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Thanks ladies!
Message edited 4/28/2007 10:26:14 PM.
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Posted 4/28/07 8:04 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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04bride
I'm a big sister!!!
Member since 5/05 6707 total posts
Name:
Noel
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Re: Upset with my 10 yr old stepdaughter
wow thats scary. I know in her mind she just want to give her new little step brother some love but you are right she is young and HAS to follow your rules. I think your punishment that she cant hold him all weekend is good one bc hearing how much she wants to hold him i think she wiull do the right thing next time.
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| Posted 4/28/07 8:27 PM |
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Re: Upset with my 10 yr old stepdaughter
Posted by 04bride
wow thats scary. I know in her mind she just want to give her new little step brother some love but you are right she is young and HAS to follow your rules. I think your punishment that she cant hold him all weekend is good one bc hearing how much she wants to hold him i think she wiull do the right thing next time.
thanks!
I work with special needs kids - and I consult at James E. Allen - and some of the kids i see there are there because something happened to them when they were babies - its one thing to have a developmental disability, but to be disabled because of an injury terrifies me - I know I can be a bit paranoid, but I feel at 3 and a half weeks, I really can't be too careful! Also, I want to over-emphasize how he needs to be handled carefully - she plays with her baby dolls all the time and I want her to know there is a BIG difference between a baby doll and our little son!!!
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| Posted 4/28/07 8:45 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: Upset with my 10 yr old stepdaughter
I didn't get alot of the story. How come you let her watch him by herself? I think kids are likely to do things they shouldnt especially when parents arent around. Doesnt make it right but I think if you never want it to happen again you are going to have to not let her watch him by herself. On a side note...I work alongside James E. Allen as a social worker...maybe we've talked on the phone. what do you do for them? My usual contact is Kim Cooper?
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| Posted 4/28/07 9:23 PM |
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sunny
Life is good!
Member since 5/05 8369 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Upset with my 10 yr old stepdaughter
I think maybe you are being a little harsh. I also think maybe it is your fault-she is only ten and you probably shouldn't have left her alone with him. She is probably having a hard time too, she was the youngest for her dad before the new one, right? It is a big adjustment for her.
JMHO- I don't mean to sound bad- just another perspective.
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| Posted 4/28/07 9:40 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: Upset with my 10 yr old stepdaughter
Posted by sunny
I think maybe you are being a little harsh. I also think maybe it is your fault-she is only ten and you probably shouldn't have left her alone with him. She is probably having a hard time too, she was the youngest for her dad before the new one, right? It is a big adjustment for her.
JMHO- I don't mean to sound bad- just another perspective.
I kinda agree...
I mean I think you leaving her alone with him in the stroller- within your seeing distance was fine, and it was nice of you to give her that "job". But she is still a kid, and kids do break rules... I def. think she should have some kind of "punishment" and I think its great you explained to her why she is not allowed to do that.
However- I think telling your step-daughter she cant hold her brother for the rest of the weekend- seems a little "wrong" to me...
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| Posted 4/28/07 9:44 PM |
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Re: Upset with my 10 yr old stepdaughter
Posted by Princessmaris
Posted by sunny
I think maybe you are being a little harsh. I also think maybe it is your fault-she is only ten and you probably shouldn't have left her alone with him. She is probably having a hard time too, she was the youngest for her dad before the new one, right? It is a big adjustment for her.
JMHO- I don't mean to sound bad- just another perspective.
I kinda agree...
I mean I think you leaving her alone with him in the stroller- within your seeing distance was fine, and it was nice of you to give her that "job". But she is still a kid, and kids do break rules... I def. think she should have some kind of "punishment" and I think its great you explained to her why she is not allowed to do that.
However- I think telling your step-daughter she cant hold her brother for the rest of the weekend- seems a little "wrong" to me...
We think that she will really understand that she cant do it again if she goes the weekend without being allowed to hold him... she can still sit with us and interact with him - we arent sending her into the dungeon... just can't hold him - we feel its a privilege she needs to show she is capable of earning... but we arent going to leave her alone with him anymore...
Honestly, he was buckled into his stroller in a store - in a million years I never thought she would ever take him out! I have been in her life since she was 6 - I thought I knew her, but I learned that she isnt ready yet...
Thanks ladies! Its interesting to hear other people's perspectives on this....
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| Posted 4/28/07 9:54 PM |
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rose825
Best Friends
Member since 6/05 10228 total posts
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Re: Upset with my 10 yr old stepdaughter
I understand how scary that must have been . But you have to remember she is 10 so giveing her soem repsonsibility is good, but also remember she is only 10 so you still have to be very clear with her and provide her with adequate supervision.
However, I understand your thinking on the punishment but I really feel like you should rethink that. keeping her away from him is only going to build resentment. She is still young enough to be jealous of a new baby and angry that "he" got her in trouble. You want her to feel protective of him..... not angry at him.
I am sure there are other punishments that would be as effective. Maybe she needs more repsonsibilities, like changing diapers or folding laundry. But I caution you against using the baby himself as a punishment.
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| Posted 4/28/07 10:13 PM |
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JTK
my 4 boys!
Member since 6/06 7396 total posts
Name:
Kristi
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Re: Upset with my 10 yr old stepdaughter
i have to agree with the above posters... when you have a new baby there is always some sort of attention seeking behavior with the other siblings IMO.. since you work in the field you have to know that you have to be VERY careful about kids emotional state..because generally they are already unstable because they don't really know how to handle situations.. when i had my youngest my middle son had a near breakdown and i was sure to include him in EVERYTHING i did with the baby.. i don't think your stepdaughter was trying to hurt your son i just think at 10 years old she doesn't understand the consequences. she probably wants to show you she can take good care of him... if i were you, i would not leave her any responsibility for the baby... if you are keeping a very close eye on them then probably nothing bad would happen!! i know it's hard believe me... you want to protect that baby with your life.. but the emotional state of your stepdaughter is just as important!
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| Posted 4/28/07 10:21 PM |
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Re: Upset with my 10 yr old stepdaughter
Thanks ladies - I guess we felt we wanted to give her some responsibility and they were in my view most of the time at BRU, so I felt that would be a good place to start...
She really isnt jealous of him because she is still the baby with her mom, so she gets the best of both worlds - and she is really into being the big sister - we just need to reel her in a bit in terms of what she is ready to do now and what she can do when he is a little older...
Thanks for all the advice!
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| Posted 4/28/07 10:25 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
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Re: .
Posted by sunny
I think maybe you are being a little harsh. I also think maybe it is your fault-she is only ten and you probably shouldn't have left her alone with him. She is probably having a hard time too, she was the youngest for her dad before the new one, right? It is a big adjustment for her.
JMHO- I don't mean to sound bad- just another perspective.
I agree with this too. I read the post before but didnt' get a chance to respond.
I also personally wouldn't leave a 10 year old and a newborn alone anywhere. That's JMO but there are too many crazy people in this world and a 10 year old is just as helpless as a newborn in crazy situations like that.
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| Posted 4/28/07 10:36 PM |
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landj
After 4 years, 1000 posts!
Member since 7/06 1124 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: .
I agree with some of the above posters that your step-daughter probably should not be left completely alone with your son. That even though you took all of the necessary precautions before leaving her alone, she still is a child and is going to test limits. I also agree though that it is important to include her as much as possible in your son's life, but that she be supervised by adults. Kids (especially preteens and teenagers) can be pretty egocentric and like to play by their own rules at times. They don't always understand the consequences of their actions.
But some adults have to be supervised too. I have a very close family member (she is in her late 30s) who I will never let babysit for my son, at least at this point in his life. She means well and is great with him, but she has to be supervised unfortunately. Long story, but we have left her with some major responsibilities before (dog-sitting, house-sitting), and she has continually done the opposite of what we said or what we asked her to do.
Message edited 4/28/2007 10:44:49 PM.
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| Posted 4/28/07 10:41 PM |
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