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adeline27
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 3121 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Thank you for all your replies ladies.
Message edited 10/14/2007 9:00:47 PM.
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Posted 10/14/07 7:15 PM  |
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sticklee
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 2984 total posts
Name:
Stick
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
i don't mean to sound harsh, but i think you are being selfish. you can't expect people to plan their parties around when you are ready to take your baby out. could you maybe get a babysitter? or ask a close friend/relative on your DHs side to watch the baby for one night?
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| Posted 10/14/07 7:22 PM |
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JTK
my 4 boys!
Member since 6/06 7396 total posts
Name:
Kristi
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
i have to agree with the above poster.. i'm sure no one told you to hold off on getting pregnant or sharing your good news.. they are getting married.. this is THIER time! sorry
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| Posted 10/14/07 7:25 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
I have to agree with the above posters as well -
it's understandable that this baby is YOUR 1st priority - But this girl's engangment is hers . - You can't expect her to plan her engagement party around when you'll be willing to bring the baby out the house . -
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| Posted 10/14/07 7:26 PM |
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Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
Why can't you bring the baby out before it's christened?
I agree with everyone else that it's not fair of you to ask someone to put their plans on hold because of your baby.
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| Posted 10/14/07 7:28 PM |
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adeline27
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 3121 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
Posted by sticklee
i don't mean to sound harsh, but i think you are being selfish. you can't expect people to plan their parties around when you are ready to take your baby out. could you maybe get a babysitter? or ask a close friend/relative on your DHs side to watch the baby for one night?
If they plan on having and when I say they I mean her mom and her sister because my SIL is very easy going and doesn't care when the party will be anyway if they plan on having a pary in nov or dec my baby will be 4 weeks/8weeks old. NO WAY will I have a babysitter watch my newborn. If you would be comfortable doing that than more power to you.
I don't feel I'm being selfish at all. There are plenty of people that take care there kids out the first week. I'm not. It's important to me to be home and care for my child in the beginning months. It is also important to me to have my son christened before going out to any family gathering.
Edit: so it is important for me to be at my brother's engagement party as well.
So let me ask you this if they do have the party in Nov/Dec and I don't go would you (if you were my SIL) be ******? If you say yes than wouldn't that mean she's being selfish? I want your opinion on that as well. I guess it goes both ways I don't feel comfortable going out so soon after a baby, should she and my brother respect that?
Message edited 10/14/2007 7:35:17 PM.
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| Posted 10/14/07 7:31 PM |
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Jacksmommy
My love muffin!
Member since 1/07 5819 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
If your not due until Jan, how is them having the event in Nov/Dec affecting bringing out the baby?
ETA: Sorry, didn't read it properly. I would get a sitter then! Honestly, you don't wanna miss their event and if you don't wanna take the baby out, you cant expect them to hold off!
Message edited 10/14/2007 7:43:34 PM.
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| Posted 10/14/07 7:34 PM |
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adeline27
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 3121 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
Posted by ejm1219
If your not due until Jan, how is them having the event in Nov/Dec affecting bringing out the baby?
I'm due in about a week and a half. Sorry for the confusion.
See my edit guys. I just want to know would they be upset if I don't go if they have so soon after I have my baby.
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| Posted 10/14/07 7:37 PM |
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Karen
Just chillin'!!
Member since 1/06 9690 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
Sorry, but you can't expect other people to put their plans on hold to accomodate you. If you are not comfortable bringing the baby out (which I can understand since it will be winter) you don't have a close friend or family member who can watch him/her for a couple of hours?
If you're not comfortable with that - then I think you will need to skip the engagement party. I'm sure there will be a shower and other wedding plans that you can be involved with.
ETA: Also, you are due very soon. If invites haven't even gone out yet, I really can't see the engagement party happening in November or even most of December. A lot of places are going to be booked for holiday parties and such.
Message edited 10/14/2007 7:42:10 PM.
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| Posted 10/14/07 7:40 PM |
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Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
If I was having a party and someone who recently had a baby couldn't make it because of the baby, I would totally understand.
You really can't expect people to schedule their lives around your schedule though. If you can't be there, then they'll have to deal with it. And if you really want to be there - you'll find a way.
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| Posted 10/14/07 7:40 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
Posted by adeline27
Posted by sticklee
i don't mean to sound harsh, but i think you are being selfish. you can't expect people to plan their parties around when you are ready to take your baby out. could you maybe get a babysitter? or ask a close friend/relative on your DHs side to watch the baby for one night?
If they plan on having and when I say they I mean her mom and her sister because my SIL is very easy going and doesn't care when the party will be anyway if they plan on having a pary in nov or dec my baby will be 4 weeks/8weeks old. NO WAY will I have a babysitter watch my newborn. If you would be comfortable doing that than more power to you.
I don't feel I'm being selfish at all. There are plenty of people that take care there kids out the first week. I'm not. It's important to me to be home and care for my child in the beginning months. It is also important to me to have my son christened before going out to any family gathering.
Edit: so it is important for me to be at my brother's engagement party as well.
So let me ask you this if they do have the party in Nov/Dec and I don't go would you (if you were my SIL) be ******? If you say yes than wouldn't that mean she's being selfish? I want your opinion on that as well. I guess it goes both ways I don't feel comfortable going out so soon after a baby, should she and my brother respect that?
I don't have kids yet so I can't relate to your position - I'm not really sure if 'selfish' is the word I'd use for either you, or FSIL. I'm sure your brother and FSIL would be 'disappointed' if you were not at the engagement party. -
Like you said, some people are fine taking the baby out VERY early, and some are not. - It's a personal choice and everyone is different. - Some would say you were crazy if you stayed in, some would say you were crazy if you went out -
SOME people might think you are being unreasonable to refuse to take the baby out or to leave the baby with a trusted family member in order to attend the party, SOME will see things your way and say that your brother and FSIL will just have to understand. -
In, the end, you just have to do what you feel is best for you and the baby -
I'm sure your family knows you well enough to understand. -
Or, would it be possible to leave the baby with his/her father and go to your brother's party alone ?
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| Posted 10/14/07 7:42 PM |
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sticklee
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 2984 total posts
Name:
Stick
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
Posted by adeline27
Posted by sticklee
i don't mean to sound harsh, but i think you are being selfish. you can't expect people to plan their parties around when you are ready to take your baby out. could you maybe get a babysitter? or ask a close friend/relative on your DHs side to watch the baby for one night?
If they plan on having and when I say they I mean her mom and her sister because my SIL is very easy going and doesn't care when the party will be anyway if they plan on having a pary in nov or dec my baby will be 4 weeks/8weeks old. NO WAY will I have a babysitter watch my newborn. If you would be comfortable doing that than more power to you.
I don't feel I'm being selfish at all. There are plenty of people that take care there kids out the first week. I'm not. It's important to me to be home and care for my child in the beginning months. It is also important to me to have my son christened before going out to any family gathering.
Edit: so it is important for me to be at my brother's engagement party as well.
So let me ask you this if they do have the party in Nov/Dec and I don't go would you (if you were my SIL) be ******? If you say yes than wouldn't that mean she's being selfish? I want your opinion on that as well. I guess it goes both ways I don't feel comfortable going out so soon after a baby, should she and my brother respect that?
hey - if you and your future SIL have an understanding, maybe she will be willing to wait until january. since your brother is 1/2 of this relationship, maybe you should talk to him about it. he should have just as much say in when this engagement party happens, and if he wants you and your son there, then he will wait. all i was saying is that you can't just expect them to wait that long.
no, i don't have any kids - and you're right about the babysitter thing. but i think i would be comfortable with letting my parents watch the baby (or a close family member) if the party was going on and it was that important to me to be there. i say that now, maybe when i have a baby i would feel differently - who knows
good luck
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| Posted 10/14/07 7:42 PM |
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sticklee
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 2984 total posts
Name:
Stick
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
Posted by adeline27
Posted by ejm1219
If your not due until Jan, how is them having the event in Nov/Dec affecting bringing out the baby?
I'm due in about a week and a half. Sorry for the confusion.
See my edit guys. I just want to know would they be upset if I don't go if they have so soon after I have my baby.
i think that they should understand if you didn't attend
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| Posted 10/14/07 7:43 PM |
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adeline27
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 3121 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
That's why I'm posting this because of course I do feel funny telling someone about THEIR party. I understand totally.
It's just that I would like to go to my brother's engagement party too. But again I understand and if they do plan to have it in Nov/Dec I'm sure they will understand my situation too.
Unfortunately I don't have other family members to take care of the baby. DH's parents live in another country. Besides like I said that baby is so new and young I would be so panicky leaving my newborn. It's my first and I'm nervous enough.
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| Posted 10/14/07 7:44 PM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
Posted by Palebride
If I was having a party and someone who recently had a baby couldn't make it because of the baby, I would totally understand.
You really can't expect people to schedule their lives around your schedule though. If you can't be there, then they'll have to deal with it. And if you really want to be there - you'll find a way.
I agree with Lori on both points.
They shouldn't have to wait until when February? to have the e-party just as you shouldn't have to get a babysitter if it's something you are not comfortable with.
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| Posted 10/14/07 7:46 PM |
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avamamma
My Girl
Member since 7/06 3395 total posts
Name:
Tara
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
I understand you being nervous to leave the baby. We left our DD at 5 weeks to attend a wedding. It seemed like a big deal before we did it, but it really wasn't. It was actually good for us to get away for 1 night..
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| Posted 10/14/07 8:23 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
I personally would def. take the baby to the party - but to each his own. Can you have your husband stay home with the baby and go to the party without him?
I def. would NOT ask them to postpone the party - that's for sure. And, I def. don't think I would miss it either - being that it is your brother.
Do you have a good friend who you would trust to watch the baby?
My son is getting Christened next week (he will be almost 4 months) and has been to a TON of parties so far. 3 months is a LONG time to not do anything!!
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| Posted 10/14/07 8:26 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
I'm a believer of you doing whatever it is you think is right for your family and your baby. However, I'm also a believer that everyone should have that same freedom. So, if SIL is having the party in Nov/Dec and that's what's right for her family, then you just have to accept that. If you choose not to attend, then so be it. You cannot expect people to plan their events around you, and at the same time, they cannot expect you to go against what you believe is right just for them.
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| Posted 10/14/07 8:32 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
Posted by Diana1215
Can you have your husband stay home with the baby and go to the party without him?
ITA.
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| Posted 10/14/07 8:32 PM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
Im not sure I understand why you cant take a baby out before they are baptised?
I understand waiting for their shots but baptised I have never heard of.
But Im sure you have valid reasons.
I dont see why you cant have the baby stay home instead?
I think your thinking along the lines of you and your baby and they are thinking along the lines of themselves and their priorities and if it wer eyou in their shoes, you would probably be annoyed no??
You cant do anything IMO about it.
Once you have a baby you have to JUGGLE and prioritize and its hard. This is your first test it appears....
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| Posted 10/14/07 8:34 PM |
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MelToddJulia
Love my Family!
Member since 7/05 29064 total posts
Name:
Mel
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
Posted by nov04libride
Posted by Diana1215
Can you have your husband stay home with the baby and go to the party without him?
ITA.
I agree with this to, can one of you stay home with the baby and one go to the party? Do you have any family to watch the baby or a very close friend?
I don't think you are being selfish, I was the same way when I had Julia, I would never take my 4 week old to a party in the winter time with a lot of people around, its flu season too!! NO WAY!! Since you are so close to your SIL and she seems very understanding why don't you just talk to her about how you feel and maybe she will change the date!! I know its HER party, but I feel a baby's health is MORE important!
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| Posted 10/14/07 8:40 PM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
I guess it can't hurt to ask, but I would certainly not expect them to comply.
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| Posted 10/14/07 8:42 PM |
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adeline27
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 3121 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
Posted by Diana1215
My son is getting Christened next week (he will be almost 4 months) and has been to a TON of parties so far. 3 months is a LONG time to not do anything!!
Like you said to each his own. I don't feel comfortable taking my baby out 4-8 weeks old. I don't feel it is safe knowing that everyone will want to touch and hold the baby and there will be lots of kids at the party. It's flu season too. Call me over protective but that's how I feel about it. I don't want to bring my baby out. That's great that you brought your baby to a ton of parties. I don't feel comfortable doing so that soon.
All my family will be there and DH's family is not around. I don't have enough trust in anyone else to leave my newborn with.
If they have the party soon my DH will be at the party for sure.
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| Posted 10/14/07 8:43 PM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
I understand waiting the standard eight weeks (I didn't- but I'm a *terrible mom* ), but I don't get the whole waiting til baptised thing. I'm Catholic and have never heard of that.
Regardless- IF the party planning comes up- maybe you could casually mention your concerns anout not being able to attend. BUT- don't make it seem like you want them to schedule around YOU.
As my dad has always said: "The squeaky wheel gets the oil". You never know- MAYBE waiting til Jan is no big deal to them, so mentioning it might be worth it.
By the way, my SIL was unable to come to my baby shower because she was close to her due date- and I TOTALLY understood. AND- I couldn't go to her son's baptism because my DD was 2 weeks old- again, she totally understood.
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| Posted 10/14/07 8:45 PM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
Name:
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Re: Help me on how to tell future sister in law to hold off on the engagement party...
Posted by prncss
I'm a believer of you doing whatever it is you think is right for your family and your baby. However, I'm also a believer that everyone should have that same freedom. So, if SIL is having the party in Nov/Dec and that's what's right for her family, then you just have to accept that. If you choose not to attend, then so be it. You cannot expect people to plan their events around you, and at the same time, they cannot expect you to go against what you believe is right just for them.
ITA
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| Posted 10/14/07 8:46 PM |
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