child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

My child is in the 1st grade and has been coming home very upset. some kids in his class hide his lunchbox every other day but don't admit to it. he's seen them do it, but the teacher does nothing. they call him a "terrorist" and tell other kids to run away from him laughing. I should say that we are Muslim and visibly so- I wear a headscarf.
we just moved to Great Neck over winter break due to my husbands new job. My son told me his teacher also stopped in the middle of story time yesterday to ask him about "his god" and if he read the quran. He said after this, most of the kids on the rug would not talk to him. I found her questions inappropriate to ask a child, and out of place to say the least.
I knew coming to the neighborhood, it would not be very diverse but we bought our house rather quickly and didn't have many options at the time. my husband is German, raised in boston and so my son physically "blends in" with the rest of the class. But I think once he mentioned he celebrates different holidays, it went downhill.
I've tried to reach out to other parents but I feel like an outsider. No one is willing to have even a friendly chat during pick up time. I've gotten used to the stares after years of it, though I am born and raised in NY. But I did not expect such a hostile response to my child. I've raised him to accepting of all people, no matter race or religion. Nice people are nice people. I spoke to the principal about this but it has been treated as a non-issue. What do you recommend I do? Does anyone know of any private schools that do not have an issue with diversity?

Re: child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

I am so sorry this is happening to your son. That is horrible! Is this public school? There's no way I would let it go. First of all, the teacher needs to be spoken to. That is flat out rude she interrupted story time to ask him those questions. It would be fine if they were going around and everyone was talking about themselves, but to call him out like that seems like she is picking on him. Not cool!

Tolerance needs to be taught. Someone in the school needs to address the other children and explain what they are doing is not ok and I'm upset the teacher is not doing this!!!

If you are not getting anywhere with the principal, I would go the next level up, Board of Ed superintendent (which is why I asked if it was public school). And I would absolutely document everything and send it to them in writing so they must respond.

I am not from Great Neck so I don't have any school recommendations. Sorry.

Re: child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

First, I would contact the teacher. ask her what's going on and let her know what your son has come home and said, ask her how she plans to handle it. Give it a week or two. Contact her again. See how everything is going. If you are still u satisfied, contact the principal and go from there.


as far as private schools go, I'm sure there are many. They may not be any more diverse than Great neck though. Most of the private schools in this area are religious, with the exception of the Waldorf school in garden city.

Good luck. It breaks my heart when kids are mean, but maybe this could be a learning experience for all and end well.

child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

Thanks for the responses, yes this is public school. I think she may have other issues- my son said she screamed at a kid to "shut up" and then screamed at one girl who didn't know the answer to a math question, "why're you staring at me like I have eight heads on something?!" right in her face. It's not like my son to make up detailed stories and I'm inclined to believe him.

The problem with the principal is, he just shoos me away when I first came in, like he wasn't really listening to what I was saying. From what I've seen, it seems like he's close friends with said teacher and doesn't want to say anything to her.

I'd be willing to drive my child anywhere out of great neck for school at this point, if its a good school. I've been looking into Waldorf school, I work at a hospital near garden city, and that could be a good fit. If anyone has any experience with the school, please let me know.

I'm not entirely sure how these things work in long island, we were living in boston- but if you send your child to a private school, it doesn't necessarily have to be one in your district right?

child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

This just makes me said. If the Principal is not taking you seriously, I would probably go higher up and get the Superintendent involved. This is seriously unacceptable!

Re: child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

I am sorry you are going through this. To answer your question, if you choose a private school you're not limited by geography.

I'm stunned by the conduct of your child's teacher and the indifference of the principal. That's inappropriate. Good luck.

Re: child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

Maybe the teacher was just asking about "his gd" and the quran to teach the class about it, to have him expose the kids to more diversity. Education and learning about others is the foundation for acceptance and tolerance and understanding. I do think it is a little out of place if it was unrelated to the book entirely, but maybe the book led into a question like that. Maybe the teacher asked other kids of different religions and ethnicities similar questions and your child wasn't singled out. So I have to say sorry, I don't think that is grounds for leaving the school or complaining to administration.

However, the lunchbox bullying is unacceptable. Being called a terrorist is unacceptable. The principal shrugging your concerns off is unacceptable. So those are issues I would continue to fight/question. I would speak to the teacher more about lunchbox/name-calling in class. As a teacher myself, I would be my own detective and help figure out what is going on so I could stop it or intervene and work these issues out in my classroom. I do not allow stuff like that to go on if I am aware of it.

Plus there are just nice and tolerant people and there are mean and intolerant people. It stinks but I think people are becoming less social and more afraid. This applies to everyone, no matter who they are. Except unfortunately, in this political climate right now, Muslims are definitely taking the brunt of the hatred and unkindness of others. I have some Muslim friends who wear headscarves. Some have decided to ditch them due to troubles they've encountered. Others have refused to do so but still feel hurt on a daily basis. Neither seems right to me, both sides are losing in some way. I'm sorry.

I have no recommendations for private school. But great necks schools are supposedly very good academically. I would not pull out. Kids grow up, it might change.

child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

The book was Jumanji, so I don't think that is likely to lead to talking about his religion. On the very off chance that it somehow did just come up from another conversation, her behavior towards other students is still problematic. Screaming at six year olds and telling them to shut up is not okay.
My son is scared of her and going to class so he keeps making up excuses for why he can't go to school that day. I don't know how helpful it will be to talk to her about other kids if she is part of the problem, but I will certainly get her side of it. I don't want to be that parent that thinks her child can do no wrong and gives the teacher a hard time, but the recent behavior of my son says a lot. His whole body shakes when he talks about her and the things the kids say because he's so upset. Thanks for your feedback.

child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

Contact the social worker at school. Every school has a bully prevention program by law and they have to follow the rules they set out.

Re: child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

After reading your second and third posts, it actually sounds like the teacher might be the issue. If you aren't in love with the school and don't want to push to just change teachers within the school then I would most definitely switch to a private school that is more comfortable for your son! Good luck.

Re: child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

First talk to the teacher. Find out what she says happened. Then go to the principal. If the principal doesn't help then go to the superintendent. Bullying is a serious issue and the school district needs to be aware of it.

Re: child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

Contact the teacher or principal and say that these behaviors are in violation of DASA...Dignity for all
Students act. Basically states that all children have the right to an education in a safe environment. Being called a terrorist is unacceptable! You can read more here:

http://capsli.org/dignity-for-all-students-act-dasa/

Re: child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

What did the teacher say when you brought it up to her?

Re: child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

Re: child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

I am so sorry for you and would not let this issue go. If you are not getting the response you need, I would go seek out the superintendent. I am Jewish. When I was a child I had teachers call me out for being Jewish. They made fun of me for my religion. It is an awful thing to experience intolerance for just being you. Personally, I would look for a private school. I am unfamiliar with any local mosques, but I would start there to see if they have any suggestions for private schools and, if need be, an attorney to represent your child if he faces further discrimination. Hugs. Edit to say the district should pay for private school, not you. They are discriminating against your child. It really upsets me on your behalf. No one should be discriminated against.

Message edited 2/2/2016 2:20:53 PM.

child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

If it were me...
I'd be ridiculously blunt about it. Being that I'm atheist, I do not tolerate judgment of my child or my beliefs. She's in 2nd and no child has ever isolated her for her mother's beliefs. And yes, the children know. Children just don't think like that. She's just AJ. They don't really care what her mother (me) thinks. They don't discuss 'god' in school at all.

However, if this behavior were to happen with my child, I'd lose my cool (as I am prone to do) and be blunt. You can not and will not isolate or mistreat my child based on my religious beliefs or lack there of. It is literally against the principle of church and state of which a public school is. She says the pledge without fail and I support that 100% but do not test my patience by singling her out in a class for torture. When the teacher becomes the bully, I become her greatest defense (and I have in the past done exactly that).

I'd remove her from that class. No way I'd allow my child to be subjected to such deplorable behavior. But I'd be sure to report it up the chain of command to the district levels in writing. No one, REGARDLESS of their beliefs deserves such ridicule.

My belief is that all beliefs have one common goal. Be good to one another. Why is that so hard?

Re: child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

Kids will pick on a new kid for any reason...

The "terrorist" thing is terrible though... and scary that it is happening at a 1st grade level. My son is in K & doesn't know the word.

As for diversity of schools, I would see how things go, do all the measures that others above have stated, and then consider a switch. No reason to have your kid tortured.

My kids both went to a super diverse Montessori in Westchester (a stereotypically un-diverse area). They celebrated the diversity of the classes and my kids don't look twice at custom differences. Maybe because of that, the classes look like they could be a commercial for diversity. I'm sure that exists on LI too.

I also believe very good Queens school districts are the most diverse in the country. It may be a reasonable commute for you.

Unfortunately, when you've bought a house your options are limited. I always tell people to rent while they "feel out" a new place.

Re: child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

The ladies here have given great advice. I just want to say that I'm sorry your DC has been going through this. I'd be very upset.

Re: child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

I will be blunt because I've BTDT.

Ugh, I feel terribly for your son, how did you choose Great Neck? Long Island is a very segregated place , it's not right but I feel like you have to be careful where you move. I had my fears for my own (minority) children, and chose the town carefully.

That being said, have you spoken with his teacher? I think you need her side of the story too. I have an almost 6 year old , and their perception of things can be different from the teacher's intention. If speaking with the teacher doesn't help, you should go to the principal. Find out which kids are bothering your son so you can name them. Maybe they are picking on the new kid, not the Muslim kid. At least that's what I would hope.

The teacher may be asking him questions to teach the other children, which is a great thing to do. He needs to be proud of who he is and what he believes in.

I feel so sad for your son, if this is what is really happening. My mom's neighbor was a minority in Nassau county town (sweet family) , and sold a year later because of his kids were being picked on. Again, not sure if it was a new kid thing or something else.

Message edited 2/2/2016 6:26:47 PM.

Re: child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

Message edited 2/2/2016 6:24:41 PM.

Re: child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

I am so sorry to hear this and am absolutely disgusted by the kids and administration. I have been touring a lot of private schools lately and live very close to you. I would look at the following (although they arent the most diverse schools, they seem to have a handle on bullying etc):

1. Buckley (more diverse than most private schools)
3. Greenvale (my pick amoung private schools)
3. Friends (more diverse than most)
4. Portledge (only know of students who have attended the H.S)

Good luck and i hope your situation gets better!

Message edited 2/4/2016 5:22:47 PM.

child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

Sorry this is happening to you.

I'm an elementary teacher. I have to have conversations with my young students every single day about appropriate behavior. However I've never heard them call someone a terrorist. My school is very diverse and we celebrate diversity and all different holidays. My students are proud to share their culture with the class. I would first schedule a meeting with the teacher. Make a list of all of the issues you would like to discuss. See what she has to say. After your meeting I would think she would be more aware of her behavior. I also think she would have a talk with the class about inappropriate comments and bullying. There should be a guidance counselor or someone designated to be in charge of bullying incidents. After your meeting with her you will hopefully see a difference. If you do not see a change then I would schedule a meeting with the Principal. If that doesn't work then you can go higher up. As for Great Neck it is not that diverse. I'm not sure if you would be willing to buy a new home but there are many other areas that are more diverse. Hang in there. Please schedule these meetings asap! Good luck!

child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

While this makes me sick to know that your son is being bullied in this way, I'm not at all surprised that this behavior is occurring in school or that the teacher is condoning and participating in it.

It all starts at home. Kids don't lean these things by themselves. If the parents are ignoring your or treating you badly, how will their kid act any differently.

I would speak to the principal. If he does not take it seriously, go to the superintendent. I would not take this lying down.

Good luck - and please know, not everyone on LI treats people so disrespectfully.

Re: child bullied; teacher asks uncomfortable questions

Again, what happened when you spoke to the teacher about it?