Attention Psychologists, Teachers, other Parents-Please help me, I am at my wits end.

Brody is 6 weeks old, and I have never been soooo miserable in my entire life. I don't think that I have PPD, but I am def having a hard time.

And they kicker is, it's not even about being sleep deprived and having crazy New-Mom hormones, it's my 4 year old DD, Ava. She is driving me to the brink!! Brody is an absolute Angel.

Just to give you some background:

Ava was an angel baby as well- great eater/sleeper who rarely ever cried.... up until about 2 years old.

Then it all changed. The temper tantrums, the running away from us in public places, not listening moody- just very difficult. Then her eating changed. She went from eating everything, to very limited choices and very small amounts. She also went from sleeping 12 hours a night to constantly waking all night long.

This has been going on for almost 2 years. The fact that she is soooo challenging made it very hard for me to even decide to have a second child.

I have explored every avenue to find ways to change her behavior and make a happier life for us all.

I have taken her to the Pediatrician, a sleep specialist, a Developmental Ped a Nutritionist and to be evaluated by our school district.

Last spring, at 3 1/2, she got services. OT and PT at an agency 3 times a week. Her behavior, eating and sleeping improved, but the services ended after only 2 months, because the school year ended.

She now get OT and PT at Pre school, but things are worse than ever.

She was diagnosed with Sensory issues (temperature and texture issues regarding food). She also has issues with Pragmatic speech and a low frustration level.

Everyday, I am reduced to tears, I try everything that I can think of, and she still fights me 24/7 about eating, and basically everything else you can imagine. I can't even blame the baby's birth for her behavior, because this is how she was before him.

At the Parent Teacher conference at her school last week, the teacher said she is a pleasure, no trouble at all....WHAT...????



Then the teacher told me that most kids are better behaved at school than at home...but it still broke my heart, because I feel like her bad behavior is my fault. If you watch Nanny 911, it is always the parents fault....So, what am doing wrong??????

What can I do to change this situation, how can I enjoy being with my DD again??


Does anyone know of a Psychologist or Parent Training type place where I can go to find help and a solution?????

Thanks, Tara

Re: Attention Psychologists, Teachers, other Parents-Please help me, I am at my wits end.

I'm a behaviorist. any questions you have, please FM me - but 1st the good news:

If she can control her behavior in school, then she can control her behavior everywhere. Instead of seeing that as "I'm a failure" - look at the bright side - you would much rather this than her being incapable of controlling her behavior anywhere...

Home is ALWAYS where most behavior issues crop up. School is structured, controlled, and ONLY certain things happen there. home is where "everything" happens.

See what works at school. Are the kids have sticker sheets or on some type of reward system? Hw are things presented to her?

you may have to structure things at home for her. Maybe a very controlled reward system that is easy for her to understand and earn rewards for doing specific behaviors.

I'm always around if you need help with this stuff!!!

Re: Attention Psychologists, Teachers, other Parents-Please help me, I am at my wits end.

First thing you should know - IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT...

You are exploring different ways to help alleviate the challenges...that is a proactive parent, not one who sits back and says "ah, let the school take care of it"...

I'm curious what the different specialists have said other than the fact that she has sensory issues...

Most importantly, did the psychologist help give you any behavior modification techniques to help at all?

Have you tried reward systems at all to emphasize her positive behaviors?

I'm sorry you are so upset about your little one - I know how frustrating it must be. Just try and remember that through the tears, she won't always be like this...

And it is very true that children act differently at school than at home - this says nothing of your parenting...if anything it says that your DD is very comfortable in your love for her and she know you will love her no matter what she does...

Re: Attention Psychologists, Teachers, other Parents-Please help me, I am at my wits end.

i'm a spec. ed teacher AND my son has sensory issues with major feeding issues so i feel your pain!

it is so not your fault and i know from both sides that children are just so much worse at home then at school.

the only way i can get my ds to eat is by distraction and reward. if he eats then he gets to play with a toy, i sing/finger play or i read a book to him. if he refuses food we just sit there till he eats. ihave a special stach of books/toys that are just for meal time. it's not the greatest habit to have but at least he'll eat that way. i also always try to end a meal with a food (fruit) that he likes so he doesn't associate food or eating with something unpleasant.

does your dd eat at school? can you observe her at school to see what they do with her without her seeing you? (my school had a video camera in the rooms so parents could view us.) if not see what techniques they use that has been working there.

i'd def. set up a reward system at home. use something small that she can work for and loves and only give it to her for rewards. (ex. if she does a good job while out odoing an errand with you she gets a stamp or sticker and after getting 10 stickers she gets a favorite toy to play with. if that is too much for her than give her a reward right after a good behavior instead of working u to one.

also find out what they are doing in ot and pt and see if they are doing anything drastically different than her last therapists. also get some exercises/activities she can do at home that may help her.

i know how hard it is and i also worry b/c i'm pg with #2 and my ds is such a handful. sending you lots of


fm me any time!

Message edited 10/29/2008 10:24:31 PM.

Re: Attention Psychologists, Teachers, other Parents-Please help me, I am at my wits end.

I'm sorry you're going through this with a newborn. I can't imagine and it is what scares the life out of me.
My DD has changed overnight too and the baby isn't even here yet and I just feel like it's all my fault too.
I hope you can get some support and answers.

Re: Attention Psychologists, Teachers, other Parents-Please help me, I am at my wits end.

Im not any of the above...but I have been a mom for almost 15 years. My eldest has had her share of issues...

Im so not a book person...but see if you can find a copy of "HOW TO BEHAVE SO YOUR CHILDREN WILL TOO" By Sal Severe...

It really really really helps!!!!

Re: Attention Psychologists, Teachers, other Parents-Please help me, I am at my wits end.

I think a reward system would definitly be worth trying.