4yr old & new baby-need some help - long

I am in some desperate need of some advice I have a 7 week old baby girl and 4 1/2 yr old daughter. My 4yo was over the moon about becoming a big sister and absolutely loves her new baby sister. For the first month she was great but now the last 3 weeks she has been acting out a lot. I feel like she is in trouble all the time and just can't help herself. Temper tantrums, yelling, throwing things, crying etc. We've yelled, tried explaining things nicely, taking away things, time out etc and nothing seems to be working. I don't know what to do at this point. Before I had the baby my 4yo would be in school all day (7:45am-4pm) she went to our districts UPK and then would go to "aftercare". For the first two weeks after I had the baby this stayed the same but once I could drive again she now only goes to UPK for 2 1/2 hrs a day. I would always hear wonderful things from her UPK teachers but today was told they've seen a big change in her Last week they told me that she had used the bathroom a lot that day ( when I asked her she told me sometimes something came out and others it didn't) so I immediately thought she might have a UTI. I brought her to the dr but it came back negative and she never complained of pain. It was mentioned to me that it could be a phase etc. it seemed like it was going away for a few days but now is back. Today they told me that she went 5 times. I am at such a loss and could really use some advice.

Re: 4yr old & new baby-need some help - long

I only have one so I don't have personal experience but maybe your DD misses the structure and the interaction she got at "aftercare." A new baby at home is a huge change for everyone and she may just need some part of her life to stay the same, and school is it. The going to the bathroom sounds like some sort of attention/pseudo-acting out thing. Probably all related to the baby. It could be related to a sort of regression-thing since the baby is in diapers and that's tied to her going to the bathroom.

That's all I have. GL!

Re: 4yr old & new baby-need some help - long

I have only one so I do nothave personal experience but I have 2 friends that recently had babies and have an older one too.

They said that whiel they are excited at first the realization that they have to "share" mommy and daddy becomes real and they act out because they are not gettign the same attention they used to. It is a phase and they will grow out of it but I know both friends made she they spent alone time with the older child.

Re: 4yr old & new baby-need some help - long

Even though your 4 year old is over the moon about her new baby sister, maybe a small part of her is acting out. You have to remember that having a new baby is not only a change for you but for the child you already have. She had a different struction prior and now it's all new again and it takes time to adjust. Her behavior may be her way of acting out and a way to get attention.

My brother is 8 years younger than me and I clearly remember how excited I was for him to come home and then afterwards how upset I was at how different things were. At one point, I wouldn't eat at the same table with him because I was a little bit resentful.

It takes some patience and time. Talk to her school and let them know how the situation has changed at home because that does have a big impact on her behavior. Also, maybe try to add some more structure or talk to her often about the changes that have ocurred.

Hang in there!

Re: 4yr old & new baby-need some help - long

Could it be too much change at once.
First becoming a big sister and then a big change in her schedule/structure.

Why not see if you can send her to aftercare a few days a week. I know for me after DS2 was born, honestly I didnt have as much time/energy to play with DS1 the way I did before. Maybe she is feeling bored, frustrated that she was having so much fun in her school and now she is home with a baby. KWIM.

Also I know with my 4yo (who was 3+when his brother came) I used to get a sitter for DS2 sometimes and pick my DS1 up from school and then take him on a date. Friendly's, the park, the mall, anything just to do something with just US.

Maybe try that.

GL!

Re: 4yr old & new baby-need some help - long

Thanks ladies I have been trying to have alone time with my 4 yr old whenever possible and try to keep her busy with library classes etc. I guess because she was g so good in the beginning I didn't see this coming and she has always been a really good kid so I'm not used to having her act out so much

Re: 4yr old & new baby-need some help - long

I should have added before. but to make you feel better. DS2 is a year old., DS1 is 4y4m...

So there is no affects from having a new baby, but let me tell you...this 4th year of life is a doozie. My son, while a great kid, who I love endlessly....is a PITA. There I said it!
I think its a phase! I hope, because I do miss my easy little boy I had for hte first 3 years (age 3 was harder than birth-3, but 4 is much worse....I can't tell you how many times a day I tell him not to be fresh, to use his words, stop yelling etc....

So here are some sympathy hugs!