Am I A Bad Person?

Ok, so.....
FINALLY after 3 months of being married me and DH start getting gifts from his side of teh family....
today i arrive home from work to see $1000 worth of Lenox china from his sister. There are 8 full settings,,,
Anyway, me and DH live by ourselves, NEVER entertain for dinner, dont cook, etc etc...
if we ever used this china it would be for like thanksgiving or Xmas when we have a house (which wont be for like 10 years)
We want to return this china and get ourselves clothes (which we really need)
i feel REALLY guilty returning this gift, but honestly it is a waste and we will NEVER use it.
is it bad for us to return it for what we really need?
not to mention, we live ina small apartment and have no where tostore it even if we did wnat to save it til our haouse.
i truly appreciate their gift, but it is useless for us.
please give me your opinion.

Message edited 6/4/2005 12:56:07 AM.

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

No, I honestly don't think it makes you a bad person at all. Why have expensive china sitting around collecting dust, when you could have tons of stuff that you could actually be using right now? Do you think his sister would ever come over or ever question you about the china? Do you think she'd be offended to find out your returned it? Perhaps you could keep some of it, just to show her that it means something to you, but I'm sure she'd be understanding that it's something you're not going to use.

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

hmmm tough call here. You don't want to offend her one day when she asks about it.

But i agree...if you are not going to use it, why have it. BUT i think i wouldn't return it to buy clothes...

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

You're not a bad person and you're right...there really isn't room for expensive china in an apartment...that's why I didn't register for any.

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

I definitely don't think it makes you a bad person!

Personally, I would exchange it for something for my home that I would use and that I would have forever. You'll end up getting rid of the clothes one day and have nothing and she may be a little offended.

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

you're probably not a "bad person," but i don't think you'd be doing the right thing to exchange the china for clothing.
personally, i do not consider exchanging a wedding gift for clothes to be appropriate. besides the fact that you'd highly insult your SIL, it's just not sensible. like an earlier poster said, at least get something that can last many years (if not a lifetime, as the china would).

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

I don't think you are a bad person- if it is not something you'll ever want to use then why have it around.

However, I would use the $$$ to get something else home related- whether it's a nice set of casual dishes or something else.

Also, keep in mind that typically this is your only chance to get china.. unless 5+ years down the roade you want to spend $1000+ on it yourself should you want it one day.

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

oh, well i dont know for SURE if we would just get clothes, i just know thats something we need. i know Macys has EVERYTHING, so im sure we would fingd stuff for our place there too.
i should have made it more clear i just meant that as an example.

Along with the 8 lenox settings, she also got us 8 kate spade settings, and i REALLY want to keep those. and i will.

she lives in Virginia and NEVER comes up really, she has a like mansion there, so we all go to visit her. I honestly doubt that it would ever come up and if we had them over for dinner ever i know it wouldnt be anything fancy that we'd use the china for, i would have the kate spade dishes. (which are also fancy, so i will use those for nicer dinners and such)

thanks for all of your honest opinions. i'm not sure what we will get if we exhancge it. we REALLLY wnt a laptop, but Macys doesnt sell those.

(lol and to everyone that knows me, dont worry Macys doesnt sell dog clothes )

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

ok i am confused..you got 2 different place settings? 16 total?

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

Personally... If I gave someone that gift, and I found out they returned it. I would be kinda offended. She went out of her way to buy you a $1000 worth of fine China. When you buy a house your going to entertain people, and going to need nice china. This is only my personal opinion. I don't think your a bad person.

At my engagement party Bri's uncle bought us our set of Swarovski toasting flutes, and so did my brother. We kept both sets because they were from family, and it meant alot to us.

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

I don't think it makes you a bad person...BUT what are you going to say when she asks "Why aren't you using the china I gave you?" when some nice occasion comes around.

Is it new or a regift? Also remember people give gifts thinking "I want to give them something they want/will use/need but I know they'd never buy for themselves" and maybe someday you'll want nice china for special occasions

I didn't register for any, I inherited my grandmothers bone china

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Re: Am I A Bad Person?

Jess, did you register?

For us (tiny condo), whatever we were given that wasn't on the registry had to be returned. We just don't have the space. A set of DH's 2nd cousins all got us pieces of a Mikasa china pattern. But, they were all at my shower and saw when I received the china that I registered for. So, there shouldn't be any surprise that their set has been returned.

However, I wouldn't return every single thing she gave you.

(and, hey, what pattern is the Lenox??? It should be written on the bottom of the pieces)

Return the Lenox. Get some more pieces to the Kate Spade- maybe a set of bowls.

Then, use the cash to get stuff for your home that you can have in the future.

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

This is a hard decision but I personally would never exchange the Lenox for clothes...that is a very expensive, thoughtful gift and even if you can't use it right now, you'll be glad you have it for the future. Maybe if you feel you have to, return 1/2? Then someday you can add on to it.

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

I dont think your a bad person.

Im actually off to Fortuneoff's today to finally before time runs out return stuff, I didnt ask for and or cannot use.

We only got 2 place settings of the China I did ask for, and I dont know what to do with them. I cant see if I come up with the $1000 to buy the rest that I would spend an extra $1000 on china at this time. So, do I keep the 2 settings? My MOH bought them for me, and I know she meant well , and so I feel bad. I probably will keep them just because I feel bad.

BUT...in your situation, I think its TOO much China and you dont need it.

I dont think you will ever TELL her what you bought with it, so then why feel guilty...she meant to do something nice it appears, and so Im sure what ever you use the money for , will be still in her generosity..

Dont let anyone tell you what to do..Do what ever makes you guys happy..if you will feel guilty...then keep it..if you really truly dont want it, need it..exchange it.

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

I dont think it makes you a bad person. I would def get something for the house though incase she ever does come up and asks ( since you guys arent close she may use that as an ice breaker for conversation) and you dont want to offend the 'family". Use the rest of the money for whatever you want.
we actually returned a lot from BBB that we knew we wouldnt use even though we registered for it- our eyes bigger than our kitchen and bought outdoor furniture so we still had something to remember by.

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

i think the gift had the best of intentions, but wasn't really clearly thought out. i mean, nice lenox tosting flutes would've been nice. i think if you return it, use it for something for your place. evveryday dishes, maybe. and a few clothes for yourself, cause that is something you need too.

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

ok thanks everyone for your nput, i still dont know what i'm going to do yet!

Re: Am I A Bad Person?

If I sent someone 1k worth of keepsake presents and found out that they returned it for clothes...damn I would be ticked off! However, if they purchased items that could use for a while in their home I would be happy that they could get new items to start thier life off together.

Re: Am I A Bad Person?