::Banging head against the wall::

FSIL decided she wants to throw an anniversary party for FILs in the summer. She claims she did her research and picked out a place. It's an Italian place and it's $40pp for a buffet. I told FH I think that's kind of expensive for a buffet and either at the place where I had my grad party or someplace similar, we could probably get a sit down dinner for that rate. FSIL says FILs will not go to Queens (we're talking a 20 minute drive). And I said then there has to be someplace cheaper in Brooklyn so her answer is "FINE, YOU GUYS PLAN EVERYTHING THEN"

So, I kind of put the place aside since she'd not going to work on that, and she keeps bugging me and FH to go toput a deposit on the place (She lives upstate). I said I don't want to put down a deposit until we have the guest list solidified in black and white (My FH had 300 people at his bar mitzvah, and their side of the wedding list was GINORMOUS to the point it cause a lot of fights, because the family is very easily offended). She only wants 50 people, and seems to think it's easy, but I said 50 is not a lot of people when you add it up, especially once you get into "I invited cousin Derek, so we have to invite Cousins Susie, Joe and Arma". She got all pissy with me and said obviously I don't care, and forget it she'll do it herself.
So I said I do care, and then she said we're not helping, we just think we have better ideas and she's done, and maybe she's just a rotten bitter stubborn person. I should qualify for sainthood right now for not saying "you said it, not me"

But I am so ****** off, and with everything FH is going through (His grandpa just died, his dad is very ill, etc) I don't want to bytch to him too much. But I am so pizzed. She just wants us to go put downa deposit when she hasn't laid out any money and she's making all the decisions. She won't take suggestions or discuss, her answer is either "Do you do it then" or "So I'll do it myself".

She does NOT play well with others. This is a HUGE expense and I am getting really angry about this. She's also angry that FH said we can't really afford a big party and she's saying she only makes $16K. That's her choice. She's capable of working, but she's on social security...don't get me started. grrrrrrrrrr..

You cannot ask people to pay for something and habe no imput (which is exactly why we refused family help for our wedding when it was offered). She just wants us to pay for her party.

Ok vent
over.

THANKS!

Re: ::Banging head against the wall::

this is very similar to a situation among my cousins when they were trying to set-up a suprise 70th B'day party for my aunt.

it was horrible... one cousin who lived far away kept pushing around the others, and wanted to shift the date months later.... eventually his family purposefully showed up 3 weeks earlier and had a 'seperate B'day party' which basically took the thunder out of the originally planned party it was a horrendous drama-ridden event... some way to celebrate their mom!

there's nothing you can do about it... some people have way too much energy (and way too much undies wedged in a delicate nether region) to be able to compromise like adults.

sometimes I'm glad I'm an only child.......