bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

I am bilingual as is DH. I am 100% sure that I want my children to be fully bilingual as in reading, writing and fluently speaking my 2nd language.

Because I/we worry about DS (who is now 13 months) not learning Spanish once he is in school and fully immersed in the English dominant world, I think we have both consciously and unconsciously made the choice to speak to him mostly in Spanish. But, now that I have started taking DS to library programs where there are other kids, I feel bad that he has no idea what they are saying. People expect him to know what they are saying but he doesn't

It's not that he's not exposed to English at all bc the little TV he watches is Nick Jr. and DH and I do at times speak to each other in English but I know it's not yet enough for him to really know what things mean. It's hard enough for him now that his little brain is trying to figure out two new languages at once, albeit more of one than the other.

I don't question my decision to raise him bilingually nor do I feel that I am in some way doing something detrimental or delaying him in any way (as some people seem to believe sometimes), I just feel bad about the situation he finds himself in right now.

I didn't learn English until I started kindergarten and it was fine for me I guess bc I wasn't going to play groups with English speaking kids. My parents made sure i knew my letters, numbers, counting in English before school but that was it. However, I feel like the situation for DS is different.

Not sure what I'm looking for here, this is just something that is bothering me.

ETA: His 1st word was "aaawaaa" - agua = water in Spanish

Message edited 11/17/2010 2:59:24 PM.

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

I am not a parent but both DH and Me are bilingual. My plan, for when we have kids, is for me to speak in spanish to the baby at all time and for DH to speak in English. I know of a family that did this to with kids and it work. The mom spoke one language, the dad another and the baby learn a 3rd in a bilingual school he attend.

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

You're doing the right thing!

I'm mostly bilingual. Spanish was my first language, until kindergarten as well. But as time went on, my parents didn't push the Spanish as much. They would speak to my brother and I in Spanish and we would respond in English.

As a result I am much stronger in understanding the language than I am in conversing. But I still can get by pretty well. I wish my parents had reiterated the Spanish more for us! It really is a great advantage to be bilingual in this country.

Don't feel bad about your son not quite being able to communicate as well right now. Eventually he will be fine in both and you will really be loving your decision even more.

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

I'm not bilingual and DD isn't either however we live in a town with a lot of kids that are.

I applaud your decision. You are doing a great thing for your DS. Yes TV, playdates, and library programs will be places he hears English but you are laying a great foundation for Spanish. I think you can get a lot of the kid shows on TV in Spanish. I see parents translate for their kids at the library and other activities. DD and a boy that speaks no English find their own way to communicate when they play, they are 3.

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

Move a few miles, English wont be the dominant language!

I worried about this a lot when I was prego, a big part of me didn't' want to raise DS bilingual. But after some debate, we've been doing the whole you speak one language and I speak another. I think I speak way more English than any other language DS hears and being in Brooklyn, he hears a lot of variety

I know, and I've been told, that they pick it up so quick, they don't have time to realize they don't understand. I think we feel bad for them more than they do. It only challenges them to learn more.

It bothers me too.
Not sure what to do about it, too many bilingual people I know, attribute a lot of their success to being bilingual, regardless of what language... so I guess I'm just going to keep doing it and hope for the best.

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

we are in the same boat.

spanish is my second language though. I am not nearly as fluent in it as my husband is, but we all mostly speak to Luce in Spanish.

I did start thinking about his comprehension, especially when we see my family and stuff...I wonder if he knows what they are talking about

but I am thinking maybe he is learning both at the same time and understands equally???

it's weird for me b/c I expect him to "speak" in english, and I keep listening for english words, but it just occurred to me that he has more words than I think...they are just in spanish. like "agua" and "alla"

I understand what you are saying. you know in the long run it's only for his benefit...but in the short run, you wonder if he is running around confused. at least I do.

BBC has a kids spanish channel called ceebee's or something like that. Luce likes the teletubbies in spanish. at least, the beginning of it. he doesn't sit for much more!

Message edited 11/17/2010 3:03:32 PM.

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

DH and I are both bilingual but with different languages.

Originally I wanted DS to be trilingual and then pick up another foreign language once he goes to school. DS ended up being late on the language front (now seems caught up at almost 20m old) and I was worried that DS was getting confused.

Now we are back to wanting DS to be trilingual. I think it is wonderful to be able to speak multiple languages.

Message edited 11/17/2010 3:03:53 PM.

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

i'm bilingual as is my DH. We plan on teaching our DS both of our native languages. Poor kid will (hopefully) know three, plus whatever foreign language he takes in school.

we speak in English at home (since we don't speak each others languages) and for now DS is exposed to the other two languages from the grandparents. DHs parents barely speak english, and mine are more comfortable in our native language. Our siblings speak a mix of both to the baby.

we read to DS in all three to make sure he gets an equal exposure. Our plan is to teach him the right word in all three languages. So if we show him an apple, say it in english and our two languages. hoping this will work. maybe the same could work for your DS?

just a suggestion. good luck!

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

I want to say also, that when visiting dh's family in spain, we met another branch who live in Holland.

the young girl was about 10 and spoke 5. yes 5 languages, 4 fluently

spanish
english
dutch
german
turkish (but she lamented, only a little bit)

we are way behind with this in the US but that is another debate.

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

Thanks for the positive feedback and for making me feel more secure in my decision. It probably does bother me more than him and he will get it eventually. Glad to know I'm not alone in my thinking and concern

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

I was raised perfectly bilingual...however, my dad spoke to us only in English and my mom spoke to us only in Spanish. To this day when we speak to either parent we use the language that they spoke to us in since birth.

I would love for DS to be bi-lingual..but DH is not bi-lingual. I try to speak to DS in spanish as much as I can but he is in a mostly English enviornment. I relate to DH in English because that is all he speaks so DS really hears us speak english only. He does here me and his daycare person speak in spanish all the time so I'm hoping it sticks and my mom certainly speaks to him in spanish all the time.

It's hard though!

I must say my niece was raised speaking only spanish and then just picked up english from TV and when she went to daycare. At such a young age they understand.

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

At 13 months, I would think he is learning what other kids are saying - because when children talk to each other, they generally act out or show the other child what they mean (think: "MINE!").

You are giving your son a gift in my opinion. He will become immersed in English & will lose the Spanish if it's not kept up. I've seen it in 2 households close to me. Both parents wanted their child to be bilingual & eventually it faded.

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

It's funny you bring this up today bc i just came home from parent teacher conferences for my 3 year old son and this was brought up.
We are bilingual and DS primary language is Greek. Up until he was 2 1/2 he knew very basic English - I would say about 85% of his language was in Greek. Slowly, with mommy & me programs, playing with his friends, watching TV he began picking up English.
Today I asked his teacher if he was having a hard time communicating bc of the language barrier and she looked at me like I was crazy. She had completely forgotten that I had told her my DS speaks mostly Greek at home bc he has been speaking perfect English w/o an accent in school - I was so proud of him and completely reassured that we made the right decision.

Your DC will pick up English from TV, school, etc., but if you dont teach them Spanish now, they will have such a hard time learning it later....

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

He's only 13 months old !!
You are absolutely doing him a HUGE favor by speaking to him in spanish - Even if you learn a language and use it, you lose it if you don't continuously speak and hear it ........

He will absolutely learn English - He's going to be surrounded by friends and in school ........

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

I was raised bilingual and I spoke Italian before English. Most kids in my family are the same. We knew English, just preferred speaking italian I guess. I mean, my preschool teacher did tell my mom that my cousins & i were not allowed to speak to each other in italian(but that was bc she couldn't understand us), so we had to start speaking english at school (we were 3) We transitioned perfectly fine. Most kids in my family do. they instinctively knew when to speak english and when to speak italian.

I think you're doing the right thing. I think it will be easier for him to learn english now or soon, than a different language.

DD will learn italian, but dh doesn't speak it at all, so I'll be teaching both of them.

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

Posted by Deeluvsvinny

I was raised bilingual and I spoke Italian before English. Most kids in my family are the same. We knew English, just preferred speaking italian I guess. I mean, my preschool teacher did tell my mom that my cousins & i were not allowed to speak to each other in italian(but that was bc she couldn't understand us), so we had to start speaking english at school (we were 3) We transitioned perfectly fine. Most kids in my family do. they instinctively knew when to speak english and when to speak italian.

I think you're doing the right thing. I think it will be easier for him to learn english now or soon, than a different language.

DD will learn italian, but dh doesn't speak it at all, so I'll be teaching both of them.

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

He WILL learn it. DH was only spoken to in Spanish until he started kindergarten at 4 and now he says he doesnt speak it that well (to my ears, he's fluent but what do i know?).

His cousin has a 2yr old who is learning 4 languages:
Mom only speaks English
Dad only speaks Italian
Grandfather only speaks Japanese
Grandmother only speaks Spanish.

It's amazing! At first, she had some difficulty but she was enrolled in daycare at 2 and at 2.5, when she speaks English, you'd never know it's only one of her 4 languages.

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

Yesterday I was looking at mommy & me spanish immersion classes.

I think you're doing a wonderful thing. Keep it up. Your child will learn english and will be a well rounded bilingual adult.

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

Posted by Deeluvsvinny

I was raised bilingual and I spoke Italian before English. Most kids in my family are the same. We knew English, just preferred speaking italian I guess. I mean, my preschool teacher did tell my mom that my cousins & i were not allowed to speak to each other in italian(but that was bc she couldn't understand us), so we had to start speaking english at school (we were 3) We transitioned perfectly fine. Most kids in my family do. they instinctively knew when to speak english and when to speak italian.

I think you're doing the right thing. I think it will be easier for him to learn english now or soon, than a different language.

DD will learn italian, but dh doesn't speak it at all, so I'll be teaching both of them.

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

Posted by Tilde

Posted by Deeluvsvinny

I was raised bilingual and I spoke Italian before English. Most kids in my family are the same. We knew English, just preferred speaking italian I guess. I mean, my preschool teacher did tell my mom that my cousins & i were not allowed to speak to each other in italian(but that was bc she couldn't understand us), so we had to start speaking english at school (we were 3) We transitioned perfectly fine. Most kids in my family do. they instinctively knew when to speak english and when to speak italian.

I think you're doing the right thing. I think it will be easier for him to learn english now or soon, than a different language.

DD will learn italian, but dh doesn't speak it at all, so I'll be teaching both of them.

We all learned Italian first too. I started school in Kindergarten and I had some issues with knowing when to speak English and when to speak Italian (not realizing that not EVERYONE knew ALL the words I knew) but I never had an Italian accent when I spoke English and after a few months my English was perfect!

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

My niece was and is being raised tri lingual.

She is 25 months old and still not speaking. The pediatrician said it is because she is learning 3 languages. It will make it harder for her to speak.

But I think in the long run it is a great thing to do!! I wish I was fluent in more then 1 language.

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

my DS just turned 2 and can speak chinese and english. he knows exactly who to speak chinese with and who to speak in english, it's amazing. If I tell him count in spanish or chinese, he will. Keep teaching your DC spanish, and you can speak w/ him in English as well, he will pick it up !!

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

I think you are making a great decision. I wish that DH would speak his native language to our kids :( now my oldest is 5 and he is feeling regret and we enrolling him in Spanish school.

Re: bilingual parents raising bilingual children, I'm conflicted

Aiden is learning Spanish from his babysitter. I think it's great!