Re: Calling all calm, rational, even tempered people...

Posted by KateDevine



This MAY sound like I am sticking up for him, but I'm not, but here goes: You are in pain, you are stressed and sad. He is taking over doing all of these thing you do SO well and that makes him stressed.

You are both saying things that you do not mean because of this stress and anger.

He is probably asking you questions b/c he thinks you may want to give input and he may come into the room to try to hang out with you. But because he is a man, he cannot verbalize these things.

Just take a deep breath and relax and go to bed or whatever and talk about it later

Re: Calling all calm, rational, even tempered people...

Lauren....BTDT. It will get better. I am not sure why or how...but at 7 months, DH and I are pretty much back to where we were pre-baby.

I hit a boiling point where I told him terrible things that i had never even thought of pre-baby. Things I wish I could take back.

I am in no way making excuses for him, but for your own piece of mind, don't think of him as a husband for now. Take it easy, take care of yourself. Don't be hurt by him....wait till you recover, then take it from there.

I can't imagine what you are going through by not being able to hold the baby. I hope that passes real soon. When times got bad, it was crazy what a comfort Josh could be for me. Lay in bed, baby beside you while he sleeps.

Re: Calling all calm, rational, even tempered people...

Re: Calling all calm, rational, even tempered people...

Lauren- I am so sorry its getting worse not better. you definately need some space, which is normal- most people would leave to go for a drive or something, and because of your condition its not like you can go out for a walk. Can your parents come back? Do you have a friend who can stay with you for a couple days, even a few hours a day??

Maybe Deleware isnt such a bad idea for a few days.

Re: Calling all calm, rational, even tempered people...

Lauren...I sent you FM. If you are able to get out of the house for alittle while...let me know...I will come and take you to lunch this weekend or something.

Re: Calling all calm, rational, even tempered people...

I don't believe that men can't take care of a baby and the house. There are a lot of single fathers, and SAHDs, so it's not strictly a gender issue. Some people, men and women, have a hard time dealing with things that are out of their control. I am definitely not making excuses for him. He should be there 110% for you. Your healing takes priority right now (just after the baby's needs, of course). Just realize (and make sure DH realizes) that what is going on right now is now truly what you are both feeling in general. You are extremely frustrated, and on pain meds. I know how hard it is to not be able to hold DC. I had elbow surgery when DD was about 5 months. No holding her for several weeks (although I did cheat a little, and figured out how to carefully pick her up with one arm for a little while... ) DH is frustrated and stressed because now he has to deal with his DW being in constant agony (which, whether a guy will admit it or not, is very hard for guys to see and deal with), plus he has to take care of DS all on his own.

I'm not sure how to deal with the short term issues, but just realize that things will get better (both for your back, as well as your marriage). Try to not take anything either of you say or think during your healing process too personal.