Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

I’m going to throw my 2 cents in about my husband.

He’s a guy that people would say is a guy’s guy. He’s not an emotional guy. I think I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen him cry. He’s not mushy & when we talk about feelings – it’s more along the lines of feeling hungry. Sometimes I think he is an azz to me and worse, to my kids. He’s not the one that is going to buy me jewelry on Mother’s Day. He isn’t the one who will treat me like a princess tomorrow – even though I’ve played the part of the Bitchy Queen all week long. He’s not that guy. But he’s a good guy. A really good guy who loves his family with every ounce of his being.

He’s the one that looks across the table at me when our kids say something adorable. He’s the one that remains calm when I’m launching into my screaming mother persona. He loves me despite the craziness I introduce in our lives – the fact that 16 soccer coaches call on a rainy Saturday when I decided to run out to go grocery shopping, the idea that he will come home to a case of water & supplies from Costco and he has no idea who put them there because he knows I’m at work, the bags of clothes, car seats & toys that are in our garage waiting for someone to pick them up because I can’t stand the idea of tossing something that someone else can find useful, all of it. He is the one that when I have been utterly destroyed by something & he doesn’t understand why, he doesn’t ask questions, he’s just there for me. He roots for me. He roots for our family.

But he’s not the guy that will celebrate me on Mother’s Day. It’s not that I’ve downgraded my expectations. It’s that my Mother’s Day isn’t about his celebration of me. Even if that means I still have to match tons of socks from the laundry I did all day today, even if it means I’m cleaning my house tomorrow. It’s me stepping back from my everyday life & looking at the things I do have and being grateful for them. I am grateful for my children – and I’m even more grateful to have the guy that gave me the children I do have.
It’s about me celebrating being a mother, celebrating my own mom & other mothers who in a sense mother me even without knowing it.

If Mother’s Day meant something different to you & it didn't work out the way you wanted, then I am sorry you are disappointed. I just wanted to put it out there in case others needed a different perspective of it. Cherish the gift you have. Not the gift you didn’t get.

and Happy Mother's Day because you are also included in those "other mothers who mother me without knowing it." I am a better mother because of each & every one of you on this board. The screaming mom would be around my house a lot more if I didn't have you guys to vent to, to laugh with, to cry with & to cherish. Thank you.

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

SO very true. I love the little things he does everyday. Great way of looking at it!!!!

But I hope this doesn't stop the DH bashing threads from today. They help me realize just how well I have it! In fact, DH loves to read those threads too.

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

Thank you for sharing your insight. Happy Mother's Day to you too!!

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

Thanks so much for sharing your perspective! I agree with your sentiment that Mother's Day can be about celebrating being a mother. I hope you have a great one!

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

Thanks for this!

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

Perfect! I think your husband and my husband could hang Thanks for saying the truth. This is why I say "Love each other everyday, not just on the Hallmark days"

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

Amen, Sista (mimosa)

Don't forget that your DH cooks almost every night

And I totally agree. It's not about the gifts or the treatment on this one day, it's about the love and support our DH's give to our family 365 days a year

No fancy gift here but my DH does the morning routine every weekday with two 2 year olds, not an easy feat

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

As always, you have a way with words!

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

Happy mother's day!

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

thank you

Happy Mothers Day!

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

Thanks for the post. I was a little bummed DH didn't take me out. I'm not working and we are very broke so I understand. But you're right I should celebrate the greastest gift I could ever ask for . MY SON!

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

Here's my two cents. This year age and circumstance have really colored my view of Mother's day.

As I type, my mil lies dying and my DH, who everyone would unequivocally describe as a man's man, is coping as best he can. He did remember to buy me flowers but, really who cares.

More importantly, I too am reminded that my husband, with every fiber of his being, is all about family. He has spent the last 6 months managing his mother's failing health and the last month trying to stay engaged with our kids; working as much as possible from a hospice bed; and dealing with a ridiculous amount of BS from siblings. He also has taken responsibility for his mentally retarded sibling.

So at the end of the day, although it was a bittersweet day, spent helping my sil understand and say goodbye to her mother; and trying to help my kids understand what's going on, I really am lucky to have him in my life.

Happy mother's day to all the mom's and lets try no to sweat all the small stuff because I can now honestly say it doesn't matter.

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

Happy Mother's Day Barb!!!!

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

to put it in perspective (sad story)

a friend of mine who has been TTC'ing for a long time and suffered numerous miscarriages posted on her facebook page:

I think all mothers should be grateful for what they have today



That sums it up more bluntly than I ever could...

I'm super grateful for DS and DH. I love them both so much and cherish every moment.......

and my heart breaks for those TTC'ing and experiencing difficulties on days like these......

Message edited 5/10/2009 8:19:11 PM.

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

Barb,
I could've written this about my DH as well. for me, mother's day is the little projects the boys make in school. No gift could make me happier!! Hope your day was wonderful!!!!

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

it's true... I look at the gift not for the monetary, or objectification of it-- but really that someone took the time to show their appreciation for me. Even if that means telling DH he needs to get me a card-- he still wrote something sweet in it all on his own!

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

while i completely agree with barb, and find myself complaining about greg all the time, even though he ROCKS as a father and a husband, just do what i do......


go out and buy yourself something, and then come home and tell him not to bother getting you anything, that you already got it yourself....

this has worked for me so many time, and has actually gotten him off the hook when having to get me something....





oh yeah, and REALLY do it my way- ill get myself something a couple months before the day (mothers day, birthday, xmas...) and say, "this is my mothers day present, you dont have to get me anything"....

and then mothers day comes, and get yourself something ELSE!!

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

Thank you for writing this. My DH is a lot like yours! Not the sentimental, mushy, gift giving type. I get resentful at times because my Dad is that guy- and always makes a point to treat my Mom like a princess. I grew up watching that, so it is still hard for me to accept (married less than three years).

But- we have an amazing 15 month old DS- and DH is a great and loving Dad. I know he loves me in his own way, and your note reminded me I am not alone. Why not focus on what I have in life? I have good friends- who want to be Moms- but cannot. I am blessed

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

Shoot I thought DH wasn't gonna take me out, he ended up taking me to Ruby Tuesday's for dinner!!!! I'm so lucky!

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

SO true- my DH is not a big celebrater of occasions such as Birthdays and Mother's Day(although he did pretty well today ) but I prefer the day to day wonderfulness to one day a year.

Re: Before all of the husband bashing starts for Mother’s Day

I love you.

I know I say it all the time but I swear we are living parallel lives and sometimes when you write something like this I am even MORE convinced!