Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

My DD was on a play date at a friends house. I am friendly with the Mom but we are not friends. My daughter told me she went to the dollar store with them during the play date because the Mom had to pick up a few things. I am furious that the Mom didn't think to ask me first. And btw....if she had, I would have said NO!

I find this in poor judgement.

Message edited 11/3/2015 3:27:31 PM.

Re: Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

I wouldn't mind, but all that matters in this case is that it bothered YOU. Your child, your rules.

Re: Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

I would NOT be OK with another mom taking my kids in the car without my prior permission (unless an emergency, obviously).

She may have been taking the kids to the Dollar Store to get snacks, crafts, etc. for them but I think she should have discussed it ahead of time with you.

Re: Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

I would be furious! I wouldn't trust an acquaintance with making sure my kid was properly restrained, I can't believe how many people I see on fb alone taking pics of their kids in car seats strapped in so stupidly or in car seats not appropriate for their age. I think it was in poor judgement of the mom, and my kid wouldn't be going back for a play date at their house alone.

Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

Wouldn't be happy!

Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

I wouldn't be happy - and would never think of running errands while hosting a playdate unless DH was home to stay with the kids while I ran out.

Re: Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

Ugh

My DS had a friend sleep over two weeks ago and we took them for pizza, to Modell's, to Target and to get ice cream. I never told his mother first (I am friends with her, but she isn't my BFF) and honestly, I'd be annoyed if she was pissed.

He was at our house for like 15 hours, lol, I can't stop my life for that.

Personally, I wouldn't care at all, but I am very lax about those things. My DS gets picked up by friend's parents all the time.

Re: Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

I would be furious. I would not allow anyone to drive my child without my permission, take them to a public place, etc. Horrible judgement on that woman's part, never would let my child go there again.

Re: Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

Re: Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

I would be very upset. It would probably be the last time they had a play date. She should have discussed it with you and made sure you didn't have a problem with it and you knew their plans.

Re: Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

I think it depends on whether you are ok with them driving your child (did they have a car seat for her appropriate age- most parents by me have an extra booster seat) and have they driven your child around before. Honestly in our area people often do not sit home for play dates. They go for pizza, ice cream, skating, movies, the park. Many pick each other up from school as they cannot go home on a bus together. While I think it is strange to drag a friend on errands (not something I would do) if they are driving your child I don't see it as a big deal. Now if the mom said they were staying in, you have never had this parent drive your child before then I could see being upset. I always say I might take the kids for ice cream or pizza or to the museum.

Someone mentioned they would be upset if someone took their child in public. I have to ask out of curiously. I only do drop off play dates if I feel comfortable with the family. I never leave my children with people at their home if I am not comfortable with their judgement. If I don't know them well I suggest meeting them someplace like the park to get to know them. If you are comfortable leaving your child in their care (aside from the driving aspect) why can't they take them in public?

Re: Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

Re: Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

Re: Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

I also think a lot of it depends on the age of the child.
My DD is 5 and there is no way she'd even be at a drop off playdate (other than at my sister's house) in the first place.

I feel like if she was 8 or 9 I might feel differently about the whole situation

Re: Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

I agree that she should have told you. I don't think I'd have a problem with it if she let me know ahead of time.

For me its not about my kid being in public, its about being with a driver that I don't know is a safe driver necessarily. I would be very angry if I got a call that my child were in an accident and I wasn't even aware they were in a car with someone.

It may be a good idea to tell your child that if he's ever at a friends house and they go out, to have him say "I have to call my mom and let her know". It's a conversation I would have at this age.

Re: Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

Posted by Straightarrow

Posted by Katareen

Posted by Straightarrow

Ugh

My DS had a friend sleep over two weeks ago and we took them for pizza, to Modell's, to Target and to get ice cream. I never told his mother first (I am friends with her, but she isn't my BFF) and honestly, I'd be annoyed if she was pissed.

He was at our house for like 15 hours, lol, I can't stop my life for that.

Personally, I wouldn't care at all, but I am very lax about those things. My DS gets picked up by friend's parents all the time.

I don't think anyone is asking you to stop your life, just to extend the courtesy to the parents of this child that's in your care and let them know that you're going somewhere with their son.
I also assume the majority of those 15 hours were sleep time.

You don't have 8 year old boys, they slept for about 6 of those 15 hours

I was texting her throughout, she never said boo to me about it and was so happy her son had fun, so I'm guessing I didn't offend her either.

Also - people have taken my son out when he has been at their house, and I don't get mad. I trust them with the care of my child, and if that includes doing things with them, then so be it.

Re: Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

I think it's totally inappropriate. If you invite my child over for a playdate, I expect that she is at your house PLAYING with your child. Not running errands with you. I don't invite other children to my house when I have things to do, and I expect the same of others.

Re: Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

I may be the minority, but I don't do playdates with moms I am friendly with, for any of my kids. The kids are more than welcome to come to my house. I need to know the parents outside of school and like to see how they parent and how their kids behave. It may not be right, but that is what makes me feel comfortable.
I am dropping my kids off, then I am ok with them going on errands because I feel comfortable enough for the kids to be there to begin with.

If I am watching someone's child and something comes up, I will text the mother. Chances are it is really important because I do not want to be taking 4 kids to the store

Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

Definitely not ok. We have one mom in our "group" that does this all the time. She just leaves the house with the kids. One time she took them to a carnival and came home an hour after the play date ended and the parent was sitting at the house. Lets just say that no one does drop off play dates with her anymore.

Re: Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

Re: Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

Honestly, it wouldn't have phased me in the slightest. But I'm super relaxed about stuff like that. And it probably would never occur to me to ask another mom for permission to take her kid out. If I'm in charge of the play date then I feel like it is my job to entertain them. Sometimes that means just playing at home, sometimes it means taking the kids out to eat/ice cream or to a park or bowling.

Re: Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

I would be upset because I don't think anyone should be taking your child out in their car without your explicit permission. God forbid something happened and here you were at home thinking your LO is safe and sound at someone's house. I think that was VERY poor judgement on her part. If she invited your child for a play date then you stay home, let the kids play, and run your errands at a different time. People never cease to amaze me. Unreal.

Re: Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

Re: Are you ok with your DC running errands on a play date?

No -
My oldest is only 6, but I'm neurotic about them being out in public places without either myself or DH - Even with my sister, SIL, BIL etc who I trust completely - i don't have a 100% comfort level with them being in a very crowded place like the mall -
and I don't let just anyone drive my kids around.

I think, as they get older you begin car pooling, and helping each other out picking up/dropping off etc. - But even then, it's an established, known comfort level. You KNOW your child will be in the car w/ someone traveling to practice, or dance or whatever it may be -

To me that's completely different from dropping your child off at someone's home for a play date - and that kid being somewhere else during the play date !