A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

I am done. I am spent. physically. emotionally. mentally.

my beautiful boy. so happy. so energetic. so strong. and I know I am doing my best but these last few days I feel like my best is shyt and he deserves so much more.

in the last 10 days Luce's first tooth has started to break through, he had a fever of 102.3 which landed us in the urgent care center last week and he's had the same PND and congestion for a month with no end in site. that nasty red ring around his neck will NOT go away and I feel like I did him a disservice putting nystatin on it when the dr. didn't even check for yeast. he has been gassy and sleeping poorly, even for him who does not like to sleep.

I have been up with him. rocking him. nursing him. pumping his legs. taking his temperature. sucking out his snot. torturing him with nose drops.

but nothing I am doing seems to be helping. I am TERRIFIED that his cold will turn into something more. that his little body will be permanently damaged from a constant supply of mucous. or WORSE, that the mucous will close him up completely and he will stop breathing.

I keep imaging that ring around his neck turning into a hideous infection that could take him away from me.

basically, ever fear reverts back to that. that God will see that I don't really deserve him and will take him away with something I cannot protect him from.

and isn't that my job above all... to protect him, my child that I love more than 100 times of the value of my own life?!?!?!?

I want to beat myself for being so tired when he needs me. for not being able to SMILE at my husband in the morning b/c I am just so exhausted. and then I am still trying to process my friends death and the suddennness and randomness of it is just not helping my anxiety at all. I see boogeymen everywhere.

I want and need to be better than I am but I feel like I am losing it. my anxiety levels are SKY HIGH b/c of my lack of sleep and it is making me feel worse.

did anyone's baby with the red neck rash around it get infected?

will his congestion go away?

will he be able to properly digest all these new foods and stop kicking out and whimpering in the night?

anyone want to join me for the stiff one of your choice?

thank you for reading.

the end.

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

Message edited 3/30/2010 11:37:35 AM.

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

I am with you on the congestion/coughing-going on month 2 here...so afraid it will spread to something else, but everytime I go to the ped they say just a virus(not her ears, chest clear, not her teeth) not much to do but humidifier and nose drops. She goes to daycare so I always wonder if she didn't go if she would get better?

for health for Luce

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

Nick had a little rash under his neck too - and it did go away. Just keep it clean and dry as possible.

The congestion does go away. Don't fear! Keep him warm and fed and hydrated. He'll be fine.


He will be able to digest new foods. It takes time, like everything else.


Your patience and will is being tested and it's not the last time.

You will make it and so will your little love. Where do you think that anxiety comes from?? It's from loving and caring for him so much. You are only doing yourself a diservice by not believing that you are doing an amazing job!

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

hey..dont beat yourself up. we're all doing the best we can given the circumstances of our lives.

Jack is teething real bad, running fevers since friday off and on. Brought him to the dr. sat..everything is fine.
He had bronchitis in feb which he got a week after being in daycare. i wanted to kill myself b/c of having to even have him in daycare right now.

the dr. told me saturday that kids will literally spend half the year with colds and congestion. HALF THE YEAR!! they can get 12 colds a year that last up to 2 weeks..gees..thats a lot of colds. and theres no drug to give them to make it go away.

what your son is going through is totally normal and he will be fine. Really. Your a great mom and will keep an eye on all his little ailments and make him feel better.

its been a rough stretch personally for me the last 3 weeks and some days i feel like i have no idea how i will deal with it because im so tired and spent. but Jack makes it all better. Just like im sure Luce does for you.

ITS OK!! REALLY....

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

As far as the red ring - I would alternate between a few dabs of powder to dry it out and some OTC hydrocortisone cream mixed with moisturizer (that's what my ped rec). And don't feel so bad on this one - I never noticed it on my daughter until she actually started to stink a little

Ann has pretty much had a runny nose and congestion on and off since she started daycare in OCTOBER!!! And I'd say I brought her to the ped like every other week through December thinking she was sick ... and every time, with no concern would say it was just a cold and not to worry.

If his belly issues are from new foods (or just foods in general), don't give him any yet - he doesn't *NEED* them.

I've been sick on and off since the beginning of February (three courses of antibiotics, one course of steroids, one positive throat culture and waiting on results of a second). Other than my usual fatigue since baby came, I have just been feeling like total crap so I understand the exhaustion and how it affects how I am throughout the day.

Lastly - stop torturing yourself!!!! And have confidence in what you are doing. I really try not to question what my instincts are telling me.

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

This is all totally normal, all the feelings and worrying all the time. Nothing you are doing is wrong, you are doing everything right! It's hard being a first time Mom and not knowing what to do for every hard situation.

Do you have anyone to talk to about your anxiety?
That may be making this a lot worse

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

Well I don't drink, even virtually but I DO feel you on the anxiety. I think FIRST off you have to lower the volume on the committee in your brain that's telling you you're doing something wrong, when that's just not the case.

We had one of the "easiest" babies of all time and I can tell you, no, PROMISE you, we struggled SO MUCH at exactly the 6-9 month age. So many new things are being introduced; random rashes, teeth, fussiness, growth spurts, yaddayadda it would drive anyone bonkers. They don't come with manuals and can't tell us what's up so we first-timers, who may be SO confident in other areas of our lives, become exhausted, cranky, anxious balls of worry, fear, and stress.

I honestly think your Luce is FINE, 100% fine, as it doesn't seem like any of these "symptoms" are progressing into anything more. The rash can be checked by your ped if you're really worried about it, as can the congestion and food issues. You may want to make an appointment and tell them at scheduling that you have a NUMBER of things to ask about and you may need extra time with the PED if that's possible. Maybe ask for the first or last appointment of the day as well.

The anxiety issue is separate and serious, imho. I ended up in the ER twice this month with "anxiety-like" symptoms that I didn't even know I had Never considered myself an anxious person. Never. Soooooooooo if you think you need to talk to someone about it, PLEASE schedule an appointment and look into it. There are LOTS of other treatments for anxiety besides medication if that freaks you out too - you may want to look into meditation, yoga, or just scheduling yourself into something "outside" of the home and family each week to get to recharge your soul.

I do suspect you're putting a LOT of pressure on yourself right now (over, above and beyond the normal "pressure" one experiences from outside causes, like being a FTWM).
The loss of your friend recently (I am so sorry ) may have just "tipped" the scale for you to a point where your anxiety became a bit too much? I think that when a tragedy happens, be it something you read in the paper or one that strikes closer to your home and heart, we ALL question the precariousness of our existence, and the safety of those we love It does seem so random and unfair, so feeling a little "faith-shaken" right now would be absolutely normal given your recent loss. BUT when that anxiety gets to a point where it "steals your joy" as my BFFs mom says, it's time to act.

Take care of YOURSELF right now, which is the best thing you can do for Luce and your hub, who doesn't love you any *less* in your exhausted, anxious state. He probably just wants you WELL, physically, mentally, spiritually; and if he's frustrated, it's because he can't "fix" it all for you. (At least that's how my DH reacts when I'm stressed!).

HTH, even only a little.

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

Jess, honestlly, you expect too much of yourself....you need to realize that you are doing a great job and Luce is lucky to have you

be kind to yourself, first and foremost

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

Posted by CJMommy

This is all totally normal, all the feelings and worrying all the time. Nothing you are doing is wrong, you are doing everything right! It's hard being a first time Mom and not knowing what to do for every hard situation.

Do you have anyone to talk to about your anxiety?
That may be making this a lot worse

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

I'll join you for one!

My son has been sick for three weeks now as well -- sooo stuffed up and I suck, or, rather, don't suck, at the boogeysucker. I hate that thing. I am sooo bad at it and this is my second kid! I even bought the battery operated one, but I dread using it because he screams bloody murder any time I come near him with it. My poor baby isn't sleeping at night because he can't breathe he is so congested. It is so frustrating and I feel your pain.

I just spoke with my ped today and she called in an antibiotic. It worked for him when he had RSV at 10 weeks, and although I hate to do antibiotics I am just desperate to hear him breathe freely and sleep peacefully again. I am so sorry you are going through this...I know how tough it is.

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

Saline drops and nasal aspirator!! My best friends!!

Tylenol for teething

And lots of hugs for momma!!

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

Try not to be so hard on yourself- we all do the best we can and no one is perfect. It is not easy and I often have days like you are expressing- they come and go.

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

All that you described happened to my Cailen. He had the fungussy neck-cheese ring. He had fungus on his butt from horrendous diaper rash when he was teething. He had coxsacie 2 times before he turned 1. He screamed and cried with teething, fever, mucous, and refused to sleep my first vacation time with him (the whole week of Christmas ).

He had ear infections, fever, etc - right from the start.
It's misery and it;s hell, but it's all a part of being a mom.

I'm going to point out a trend I see in all of your posts. You focus a lot on "if it's happening now, it could happen forever." Or "If it's happening ow - it will somehow damage him for the rest of your life"

I'm about to get all Cher a la Moonstruck on you.... SNAP OUTTA IT!!!!



The time will pass. He will grow. With all his teeth, his bumps, bruises, scrapes. His problems will get bigger - bigger than you can fix. And you will wish you could go back to the simplicity of cheese-neck and teething.

Enjoy him. In all of his screaming misery. Take each moment as it comes. Use your heart to guide you and realize that this moment is all that it is- just a moment. That's what sets the stage for his future.

No one has ever died of mucus, or teething, or crying. Cailen would have been doomed from the start if that were the case



go easy on yourself - and Luce! Everything will be OK. Trust me when I see a lot of myself in your posts - and everything I thought never came into fruition - thankfully. Someone once told me that "Worrying is praying for bad things to happen". Stop worrying!!!!

Message edited 3/30/2010 12:27:06 PM.

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

Stop beating yourself up, you are an amazing mother and you are doing everything in YOUR power to help him. You feel helpless, of course you do, everything he has is viral and has to fix its self. You absolutely deserve that child and he deserves you. Don't ever doubt that, not for one second. He is not going to be taken from you, he WILL be ok. You WILL be ok. I have been in your shoes. Nina had pneumonia last year, I blamed myself, I worried nonstop, I didn't sleep, I just watched her breathe, making sure she didn't stop. I understand the worry, the guilt but don't ever doubt yourself as a mother, you are amazing. Luce knows you're amazing.

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

First, stop beating yourself up. You are doing the best you can. I sort of went through this when my DS has a horrible case of eczema. It came on slowly, so I was putting creme on it, mentioned it to the ped and then all of the sudden BOOM - it became awful almost overnight. He scratched himself in the face until he bled every night. I tried every creme, swaddled him to keep his hands away from his face, put socks on his hands at night and woke almost hourly for about a week before we finally got to see the derm. I felt so guilty - like I could have done something about it, even though I know now that I couldn't have prevented it. I wasn't working at the time, so add in going to work exhausted and drained and it's ROUGH.

I agree that 6 months on was tough, but for me I think 6-18 months was tough. I did a happy dance when his last teeth came in just before he hit 2 (since all 4 canines were coming in at once ) We have other challenges we are dealing with now, but it did get easier for us after 18 months, I think. I think once you get past the teething, it's easier to determine if they are sick or have a rash not related to teething issues.

We sometimes neglect ourselves as moms, too. If you aren't taking care of your own health, you can't take good care of him. It's easier to preach that one than live it, but I keep trying to remember it for myself as well.....

Lots of

Message edited 3/30/2010 12:49:51 PM.

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

You are doing a wonderful job and you are a wonderful mother!!! I know firsthand the anxiety you feel about him getting sick---I have felt this way since they day I brought home my second son to a house full of everyone with bronchitis. It will get better---the colds suck, but most of the time they are just colds. As far as the snot goes....I HIGHLY recommend the Nosefrieda. Its freaking gross, sucking the snot, but honestly, it works SO much better/faster then the drops and the nasal aspirator. My ped doesn't even like the aspirator, she says its a vicious cycle, you get the snot out but then it irritates the nasal membrane and you get more snot. My older son had the neck thing too and it got better (we used aquafor if I remember correctly).
You DO deserve him and again, you are doing a wonderful job, even if you don't feel you are. I think that's a pretty common feeling among moms, I know I feel this way a lot---but Luce is thriving...hang in there

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

I hear you - it's draining.

DS started daycare on 3/11 (part time - 1-3 days a week) and was sick for a week with a stomach virus. He finally went back last week and is now sick again with a cold. He was starting to exhibit symptoms of reflux before the virus and they came back with vengance afterwards. It seems his teeth are bothering him as well so he's happy one minute and miserable and unconsolable the next.

DH and I are both emotionally drained and exhausted. He was STTN for the most part but, now we're lucky if we get 3 hrs and then he's up hourly after that. We feel horrible that we're doing all we can but, we still can't make him better.

I've been back at work 3 1/2 weeks now and I've taken off 5 days already!

The only saving grace is that our pediatrician has been helpful and supportive. For a week, we spoke daily, at least once a day, and they have never discounted our concern (like the pediatric ER ped did when we had to go there during this stomach virus).

ETA - You are doing a wonderful job though - and he appreciates all you are doing for him.

Message edited 3/30/2010 1:02:39 PM.

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

Message edited 3/30/2010 1:05:15 PM.

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

It WILL get better! It's so hard when they're sick and/or uncomfortable. It breaks your heart..but you are doing your best! We are having some similar issues as well. DD is 5 1/2 months and has started teething (no teeth in site but ped said there is swelling in her gums). We are also dealing with a head cold with horrible congestion. So much so, the ped gave us a nebulizer to use with saline solution in hopes that the vapor will loosen up some of that congestion. And the redness in her neck folds .

For the teething/fever, I suggest tylenol and teething tablets. They have been working pretty good with DD. Also, not sure if he uses a paci but if so, try putting them in the fridge or freezer . That has also been a lifesaver. For the congestion, along with the nebulizer, we've been using the humidifier, Vicks baby rub, saline nose drops and the aspirator. And for the redness around her neck, I've been using cornstarch/powder and making an effort to keep the area clean & dry and it's been ok.

Hang in there. He will be fine!! Here's a virtual lychee martini for you (I've been craving one so I figured I'd share the wealth ) !

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

thank you all for your support and for just letting me have an outlet.

to answer/address some things, I first and foremost want to make clear than in NO WAY do I get upset AT my son for any of this. none of this is his fault and is par for the course. I get upset FOR him....and for the ineptitude I sometimes feel.

I want to thank you for making me feel some what normal in that regard and for making me feel better about the ailments he has right now.

as far as my anxiety goes, it has always been a present for me. I am usually very able to handle it and keep it at bay but when I am tired and/or under large amounts of stress I start to see the black around the edges start to creep in. I have gone to therapy in the past, though I try to self manage b/c it is expensive. It's probably why I am so open about my thoughts/anxieties on here....it's a free release for me. (even know I feel better than I did this morning)

I do talk to my husband about these things but I think it's a little hard for him to relate. He doesn't think like I do (thank God) so he doesn't know how to deal with me when I go all "nutter" on him.

it's funny b/c I was talking a bit to my MIL about this the other day...saying how dh NEVER thinks anything bad is going to happen and I am completely in the reverse. she told me it's b/c he grew up with such security. He never had cause to feel fear of any kind (I guess outside of the normal amount kids feel)

it had me thinking about the way I grew up...always waiting for the other shoe to drop...feeling the fear and trepidation in my mother's actions/voice...the idea that the ground could literally fall out from underneath me at any time.

more and more, as I am put in this position as mother and as ultimate care giver/protector of my child, I realize how deeply affected I truly am by the way I grew up. It makes me laugh now at a comment one of my therapists made during a session. after listening to me she said "I am amazed that you came out of that upbringing so intact"

at the time it made me proud...my self preservation...but now I am starting to realize I am not as "intact" as I think I am in some ways. I am haunted more than I thought I was.

I may take this down soon b/c this is a little TMI even for me, but I really appreciate all of the advice, support. and offers.

hopefully tomorrow after a good nights sleep I will be more like my regular self.

thank you all again.

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

As a pp said, it will get better. But then it will get worse but better yet again. Motherhood is a big rollercoaster but in the end, it's so worth it all. You know that and you are a strong woman. You have a lot on your shoulders so don't feel down on yourself. You can't be superwoman.

As for Luce's cold this is the WORST time of year. Whenever the seasons change, Matteo gets sick. I do have to say, the first winter is always the worst. Matteo was hopsitalized his first winter. The twins got sick this winter and when I found out they had to go on the nebulizer too, I started crying. It was too much for me to handle. I hate the nebulizer. I hate worrying that my children are gasping for air. I hate sleeping with the monitor in my bed so I can hear if they are wheezing at all. It's awful. But we'll all get through this.

Just take a deep breath. You'll make it through.

Re: A party of the worst kind (pity) a vent a SCREAM some questions and virtual drinks served inside

If I weren't pregnant and 1000+ miles away, I would join you for that drink.

I went though a lot of similar feelings when my husband had his heart attack. I lost my dad to a heart attack when he was 34. I felt like I was being punished, again, and that I was going to lose someone/thing else. My husband, my son, my job, my mom. Everything felt fragile, I felt like everything was WRONG and it was my fault.

To use a cliche, this too shall pass. You WILL get through this and you will be stronger on the other side. Give yourself time to grieve, give yourself a break on the mommyfront, and use your friends as a sounding board.

As a mom, we will always fear the unknown and fear something happening to our babies. But unless you control it, the fear will only control you until you spiral out of control. You are a stronger woman than that. You WILL be ok