Am i wrong to feel hurt? LONG.. What do you think?

Quick background-My parents are planning to move up to CT, my dad has been up here for a year, my mom is all alone in their house in NY.

So my mom is asking my bro (who lives 10 mins from me in CT), when he coming down to visit and if he's coming to my IL's party(my whole extended family will be there too) on the weekend of the 8th. He says no he'll be down the weekend before only for the day. So my mom asks him why he doesn't want to come to the family party. He says I don't want to come down when Michele's there (me).
My mom flips out cause she knows he doesn't want to come down cause of the sleeping situation over there. My bro and I haven't lived there in over 7 years so we all make sacrifices and sleep on twin beds or my moms futon.

Basically he doesn't want to be bothered bringing his own friggin PNP home for his 2 month old daughter to sleep in or have him and his wife sleep on the twin beds in the smaller room so my DH and I can sleep in the larger room with our girls. We used to sleep in the smaller room with 1 PNP, but there's no way i can fit 2 in there and I am not putting one of my girls in the living room, when he can just switch rooms with us since he only has 1 kid.

SO my mom asks him about THanksgiving and Xmas-basically he said he may have plans elsewhere. For our whole lives we have had thanksgiving at my moms house and celebrated xmas together.

Now he's hurting my mom and me cause he doesn't like the new arrangments.

AM I wrong to feel hurt here? My bro and I were always close growing up, I thought we still are, but I guess i am wrong... DH and I feel so insulted that they can't compromise and that our girls are going to miss hanging out with their cousin on the holidays.

Please shed some unbiased opinions for me

Re: Am i wrong to feel hurt? LONG.. What do you think?

I would call him up and tell him you are sad that the cousins are going to miss out being together on the holidays and just be totally honest about it...

Or- why doesn't someone just get a cheap hotel somewhere so you can all be together?

Re: Am i wrong to feel hurt? LONG.. What do you think?

I agree, your brother is being a little bratty. I'd be upset too.

Re: Am i wrong to feel hurt? LONG.. What do you think?

I understand how you feel, expecially about him avoiding you over the weekend. For the holidays tho, it is possible that his wife would like to be with her familiy especially if they are always with your familiy on the holidays. I have four married siblings and we do spend every other Thanksgiving and christmas with each other at my mom'S Luckily my dh is Jewish so I can spend every Christmas with my mother, but otherwise I would think that unreasonable. But, if its cause of the sleeeping arrangements I have to agree, why would your brother always get the larger room, especially if you need it more. He should be willing to switch and it should not deter him from staying with your mom.

Re: Am i wrong to feel hurt? LONG.. What do you think?

My mom has these issues about driving to CT, basically she'd afraid of driving on I-95 or any of the highways leading to our homes, so since my dad is up here working, she doesn't make it up as much as she would like too.
So my bro's reasoning with this i am sure is that if he stops coming down, it will teach her a lesson that she has to come up and buck up and drive the hwys. My mom is sooo anxious and fearful of these hwys, she won't do it, it won't teach her the lesson he's tyring to get across.

For my bro, I think it's pure laziness, they split the xmas holiday-xmas eve with her family, xmas day with ours.

It just hurts the rest of us that he's being so unreasonable, he's changed so much the last couple years sometimes i don't even know who i'm talking too anymore.

Re: Am i wrong to feel hurt? LONG.. What do you think?

Message edited 8/23/2007 1:30:23 PM.