Anyone else the first of their friends to have a baby?

Ok.. this may be long...

I am the first of my good friends to have a baby... It has seemed to put a strain on some of my friendships and I cant help but think that its because they are freaked out about this whole pregnancy and baby thing. And rightfully so, I am sure I would be too!!

I guess I am just posting to vent.. it is making it so hard on me emotionally.... I dont like to see friendships go.. and I dont like to be "ignored" if you will. I know they are not calling me to go out on a saturday night drinking because they think why would I want to, I cant drink!!! But i still like to spend time with them!! I can't fault them, something like this happens, and people react differently, and I get that..

I just hope after she is here, that I still have friends!! Dont get me wrong, i DO have some great friends that call me all the time, to see how I am doing, that really do care.. and I am sure they do too.. its just hard being so emotional to begin with .. and dealing with feeling left out... I know I should probably just say something, but I cant get myself to do it!!!

Ok.. vent over.. thanks for reading..

Re: Anyone else the first of their friends to have a baby?

I am the first of my friends to have children as well and it can be really tough. I did grow apart from some friends after DD was born, and even though they are still in my life, we're not as close at all. They don't understand that I can't just stay out all night on a moment's notice anymore & some people don't want to be bothered with that. It's understandable I suppose.

On the other hand, other friends have remained in my life just as much as in the past.

Re: Anyone else the first of their friends to have a baby?

I am the first amongst my good friends to have a baby. I've had a mixed reaction from my friends. Some I feel as if we have drifted since we seem to have less and less in common (also I moved out of Manhattan). Others are overjoyed and seem to be overly excited for me and DH.

I've also grown closer to friends who I wouldn't have considered good friends. Now I talk/hang out with those people a lot more as our due dates are so close together and have an endless amount of things in common.

Re: Anyone else the first of their friends to have a baby?

With DS I was the first to get pregnant. Now most of DHs friends have children, but some of my friends have decided to be childless by choice or are not married. I am not going to sugar coat it - my friendships have been strained. It was hard for me, but I made new friends with people who had children at about the same time I had DS. I have also grown closer to some of DHs friends wives.

Re: Anyone else the first of their friends to have a baby?

I dont want sugar coating, so thanks!! DHs friends do have kids, and I have some friends at work who are having kids this year too, so I feel like I will get closer with them...

I guess our priorities change, and whats important to me, may not be important to them, and vice versa..

I always have DH.. and my cute little doggie :)

Thanks girls

Re: Anyone else the first of their friends to have a baby?

we have one friend from college with a new baby, one of dh's friends, and then i'm friendly with some people from work with kids, but out of my friends i'm the first to have a baby. all but one couple (who doesn't want kids but has been awesome about this and VERY excited for us) seemed honestly confused as to WHY we wanted a baby and kind of didn't know how to handle it (at least that's the impression i got). they've seemed to warm to the idea, but things do seem a little odd with some of them. dh and i already live in brooklyn (and they're in li) so we don't hang out on a regular basis, but when we do, it does seem different in a way and i do get frustrated with things easily (as i'm sure they do too).

all in all they've so far been pretty ok, if not a little weirded out. we'll see how things go after is born...

Message edited 1/26/2009 7:21:32 PM.

Re: Anyone else the first of their friends to have a baby?

I'm the first of my friends to have a baby. Many of my friends are still single. I also live in CT while most of my closest friends live in NY. I still went out with my friends when I was down in NY although I missed a few fun things once I was placed on bedrest.

Having a baby definitely changes things. A bunch of my friends just had/are having 30th birthday parties that I have to miss b/c I'm home with a newborn. It sucks to miss things, but my friends have been understanding.

Re: Anyone else the first of their friends to have a baby?

Thanks guys.. you make me feel better.. knowing its pretty normal for others to react the way they are!!

Re: Anyone else the first of their friends to have a baby?

Can I post an opinion from the other side? A lot of my friends started their families when they were young and I did not start mine until I was 39. Don't assume that your friends are not interested. I may not have understood the idea of getting so excited about a BFP but I wanted to be there for my friends. I would have loved to spend a weekend afternoon helping them pick out baby stuff but guess what, they did not ask me. Sometimes I saw 1-2 of them for the movies and a a trip to the diner and that was fine with me but I WISH THAT THEY INCLUDED ME MORE!! I think we that we each thought that the other was moving in a different direction but it does not always have to be that way.

Re: Anyone else the first of their friends to have a baby?

Re: Anyone else the first of their friends to have a baby?

Re: Anyone else the first of their friends to have a baby?

I am the first of my friends to have had a child.

I won't lie. A baby is a major lifestyle change. And people not on that train just don't get it. DS is now 7 months and I can safely say there are a few whom we no longer speak with. But we also have new friends now that I have met because of Ryan.

Hang in there. Things will fall into place.

Re: Anyone else the first of their friends to have a baby?

I have a few different groups of friends and my older friends already had kids, well atleast some of them. But for my close friends that I grew up with, I was the first. I was lucky enough to have a great pregnancy and even though I couldn't drink, I did still go out with my friends on occasion. If you feel up to it, you should too. And let them know that even though you can't be out all night drinking, you miss spedning time with them. They may feel like you're moving forward with your life and leaving them behind.

Re: Anyone else the first of their friends to have a baby?

I'm the first of my friends AND first of my siblings! There's gonna be a lot of spoiling annnd a lot of cluelessness! lol