Re: Being a mommy is so hard

As hard as it is, Im glad you stuck to your guns. In hindsight (3 older kids) I wish I would have followed through more. I know they were only strawberries but Its the point.

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

Posted by Calla

Posted by KateDevine

I probably would have given him the strawberries WITH his dinner and maybe he would haven eaten more of it.

Christopher LOVES peaches cut up and I will give him peaches with pretty much anything and he will eat it.

I agree with Summer that strawberries would be better than an empty belly

Awww give the mommy a break, she was just trying to show respect towards her husband's decision. Being a united front is so important too! Its so hard balancing everyones needs!!!

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

Ladies- this has nothing to do with the strawberries per se, but it has more to setting a rule and sticking to it...

Cailen has understood for at least 2 months "first and then" and has eaten a few bites of his dinner to get the dessert. Dinner is the smallest meal of the day for him - a few bites of his vegetables, maybe a few bites of something else. But he wil eat it if we say "eat this first and then you ca get...."

He is almost 18 mts - you would be AMAZED at how much they understand - give toddlers more credit!!!!

Also, we don't have ice cream, cookies, etc. Cailen doesn't like them. To him, strawberries ARE cookies and ice cream. They are dessert for him - but he also gets them for breakfast.

*I* would ever have made that rule, but DH was home, its what he believes in, and he already said it. Cailen was spitting his food out and throwing it. As soon as he said it, Cailen understood. We put ONE pea on his tray - his favorite food, and he refused it. It was ALL he had to eat!!!!!

He is going through a testing phase, and is starting to assert himself and get defiant. He is understanding consequences.

BUT - the most confusing thing in the world for my poor little toddler who is trying to make sense of the world and control it is communicate to him "Sometimes we mean what we say, but not always" or "Daddy said no, but mommy said yes."

I would be LIVID if I said something to Cailen, and DH did the opposite!!!

If we disagree - we ride it out in front of the kids and discuss it - privately - later....

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

Liza - I'm sorry this led to you feeling like you need to explain yourself. You don't, and it's unfair that people felt the need to make you feel worse about a situation that already made you feel bad.

Cailen WILL absolutely get over not having strawberries last night, but showing him that his parent's are on the same page is priceleess.

Message edited 9/16/2008 11:46:07 AM.

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

Posted by SweetCaroline

Liza - I'm sorry this lead to you feeling like you need to explain yourself. You don't and it's unfair that people felt the need to make you feel worse about a situation that already made you feel bad.

Cailen WILL absolutely get over not having strawberries last night, but showing him that his parent's are on the same page is priceleess.

Message edited 9/16/2008 7:20:48 AM.

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

Posted by lipglossjunky73

Posted by Calla

Posted by KateDevine

I probably would have given him the strawberries WITH his dinner and maybe he would haven eaten more of it.

Christopher LOVES peaches cut up and I will give him peaches with pretty much anything and he will eat it.

I agree with Summer that strawberries would be better than an empty belly

Awww give the mommy a break, she was just trying to show respect towards her husband's decision. Being a united front is so important too! Its so hard balancing everyones needs!!!

Wow - thank you!!!! I really appreciate that!

Message edited 9/16/2008 7:22:58 AM.

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by lipglossjunky73

Posted by Calla

Posted by KateDevine

I probably would have given him the strawberries WITH his dinner and maybe he would haven eaten more of it.

Christopher LOVES peaches cut up and I will give him peaches with pretty much anything and he will eat it.

I agree with Summer that strawberries would be better than an empty belly

Awww give the mommy a break, she was just trying to show respect towards her husband's decision. Being a united front is so important too! Its so hard balancing everyones needs!!!

Wow - thank you!!!! I really appreciate that!

Liza, I wasn't trying to be tough on you.

I just agree with Summer that at this age they don't understand that no dinner=no dessert (and not even getting into that strawberries really aren't dessert) he just saw that you guys were saying NO to a certain food.

ETA: I also know your DH has older girls, and he probably is used to doing things like that with them, Cailen is still a baby really.

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

Liza, I totally agree with your and DH's approach - when Alex was Cailen's age, we had the same rule, and there was many a night she went to bed hungry. She learned quickly though, and now she gobbles up her dinner, and then asks "what's for dessert"?

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

I agree with you 100% Liza. It doesn't matter what the rule is that DH made (as long as it's within reason). It's very important that you two stick together. Also, like you mentioned, strawberries ARE like candy to him. Not all DC like processed high-fructose corn syrup. Every DC has their "treat", and it can be pretty much anything. DS has a thing for blueberries lately, and he isn't a big junk food person, so cutting out blueberries would probably have more of an impact on him than taking away cookies.

You definitely did the right thing....

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

thank you!!!

It's just been so hard. ALL morning I have been dealing with a little monster. He has already been in time out 2 times this morning!!!!!!!!

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

The only issue I would have addressed is that you spoke about the strawberries all day to him, so he wasnt hungry for his "dinner" , but for his strawberries, and he will not understand they are a "dessert" if you frequently let him have them for breakfest.

he cant understand yet the concept of 3 meals being "different" in some way..so he had no way of rationalizing if he ate the dinner, the fruit would come, because he is given the fruit regularly as "dinner"( as breakfest but b- fest, lunch and dinner are all just "meals" to him still)

So like I posted in the other thread, I respect you standing behind DH and that is VERY important, but maybe I would have taken DH in another room to explain.

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

Aww, that is hard but you are doing the right thing. He needs his nutrition before his treats!

I agree about breakfast though!

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

I agree with what you did. I'm one of those moms that believe you need to eat your dinner in order to get dessert. You might not to eat ALL of it but however much I think you should eat.

I had my nephew overnight last night. He saw a ring pop that he wanted but didn't eat dinner yet. I made his dinner but of course wasn't really eating it because he wanted the candy. I refused to give it to him until he ate the little section that I seperated from the rest of the food. He ate it and got his dessert.

Candy...ice cream...cookies...strawberries...whatever the dessert may be dinner should come first.

As far as the age I personally think it SHOULD start early on...this way it's something that they've always know. I would rather start from the beginning than have a 2 or 3 year old having a fit because they've always been able to get dessert without eating and now can't.

JMO

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

Ben is 15 mos and totally understands "do this, and then you get that" concepts. He's been testing us for he past 2 weeks and recently flat out refused to eat dinner because he knows he'd be getting a favorite (apples, bananas, peaches, etc) for dessert. DH made the same rule that your DH did and we stick to it because it's very easy for children to learn which parent is more lenient so they can get what they want faster. It's hard but it's working because he's only not eaten his dinner (and I mean not touched one bite) once. It's hard but I think you and your DH did the right thing.

Message edited 9/16/2008 9:52:15 AM.

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

I know exactly how you feel! And once one of you say "no" you can't go back. It stinks that we always have to be the bad guy.

Life lessons.

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

Posted by Summerrluvv

Probably not a popular opinion, but being a mommy IS hard, but I think you made this situation harder than it had to be. It was fruit, not ice cream or candy. I would've went over DH's head and given him the fruit. It's important that he eat, and fruit isn't a "junky" thing. I don't think at 17 months you can realistically rationalize with them and I think fruit is better than an empty belly at bedtime. Sometimes you have to pick your battles. Sorry

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

I think it's your son, your house and your rules. If your child is a happy, well loved little person - than nobody really ought to challenge the way YOU choose to do things. If you had asked for ADVICE.. that might have been different. But you were venting and I feel badly that you were kind of made to feel that you needed to defend your position.

None of us have all the answers. All of us do the best we can. And based on those giant grins, I'd say that you are doing a darn fine job.

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

Liza I totally agree with you, I also have a toddler your son's age and they are in a testing phase, he is trying to see what his & our limits are.

I know its SO HARD to say no at times but what you did was more valuable, you showed a united front with your DH, you do not want to start a trend where the kids know they can divide & conquer. Also my son understand so much it amazes me, I think many people do not realize just how much they understand.

And as for going to bed hungry,I really truly believe that no child will starve themselves, if he was truly starving he would have eating the peas or anythgin you gave him.

Anyway I hope your little guy enjoyed his strawberries this morning

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

Awww, I would be upset too and would have caved. But I understand that when DH is there and standing ground.

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

He's not the first kid to go to bed without dinner. Sometimes, it's the only way to get some food into my kids.

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

Re: Being a mommy is so hard

You totally did the right thing - and you were right when you said at 18 months they are smarter than you think. Now is the time to really lay down the ground rules as far as eating goes - I agree with your husband and kudos to you for keeping up the united front and really following through. I know it's so hard.

I'm totally guilty of not enforcing better eating habits in my children when they were Cailen's age and I'm paying for it now that they are a little older. It's really a big regret of mine.

Stick to your guns!!! It will be worth it!

Message edited 9/16/2008 12:53:52 PM.