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runlikethewind
Love my babies!
Member since 12/06 2941 total posts
Name:
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Some devastating news - sorry so long
I thought I'd post my birth experience on here, but it is not a completely happy one. This will probably be my last post on here, as this is the most difficult thing I've ever had to go through and I need to break away from reminders for a little while.
My twin boys were ready to arrive last week. I was not feeling well last Monday and was contracting a lot, so my doctor told me to come down to the hospital. I was 36 weeks, 4 days pregnant, so that is a typical time to deliver twins. When I got to the hospital, I was still contracting and was told this was the night. My doctor was not happy with the reads on one of the babies on the NST and suggested strongly that I have a c-section. Baby A came out, not crying and tons of NiCU staff around. Baby B was crying and appeared normal. I was sort of out of it from the anesthesia, but felt something was up. After I was brought into recovery, my OB came in to tell me that Baby A was not doing well - when my water broke, there was meconium in his sac. It appeared that he released it in the sac (when normally babies release it after birth). The NICU staff was desperately trying to recover him as he was not breathing on his own. Two hours later, we learned that we had lost him. Ryan Charles was taken away from us. Apparently he somehow got an infection called pseudomonas that caused him a great deal of distress and did not allow him to survive once outside of me. We were able to hold him and it was a moment that I never imagined I would ever experience.
Our other baby, Justin David survived. He has been in a NICU nursery, the area that they consider the "graduate" area from the NICU. As a precaution, he has been on antibiotics to ensure if he did indeed catch the same infection, it would be taken care of. Knock on wood, he has shown no signs of it and is doing great. He was in his own sac, which most likely protected him, but we also believe that had he stayed in me much longer, he could have passed away as well. I constantly worry about him as I truly believe he is our miracle baby. We are told that he could come home this Tuesday.
Now we are just dealing with the devastation of our loss, all the tears, the questions of why, along with the new miracle that is in our lives. It has been an emotional rollercoaster and I sometimes blame myself - was I not in touch with my body enough to recognize a problem and maybe Ryan would have made it. I know that doctors have told me there was nothing I could have done - all of my testing was perfect. Just three days early, the reads on the babies were perfect. My OBs are even in shock and do not know how this happened, it is extremely rare. I cry when I see Justin because I love him so much and think of how I could have easily lost him as well. I want to move forward and be able to take care of him, but it's so scary and I hope I will know the right thing to do.
We are having a service tomorrow for Ryan Charles at a children's cemetery.
Thanks for listening and I wish everyone the best of luck.
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Posted 8/10/08 12:17 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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angl2001
LIF Infant
Member since 3/08 67 total posts
Name:
Heather
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
i am so so sorry for you and your family! I hope Justin continues to grow strong everyday! I can not think of anything else to say, but i am so sorry.. be strong!
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| Posted 8/10/08 12:22 PM |
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wannabemom
look who's freshly baked!
Member since 12/07 7364 total posts
Name:
aka marriedinportjeff
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
OMG 
I am so so very sorry.... that is devestating. I will pray for your family and your new baby... I wish something could take this tragedy away from you so you could at least enjoy your new little one....
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| Posted 8/10/08 12:23 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
I am so sorry for your lose.
May Ryan watch over Justin and help him recover and come home to you soon.
Many many to you and your family.
Again, I am so sorry.
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| Posted 8/10/08 12:25 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
Words can't describe the pain I feel for you and your family... while also feeling joy for your new baby. What a bittersweet situation to be in, we are here for you and thank you for sharing your story.
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| Posted 8/10/08 12:26 PM |
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sweetie101
you make me smile :o)
Member since 5/08 4419 total posts
Name:
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
sorry to hear abour ur loss.
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| Posted 8/10/08 12:28 PM |
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lovemy2boys
LIF Adult
Member since 10/07 3915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. 
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| Posted 8/10/08 12:28 PM |
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Pooka
Oh Happy Day!!
Member since 11/06 5689 total posts
Name:
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I will keep Ryan Charles in my prayers and I will pray for strenght for your family. I hope that Justin will continue to grow strong. You are an amazingly strong person and you are a wondeful mother.
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| Posted 8/10/08 12:30 PM |
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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
I am so very sorry for the loss of Ryan. I cannot imagine the pain and confusion of emotions you are dealing with right now. It must be so overwhelming. Please, find someone to talk to you outside of your situation if it gets to be too much. for Baby Ryan, you and your family.
ETA: For Justin's continued recovery. He sounds like a fighter.
Message edited 8/10/2008 12:31:53 PM.
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| Posted 8/10/08 12:30 PM |
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mcl916
my two loves
Member since 10/06 5133 total posts
Name:
Megan
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
Oh I am so so sorry for your loss. How devastating I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
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| Posted 8/10/08 12:34 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
i am so, so sorry. words cannot even begin to describe the pain i feel for you... many, many prayers for you, your DH and both of your beautiful sons.
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| Posted 8/10/08 12:39 PM |
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want2beamom
Love my boys soooo much!!!
Member since 8/06 10164 total posts
Name:
True love doesn't end with happily ever after...
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
I am so, so sorry
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| Posted 8/10/08 12:40 PM |
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laurabora
LIF Adult
Member since 4/07 2712 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
I'm so sorry for your loss.
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| Posted 8/10/08 12:43 PM |
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LuckySV
LIF Adult
Member since 10/05 4675 total posts
Name:
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
I am so sorry for your loss. Many prayers for a happy and healthy Justin. You and your family are in my thoughts.
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| Posted 8/10/08 12:47 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
Sorry for your loss but please don't blame yourself. You couldn't have know what was happening.
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| Posted 8/10/08 12:49 PM |
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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
I am so sorry for your loss. Your family is in my prayers
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| Posted 8/10/08 12:52 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
I am so, so sorry for your loss.
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| Posted 8/10/08 12:52 PM |
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Stefanie
♥
Member since 5/05 23599 total posts
Name:
Stefanie
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
I'm so sorry for your loss.
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| Posted 8/10/08 12:53 PM |
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jes81276
summer fun!
Member since 3/06 4962 total posts
Name:
Jaime
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
I am so sorry for your loss
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| Posted 8/10/08 12:59 PM |
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Violet
content
Member since 7/06 1860 total posts
Name:
Mama :)
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
I can't even begin to comprehend how you feel, and I know there are no words anyone can say right now to make this better. I am so sorry, my thoughts are with you and your family.
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| Posted 8/10/08 1:02 PM |
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sweetbabydreams
My Dream come true!
Member since 12/07 2205 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
im so very sorry for your loss!
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| Posted 8/10/08 1:05 PM |
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junebride06
love my boys!
Member since 2/08 3181 total posts
Name:
Robin
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
I am so sorry for you loss and praying for you and your family to get through this
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| Posted 8/10/08 1:08 PM |
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Jen2999
Baby girls & beagles rock!
Member since 8/06 10356 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
I cant even imagine what you are going through and am deeply sorry for your loss.
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| Posted 8/10/08 1:09 PM |
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luckyinlove
I love my baby girls!
Member since 12/06 2441 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
I am so sorry for your loss. i cannot even imagine what you must be feeling. My prayers are with you.
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| Posted 8/10/08 1:10 PM |
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JenandMikey
life is good =)
Member since 5/07 4216 total posts
Name:
We're so blessed!
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Re: Some devastating news - sorry so long
omg im so very sorry for ur loss....i cant believe u, dh and families are going such a tough time....i pray very hard that ur all able to find stength and some form of understanding during this time
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| Posted 8/10/08 1:11 PM |
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