. ETA: WW already said sorry, so there’s no need to continue the back and forth.
I have asked many times, especially after the nightmare I had with paperwork after my divorce. I get yelled at and told to be quiet or don’t worry about it you can deal with it when we die or it’s none of your business. It’s mostly my father and my mom is just like “your dad does the paperwork, can you just let me live before talking about me dying.”
I’m seriously freaked about this because there are a few other factors that I don’t know about that I really should. It’s going to be a nightmare because of one major factor (the house).
I can get that. Hopefully there is enough info in the house that you will be able to piece everything together. And a good lawyer will probably be able to sort most stuff out. The good thing about old people is that most still receive paper statements for everything so mostly likely monitoring the mail for a couple months will get you most of the info that you need.
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| Posted 9/14/21 11:23 AM |
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Re: PSA for everyone
Posted by lululu
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by lululu
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
People, please do not give too much info on how you do this on this thread.
That being said, I have begged my parents to please do this and they refuse.
I asked my exH to do this and he did. When we separated, he changed all the passwords and I had no access to anything. It is still a nightmare because he refuses to give me info for some things that are needed.
So in the event of death AND divorce, make sure you have this info somehow.
I am confused what you believe people haven given too much info about in this thread.
Why do your parents refuse? I am surprised they haven’t heard or read about people who have such difficulties after someone dies to get their information and to take care of their estate.
Saying it’s on a paper in my closet in my hallway is too much information. Who knows what lurkers could do?
Don’t bring my parents into it. It seems that you are suggesting they don’t care about me or something. What a strange thing to comment on and on my comment nonetheless. Nell said a similar thing.
I have asked them and they say they don’t want to talk about it. There’s nothing more I can do.
I think the only person who said where they leave their info is Hofstra so maybe address her with that.
YOU brought your parents into it and while no one suggested they didn't care about you, someone might need to talk to them (outside of the family if necessary if they don't listen to family) about their estate and what will happen when they pass and all the hassles you will go through.
Seriously? The thread is about parents leaving info for their children. Others have mentioned their parents. Instead you pick up on mine and give *unsolicited* advice. Don’t tell me that someone needs to talk to them. I said they refused. There is nothing more I can do. What part of that don’t you understand?
But it’s the same narcissistic behavior as usual with you— pick out a comment from your usual pool to get some supply, someone responds, triangulate (in this case bring Hofstra into it) then you gaslight them. *yawn* so typical, unoriginal, and predictable.
Jesus Christ she is just asking why the refuse, as in DO THEY HAVE A REASON? I would be curious if there was a reason they didn't want to as well. Are they afraid someone will find it? Are they just super private? There could be many reasons, you put it out there but then you attack when someone asks what the reason why might be?
It’s the sentence after the question of why refuse? — the part where she says I’m surprised they haven’t heard, etc. They know. ETA: WW already said sorry, so there’s no need to continue the back and forth.
I have asked many times, especially after the nightmare I had with paperwork after my divorce. I get yelled at and told to be quiet or don’t worry about it you can deal with it when we die or it’s none of your business. It’s mostly my father and my mom is just like “your dad does the paperwork, can you just let me live before talking about me dying.”
I’m seriously freaked about this because there are a few other factors that I don’t know about that I really should. It’s going to be a nightmare because of one major factor (the house).
I can get that. Hopefully there is enough info in the house that you will be able to piece everything together. And a good lawyer will probably be able to sort most stuff out. The good thing about old people is that most still receive paper statements for everything so mostly likely monitoring the mail for a couple months will get you most of the info that you need.
Very true. Many won't switch over to online so it is easier to monitor their bills as you won't need a password to get into their accounts.
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| Posted 9/14/21 11:25 AM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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PSA for everyone
Jesus, you people will turn anything into drama. OP, thank you for the reminder and I’m so sorry about your friends.
DH and I have each other’s life insurance info. As for my parents, I have nothing. They are a disaster and if I were to ask they’d scream at me that I was wishing them dead. THEY probably don’t have their info. So…..yeah. I’ve resolved myself to the eventual mess.
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| Posted 9/14/21 12:25 PM |
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