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MissJones
I need a nap!
Member since 5/05 22134 total posts
Name:
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
I would always say that hitting or physically defending yourself is the last option, but still an option. The kid had it coming!
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Posted 7/1/05 2:02 PM  |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
I thik if he were my son, I'd punish him to show him that hitting IS wrong, but inside I'd be proud of him for standing up for himself, and I'd try to maybe suggest alternate strategies, things he could say to the kid or the teacher. I still think that he was just pushed to the limit, and at that point I'm really proud of him for doing that. it isn't like he's gonna go around beating kids up. My Fh was bullied until he finally fought back. Sometimes you just have to. But I don't know if I'd tell the kid that. Ibviously he's not a bully himself, but at 6, he can't fully understand the complexities of the situation, when it is ok to hit and not to hit (if it's ever ok), so he has to be told, no, hitting is wrong, etc etc.
ETA: The punishment would be very mild, like no dessert or something
Message edited 7/2/2005 1:10:13 AM.
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| Posted 7/2/05 1:07 AM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
Posted by dooodles
My niece has been dealing with a bully who basically tried to choke her. She was a bit afraid of him but did hit back (she ended up with bruises along her neck). While my BIL and sister explained that hitting is not what children should be doing, they did instruct her to fight back and defend herself. They then spoke with her teacher and the school principal to let them know they gave her this permission to do what was necessary. My niece is not a weakling and knows how to take care of herself and still bullies are a problem at her school in Manhattan.
I have to say I am very happy that your brother defended himself whether people condone fighting back or not.
awww poor little thing. that is SO sad and SO scary. i hope she isnt bullied anymore.
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| Posted 7/2/05 10:24 AM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
Posted by Lolita4Life
Posted by dooodles
My niece has been dealing with a bully who basically tried to choke her. She was a bit afraid of him but did hit back (she ended up with bruises along her neck). While my BIL and sister explained that hitting is not what children should be doing, they did instruct her to fight back and defend herself. They then spoke with her teacher and the school principal to let them know they gave her this permission to do what was necessary. My niece is not a weakling and knows how to take care of herself and still bullies are a problem at her school in Manhattan.
I have to say I am very happy that your brother defended himself whether people condone fighting back or not.
awww poor little thing. that is SO sad and SO scary. i hope she isnt bullied anymore.
I wonder what these parents are like who have children this way..do they just not know??? I agree its very sad..
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| Posted 7/3/05 12:18 AM |
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dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
Posted by dm24angel
Posted by Lolita4Life
Posted by dooodles
My niece has been dealing with a bully who basically tried to choke her. She was a bit afraid of him but did hit back (she ended up with bruises along her neck). While my BIL and sister explained that hitting is not what children should be doing, they did instruct her to fight back and defend herself. They then spoke with her teacher and the school principal to let them know they gave her this permission to do what was necessary. My niece is not a weakling and knows how to take care of herself and still bullies are a problem at her school in Manhattan.
I have to say I am very happy that your brother defended himself whether people condone fighting back or not.
awww poor little thing. that is SO sad and SO scary. i hope she isnt bullied anymore.
I wonder what these parents are like who have children this way..do they just not know??? I agree its very sad..
I found out a few days after that the mother is a single mother who basicall does nothing to care for her son. His father left shortly after he was born and his mother just couldn't care less about him. Of course it explains why the boy is so agressive, but it really makes me wonder who then is responsible for trying to help this poor child.
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| Posted 7/3/05 9:57 AM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
Posted by dooodles
I found out a few days after that the mother is a single mother who basicall does nothing to care for her son. His father left shortly after he was born and his mother just couldn't care less about him. Of course it explains why the boy is so agressive, but it really makes me wonder who then is responsible for trying to help this poor child.
nice.
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| Posted 7/3/05 10:28 AM |
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dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
Posted by Lolita4Life
Posted by dooodles
I found out a few days after that the mother is a single mother who basicall does nothing to care for her son. His father left shortly after he was born and his mother just couldn't care less about him. Of course it explains why the boy is so agressive, but it really makes me wonder who then is responsible for trying to help this poor child.
nice.
I know, this really bothers me. If this kid ever turns into a serial killer, I'm sure the mother would be saying "I don't know how this happened...."
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| Posted 7/3/05 10:31 AM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
exactly
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| Posted 7/3/05 3:55 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
Posted by marymoon
I thik if he were my son, I'd punish him to show him that hitting IS wrong, but inside I'd be proud of him for standing up for himself, and I'd try to maybe suggest alternate strategies, things he could say to the kid or the teacher. I still think that he was just pushed to the limit, and at that point I'm really proud of him for doing that. it isn't like he's gonna go around beating kids up. My Fh was bullied until he finally fought back. Sometimes you just have to. But I don't know if I'd tell the kid that. Ibviously he's not a bully himself, but at 6, he can't fully understand the complexities of the situation, when it is ok to hit and not to hit (if it's ever ok), so he has to be told, no, hitting is wrong, etc etc.
ETA: The punishment would be very mild, like no dessert or something
I don't get it...you are proud that he defended himself, you understand that he was pushed to his limit...yet you would punish your child?
Yes do i think i would have a talk with my child about the situation but punish ????ABSOLUTELY NOT!
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| Posted 7/5/05 9:19 AM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
Well I think you have to uphold "hitting is wrong." Even if it was for a good purpose, and it was deserved by the other party it IS wrong. I wouldn't want the kid to think he can hit people without any consequences.
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| Posted 7/5/05 10:51 AM |
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Sassyz75
Turning a new page
Member since 5/05 9731 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
Posted by marymoon
Well I think you have to uphold "hitting is wrong." Even if it was for a good purpose, and it was deserved by the other party it IS wrong. I wouldn't want the kid to think he can hit people without any consequences.
I agree with you.
I think that small children are not able to make judgment calls- as to when it is, and is not, appropriate to fight back- so there has to be other options- speaking to the teacher, documenting the bully's behaviour, etc...
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| Posted 7/5/05 11:12 AM |
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BriBri2u
L'amore vince sempre
Member since 5/05 9320 total posts
Name:
Mrs. B
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
Posted by marymoon
Well I think you have to uphold "hitting is wrong." Even if it was for a good purpose, and it was deserved by the other party it IS wrong. I wouldn't want the kid to think he can hit people without any consequences.
I agree 100% with you...they need to understand the consequences of their actions REGARDLESS of the situation...
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| Posted 7/5/05 11:21 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
Posted by marymoon
Well I think you have to uphold "hitting is wrong." Even if it was for a good purpose, and it was deserved by the other party it IS wrong. I wouldn't want the kid to think he can hit people without any consequences.
and you don't think talking with your child is effective in accomplishing this?
ETA...and i guess then how can you say that you were proud of the act that you are punishing...
Message edited 7/5/2005 11:56:56 AM.
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| Posted 7/5/05 11:44 AM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
Posted by Redhead
Posted by marymoon
Well I think you have to uphold "hitting is wrong." Even if it was for a good purpose, and it was deserved by the other party it IS wrong. I wouldn't want the kid to think he can hit people without any consequences.
and you don't think talking with your child is effective in accomplishing this?
i do. definatly.
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| Posted 7/5/05 11:48 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
Posted by Lolita4Life
Posted by Redhead
Posted by marymoon
Well I think you have to uphold "hitting is wrong." Even if it was for a good purpose, and it was deserved by the other party it IS wrong. I wouldn't want the kid to think he can hit people without any consequences.
and you don't think talking with your child is effective in accomplishing this?
i do. definatly.
i just think that punishing a child for standing up for themselves isn't something i would ever do.
Sure i would have the "talk" and reinforce that i as his parent are there for him and that he needs to talk to me about these kind of things...
BUT i just couldn't punish him for defending himself. Nor would i want to reinforce him for NOT defending himself in fear that he is going to lose his ice-cream for the night.
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| Posted 7/5/05 11:56 AM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
i agree 100%
eta: it sthe situation.
if my kid just randomly hit someone then things would be different.
in this situation with my bro many may not accept it as self-defense.
regaurdless i feel it falls under the same category.
Message edited 7/5/2005 12:29:11 PM.
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| Posted 7/5/05 12:27 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
Obviously Jess' brohter is not a violent kid, and he's pretty level headed and only hit when really provoked, but NO 6 year old is capabe of comprehending the complexities involved in the situation, which is why I think that the "hitting is wrong" aspect needs to be highlighted.
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| Posted 7/5/05 4:05 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
Posted by marymoon
Obviously Jess' brohter is not a violent kid, and he's pretty level headed and only hit when really provoked, but NO 6 year old is capabe of comprehending the complexities involved in the situation, which is why I think that the "hitting is wrong" aspect needs to be highlighted.
are you serious? A six year old can CERTAINLY ascertain that he is being mentally or physically abused, threatened or bullied in class. THey certain do know when they are bullied. Not only do that they know the basics of right and wrong.
Do they know all of the consequences to the things they do or the people in their life..That maybe this bully is bullied at home? Or that maybe he should turn the other cheek because that is the moral thing to do...NO. ANd really does he need to?
THis isn't something that he does regularly, it isn't something he does as answers to all of his problems....JUST THIS ONE.
Should it be talked about...YES. Should other alternatives be brought to his attention....SURE.
But to punish the kid IMO is actually WRONG. The kids will feel completely and utterly helpless and defenseless. IMO his own sense of self worth would be hurt.
TALKING to the child and explaining some alternatives that he could have done is a much better option.
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| Posted 7/5/05 6:04 PM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
Posted by marymoon
it isn't like he's gonna go around beating kids up. My Fh was bullied until he finally fought back. Sometimes you just have to. But I don't know if I'd tell the kid that. Ibviously he's not a bully himself, but at 6, he can't fully understand the complexities of the situation, when it is ok to hit and not to hit (if it's ever ok), so he has to be told, no, hitting is wrong, etc etc.
ETA: The punishment would be very mild, like no dessert or something
I think this Totally sends mixed signals though.. and THAT would be far too complex for a 6 yera old to understand. YES, i think its something that requires a Talk and Explanation (along with alternative ways to handle himself) BUT punishing for standing up for himself (even if youre just punishing the 'hitting' part) is just going to confuse him, and next time, what is he going to do? stand there and take it b/c he doesnt want to get punished by his parents OR defend himself after he's exhausted all other options that were told to him the last time.
IMO, you're saying (and i dont mean just YOU, but others that agree on this stance too) that you'd be proud of what they did b/c deep down, you know that it was the only way to stand their ground, Yet, you'd still punish them for the thing that you are proud of. Thats confusing to me at 24, i cant imagine it would make much more sense to a 6 year old 
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| Posted 7/5/05 6:49 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
Posted by neeniebean86
Posted by marymoon
it isn't like he's gonna go around beating kids up. My Fh was bullied until he finally fought back. Sometimes you just have to. But I don't know if I'd tell the kid that. Ibviously he's not a bully himself, but at 6, he can't fully understand the complexities of the situation, when it is ok to hit and not to hit (if it's ever ok), so he has to be told, no, hitting is wrong, etc etc.
ETA: The punishment would be very mild, like no dessert or something
I think this Totally sends mixed signals though.. and THAT would be far too complex for a 6 yera old to understand. YES, i think its something that requires a Talk and Explanation (along with alternative ways to handle himself) BUT punishing for standing up for himself (even if youre just punishing the 'hitting' part) is just going to confuse him, and next time, what is he going to do? stand there and take it b/c he doesnt want to get punished by his parents OR defend himself after he's exhausted all other options that were told to him the last time.
IMO, you're saying (and i dont mean just YOU, but others that agree on this stance too) that you'd be proud of what they did b/c deep down, you know that it was the only way to stand their ground, Yet, you'd still punish them for the thing that you are proud of. Thats confusing to me at 24, i cant imagine it would make much more sense to a 6 year old
I agree~
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| Posted 7/5/05 6:57 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
My fear though, fi you don't stress the "hitting is wrong" aspect is that the child may go the other way and start hitting kids any time they feel cornered or upset, not understanding why it was ok in the first instance and not ok in the other one. I would never want to teach a child that hitting is ever a solution. I can't say exactly what I would do, I don't have any parenting experience, obviously, but it seems to me that being proud on the inside and what you show to the kid are 2 different things. It depends on the overall temperament of the child too
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| Posted 7/5/05 8:26 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
Posted by marymoon
My fear though, fi you don't stress the "hitting is wrong" aspect is that the child may go the other way and start hitting kids any time they feel cornered or upset, not understanding why it was ok in the first instance and not ok in the other one. I would never want to teach a child that hitting is ever a solution. I can't say exactly what I would do, I don't have any parenting experience, obviously, but it seems to me that being proud on the inside and what you show to the kid are 2 different things. It depends on the overall temperament of the child too
then you need to TALK with the child about what happened and alteratives ways of dealing with it....What does punishing the child going to teach them?
And i think if you are proud, thinking "I still think that he was just pushed to the limit, and at that point I'm really proud of him for doing that" and know the child will not take this to another level (like you said in your original post) then punishing the child isn't necessary and not really teaching the child. Like you said this was an extreme not an everyday.
Message edited 7/5/2005 8:32:46 PM.
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| Posted 7/5/05 8:31 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
I'm just afraid that not punishing the child will reinforce the behavior. He'll see how hitting solved this huge problem of his (assuming it stopped the bully) and there was no negative consequence, so that can send the message than any time a kid bothers him, rather than deal with trouble, he'll hit the kid, it'll be over, and he won't have to be punished for it. I think you'd have to punish the chid, or give him a stern talking to, or however you discipline your 6 year old. I think there has to be more than just a discussion involved, there has to be something to reinforce that hitting is very wrong, whether it's a punishment or not.
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| Posted 7/5/05 8:41 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
I guess i would think the most important part of this is the TALK you have with the child...
Giving him feedback, information and alternatives should he be in this situation again is truly the best way to equip your child so he is aware of other and all options available.
AND if it became a repetitive theme...then punish.
Message edited 7/5/2005 8:54:29 PM.
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| Posted 7/5/05 8:49 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: ? about my little bro and bully
I agree with you. The talk is the most important part. He has to be made to udnerstand the situation as much as he can.
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| Posted 7/5/05 8:51 PM |
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