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CouponKT
Our family is complete
Member since 6/06 16494 total posts
Name:
K
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Anyone lose control when their parents/IL's watch the kids?
I feel so stuck lately with how my kids are when they are at Grandma's house (my MIL). She watches them (at least) 2 days a week for free and buys them 75% of their clothing. She takes good care of them like a grandma, but I have ZERO control over what happens at her house and it's starting to get to me 
I feel like I can never say much since she does so much. But *I* am the Mom! Aren't MY Rules supposed to stick????
If I ask her not to do something, she constantly justifies it. She never stops doing it. I try to pick my battles, but even the bigger things I say something about gets pushed to the side.
She doesn't know how to tell my kids NO. For example, she has car seats in her car for both kids. She took just DD out the other day in her car. DD asked to sit in her brother's car seat. MIL let her. WHY? Just because she asked?? There has to be a point that you can't let her do everything she WANTS to do. There was no reason for it. That car seat is not "set" for her. MIL can't tell her no  .
That is just one point of many and I am having a bad day because of it, so this post is a vent and my reach out to hopefully know that I am not alone
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Posted 5/11/11 11:30 AM  |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Anyone lose control when their parents/IL's watch the kids?
It was a very sore subject when my kids were younger but it's eased up. It is supposed to be YOUR kid, YOUR rules.
Some people follow it; some don't. Unfortunately free care means less say in it when they are the ones doing you a favor. Actually that's not true..anytime anyone watches your kids your rules may or may not be followed but there is more of an incentive to follow when there is a loss of income.
The way we explained it to the kids was every house has different rules & that I expect them to follow our rules wherever they are.
My girlfriend & I joke now that we have downgraded my expectations to "Just bring them back the way you found them."
Obviously I've put my foot down in a life threatening situation.
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| Posted 5/11/11 11:37 AM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: Anyone lose control when their parents/IL's watch the kids?
In issues of safety, I would stand my ground.
I would try to cut some slack in less severe areas, but if she is blatantly disregarding your wishes I would put my foot down.
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| Posted 5/11/11 11:37 AM |
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TreAnt427
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Member since 8/06 8652 total posts
Name:
Tracy
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Re: Anyone lose control when their parents/IL's watch the kids?
Is Leah within the weight limit of RJs seat? If not, I would bring up that point and tell her it's unsafe and that's that.
I know you always struggle with this. Can't Ray step in and start saying something?
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| Posted 5/11/11 11:38 AM |
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CouponKT
Our family is complete
Member since 6/06 16494 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Anyone lose control when their parents/IL's watch the kids?
Posted by CrankyPants
In issues of safety, I would stand my ground.
This past weekend, we were over their house and all playing outside. The kids had dirty hands, so she went in the garage and gave the kids FLOOR WIPES to clean their hands like it was a regular baby wipe. I freaked out and told her that those had chemicals in it! She shrugged it off and said "what's the big deal, they are wipes.."
THAT'S the kind of crap I also have to worry about  Sheer stupidity!
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| Posted 5/11/11 11:41 AM |
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CouponKT
Our family is complete
Member since 6/06 16494 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Anyone lose control when their parents/IL's watch the kids?
Posted by nrthshgrl
The way we explained it to the kids was every house has different rules & that I expect them to follow our rules wherever they are.
My girlfriend & I joke now that we have downgraded my expectations to "Just bring them back the way you found them."
I have tried to have this frame of mind. I wonder if my kids "get it" at only 4 and 2 years old though. I feel like they still have this "I want it now" attitude that Grandma gives into, so they get used to it.
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| Posted 5/11/11 11:43 AM |
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CouponKT
Our family is complete
Member since 6/06 16494 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Anyone lose control when their parents/IL's watch the kids?
Posted by TreAnt427
Is Leah within the weight limit of RJs seat? If not, I would bring up that point and tell her it's unsafe and that's that.
I know you always struggle with this. Can't Ray step in and start saying something?
Yes, she is within the weight limit, but the straps aren't set for her. Again, not a huge deal, but a point.
Today, it's a Ray & his mom vs. Katie kind of day. I am not in a good mood because of it 
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| Posted 5/11/11 11:45 AM |
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TreAnt427
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Member since 8/06 8652 total posts
Name:
Tracy
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Re: Anyone lose control when their parents/IL's watch the kids?
Posted by CouponKT
Posted by TreAnt427
Is Leah within the weight limit of RJs seat? If not, I would bring up that point and tell her it's unsafe and that's that.
I know you always struggle with this. Can't Ray step in and start saying something?
Yes, she is within the weight limit, but the straps aren't set for her. Again, not a huge deal, but a point.
Today, it's a Ray & his mom vs. Katie kind of day. I am not in a good mood because of it
Well even if the straps aren't set for her it's unsafe. My mom doesn't get the whole car seat thing either. Its not the same as when we were kids. There are many more state regulations now, b/c cars are bigger and faster. And they need to realize that.
I feel for you! FM me if you want to vent some more!
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| Posted 5/11/11 11:49 AM |
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summerBaby10
let's be nice
Member since 9/07 10208 total posts
Name:
Wifey
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Re: Anyone lose control when their parents/IL's watch the kids?
ugh, sorry you have to deal with this. It would drives me insane too.
Who takes care of the kids when mil does not? If you can afford it, I would put them in daycare or hire a nanny for those 2 or 3 days a week. Unfortunately, it's hard when someone watches your kids for free. They can do what they want & not tell you about it.
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| Posted 5/11/11 11:54 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Anyone lose control when their parents/IL's watch the kids?
Both of the examples you gave would drive me insane...chemicals on their hands and sitting in the wrong car seats. You know what-my kids want to sleep in each others cribs...it may delay a tantrum that day but is setting a precedent for it to happen in the future...It's a tough situation to be in though...
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| Posted 5/11/11 12:05 PM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
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Re: Anyone lose control when their parents/IL's watch the kids?
inlaws babysat DS FT I seriously had NO say AT ALL. they did what they want it was really unbearable! I feel for you but grandparents will do what they want. I was told by them one thing then my SIL ratted them out  it was nothing bad but they really spoiled DS and still do! now both DS are really catered/spoiled too but they don't babysit FT anymore
we had soooooo many adorable outfits for DS that he didn't get to wear as soon as I dropped him off he was put into PJ's
they used to hold DS for his naps and let him sleep for 3 hours he would be up all night and I had work the following day total nightmare
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| Posted 5/11/11 12:07 PM |
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summerBaby10
let's be nice
Member since 9/07 10208 total posts
Name:
Wifey
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Re: Anyone lose control when their parents/IL's watch the kids?
Posted by maybesoon
inlaws babysat DS FT I seriously had NO say AT ALL. they did what they want it was really unbearable! I feel for you but grandparents will do what they want.
such a nightmare! DS grandmother used to be a nanny & she told me many times that the parent will give her instruction & she did what she wanted anyway. SO I made a mental note to myself to never let her babysit. Many times, I have caught IL's allowing DS to do something which I specifically told them he can't do/eat, whatever so now they haven't had him since early Feb. Right now, I'm lucky though b/c I don't really need to rely on them for babysitting.
DH doesn't see how dangerous the carseat & wipes incidents are?
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| Posted 5/11/11 12:13 PM |
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OOSMommy
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/09 860 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Anyone lose control when their parents/IL's watch the kids?
I feel your pain, from a slightly different angle. They will (reluctantly) follow my rules but then they'll say things to DC in front of me like "Oh, honey I wish I could ________ but MOMMY said NO."
And the MOST fun is when both sides of the family are together and my mom goes out of her way to do exactly what I have asked or would want just to throw it in MIL's face that she's the 'better' grandma...
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| Posted 5/11/11 1:36 PM |
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lakadema
LIF Adult
Member since 5/08 1180 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Anyone lose control when their parents/IL's watch the kids?
This is why MIL and FIL have only babysat a handful of times. They do what they want and I pay the consequences or it with a craanky kid the next day and he inevitably pees through the diaper because she doesn't put it on tight enough.
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| Posted 5/11/11 1:45 PM |
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Re: Anyone lose control when their parents/IL's watch the kids?
Posted by CouponKT
Posted by CrankyPants
In issues of safety, I would stand my ground.
This past weekend, we were over their house and all playing outside. The kids had dirty hands, so she went in the garage and gave the kids FLOOR WIPES to clean their hands like it was a regular baby wipe. I freaked out and told her that those had chemicals in it! She shrugged it off and said "what's the big deal, they are wipes.."
THAT'S the kind of crap I also have to worry about Sheer stupidity!
First off, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
The above situation sounds like a page out our book! It's really hard when you love your husband and you have to point out his family's stupidity. 
I haven't found an answer/solution to this yet myself, but mine don't, and hopefully never will, watch my sons. Is it anyway possible for her to stop watching your DC until they're a little older? If not, I think the ONLY way to get through to MIL about disregarding your wishes will have to come from DH AND YOU as a united front. Try talking to him about standing your ground with you... even if it means beating the issue to death until he agrees.
Best of luck
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| Posted 5/11/11 1:50 PM |
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