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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
I think most people know that since Jan 2004 I was planning to get married on Dec 16 of this year. All hell sort of broke loose in our lives in early 05 and for a laundry list of reaons, we decided to postpone, as of now, indefinitely. Even with the 2008 date we were sort of considering, I can't bear to see that my LIW counter is back up to 500 something days.It's both much too far away and too soon to be mentally, financially, emotionally ready.
Now that it's one month away, this is so much harder than I thought it would be. The date is sort of burned into my brain. I keep thinking about how I'd be going for my final fittings and counting responses, and getting ready to start a life with FH, and it also highlights how different my life is now than the one we were planning almost 3 years ago when we got engaged. FH is really sad about it too. I just want to cry.
Ok. pity party over. But the real thing is, I know I'm going to be very sad on that day no matter what, do you have any advice on what to do?
I originally wanted to go away with FH for the weekend (which reminds me, we need to cancel the bridal suite at fox hollow), possibly to disney (not a $$ possibility now) or maybe someplace local.
FH said maybe we should have a dinner party and invite our friends and family who would ordinarily be celebrating our wedding on that date. The really sad thing is that some of our friends and family who live OOT don't even know we cancelled, because we were going to go through with it until this past May. They probably just think we decided not to invite them.  I guess I get what FH is saying. Maybe it can be like a mini engagement party or something, and it would be nice to be surrounded by loved ones, but at the same time, it's a deeply personal moment for the two of us.
I don't want to sit around all day and cry. Do you have any other suggestions?
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Posted 11/16/06 2:09 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
Also, does anyone want to stake out NRC with a camera on that day to see if there's another wedding so I don't have to?
STILL no deposit back, and no straight answer, though, admittedly, we haven't called in awhile. I just can't deal sometimes
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| Posted 11/16/06 2:13 AM |
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Gertyrae
Peace out Homies!
Member since 5/05 20046 total posts
Name:
Gerty ®
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
I would do something with just the two of you. It might be nicer than having a bunch of people over, besides they might ask you questions that you both aren't ready to answer yet. You are still together and obviously strong together, take the time to relax together and figuring out your future.
Good luck
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| Posted 11/16/06 6:14 AM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
i agree, just the two of you. its only means something to both of you. even if you don't go away, just be together.
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| Posted 11/16/06 8:06 AM |
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J9-13
We're gonna be big sisters!
Member since 6/06 14887 total posts
Name:
J9
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
I think you should do something that day, but I am not sure if I would recommend having family and friends be in on it. If you are feeling very emotional. that day, you might not feel like entertaining. There may be a moment that you feel like crying and that is TOTALLY understandable. Find comfort in each other..... The important thing is that you are with your FH, celebrating your relationship. You know you will be together whether you get married next month or in 10 years! You are there for eachother and love and support each other through all of the tough times you face.
Message edited 11/16/2006 8:14:35 AM.
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| Posted 11/16/06 8:13 AM |
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HollaGirl
Merry Christmas !!!
Member since 10/06 3308 total posts
Name:
Kristen
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
I dont think you should do anything. Not to be harsh, but why would you celebrate the day your were "supposed" to get married. And to have a gathering with friends and family is even more weird. I know it's sad, but when the day comes, you have to realize that you have a wedding to look forward to!
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| Posted 11/16/06 8:32 AM |
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2PreciousBlessings
The Perfect Pair
Member since 5/06 19861 total posts
Name:
Best Wife & Mommy
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
I would not want to celebrate the day I was supposed to get married.
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| Posted 11/16/06 8:40 AM |
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LaurenExp
Waiting patiently for baby sis
Member since 8/06 11613 total posts
Name:
L-Diddy EDD 11/11/11 :)
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
Posted by HollaGirl
I dont think you should do anything. Not to be harsh, but why would you celebrate the day your were "supposed" to get married. And to have a gathering with friends and family is even more weird. I know it's sad, but when the day comes, you have to realize that you have a wedding to look forward to!
I kind of agree with Holla, here. If you actually "celebrate" the day, won't it be even more difficult for you? Is there any way you can just try to actually forget about the day? I know this is impossible, but if you act completely normal on the day, and do whatever you would normally do on, say, Saturday, maybe it can help you better focus on the wedding to come, instead of focusing on something that wasn't meant to be.
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| Posted 11/16/06 8:41 AM |
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calendargrl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 1686 total posts
Name:
jan
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
Posted by BellaPaige
I would not want to celebrate the day I was supposed to get married.
I agree, although it will be a hard day for you to get through, I would concentrate on working towards a new date.
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| Posted 11/16/06 8:43 AM |
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MrsPorkChop
Twinning!!
Member since 5/05 9941 total posts
Name:
Missy
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
Jennifer, are you and fh going to get married in the future or ever- What is holding you back? and why would you want to do something on a day you were supposed to get married.
I am not sure why the date keeps getting postponed but if money is the issue, save it for the real day - why spend $ on a day that will never be siginifancant? kwim?
hope you reolve what it is that is holding you back
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| Posted 11/16/06 8:43 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
let go of the past. Look forward. Easy for me to say but from the outside perspective it's just a day in the calendar. Right now it has no signficance. Call NRC and get your money back. They had to have booked the date. Take that money and use it toward a nice weekend somewhere and talk about your future plans. If money is an issue but you really want to get married, just go get married and have a big bash down the road complete with a beautiful gown and all your friends and family.
Make some plans for the future with DH. You need to decide what's next so you can let go of the past.
I wish you much luck and I know this is hard. It sounds like there is some denial going on.
Message edited 11/16/2006 8:55:48 AM.
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| Posted 11/16/06 8:55 AM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
I know what's going on, and I can tell you that postponing the wedding was really Jenn's only choice, and it is 100% beyond her control.
That said, she loves her FH, and there will be a wedding someday...I just think they need some time to get back on their feet. Sometimes when you're knocked out so quickly, it takes a little longer to get back into it.
Honestly, if it were me, I'd marry him now. Forget the bridesmaids and the flowers, I'd just get some rings and do the important part. IMO, the sooner you start your life together, the easier things will fall into place. Its so scary facing the unknown....but at least you're facing it together.
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| Posted 11/16/06 8:59 AM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
Posted by BellaPaige
I would not want to celebrate the day I was supposed to get married.
yea, I agree. then next year on the same date you would want to do something again.
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| Posted 11/16/06 9:03 AM |
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lilacwine
only love...
Member since 5/05 2034 total posts
Name:
<3
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
Posted by Shorty
Honestly, if it were me, I'd marry him now. Forget the bridesmaids and the flowers, I'd just get some rings and do the important part. IMO, the sooner you start your life together, the easier things will fall into place. Its so scary facing the unknown....but at least you're facing it together.
I wholeheartedly agree! Get thee to Vegas that weekend!
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| Posted 11/16/06 9:06 AM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
Posted by lilacwine
Posted by Shorty
Honestly, if it were me, I'd marry him now. Forget the bridesmaids and the flowers, I'd just get some rings and do the important part. IMO, the sooner you start your life together, the easier things will fall into place. Its so scary facing the unknown....but at least you're facing it together.
I wholeheartedly agree! Get thee to Vegas that weekend!
I agree. If you know you will marry him, I would go to town hall on that day and make it happen.
Maybe you should call the out of towners and let them know it has been cancelled...
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| Posted 11/16/06 9:20 AM |
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Kirsten
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/05 485 total posts
Name:
Kirsten
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
Posted by lilacwine
Posted by Shorty
Honestly, if it were me, I'd marry him now. Forget the bridesmaids and the flowers, I'd just get some rings and do the important part. IMO, the sooner you start your life together, the easier things will fall into place. Its so scary facing the unknown....but at least you're facing it together.
I wholeheartedly agree! Get thee to Vegas that weekend!
I agree 100%
A Wedding isn't about the "party" it is about the marriage.
I say DO IT
you can aways have a vow renewal in the years to come and then have the big reception that you always wanted.
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| Posted 11/16/06 9:23 AM |
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MrsPorkChop
Twinning!!
Member since 5/05 9941 total posts
Name:
Missy
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
Posted by lilacwine
Posted by Shorty
Honestly, if it were me, I'd marry him now. Forget the bridesmaids and the flowers, I'd just get some rings and do the important part. IMO, the sooner you start your life together, the easier things will fall into place. Its so scary facing the unknown....but at least you're facing it together.
I wholeheartedly agree! Get thee to Vegas that weekend!
i agree - if you want to be with him forever, start forever NOW
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| Posted 11/16/06 9:25 AM |
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HollaGirl
Merry Christmas !!!
Member since 10/06 3308 total posts
Name:
Kristen
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
I am confused. Do people still think a wedding is happening?
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| Posted 11/16/06 9:29 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
Posted by lilacwine
Posted by Shorty
Honestly, if it were me, I'd marry him now. Forget the bridesmaids and the flowers, I'd just get some rings and do the important part. IMO, the sooner you start your life together, the easier things will fall into place. Its so scary facing the unknown....but at least you're facing it together.
I wholeheartedly agree! Get thee to Vegas that weekend!
I agree with this too. But you said in your post that even in 2008 you dont think you will be emotionally ready.... I think you either need to get married, or stop planning. You are young, there is no reason that you need to be engaged and planning this wedding perpetually. Why not just go back to dating and when you are both truely ready to get married, then engaged.
As for the day - i know that it can be tough (I called off my first engagement). Believe it or not though, when the day comes and goes it will be a lot less emotional and difficult than you think. I think that the hard part is more the anticipation of that day than the day itself, if that makes any sense.
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| Posted 11/16/06 9:31 AM |
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MrsBlueSash
Love my sailor
Member since 6/05 5793 total posts
Name:
Christian
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
I would go out, get out of the house, with just the two of you. I think that way you could almost have your own session of vows, chatting, spending time together, and talk about the future and when you will get married!
Message edited 11/16/2006 9:37:25 AM.
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| Posted 11/16/06 9:37 AM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
Shorty's right, it's 100% beyond my control. Even the "emotional" reasons. Part of it really is, I can't imagine pplanning another wedding, I feel like it's going to get ripped away from me again.
But I really feel that we should so something on that day. It's a special day in our hearts and minds, and I think just doing Saturday chores or going to work or whatever would be the worst and most depressing thing. I don't know if it's something you can really understand if you haven't been through it. It would be one thing if we wanted to cancel the wedding and we just chose a better date, but we both really feel it was taken from us.
So doing nothing is really not an option. I want to do something.
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| Posted 11/16/06 9:57 AM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
Posted by JenniferEver
It would be one thing if we wanted to cancel the wedding and we just chose a better date, but we both really feel it was taken from us.
So doing nothing is really not an option. I want to do something.
If the choice to cancel was out of your control and you want to get married, why not elope as others suggested?
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| Posted 11/16/06 10:01 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
Posted by JenniferEver
So doing nothing is really not an option. I want to do something.
Personally, I would do something special with your FH, and not involve a group of friends and family...... And if you want to go away, you can do something local that's not as expensive as say, a trip to Orlando. There are penty of nice places in New England or even out east.
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| Posted 11/16/06 10:02 AM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
Posted by HollaGirl
I am confused. Do people still think a wedding is happening?
No, 99% of people know. I mean the day my dad left, everyone knew it put a major wrench in things, as much as we tried to press on, financially, emotionally. But last year I put out an email to OOT family and frined, epople I don't talk to a lot to get their addresses and tell them about the big day, and I haven't spoken with all of them since. So I think I have at least one friend who thinks I just didn't bother inviting him
I HATE the questions. I can't explain all the reasons. Financial was the first and biggest one. My dad sat there and watched me sign this contract for a wedding that we knew was more expensive than we could afford alone, with promises to help us, and then he took off 2 months later leaving us with 10's of thousands in bills we didn';t know we had. Everything else stems from that. My whole family, including FH has just been too stressed and emotionally drained. It has been a trigger for a lot of other emotional, financial and logistical problems. I know people on here have criticized the wya I've dealt 3with it, but out of my whole family, including FH, I'm the person who has taken it the best by far.
So it's not just money. I can't leave my mom. I can't imagine that in 2008, I'll be able to leave my mom. Or that in 2008 all of the "what will we do" questions will be answered, or that my FH will not be as affected by the stress.
It's not about FH and I. We've known we wanted to get married since we were 17. Some say we've been married since we're 17. But it's completely out of our control
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| Posted 11/16/06 10:03 AM |
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Chica
Cuteness!
Member since 10/06 3013 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice
Well, then if you can't imagine planning another wedding, I say elope (when you feel like you're both "there")! Do the Vegas thing (it can be really beautiful and romantic). When you're ready, you can calabrate later on with a big ol' party with friends and family and wear your gown!!
As for Dec. 16, if eloping is not an option, then just spend a nice day with your man . . .dinner, a day in the city, whatever. Maybe spend the night at the Ritz in Battery Park!
Good luck!
ETA: sorry, this post came right after your last paost (before I had a chance to read it).
Message edited 11/16/2006 10:06:16 AM.
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| Posted 11/16/06 10:04 AM |
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