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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
For those of you that don't work, and are not looking for work, how did the decision to stop working come about? Were you between jobs when you got married or something like that?
My mother isn't working, but she was laid off 5 years ago. She inteded to take a break & then look for something, but she ended up taking on more family responsibilites ( like helping out her parents), so I don't think she will go back, but she is almost 60.
Message edited 1/17/2006 12:08:55 PM.
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Posted 1/17/06 12:07 PM  |
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usuk2004
I'm ONE!
Member since 5/05 5150 total posts
Name:
Farah
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
Posted by Redhead
the question was different than life back then too...
Women never really "not worked" and did nothing...
they had children.....they married younger than most now....
which makes it different then the question posed...So it is kinda hard to compare the to saying times have changed...
I didn't ever imply that women didn't work. I made an observation that it's interesting that times have changed. There was no underlying criticism of anyone's situation. I was just thinking about it and I thought I would ask a question to see if what seems to be the norm today actually is and then said "funny how times change". That's it....
As little as 50 years ago most women stayed home after they were married. Yes, some were pregnant and had babies right away, but even if they didn't have children, most were expected to stay home and take care of the household.
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:07 PM |
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maybaby
LIF Infant
Member since 10/05 195 total posts
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
Posted by Redhead
Posted by Tanaholic
I do not work and have no problem with it! I am never bored and I never feel like it is not my money b/c I don't work for it.
I feel like some people's responses make it seem like this kind of "lifestyle" is wrong, which I don't get...to each their own!
i don't think anyone is judging you....
but i think that is how they would feel. I know i would feel like the money that came into the house wasn't really mine...
WHen i went to buy a gift for my DH, with his money, i would feel weird.
I need to have a sense of control over myself.
But you are right...to each their own
I did not work before we got married and never felt that way
Its our money and yes he is the one making the money, but i am the one taking care of him and the house and its a joint relationship
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:08 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
chickadee....i never said there was any "underlying criticism".
I ASKED A QUESTION....
MOST women back int he 50's, 60's and such married young, had babies right away...
So it is hard to compare it to now, in your question, for which said specifically "would you ever not work NOT having kids....
and then you said "funny how times have changed"....
didn't understand that since i think the two scenarios are quite different.
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:10 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
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Me
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
I see your point--now it might be 3 out of 100 women (and from the sound of most situations here, they were mostly due to layoffs/company closings, etc.), when 30 years ago, it was so much more. My mom got married in the 60s and did work until she had kids (in her 30s), but even with a master's there were jobs she wouldn't get hired for because she was a woman.
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:14 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
no, the IDEA of it yes, but actually doing it, no way..i'd go nuts inside a week
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:14 PM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
I wonder if this was posted in different parts of the country, where the cost of living is a lot less, if the responses would be different?
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:15 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
Posted by shamrock12472
I wonder if this was posted in different parts of the country, where the cost of living is a lot less, if the responses would be different?
i think it pretty much is the same...
I think most woman are working, all over the country.
Have been for well over 20 years now
with cost of living lower so is the pay...
Message edited 1/17/2006 12:17:44 PM.
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:16 PM |
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maybaby
LIF Infant
Member since 10/05 195 total posts
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
Posted by tourist
For those of you that don't work, and are not looking for work, how did the decision to stop working come about? Were you between jobs when you got married or something like that?
My mother isn't working, but she was laid off 5 years ago. She inteded to take a break & then look for something, but she ended up taking on more family responsibilites ( like helping out her parents), so I don't think she will go back, but she is almost 60.
Me not working was more my DH at first
i did not make a lot of money and had to deal with ********
we did not need the money
and we both knew that i was going to be a stay at home mom
So i had no reason to work
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:17 PM |
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Aga
hello baby Albert
Member since 9/05 7750 total posts
Name:
Aga
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
if we had enough money, I think I could see myself staying at home...
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:17 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
Posted by shamrock12472
I wonder if this was posted in different parts of the country, where the cost of living is a lot less, if the responses would be different?
That's true--a friend of mine is married to a military man, and they often switch bases. She can't hold a job because they move so often, and she said the same holds true for many of the military wives. She is getting her master's online, but living on the military base and being transferred she had to give up her career, and stays at home.
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:18 PM |
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Bri
I Love You to Pieces!
Member since 5/05 9919 total posts
Name:
Brianne
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
Posted by MrsERod
Posted by usuk2004
Posted by Redhead
have woman ever just sat around not working?
Um, did I say that????
I was referring to the fact that not too long ago, it was expected that many women stay home and take care of the household while their husbands were at work.
I never said anything about women sitting around not working.
i don't think red's post meant that's what you were saying...i think she was just asking a question. (at least that's the way i took it. jmo)
Looked pretty innocent to me as well . . . .
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:23 PM |
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Eireann
Two ladies and a gentleman!
Member since 5/05 12165 total posts
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
For me personally, I would not feel comfortable staying home without children.
I wonder how many who stay home (without kids) would encourage or support their future children doing the same.
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:25 PM |
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Ali1
Mommy
Member since 8/05 3116 total posts
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
I am sure I think this way because of where we live and I am sure people in other parts of the country would have different responses.
That being said I have to say I agree with Redhead on this one, that if I was not working I would feel weird taking money from DH to buy things (specifically things for myself and or presents)....but that is just me. Even if I ever become a stay at home mom i would think this as well. Just my insecurity probably.
For you ladies who do stay home (not with kids yet) can i ask what you do most of the day? I know chores can take up a large chunk of time, but i am sure you have plenty of time to dedicate to yourself. Just wondering what you do to occupy yourselves (gym, crafts, etc.). And i am not judging, just trying to see what it is like.....because I think i would be totally bored at certain times.
ETA - Just a thought too...I would have so many fears about what would happen if DH lost his job too. I think about that now and how lucky we are to have both of us working.....
Message edited 1/17/2006 12:36:35 PM.
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:26 PM |
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LAMGAJ28
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Member since 10/05 6039 total posts
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Message edited 9/25/2011 4:10:44 PM.
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:30 PM |
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
Posted by nov04libride
Posted by Redhead
have woman ever just sat around not working?
I know people who married rich men and literally just take care of themselves. They have housekeepers, even people who cook (and it amazes me that in one case, the guy actually does the grocery shopping when the woman does not work or cook). So it's not even like the days are spent cleaning, cooking, and shopping, but just taking care of themselves, working out, going out to lunch, etc.
I have a friend who married someone who has family money and a good job. She worked very, very hard for 10 years after college, and now she descibes herself as a "housewife." But they do have help with cleaning. She says her only real responsibility is overseeing the work they are having done on their house, and caring for their dogs.
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:32 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
Posted by MrsFresca
I personally think that times have definitely changed. Many women did not work in the past because the man was the sole bread winner of the home. Back then, they were able to afford it and it was the way society was. These days in many instances, one salary does not make the cut if you would like to live comfortably...and in some cases....make a decent living for your family.
I also personally believe that it does not make you any more or less of a human being if you stay home or not. There is still a lot of work for women that want to stay at home while their partners work unless you have someone to do that for you. As long as both partners are in agreement of their living and work arrangements, then to me it's fine.
And someone mentioned that people would think less of the person or somehow judge them if someone asks what do you do and you stay home...well in my opinion...If you put your value as a person or identify yourself only because of your profession...then, in my opinion, there is something there that it's missing and if you have to care about so much what others think or how they perceive you...then that's another thing. I personally do not care about that because they are not the ones providing for my household so what they think or not, it's not even food for thought or an option how I'd feel, think, or perceive myself as a person.
I'm not a lazy person at all and I enjoy what I do but if I had the choice of staying home while my husband works, I have no problem with that. But not everyone is the same and what is good for one person is not necessarily good for the other. That's just the way the world is and I don't feel there's anything wrong if you want to stay home or if you want to work.
And I saw Jenn's comment (Redhead) about feeling weird about spending husband's money...I don't think I'd feel like that because when you get married......and this is my opinion...it's not yours..or mine....it's ours.
I don't think that working or not makes anyone more or less a person....
FOR ME....I would feel weird. FOR ME buying gifts for my husband with his money is weird. I see your point that when you are married that it is "our" money...
But i really don't see it that way. IMO money gives you quite a lot of freedoms. ANd not making it on your own has its limitations.
I think a big reason why a lot of woman started working was because of this reason alone. That should things not work out, they feel they have something that is there to support themselves...
Having this kind of feeling can be important to people, one of which is me.
So although it is OUR money...
I still have MINE. It gives me a comfortability with myself.
I was nto putting down anyone who did or thought any different
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:39 PM |
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LisaW
Time for me to FLY!
Member since 5/05 13199 total posts
Name:
Did I ever tell you that I hate people?
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
Posted by Ali1
For you ladies who do stay home (not with kids yet) can i ask what you do most of the day? I know chores can take up a large chunk of time, but i am sure you have plenty of time to dedicate to yourself. Just wondering what you do to occupy yourselves (gym, crafts, etc.). And i am not judging, just trying to see what it is like.....because I think i would be totally bored at certain times.
ETA - Just a thought too...I would have so many fears about what would happen if DH lost his job too. I think about that now and how lucky we are to have both of us working.....
Well, I've only been home for 6 months, and besides household chores, I've spent a lot of it working on our house. Yes, I do get bored, but right now working doesn't seem to be a viable option for me.
I am not worried about DH losing his job b/c he works for a family company.
Let me also add that even though I am not working, I do have a small income from stock dividends.
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:46 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
Posted by MrsFresca
And someone mentioned that people would think less of the person or somehow judge them if someone asks what do you do and you stay home...well in my opinion...If you put your value as a person or identify yourself only because of your profession...then, in my opinion, there is something there that it's missing and if you have to care about so much what others think or how they perceive you...then that's another thing. I personally do not care about that because they are not the ones providing for my household so what they think or not, it's not even food for thought or an option how I'd feel, think, or perceive myself as a person.
I wouldn't care what others think, but when I die, I think I will judge my life in terms of how I contributed to this world, and what legacy I am leaving behind. Day to day, I love my family and friends, but my legacy is what will live on after I am gone. And having children is a legacy in itself, but until then, I feel like how I am helping this world is through the work I do. And it's not about a profession, because I can name organizations I would be volunteering with if I had more free time, and even working full time and going to school full time I still volunteer. At the end of the day, I want to be able to say how I helped other people in this world, and though cooking and cleaning would be a wonderful thing to do for my husband (and working out more, or getting my nails done would be really nice things for me), I would feel like I could have contributed more to society.
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:46 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
Posted by nov04libride
Posted by MrsFresca
And someone mentioned that people would think less of the person or somehow judge them if someone asks what do you do and you stay home...well in my opinion...If you put your value as a person or identify yourself only because of your profession...then, in my opinion, there is something there that it's missing and if you have to care about so much what others think or how they perceive you...then that's another thing. I personally do not care about that because they are not the ones providing for my household so what they think or not, it's not even food for thought or an option how I'd feel, think, or perceive myself as a person.
I agreed with a lot of what you say, but you are also taking away the degree of satisfaction that can come frmo professional accomplishments. I set a career goal for myself when I was young, and I accomplished that goal. Nothing got me to where I am today but working hard. I am very proud of that. That doesn't mean that I care what people think of me- but I do have a sense of accomplishment. I recently turned 30 and looked around my life and thought- wow! I am doing pretty well for myself- and that includes professionally.
I don't judge women who don't feel the same way as I do, but it needs to be acknowledged that a woman can be proud of her professional life and its not just based on what other people think of her. Working at a job I chose and love, and getting recognized for good work, definitely contributes to my self esteem.
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:51 PM |
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LAMGAJ28
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Member since 10/05 6039 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
Posted by Redhead
I don't think that working or not makes anyone more or less a person....
FOR ME....I would feel weird. FOR ME buying gifts for my husband with his money is weird. I see your point that when you are married that it is "our" money...
But i really don't see it that way. IMO money gives you quite a lot of freedoms. ANd not making it on your own has its limitations.
I think a big reason why a lot of woman started working was because of this reason alone. That should things not work out, they feel they have something that is there to support themselves...
Having this kind of feeling can be important to people, one of which is me.
So although it is OUR money...
I still have MINE. It gives me a comfortability with myself.
I was nto putting down anyone who did or thought any different
Jenn..not for one minute, I thought you were putting anyone down. It's just not your style. and as you may know neither is mine....
I think a woman always should be educated and prepared and have means to support herself in the event that her husband is no longer there or be able to provide for them as well as if things do not work out. Absolutely.
Life can be very unpredictable and what if the husband cannot be the provider because he was injured or whatever.....I feel a woman has to be ready to be there for her husband just the same way he is......
I think it also depends as how money is valued. You mentioned about giving people many freedoms....If that was my case, I don't think that I'd do or not do things because I stay home or I work. Or it will give this or that feeling. Or it will make me feel more or less empowered as a person...or as a woman....but that's just me.
And like I mentioned...everyone has a different take on Life and everyone has different circumstances...so what apply to one person...it does not apply to the others...in terms of lifestyle..feelings..etc.....
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:52 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
Posted by MrsFresca
Posted by Redhead
I don't think that working or not makes anyone more or less a person....
FOR ME....I would feel weird. FOR ME buying gifts for my husband with his money is weird. I see your point that when you are married that it is "our" money...
But i really don't see it that way. IMO money gives you quite a lot of freedoms. ANd not making it on your own has its limitations.
I think a big reason why a lot of woman started working was because of this reason alone. That should things not work out, they feel they have something that is there to support themselves...
Having this kind of feeling can be important to people, one of which is me.
So although it is OUR money...
I still have MINE. It gives me a comfortability with myself.
I was nto putting down anyone who did or thought any different
Jenn..not for one minute, I thought you were putting anyone down. It's just not your style. and as you may know neither is mine....
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:53 PM |
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LAMGAJ28
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Member since 10/05 6039 total posts
Name:
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Message edited 9/25/2011 4:10:14 PM.
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| Posted 1/17/06 12:55 PM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
Tanaholic: Out of curiosity-if you feel like sharing. How did you and your Dh decide on that arrangement-before marriage-he brought it up, you did, etc. By the way I don't think there is anything wrong with it.
I work as a sales director for a division of a real estate company. I work on the road 2-3 days per week so i have the best of both worlds-I can do chores, projects when I'm home and check e-mail and handle issues in between and shop or do errands between sales calls. I love sales!
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| Posted 1/17/06 1:00 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Would you feel comfortable...
Posted by MrsFresca
Posted by nov04libride
Posted by MrsFresca
And someone mentioned that people would think less of the person or somehow judge them if someone asks what do you do and you stay home...well in my opinion...If you put your value as a person or identify yourself only because of your profession...then, in my opinion, there is something there that it's missing and if you have to care about so much what others think or how they perceive you...then that's another thing. I personally do not care about that because they are not the ones providing for my household so what they think or not, it's not even food for thought or an option how I'd feel, think, or perceive myself as a person.
I wouldn't care what others think, but when I die, I think I will judge my life in terms of how I contributed to this world, and what legacy I am leaving behind. Day to day, I love my family and friends, but my legacy is what will live on after I am gone. And having children is a legacy in itself, but until then, I feel like how I am helping this world is through the work I do. And it's not about a profession, because I can name organizations I would be volunteering with if I had more free time, and even working full time and going to school full time I still volunteer. At the end of the day, I want to be able to say how I helped other people in this world, and though cooking and cleaning would be a wonderful thing to do for my husband (and working out more, or getting my nails done would be really nice things for me), I would feel like I could have contributed more to society.
Volunteering is not the only way to help others. Every day...every minute..you can make a difference in someone's life....
There are many women that stay home and contribute to their homes as well as to other people in the world.
I know being kind in life is important, but what else can you do to help?
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| Posted 1/17/06 1:01 PM |
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