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paulandles912
My children are a blessing!
Member since 5/05 2598 total posts
Name:
Leslie
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Advice Please -- Retirement Party
My mother is retiring from teaching and her school party is on the 13th. Family who are coming pay $60 at head (it's at Sans Souci).
Long story short my DH and parents don't get along that well and my mom has asked that he not come. She does this all the time and I usually don't participate unless DH can also in support of him.
For this event I feel torn b/c it her 'shining moment' so to speak. DH will be really hurt (obviously) if I let him know he can't come. I was thinking of just shelling out the $60 for him and not tell her and just show up with DH.
I've sabotaged events like this in the past.
What would you do? Thanks for any opinions or advice....
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Posted 6/5/06 1:31 PM  |
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LisaW
Time for me to FLY!
Member since 5/05 13199 total posts
Name:
Did I ever tell you that I hate people?
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
I would tell her its unfair for her to make you choose between her and DH, and if she wants you there, he will be there too.
Message edited 6/5/2006 1:34:54 PM.
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| Posted 6/5/06 1:34 PM |
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jilmadison
Another on the way!
Member since 3/06 1267 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
Wow that is really tough. I can;t imagine how stressful it must be to have your mom and DH not get along 
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| Posted 6/5/06 1:35 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
I would do the same. I'd tell her, it's me AND DH or it's no one. I would absolutely NOT go without DH
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| Posted 6/5/06 1:35 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
IMO, you should tell her that if he is not welcome, then neither are you and not go in support of him.
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| Posted 6/5/06 1:35 PM |
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BrunetteMom
LIF Adult
Member since 8/05 1480 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
IMO, you should tell her that if he is not welcome, then neither are you and not go in support of him.
I agree.
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| Posted 6/5/06 1:37 PM |
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Lisa
I'm a PANK!!!
Member since 5/05 22334 total posts
Name:
Professional Aunts No Kids
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
Posted by LisaW
I would tell her its unfair for her to make you choose between her and DH, and if she wants you there, he will be there too.
I agree!!
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| Posted 6/5/06 1:38 PM |
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oneday
<3
Member since 5/05 4319 total posts
Name:
Pam
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
I have to agree - I'd talk to her and tell her that it is completely unfair of her to expect you to go and tell your DH he is not wanted.
On the other hand though, if she says he can, would he even want to go?
I wouldn't just show up with him - seems like that would ust lead to a lot of bad tension for everyone.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this!!
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| Posted 6/5/06 1:42 PM |
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My2Boys
Love.
Member since 10/05 4796 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
If they don't get along, wouldn't your DH be "relieved" that he isn't expected to attend? I imagine it's not easy for him to be around your parents. (although I don't know the circumstances of their relationship).
IMO, I think you should go and leave him home.
Good luck.
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| Posted 6/5/06 1:45 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
Posted by My2Boys
If they don't get along, wouldn't your DH be "relieved" that he isn't expected to attend? I imagine it's not easy for him to be around your parents. (although I don't know the circumstances of their relationship).
IMO, I think you should go and leave him home.
Good luck.
I agree with this. DH loves my mom but would love an excuse to get out of any formal event!
I don't know though...I love my mom and she is my best friend, so I would go, but I also know she would never act this way towards DH, so I can see why it would be a question for you.
Message edited 6/5/2006 1:50:38 PM.
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| Posted 6/5/06 1:47 PM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
Posted by BrunetteMom
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
IMO, you should tell her that if he is not welcome, then neither are you and not go in support of him.
I agree.
I do too. I would never let my parents treat my DH this way. He comes before anyone else.
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| Posted 6/5/06 1:49 PM |
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BrunetteMom
LIF Adult
Member since 8/05 1480 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
Posted by Stacey1403
Posted by BrunetteMom
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
IMO, you should tell her that if he is not welcome, then neither are you and not go in support of him.
I agree.
I do too. I would never let my parents treat my DH this way. He comes before anyone else.
That's how I feel too...
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| Posted 6/5/06 1:50 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
Posted by BrunetteMom
Posted by Stacey1403
Posted by BrunetteMom
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
IMO, you should tell her that if he is not welcome, then neither are you and not go in support of him.
I agree.
I do too. I would never let my parents treat my DH this way. He comes before anyone else.
That's how I feel too...
I agree. I am sure this must put you in a terribly aquard position but for me, my DH is my number 1. I could not do something like that to him.
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| Posted 6/5/06 1:53 PM |
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jms100303
Luv my munchkins
Member since 5/05 4789 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
I would tell her you would be happy to come, WITH your husband. And if she can't understand that then she will have to celebrate without her daughter.
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| Posted 6/5/06 1:55 PM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
I wouldn't go. and I would be very upset that my folks are expecting me to choose between them and my husband.
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| Posted 6/5/06 1:59 PM |
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Summer05
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 2320 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
IMO, you should tell her that if he is not welcome, then neither are you and not go in support of him.
I agree!
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| Posted 6/5/06 2:06 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
Posted by jms100303
I would tell her you would be happy to come, WITH your husband. And if she can't understand that then she will have to celebrate without her daughter.
I agree.
I definitely wouldn't bring DH w/o letting her know in advance. I would rather fight it out beforehand rather than have her be surprised & angry on a special day (even if she's being a b!tch to begin with). The last thing I would want is for it to look like my DH was "crashing" the party & making a scene to my other relatives.
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| Posted 6/5/06 2:20 PM |
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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
Posted by LisaW
I would tell her its unfair for her to make you choose between her and DH, and if she wants you there, he will be there too.
I agree. He is your family. That is just not right.
Sorry you are put in such a position
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| Posted 6/5/06 2:27 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
IMO, you should tell her that if he is not welcome, then neither are you and not go in support of him.
I agree. Even if it is her big event, she is choosing to exclude you by excluding your DH.
I also agree with the people who say don't just bring him. I think that adds fuel to the fire and is not going to help her realize that you are a mature adult and your husband comes first now.
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| Posted 6/5/06 2:36 PM |
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Beth
The Key to your new home....
Member since 2/06 24849 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
stand by your husbands side
I'm sure he would stand by yours and be hurt to think that you wouldn't
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| Posted 6/5/06 3:04 PM |
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Shanti
True love
Member since 6/05 12653 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
I can understand why this would be such a struggle However, you and DH are a family, and it is both of you or none of you. I am sorry you have to deal with this.
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| Posted 6/5/06 3:05 PM |
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paulandles912
My children are a blessing!
Member since 5/05 2598 total posts
Name:
Leslie
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
Thanks everyone for your advice.
I've actually decided to fight it out with her in terms of wanting DH to come or else I will not.
Hopefully she'll be understanding.
Thanks again.
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| Posted 6/5/06 4:09 PM |
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Karen
Just chillin'!!
Member since 1/06 9690 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
I don't know if I have such a black and white answer. Is there a legitimate reason why your mom and hubby don't get along??
I ask only because my GF's husband had a affair. My GF took him back, but her family is having a very hard time with it - to the point that her hubby and father can not be in the same room. I am not saying this is your situation, but if there is a "good" reason, this is your Mom's big day, and personally - I would not want to put her in a awkward position.
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| Posted 6/5/06 5:20 PM |
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SweetT
LIF Adult
Member since 4/06 1305 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: Advice Please -- Retirement Party
As a couple, these are things that should be done together and that's unfair to DH if he isn't invited to something and you go without him. Imagine how you would feel. I would definately talk to your Mom and explain this to her. It's unfair to you.
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| Posted 6/5/06 5:39 PM |
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