Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

We have neighbors that moved in about 3 years ago. Husband, wife and a little girl- now about 8 years old. T

They are very quiet and don't have visitors. Just stay at home mostly. I have invited them to everything since they moved in. That includes all of Ava's Birthday and Halloween parties. Even though she is 3 years older, I wouldn't feel right having a party, and a little girl on the other side of our fence hear it, and feel left out. They have come to most, but keep to themselves. We have friends with children of all ages, so there would always be someone close to her age to play with.

Ava's family party was just ziti and cake in the backyard. I invited the kid over since they are right next door. When she and her Mom were leaving the the girl said "Ava, I am having my party in the back yard with my friends soon, do you want to come?". Of coures Ava said yes. Then the Mom said "I have to do the invitations."



We invited her to Ava's "friend" party that was 3 days later at a party place- they rsvp'd yes. The night before, they left her gift on our front step with a note saying- "Sorry, we can't make the party". O.K., no biggie.

We didn't see them for a week or so, I think they have a vacation home. Then one Saturday, I walked out our back door whick looks directly over the fence with full view of their deck, and there is a full blown party going on with balloons, a trampoline and a million little girls!!!! ***!!!????

I was sooo hurt and upset for Ava. I had DH take her out for the day, so she didn't see or hear it and get her feelings hurt.

Would you be upset???? We have invited them time and time again for parties and play dates and then they snub Ava. If the party was at a party place then fine, but to have it right next door for Ava to see and hear and not invite her, is wrong.

So we haven't really seen them since then, but now that she started kindergarten, I have to stand at the bus stop with the husband and the wife 2x daily!!! Talk about akward. I do not want to talk to them. Am I wrong? WHat would you do??


I was not looking to be best friends with these people, just good neighbors.

Message edited 9/11/2009 11:24:09 AM.

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

I understand but I wouldn't be upset.

We have the same situation with out neighbor's but we do talk to them when we see them and I try and get together with the mom durning the week sometimes.

I know they have a big family on both sides so even just family it adds up to close to 40 people plus kids and that is a lot in the house. I don't get up set I just leave it. They have came to all the parties I have invited them too for my 2 kids in the last 2 years .

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

In this case, the only reason I would be upset is that the girl openly invited your DD and then the mom did not include her, knowing the party would be at the house.

Ordinarily, though, it wouldn't really bother me. This may not be a popular opinion on here, but I don't think you are required to reciprocate every invitation you get. We are only planning on parties at the house for now, and I only invite family because I don't have the room inside for more than that.

I would just stop inviting them to your parties if it upsets you.

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

I seem to be odd man out- but I would definitely be annoyed. I could understrand if it was at a place and she had to pay per head, but that wasn't the case.
I wouldn't stop inviting the little girl, though. It's not her fault her parents suck.

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

Posted by dpli

In this case, the only reason I would be upset is that the girl openly invited your DD and then the mom did not include her, knowing the party would be at the house.

Ordinarily, though, it wouldn't really bother me. This may not be a popular opinion on here, but I don't think you are required to reciprocate every invitation you get. We are only planning on parties at the house for now, and I only invite family because I don't have the room inside for more than that.

I would just stop inviting them to your parties if it upsets you.

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

Yeah I'd be upset....Since seems like there was no real reason not to invite her? I would stop inviting them to her parties.

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

Yes, my feeling would be hurt.

But the fact that she invited you verbally is really what would bother me in this situation.

I guess you don't have to feel obligated to invite them from now on and they don't have to feel obligated to come either.

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

I think you have every right to be upset. You have been good to their child and expect they would return the favor.

That is just plain RUDE IMO, to not invite your DD after all of that. What weirdos.

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

Posted by JennyPenny

I seem to be odd man out- but I would definitely be annoyed. I could understrand if it was at a place and she had to pay per head, but that wasn't the case.
I wouldn't stop inviting the little girl, though. It's not her fault her parents suck.

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

I'd be more upset for my daughter than anything else. My feeling is that by you including her in your parties, etc meant that you were trying to forge a friendship with her - not just between your daughters. Your daughters are different ages & it likely wouldn't last as they get older.

It's obvious it's not reciprocated so I wouldn't make any more attempts to her include her in my life and in particular, my daugther's.

The fact that it was held at home is the nail in the coffin for me. If it was at a party place, I could see there being too many people.

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

These things generally don't bother me. But, in this situation, I would be very annoyed as you are right next door and this could only hurt your daughter's feelings. I would be inclined to receive the message and cross them off future lists.

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

Gosh honestly I would be peeved (at least while the party was happening) and then I would get over it.

There are many different possiblities for why Ava was not formally invited and even if the worst possibility (they just didn't want her there) was true I would still invite the little girl to parties, if Ava wanted her to be there. You don't want to punish the little girl for something her mom may have been trying to control and who knows maybe her mom is embarrased about it. If your neighbors continually ignored your invitations and showed no interest toward Ava's parties then there is no reason to invite them over. I think it was very nice of them to leave a gift, come over to the family party etc. like you said they are very private people and it takes a lot to venture over like that.
I would not let it bother me and if it does then buy a gift for the little girl, give it to the parents at the bus stop and tell them you have been holding onto it but you believe her birthday past. See what they say

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

Posted by JennyPenny

I seem to be odd man out- but I would definitely be annoyed. I could understrand if it was at a place and she had to pay per head, but that wasn't the case.
I wouldn't stop inviting the little girl, though. It's not her fault her parents suck.

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

Not really because of the 3 year age difference. At that age it's pretty big IMO and I wouldn't expect my 5 year old to be invited to an 8 year old party.
I didn't invite my nephew who is 22 months to DD's birthday this year because she's 4 and it would be pointless IMO.

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

Honestly, I think that a three yr age difference is pretty big and I would not bother to invite the girl next door, or expect to be invited.

I think it was extraordinarily nice of you to invite them, but from now on I would skip. Dear ol' mom next door might rethink things when her dd is peering over the fence asking to come to your gatherings.

That being said, my nephews and my son have a three year age difference and I would never not invite them. Unheard of, and my son 5 loves to attend my nephewa b-day parties.

Message edited 9/11/2009 4:27:06 PM.

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

Posted by wowcoulditbe

Posted by JennyPenny

I seem to be odd man out- but I would definitely be annoyed. I could understrand if it was at a place and she had to pay per head, but that wasn't the case.
I wouldn't stop inviting the little girl, though. It's not her fault her parents suck.

ita

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

I would be upset, but I would tend to think it's a $ issue maybe. Next time just send Ava right over to the party

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

I would be upset for my child, more than annoyed for me (KWIM?).
In fact, we have a similar situation with one of our neighbors that we have become friendly wiht. They have 2 boys, one is a few months older than DS (a grade older though) and the the other is a year older than him. We have invited them to all of DS's parties since we have socialized with them in the past with mutual friends and DH commutes with the DH. Well, to make a longer story a little shorter (), on FB, I saw pictures from their younger son's birthday party that DS was not invited to .

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

Posted by lvdolphins

Posted by nrthshgrl

I'd be more upset for my daughter than anything else. My feeling is that by you including her in your parties, etc meant that you were trying to forge a friendship with her - not just between your daughters. Your daughters are different ages & it likely wouldn't last as they get older.

It's obvious it's not reciprocated so I wouldn't make any more attempts to her include her in my life and in particular, my daugther's.

The fact that it was held at home is the nail in the coffin for me. If it was at a party place, I could see there being too many people.

ITA!

Re: Am I being a baby??? How would you feel?

Message edited 11/29/2011 4:02:58 PM.