Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

Message edited 11/16/2006 10:05:50 AM.

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

I have a standing offer form my BIL of enough frequent flier miles to make the flight free, and it's the least busy time of year at disney. Also, on my CC disney vacations are no interest for 6 mos. I am seriously considering just flying to WDW for the weekend.

It's totally irresponsible and spoiled thing to do, but it's a really happy place for us.

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

I'm so confused I would go to Disney then...why is that being spoiled?

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

Posted by azoodie

I'm so confused I would go to Disney then...why is that being spoiled?

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

Posted by JenniferEver

Posted by azoodie

I'm so confused I would go to Disney then...why is that being spoiled?

I guess b/c we can't afford it.
Plus FH just started a new job..

Although we can pay it back easily if we can get our deposit back

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

First things first- you need to focus on getting your deposit back.

Personall, I wouldn't even use that money to go to Disney. Consider putting it towards the bills that are hovering over you. That will make you feel a little less out of control, and make you feel maybe like you are working towards resolving the issues your father left your familiy with. That, IMO- would be more of a stress releiver than a weekend in Disney.

It seems to me that most of your issues stem from, or come back to, the debt your father left you with. Tackle that. That is something you cana ctually focus on, and set goals to fix. the emotional anguish, and eventual healing needs to happen over time. Don't look at this as an overall awful situation- you need ot break it down and tackle the things you CAN change.

I hope this doesn't sound preachy, I am trying to be helpful. Feel free to FM if you need to talk.




Your family WILL get through this.

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

I'm not going to use it to pay down debt. I'm going to save it for a new deposit.

Debt took away our other wedding savings, this is mine!!!!!!!!!!

The debt is not the biggest issue. We've worked really hard on that, it's more questions about how to go forward. My mom never worked for 30 years, and now she's disabled (yeah my da left her 2 weeks after she fell down a slight of stairs...saint that he is), so it's the long term questions that rea really unanswered. Paying off a weekend at disney over 6 months wouldn't really be the worst thing.

Also, I kind of deserve it. The day my dad left, we had actually booked a trip for that May, and we were supposed to go for our honeymoon, cancelled both obviously. So in a way, we totally deserve it.

I am SO good at this rationalizing thing!

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

I'm really looking for ideas or something fun and different to do. Actually until 3am I didn't even think Disney could be a possibility at all, although since the wedding we've been joking about doing it since we cancelled.

Then at 3am, I was feeling like sh*t, and I remembered the FF miles and I thought "f--k it, maybe we can go.

I just hate that there were awesome deals for that time and I missed them.

I'd really love a better idea that won't cost as much.... I don't think we can really go, but it's fun to think about. I should be a travel agent. I have fun planning trips I never get to go on.

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

Rich and I are going to be NYC tourists this weekend

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

Posted by JenniferEver

I'm really looking for ideas or something fun and different to do. Actually until 3am I didn't even think Disney could be a possibility at all, although since the wedding we've been joking about doing it since we cancelled.

Then at 3am, I was feeling like sh*t, and I remembered the FF miles and I thought "f--k it, maybe we can go.

I just hate that there were awesome deals for that time and I missed them.

I'd really love a better idea that won't cost as much.... I don't think we can really go, but it's fun to think about. I should be a travel agent. I have fun planning trips I never get to go on.

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

Posted by LaurenExp

Posted by JenniferEver

I'm really looking for ideas or something fun and different to do. Actually until 3am I didn't even think Disney could be a possibility at all, although since the wedding we've been joking about doing it since we cancelled.

Then at 3am, I was feeling like sh*t, and I remembered the FF miles and I thought "f--k it, maybe we can go.

I just hate that there were awesome deals for that time and I missed them.

I'd really love a better idea that won't cost as much.... I don't think we can really go, but it's fun to think about. I should be a travel agent. I have fun planning trips I never get to go on.

Why don't you just go out to Montauk for the weekend or something?

Or, I used to go to the Poconos. They have those "housekeeping" cottages with kitchens. You bring your own food. You can even bring your pet. They have fireplaces and are very quaint (and also very inexpensive). It's 2 hours away and a nice quite weekend for the two of you, and then of course there's the outlets -- although you did say you're trying to save money!

Message edited 11/16/2006 11:08:54 AM.

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

First, I understand feeling your wedding was taken from you, and not wanting to just elope - if you want the dress and the reception and the honeymoon, do it when you can - you deserve it

Second, as far as doing something, if you are set on doing something together on that day, I would not suggest a dinner party for people that would've been at your wedding that day...go away for a long weekend upstate or somewhere in New England

Message edited 11/16/2006 11:26:29 AM.

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

it seems like you want to go to disney to run away from your problems

it's one thing if you just want to get away because you don't want to be sad at home- that's understandable. but it sounds to me like you have some inner conflicts about marriage in general (your mom) and financial issues that you need to work out.

you can run away to disney for the weekend, but you will come home to the same conflicts, mom, debt, friends who think they weren't invited, etc.. not to mention a bill from disney

hope you get out of the slump

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

bottom line is you cannot control how others are going to react. how can they "make" you feel spolied? that is only something you can control. tell them to go scratch and do what you and fh want to do.

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

First off Jenn many

Secondly, I think you need to decide what is most important to you and you alone. Would you like to wait on the big bash? Do you want the intimate gathering? You need to follow your heart.

I think I am understanding where you are coming from. You have been through a lot in the past couple of years and want to move on but sometimes the timing is awful. Although DH and I have been married for a couple of years and are happy, we have had a few situations in our lives which were painful and we had to take a step back in going ahead and postpoing doing what is important to us. It can be havoc on a relationship. In the end, you will get through this and you sound like an amazing person for showing such concern for your mom during a difficult time.

Right now, I think you and FH need to have a talk and have a plan to do what is right for the both of you at this time. Honestly, I wouldn't worry what others think.

Does this make sense a bit?

Message edited 11/16/2006 12:33:16 PM.

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

Posted by Shorty

Rich and I are going to be NYC tourists this weekend

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

Posted by BNL2005

Posted by Shorty

Rich and I are going to be NYC tourists this weekend

we do this a lot too. just for the day, to walk around is fun. and its relatively inexpensive. train ride is free (yeah lirr!) and we have dinner at a non-fancy place. its fun to get away for the day.

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

I hear what you are saying, but I thought in the past you said many of the reasons for the cancellation (among other things) were do to your DH being irresponsible or childish, or frustrating.

It's not really relevant, but it makes it seem different than being robbed of the day.

It doesn't really matter. If I were you I'd wait to see if you are getting the deposit back before planning an expensive weekend.

Message edited 11/16/2006 3:27:40 PM.

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

A big BIG part of my FH's behavior was due to what hapenned with my dad. The stress had a really huge effect on him. I was really angry with him and hurt for awhile, but I took a step back and realized he was just crushed by the stress, awhile after my dad left,, half of FH's department was laid off, including him, then the next job he got was only a 3 month contract, and he was always looking for a new job, so that just added to the stress, and it really got to him. I blamed him and was really angry with him for a long time, but then I opened my eyes and realized that he wasn't immune to the stress. He was trying to be so strong for me, and to support me and my family emotionally, financially, and the stress got to him. I see that so clearly now. I'm not saying my FH is perfect, and there were times when I wanted to absolutely murder him, but now that our original wedding date approaching is forcing us to examine how far we've come and what we've been through, I realized that I was being selfish all this time. I thought it was all my hurt and my problem, and that somehow he was supposed to be magically ok. The way I've dealt with things in the past, was, for example, when his grandparents passed away, it was a hard time in his life, so I completley put aside every single thing in my life and everything that may have been affecting me aside to be there for him. I guess I expected him to be able to do this for me now, not realizing he's been a part of this family for 7 years, and it would effect him too.

I know I can't scapegoat my dad and say he's the cause of every single problem. I admit, I didn't deal with FH the right way, and I wanted him to be there for me, and I didn't realize until now, 2 years into this mess, that he needs me to be there for him, too. FH didn't deal with his stress soon enough or in the right way, and he let it drag him down. For me, I had the opposite reaction. I was like "Eff my dad. I'm going back to college and I'm getting a 4.0, and he can kiss my azz". I didn't realize that FH's support made that possible, and that while I was devoting every second to my thesis, he was devoting every second to making sure our bills got paid and that I was sheilded from all of the emtional stuff so I could make it through.

I'm not going to be angry with myself, because I know I dealt with it the best way I knew how at the time, and I know my FH has always understood that. But yeah, I do feel we were robbed. For the past 2 years every hope and dream we had for our future has had to be put on hold. We've had to take care of my mom, who is wonderful and my hero, but is very difficult to live with since all of this. We're 24, my sister is only 33, but instead of saving and planning (for us a wedding, for them a house), we have to worry about how my mom is going to pay her mortgage, or help her with the housework she can't do alone anymore, or stay home saturday nights so she won't be alone. There's so much more to it, but this post is long enough already. But, I definitely feel we were robbed. If this whole horrible hcain of events had not happenned, I'd probably be on my way to my bridal shower, happy as can be now.

But what doesn't kill you, will always make you stronger, and it has. There were times throughout this whole thing where I wanted to kill my FH, and all of these doubts my mom's cynical mind ha planted into my head got to me, and I just wanted to run awayb rather that deal with it, but having been through all of this, I'm even more sure that we're meant to be together, and when we finally so say our "I do's" they will mean so much more.

ANNNNND does anyone have any info about places to go in the poconos, cape may, NE, etc? I'm definitely trying to talk myself out of the whole Disney thing.

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

BTW. I'm going to be cheesy and say "over 1000 views and only 45 responses...."

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

I'm sorry you are going through all this. I couldn't imagine being in your position so with that said here are some suggestions to you question-

- New Hampshire/Vermont- if you like hiking, this is a perfect time of year to go up there. If it hasn't snowed, the mountains are perfect and it will still be off-season so you'll be able to get some good deals. We love going to the White Mountains so you could check out Lincoln or Conway (search expedia or something)

-Newport, RI- really cute coastal town with lots of shops and good places to eat. Look for a nice B&B there, it's oof-season there too so you could get a good deal there too

You could also look into upstate NY. I know Mohonk Mountain is supposed to be beautiful (but $$) so maybe you could find a place close to there to stay and then go to Mohonk for the day. Actually I think they have those hosekeeping cottages too.


I definately think you deserve this and you shouldn't feel guilty about taking time for yourself. You are not blowing a small fortune to do it and I think you know that it will make you feel better.

My last piece of advice would be to aviod Disney. I just got home from there yesterday and although it is cheap to get there and stay there, it costs $67 per person to get into ONE park and then the prices for food are outrageous. Just something to think about while you are planning.

Good luck and I hope you have a nice day whatever you decide to do

Re: 1 month countdown...except not. really need advice

I am going to look into the suggestions.

Thanks for the tip. I know disney can be insane. I am a Disney expert. I found a package for 5 days for $850. If you buy more days, each day is cheaper, and I load up my suitcase with granola bars and that's what I eat most of the time, or FH and I split counter service meals. We have it down to a science It's almost sick.

But yeah, it is still more than going local, so I am going to really look into that. I think we NEED to get away for a few days so it can be just us.