Am I expecting too much from my 4 yr old

My daughter is notorious for asking me to do something and expecting it done right then and there. It is usually when I am in the middle of doing something. I explain I'll do ABC for you as soon as I finish XYZ. She freaks and starts screaming to do it most of the time. Her extreme brattyness gets under my skin and I usually end up asking her to walk away to which she doesn't so I end up screaming at her which gets nowhere. How should I handle this, why doesn't she get that I'll do what she wants but not at that moment. When she carries on I don't do what she wants so why can't she make the connection?

Re: Am I expecting too much from my 4 yr old

I have this. My DD is 7 weeks shy of being 4. When she acts like this I try to explain like you did if she does not accept the answer I will either ask her to help me with whatever Im doing at the moment (if appropriate) or give her some play ideas while she waits (color, make a necklace, watch tv, take care of her babies..ect ect) if all this fails then she does a time out till she claims down. There are times I had to walk away..it can get VERY frustrating!

Re: Am I expecting too much from my 4 yr old

Delayed gratification is definitely a learned skill that you need to work on with them. My DD, who's 5, still struggles with this and I really make a point to work on it with her. If you make sure you're not giving in and you try (keyword being TRY, haha) not to scream at her, it will start to get better.

Re: Am I expecting too much from my 4 yr old

Re: Am I expecting too much from my 4 yr old

I am struggling with this myself. My 5 yr old is really "needy". She has trouble playing independently, doing things for herself, and having patience. I know she can do these things, especially because she would never ask DH when he is home with her. Like you said, she wants it done that second. I spoil her. So now, I am making her wait for things even if its for 3 minutes. I feel like a yo-yo. "mom look at this, mom can you do that, mom, can you play this, mom i need help", it doesn't stop. And as far as the playing goes, I play something with her and set a time limit and then she has to play independently for a certain time before I will entertain her again. Its just hard.....

Re: Am I expecting too much from my 4 yr old

We are going through it here too. When we were at Costco DS saw a small toy train. It was $12 but I know it can be purchased for $6 at TRU. I explained all this to him. I then said we would start a weekly allowance to work towards saving for the toy. Included in that is also how we both have saving and spending accounts. So far, it is really motivating him to help and be patient. I also explained that sometimes I will ask him to do extra non compensated chores because he is a member of the family and as a family that is what we do. The one thing I don't know how to handle is having him wait while I am on the phone. If anyone has suggestions for that I would welcome them.

Re: Am I expecting too much from my 4 yr old

My DS turned 5 last week and he's the same way. Patience is NOT one of his virtues!!

Re: Am I expecting too much from my 4 yr old

DD is the same and it drives me insane! She is 4 also and expects that the minute she asks for something that she gets it... which doesn't happen.

If she gets fresh she gets a time out in her room. Also, if she continues she doesn't get what she is asking for until she asks nicely and waits until I am ready to give it to her.

I think at 4 they are old enough to learn to be patient. It will only get worse with age if you don't nip this in the bud.

Re: Am I expecting too much from my 4 yr old

Thanks guys, it's nice to know I'm not the only one going through this. Already this morning she was freaking out throwing her sneakers in my face to untie them so she can put them on. Meanwhile I am in the middle of pouring milk for her brother's cereal and we are all still in our pj's. The girl just needs to CHILL OUT!

And the funny thing is she doesn't do it to DH at all. He can be sitting on the couch doing nothing and I'll be busy sure enough she comes to me. Then she gets upset when I ask her to ask daddy

Re: Am I expecting too much from my 4 yr old

Re: Am I expecting too much from my 4 yr old

I guess I'm lucky she is pretty independent and plays well alone and with her siblings.

Just before we were out and she wanted to go somewhere else. I informed her we had things to do at home like laundry and cleaning. We brought the groceries in and she started freaking that we weren't doing the laundry right then. I looked at her, looked at the grocery bags strewn all over my kitchen floor and just was silent. She started screaming how I said we were going to do laundry.

Re: Am I expecting too much from my 4 yr old

Completely normal. I have a problem with delayed gratification sometimes too & I'm old enough to know better.

I'm not sure if you remember but I used to hand out "patience" to my kids. I would pretend to hand them it & they would pretend to eat it, which was their signal to wait.

It worked most of the time. Except when I was rushed to catch my train...the times where I yelled back "Do you want to have a good morning or a bad morning?"

Re: Am I expecting too much from my 4 yr old

We play a game --- what can you do?

Can you play the piano while you drive a car?? Nooo, that's silly!!

We play this in the car, making up silly stuff. Then when DD would ask me to do something, Id reply with "Can I give you a snack while taking a shower? No, that's silly!!!! I guess you will have to wait.."

Eventually she got it, but that hasn't cured her demands completely!!