.

Removed post for privacy reasons...

Message edited 11/26/2008 7:25:54 PM.

Re: SO upset... WWYD?? (long, sorry)

Believe me when I tell you, I can completely relate with your situation. My immediate family is very happy and excited for my pregnancy, but specific members of my extended family (i.e. aunts/uncles/cousins) could seem to care less or could possibly even be unhappy about it. I don't know cause I've heard nothing from them when I poured my heart out in an email to let them know the happy news in my life.
It's hard because it's family and you expect them to be happy for you and to support you, but some people just don't know how to just be happy for others. They have to find some kind of reason to nit pick and make it about themselves. At least that's the case in my situation.

"i am SO insulted and angry. i imagine that they are all having a hard time with SIL's trouble conceiving... but we are FAMILY. even if they're not truly happy for us - FAKE IT. it just feels so hurtful and rude to not say ANYTHING."

What you said here really hit home for me. It's very hurtful when people don't acknowledge something that is so life changing for you. Try and focus on this happy time in your life, and not the negativity that other people are bringing to you. Believe me, I know that's easier said than done, but that's what's going to be best for you, your baby, and your husband.

Re: SO upset... WWYD?? (long, sorry)

i probably shouldn't even reply bc i have lurkers who love to see what i am posting...but...i can TOTALLY relate! we hve a very strained relationship with eveyrone on Rob's side...have a yr old nephew we met once...a 2 month old that only rob met and wen he asked them to let him know when they were settled at home and i could meet them..i guess it took 2 mnths bc still nohting...i sent shower gift even though i didnt attend and sent gifts when he was born..still i am the schmuck who can't even get an email....i sent one when we found out they were expecting....anyway..we are having twins..and it happens to be the second set for the IL"s...i would be so thrilled to not only have one setof twins but 2....one girl set and one boy set needless to say..but we get nothing..i got cards and presents from my parents(they have gone crazy with shopping and been so helpful)...my moms friends...our friends....robs softball friends(30-45 yr old men!) have been calling or texting after sonograms etc to see how the babies are...but from his family nothing..int he beginning i cried daily...now i am realizing that if they dont want to be involved i cannot force them...obviously we are the only matuure ones here who have made the attempt..but it still hurts..i feel like my boys are being shunned based on feelings about me.....grr i swore i wouldnt get upset .... i feel lke my babies arent even here yet but i am so defensive( as any mom would be) of them..and how could anyone not want to know how they are...how big they are....when they are due.....i have been on bedrest for a month and gotten not one call...my own mother had to fly in from florida for 2 wks to help out when i was on 100 percent bedrest.....meanwhile the IL'ss are literally 45 min away....ok..vent over...just wanted u to know ur not alone......its hurtful and hard to understand but some people arent that into pregnanciies.....lets see if it changes with the births......keepnig fingers crossed..FM me if you ever need to vent....i try to limit private posting on here because its funny..the same family members who refuse to let us be involved...check my posts religiously!!.....get a life...thhats all i can say to that

Re: SO upset... WWYD?? (long, sorry)

Unfortunately, there are alot of people out there that are mean. You are right, they should congratulate you on your blessing. Even if they are having issues- that has nothing to do with your good news.

I also want to add- that you don't need them. Those are the type of people you are better off not having around.

Re: SO upset... WWYD?? (long, sorry)

My advise to you...concentrate on yourself and not stressing yourself out....eventually they will come around..and if they don't...there is nothing you can do..your main priority now is to keep yourself healthy for your baby...Good Luck..

Re: SO upset... WWYD?? (long, sorry)

i can't imagine what it would be like to have fertility problems, but i imagine it must be difficult to hear of others conceiving.

that said, your family should still try to "act" happy for you... i feel your pain.

i hope you have a wonderful holiday being with them. maybe it'll help with them seeing you in person.

Re: SO upset... WWYD?? (long, sorry)

I am going to go the other way here...
I think you stated why their response to your pregnancy is not what you would like it to be. Going through infertility is an extremely difficult thing that you can only understand if you have been through it. To hear of others getting pregnant can sometimes be devastating. Your SIL just may not be able to cope with your news. It is not that she isn't happy for you. And your IL's are just looking out for their daughter.
I think for you to be angry is the wrong response. I would tell them how you feel hurt by their reaction. I am sure it is not their intent to make you feel this way, it is just their reaction in light of your SIL's situation.
Please try to see the other side.

Re: SO upset... WWYD?? (long, sorry)

Unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do. You can't force another person to be happy for you.

Could your in-laws just be closer to DH and not you?

I know my in-laws are ecstatic (this is their first grandchild) but they don't show it towards me, just to DH. It doesn't bother me at all.

Re: SO upset... WWYD?? (long, sorry)

Posted by SweetTooth

I am going to go the other way here...
I think you stated why their response to your pregnancy is not what you would like it to be. Going through infertility is an extremely difficult thing that you can only understand if you have been through it. To hear of others getting pregnant can sometimes be devastating. Your SIL just may not be able to cope with your news. It is not that she isn't happy for you. And your IL's are just looking out for their daughter.
I think for you to be angry is the wrong response. I would tell them how you feel hurt by their reaction. I am sure it is not their intent to make you feel this way, it is just their reaction in light of your SIL's situation.
Please try to see the other side.

Re: SO upset... WWYD?? (long, sorry)

Posted by JessT

Posted by SweetTooth

I am going to go the other way here...
I think you stated why their response to your pregnancy is not what you would like it to be. Going through infertility is an extremely difficult thing that you can only understand if you have been through it. To hear of others getting pregnant can sometimes be devastating. Your SIL just may not be able to cope with your news. It is not that she isn't happy for you. And your IL's are just looking out for their daughter.
I think for you to be angry is the wrong response. I would tell them how you feel hurt by their reaction. I am sure it is not their intent to make you feel this way, it is just their reaction in light of your SIL's situation.
Please try to see the other side.

i dont post here much, but with the above said, i felt i needed to reply. i would never want to be in her SIL position. i know how frustrating it is, but, that said, why does everyone seem to feel that this when it comes to pregnancy, if you have trouble conceiving, you can be unhappy or at least uncaring toward someone else who doesnt? it seems like this is almost accepatble from people. its very sad to me that as adults, people can be so selfish that if they arent blessed, or lucky enough to conceive easily, they have the right to make others uncomfortable. not the case. just because someone else gets what you want, means you cant be happy for them? i dont get it.

Re: SO upset... WWYD?? (long, sorry)

Posted by JessT

Posted by SweetTooth

I am going to go the other way here...
I think you stated why their response to your pregnancy is not what you would like it to be. Going through infertility is an extremely difficult thing that you can only understand if you have been through it. To hear of others getting pregnant can sometimes be devastating. Your SIL just may not be able to cope with your news. It is not that she isn't happy for you. And your IL's are just looking out for their daughter.
I think for you to be angry is the wrong response. I would tell them how you feel hurt by their reaction. I am sure it is not their intent to make you feel this way, it is just their reaction in light of your SIL's situation.
Please try to see the other side.

i dont post here much, but with the above said, i felt i needed to reply. i would never want to be in her SIL position. i know how frustrating it is, but, that said, why does everyone seem to feel that this when it comes to pregnancy, if you have trouble conceiving, you can be unhappy or at least uncaring toward someone else who doesnt? it seems like this is almost accepatble from people. its very sad to me that as adults, people can be so selfish that if they arent blessed, or lucky enough to conceive easily, they have the right to make others uncomfortable. not the case. just because someone else gets what you want, means you cant be happy for them? i dont get it.

Re: SO upset... WWYD?? (long, sorry)

Posted by SweetTooth

I am going to go the other way here...
I think you stated why their response to your pregnancy is not what you would like it to be. Going through infertility is an extremely difficult thing that you can only understand if you have been through it. To hear of others getting pregnant can sometimes be devastating. Your SIL just may not be able to cope with your news. It is not that she isn't happy for you. And your IL's are just looking out for their daughter.
I think for you to be angry is the wrong response. I would tell them how you feel hurt by their reaction. I am sure it is not their intent to make you feel this way, it is just their reaction in light of your SIL's situation.
Please try to see the other side.

Re: SO upset... WWYD?? (long, sorry)

Having gone through infertility myself, I have to say it's not always easy to "fake it", sometimes it's better for them to just keep quiet then to say anything at all. Try and be a little understanding as to what they are going through, as happy as they will be when the baby is born this is just very painful for them to hear, I'm sure. Every time you hear someone is pregnant all you can think of is that you aren't. Just be patient and understanding. I'm sure everyone will be happy for the newest memebr of the family.

Re: SO upset... WWYD?? (long, sorry)

Being a person who mc'ed two last year and now(knock on wood) is expecting my first DS in May I could see how SIL could be not in good moods, my sister had 2 kids and it was tough to hear her complain about her two kids when im sitting there thinking how blessed she is, and wondering if my day would ever come.

.......HOWEVER she should be able to suck it up to say congrats- even if its by email or text(especially since she already has a child), i just wouldnt expect her to start talk about your pregnancy.

I have no clue why MIL isnt acting cheery about it....... if that we me- I know my dh would be wondering why also and he would probably ask his mother outright whats going on........

Re: SO upset... WWYD?? (long, sorry)

Are there other reasons why they may not appear to be as excited as you'd like? Do you have a demanding career? Do your IL's care for your child now?

When my SIL announced her second pregnancy, within one year of the first, we were all shocked and it took a little while to warm up.

Be patient with your SIL. As excited as you are, it's not all about you. Your news is probably very painful and devastating for her. May you never have to understand what she's going through.

Re: SO upset... WWYD?? (long, sorry)

Your SIL probably doesn't know. As for your MIL, she probably is excited but doesn't realize her actions. She was probably thinking how her daughter is going to take the news. Do you have a great relationship with your SIL? Maybe, she wanted to hear the news directly from you and not from a third party.

As someone who suffered with IF, please know that it is not you personally. A lot of it is self-preservation. Also, your MIL probably grieves with her daughter (her struggles with IF) b/c when someone deals with IF it affects the whole family.

Message edited 11/26/2008 5:42:45 PM.

Re: SO upset... WWYD?? (long, sorry)

THANKS to all of you for listening to my vent. also, so many thanks to all of you for sharing your viewpoints with me. i really appreciate each and every one of them.

of course, there is so much info that i didn't include (impossible to put years worth of history in a post like this!) that is contributing to why i'm feeling so badly. it's not just about this one instance... it's about BIL/SIL's behavior towards myself and DH over time.

having said that, i also think that i need to turn the other cheek and let this one go. having never experienced infertility, i don't know what they're going through.

anyway, THANKS again.

Message edited 11/26/2008 7:08:33 PM.