Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

I don't usually put personal stuff out there like this, but I guess I just need someone to talk to and I'm sure this will ramble a bit...

First of all, I am 10 days pp, so I KNOW from personal experience that my "fog" will lift, but right now I am totally in the weepy, emotional period. I was like this with my girls and find myself here again.

I find myself mourning my old life. I wish I could "return" DS. I made a big mistake going for #3, etc. etc. (I remember after DD#1 was born thinking, 'Why didn't we get a dog instead??'...seriously. ) Just a half hour ago, my DH and DDs drove away to celebrate my MIL's b-day. I am home because DS ALREADY has a cold and I didn't want to take any more chances. Anyhow, I watched them drive away and bawled my eyes out like, "There goes my family driving away without me and I am sitting here with this stranger." Almost, "I have two kids already...their names are Katherine and Abigail and you are not one of them." Isn't that horrible?

Also--and I find myself ashamed to admit this--but I feel like if he were a girl I wouldn't be feeling this badly. Like, in my old life I was a "girl mom," now, I'm totally turned upside-down...my identity is not the same. And I know that's going to be a good thing and yes, I did experience a sense of loss with the girls too, but I just feel like I'm doing him wrong by having these thoughts and I hate it! I don't want to wish my life away, but oh how I wish it were six months from now and I was in my "new" groove already...

UGH!! I am going to hit "Add New Topic" on this one and hope someone out there can relate (although I don't want you to worry too much; I am NOT having suicidal thoughts or desires to harm anyone)...

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

I think that what you are feeling is normal. I remember being pregnant with Tyler, almost due, and thinking "What have I done????" I loved our little family of three. We had it together. We had our groove. It worked. How would another little person fit in with us?

But, you know from experience....they do fit in. It becomes second nature in no time and you can't imagine your family any other way.

Change is soooo scary, and sad. It's totally normal. Don't be too hard on yourself. YOu are only 10 days PP. It's all so new! Take this time to snuggle with the baby and rest when he's resting!

Also, please bump this when I am pregnant with my third (or have my third) because I'm going to need the reminder.

We are here if you need us!

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

NOooOOooooOOooOORMAL!!!! ESPECIALLY about feeling out of sorts about having a boy.

After each of my children I had a period of detachment. A period of feeling like I "ruined" my old life. This past time the one thing that got me through was KNOWING those feelings would eventually pass.

I am now 3.5 months PP after having my son and we now have a new normal. We have our routine and things have settled into what it "used" to be like, except now we're a family of 5.

I swear, watching his older sisters FIGHT over who gets to kiss him first makes it all totally worth it. All of his smiles are reserved for them. His first laugh was at his oldest sister.

You WILL feel like "you" again, I promise. But baby balls and mini boners will ALWAYS be weird.

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

Totally normal! After I had Erin I was saying to myself "What the hell did I do this for?" I was not happy to be back in newborn land since I was in such a nice groove with Kerri. Your feelings are not strange and many women mourn their old life whether it is baby #1 or #3. You know it gets better with time, hang in there

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

No advice because I only have one- but I do think it'll get better for you.

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

8 mos later...I am still thinking I checked out on so many things this year.

He always went strawberry picking, not this year.
We did not carve pumpkins this year...
I did not take him on an easter egg hunt this year...

I can go on and on.
Sometimes I look at her and hope she knows I love her as much as I love him. Because the poor little love just seems to be tagging along with us, dragged her and there.

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

I can only imagine how you feel since I'm still on #1, but when I even think about having more I think many of these things. I'm sure you will adjust. It's just going to take a little while and then you'll be back in a new groove. (Congrats, by the way!!!!)

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

Thank you SO much everyone! It's very comforting to know that there are people out there who get it.

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

you have FM

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

It's funny..I felt a lot of similar things before I had Ryan..more of a feeling that i wasn't doing right by Johnny by throwing this new baby into his life..I was very weepy on and off about it..I loved our little family of three and was very nervous about the baby on the way..

However I will tell you...the fog lifts, and I truly feel that each child that joins a family is a huge blessing and such an amazing thing to happen to a family...

Just like when you saw your two girls interact, love one another etc..and the love you feel for them...this will too happen with your little boy.

I can't relate to the feelings of being only a "girl mom" as I'm a boy mommy...but if the day comes where I have a girl, i think i can see myself going through similar emotions. As of right now I want a third boy!!! Lol!! I don't think there is anything better than a little boy, but i honestly don't know much different

Take care of yourself, enjoy your new little and remember these feelings WILL pass!! Enjoy seeing the three of them all together and look forward to all the memories you guys will create..you are so lucky and have a beautiful family!

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

I only have one, but I can totally relate and believe it's totally normal!!! When DS was born, I didn't see him for HOURS because of a stupid visiting hours policy that babies can't be in the rooms. Flash forward a week later and I felt like I missed my opportunity to bond with DS, wanted to "return" him as well, and thought all his screaming and crying was because I was a terrible mom. I think those feelings and thoughts lasted 2-3 weeks and I finally came around. Now, I can't imagine how I could ever feel that way because I love him more than anything in the world! Hang in there!

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

You know it's going to get better. You know what you're feeling is normal and not because you are a bad mom/person. Give it a few weeks.

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

What really struck a chord with me in your post was the whole "mourning your old life" thing.
That was EXACTLY how I described it.
This was my first, so my old life was a bit different than yours but I truly mourned it as someone would mourn a person who died.
I would cry for hours. I would sit there and sob. I missed sleeping in bed with my DH (we would sleep in shifts in the early days so that we each could at least get SOME sleep) I missed my freedom, I missed work, my friends, I missed my old relationship with DH and going out and coming and going as we pleased. I missed it all.
I am ashamed to say I questioned our decision to have a baby- I was like- "we signed up for this?? We chose THIS? What kind of life is this?"
Here I was having my life turned upside down by a little stranger who I had NO clue how to take care of, and who I felt I didn't even know.
But as you know, slowly over time, it gets better.
There are still days I miss my old life- and there always will be-but they are fewer and further between and it doesn't feel like mouring anymore...
I'm starting to see that the new life we have created for ourselves can work and can be ok...it just will take time.
Don't beat yourself up- the hormones play SUCH a big role in all of those feelings. And it's ok to feel that way.
I remember reading one of those pamphlets the hospital gave me to take home about adjusting to life with the baby and my favorite piece of advice it gave was... "It's OK to cry about these things"
It kind of validated that what I was feeling was normal and I wasn't losing my mind.

Hang in there!

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

Totally normal! I think you know deep down that it will pass, and you will be a great "boy and girl mommy"!

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

soon you will have a new "normal"

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

It's a huge adjustment, Erin

Most importantly, if you want to get out for a drink, I'm so up for it

It can be an adjustment to have a boy if that's a new experience for you and it takes some getting used to.

There were moments even before my second was born that I question upsetting our family with a new person and now we are all used to it and don't remember a time before.

It will be OK and each day gets easier...right now is the dark, hard part....in a matter of weeks you will be in your groove and this will be a memory.

You know I think you are the most amazing mom and a strong, wonderful woman! I'm sure you are handing this better than you realize.

I'm a BBM away

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

You know what? I think it's totally normal to feel the way you're feeling. After I had Chase, I remember thinking, "Holy sh-t, I actually WANTED this?! What was wrong with me?!" And forget about becoming a mom to a boy! I had identified myself as a girl mommy for 4 years and having a little boy was SO not what I envisioned for myself, so I really had an identity crisis for a bit.
But now, five months into it, I cannot imagine my life without Chase and I certainly cannot imagine NOT being a boy mommy, too!
I think you need to acknowledge the mourning of your old life in order to get past it. I did wallow in it for a while and it passed a lot quicker than I thought it would.
Hang in there and I promise you will fall in-step with your new addition. And remember, he IS a stranger, so give yourself time to get to know him.

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

Posted by SuzyQ

I can only imagine how you feel since I'm still on #1, but when I even think about having more I think many of these things. I'm sure you will adjust. It's just going to take a little while and then you'll be back in a new groove. (Congrats, by the way!!!!)

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

Kind of exaggerated but I would give my right arm if I could skip past the emotonial crap after each one of my children were born. My last was the worst. My anxiety was through the roof. I HATE HATE HATE change HATE it!!! I don't know how to deal wth it. Being away in the hospital for 2 days and then returning home with a brand new person and a brand new life (for all of us) scared the living shiit out of me.

You are now a mommy to 2 tiara's and 1 crown. Soon things will be feel normal. Your new life won't feel new anymore and soon you'll forget that you weren't always a mommy of 3. When your see your girls falling in love with their little brother you are going to melt.

You will look back and laugh b/c your life NOW is exactly the way it was meant to be!

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

I can definitely relate. After Gavin was born, I so mourned my 'old life', being carefree, going out with DH anytime we wanted, watching a movie and drinking wine with no interruptions, jumping in the hot tub and not worrying if someone was going to wake up (like tonight , we walked in from 15 relaxing minutes in the hot tub to Gavin screaming at the top of the stairs, yes, we forgot the monitor )

I suffered from PPD, so I think that was part of it too.

I am so hoping I will be better with this one, but I know I am going to mourn our little family of 3. After 2 1/2 years of just us, it's going to be weird to have another in the mix to love and worry about.

I think what you are going through is totally normal.

I am a mom of a boy and another one on the way. When I have changed my niece's diapers in the past, I am always surprised, it's weird, even though I know I am changing a baby girl's diaper, I am always like this is weird to me, I am so used to the frank and beans, LOL!!! At least I won't be dealing with that change this time around

Message edited 11/7/2010 12:49:36 AM.

Re: Can anyone relate? Post partum related...

Many 's to you and just remember this feeling is temporary. What if you try taking him for a walk around the park and just bundle him up.