How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

We were invited to a friend's wedding in MD.

I know the groom from a past job that tortured me and he became a confidant and frankly a lifesaver in getting through it all. I had left that job 3 years ago but we still keep in touch. Both DH and I have met his FI and we all get along great. He comes into town for biz and we get together and have a few drinks after work. DH is always invited but rarely comes out with us due to work or other committments. He works in LI and I am in the city so logistics don't always work in his favor.

So the wedding invite comes and he says he doesn't want to go and that I shouldn't either. We have a discussion about it and I tell him how much of a friend he has become and how he really wants him to be at the wedding. DH jokes that he is my "boyfriend" but he doesn't really mean it that way..just being cute in his own jealous way. I have given him no reason not to trust me and he does.

So he asks me if I would be mad if he didn't go. I say no, but would he be mad if I went?
We both agree we wouldn't be mad.

After he said that though I felt really disappointed that he wouldn't be with me. We have never attended a wedding without each other and never one out of the state. I will be driving down, stay in hotel one night and drive back, but I thought it would be a good little get away for us. DH has to work that day but he could get off if he wanted.

So I'm bummed, but do I have the right to be? I've known the groom for 5 years now and have socialized with them on many ocassions. I feel I really want to go to the wedding, but am torn about going without DH.

I went to his friend's wedding in CA a few years ago and I really didn't want to go. I actually hated the guy.

He said that if I don't want to go to one of his friend's weddings then he will have to accept it.

I know this is a lot to read and consider-but I appreciate the opinions.

Also, I have no problem going myself and I will have a good time even though I only know the bride and groom. Just kind of bummed.

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

personally, i wouldn't go without my dh. i dont think it'd be right to, we're a unit and if one doesn't want to do something then we should either both agree to not do it together OR do it together.

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

I'd go without him, and I'd be disappointed. it seems like the only issue he has is that your friend is a guy.

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

Why doesn't DH want to go?

I wouldn't want to go by myself and to be honest I think it's crappy your DH isn't going. Since it's important to you, it would fall in the "I'll do this for my spouse b/c I love them" catergory.

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

I would go without my Dh but I would be very disappointed in my Dh for not going. There is really no good reason why he doesn't go and I think he should "s@ck it up" and go. As a partnership, you make compromises for the other. This is no different.

Message edited 4/20/2006 11:14:19 AM.

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

Can you tell him how important it is to you to go together and maybe turn it into a fun weekend doing something else too? Like Baltimore or Washington DC.

Give him a little extra incentive to go along??

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

I'd talk to him again; he might have been joking to you about this guy being your boyfriend, but it sounds like it might bother him more than he's let on.
If you could s uck it up for him to go to his friend's wedding, I'd expect him to return the favor. But if you talk and he doesn't change his mind, I'd probably go alone, even though I'd rather have DH with me.

Message edited 4/20/2006 11:16:15 AM.

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

Honestly, I would be a little hurt that he wouldn’t go with me to the wedding. Especially since you’ve gone all the way to CA for his friend’s wedding.

I would definitely go to the wedding either way though.

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

I would go without him but would be disappointed (and to be honest, a little angry).

My husband hates going to any wedding outside of his friends. It's an ongoing dispute everytime we get invited to one. One year when I asked him what he wanted for his birthday, he asked to get out of a wedding the following month. The fact is, we're married. Sometimes we have to do things for the other person that we don't really like to do. The last wedding invitation came with a warning. That he was expected to come & be charming. It expected that if he hated going that he had to keep it to himself or I would reciprocate the sentiment when I didn't want to go to his events.

I'm going to a wedding in May solo because DH has to go to his nephew's communion. The day he got that invite in the mail, he was .

Message edited 4/20/2006 11:47:47 AM.

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

Unless there is a legitimate reason he can't go, my husband WOULD be going. There are some things you just have to do and I would tell him to "**** it up and start packing."

If he absolutely will not go, I DEFINITELY would go without him. If being at this wedding is important to you, you should be there. Why wouldn't you go without him? I never understand women who won't do things without their husbands.

Message edited 4/20/2006 11:41:21 AM.

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

Hope it works out for you both

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

I would be disappointed and angry if I go without DH... I would definetely try to convince him and usually I do succeed. But if he feels strongly not to attend, then I would not go without him. Knowing my FH, he doesn't usually say no to me unless he feels very uncomfortable about a situation.

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

Posted by Snozberry

Hope it works out for you both

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

I'd be upset for sure. I know there are things I've gone to for DH even though I wasn't entirely feeling it and vice versa.

Unless I didn't know anyone else at the wedding, I'd go without him, but he would definately pay the price for it!

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

Well although you told him you wouldnt be mad if he didnt go, cant you sit and talk to him and tell him you understand he doesnt want to go, but would mean so much to you if he did??

If you keep wording it that way, won't that make a difference and make him change his mind??? Did you RSVP yet as one or two guests?

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

I would go either way, but I would be p*ssed off that he wasn't going with me. Is there anyway you could make him go with you....like making a weekend out of it - going to Baltimore or something?

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

Im sorry..
If you cant talk him into it I would DEF go without him. You'll have a good time and you wont disapoint your friend.

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long

I would say RSVP for 2 and bring a girlfriend with you. I understand not feeling comfortable not knowing anyone but the bride and groom. Maybe you can make it a girls weekend with one of your friends?

Re: How Would You Feel-Need Opinions and Point of Views-Long