| Posted By |
Message |
maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
|
dating after death (parents)
has anyone lost a parent and the surviving parent is dating or remarried?
it has been 5 years that my mom has been alone and I wish she would think about dating. She just turned 60 and I know that she is lonely but I dont think she would ever consider dating. My heart breaks for her, my parents were finally getting to the "good part" of life, my sister and I were the youngest - 19 when my dad died and they were just about finished with parenting and children.
  I guess what makes it really hard for me is knowing where I am in life (getting married in 6 weeks) and seeing it come full circle - death and loneliness after 31 years of marriage. I just feel as if she was robbed and I want her to be happy....
|
Posted 8/28/08 9:17 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Beth
The Key to your new home....
Member since 2/06 24849 total posts
Name:
Beth
|
Re: dating after death (parents)
my Dad was the opposite
he started dating after 5 months
and after 3.5 years he was engaged
has she tried match.com or eharmony??
that's how my Dad started dating
|
| Posted 8/29/08 12:00 AM |
| |
|
nylisa
My Children
Member since 5/05 7905 total posts
Name:
MaMa
|
Re: dating after death (parents)
My dad was like Beth's dad. My dad started dating 6 months after my mom passed away. But that did not work out, which I am glad about. For almost the last year he has been seeing a very nice woman who also lost her husband (but he was very long when he passed). My dad found both woman on a widow website.
|
| Posted 8/29/08 10:26 AM |
| |
|
maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
|
Re: dating after death (parents)
my mom has not joined any of those websites and I dont think she ever will.
my dad was her first and only love. i dont think she will ever let herself be with anyone else. I wish she would give it a try, for her own sanity - she needs to LIVE life again
|
| Posted 8/29/08 11:51 AM |
| |
|
nylisa
My Children
Member since 5/05 7905 total posts
Name:
MaMa
|
Re: dating after death (parents)
I did not want to see my dad with anyone else but my mom but after awhile I knew that my dad still had to live and enjoy himself so I was ok with it. Give your mom some time. I have also heard that most women never date again when their DHs pass but men do when their DWs pass.
|
| Posted 8/29/08 11:54 AM |
| |
|
Diana712
RIP my beloved Brother Richard
Member since 5/07 6710 total posts
Name:
Diana
|
Re: dating after death (parents)
My Father passed away when he was 61. My Motherr was 60.. She was ok.. She worked she played bingo and kept herself very very buzy.. My parents were very much in love..She started getting depressed around the 5th year,, I started to pray that she met someone so she didnt have to grow old alone.... She decided to go to a bereavent group through our local Church.. And there she met Jim.. She got engaged in 3mos married in 6mos and has been happily married for the last 10 years..
I am not going to lie.. We all (my sisters, brother and I) FREAKED out at first,, We felt so bad.. Jim won over my heart after the first few months.. He makes my mother very happy.. They travel, go to senirs citizen group outings together, dances.. Its amazing.. My older sisters have this loyaly/guilt thing going on STILL.. They are cordial but cold.. My brother and I embraced him..
My mother got very lucky 2x in her life.. Very hard to do....
|
| Posted 9/2/08 8:45 AM |
| |
|
PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
|
Re: dating after death (parents)
Posted by mrskparetta
has anyone lost a parent and the surviving parent is dating or remarried?
it has been 5 years that my mom has been alone and I wish she would think about dating. She just turned 60 and I know that she is lonely but I dont think she would ever consider dating. My heart breaks for her, my parents were finally getting to the "good part" of life, my sister and I were the youngest - 19 when my dad died and they were just about finished with parenting and children.
I guess what makes it really hard for me is knowing where I am in life (getting married in 6 weeks) and seeing it come full circle - death and loneliness after 31 years of marriage. I just feel as if she was robbed and I want her to be happy....
SOunds like we are in the same situation. my dad passed away at 58 (3 months after I got married) and my mom was widowed at 54. My mom is now 56 and she also will never re-marry. What is your mom doing to get on with her life since your dads passing? Maybe she needs to get out a little not necessarily on dates but out with friends etc... I notice alot more men tend to date again or re marry. Honestly, I am like you...unsure of what is going to happen.
|
| Posted 9/2/08 12:03 PM |
| |
|
maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
|
Re: dating after death (parents)
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by mrskparetta
has anyone lost a parent and the surviving parent is dating or remarried?
it has been 5 years that my mom has been alone and I wish she would think about dating. She just turned 60 and I know that she is lonely but I dont think she would ever consider dating. My heart breaks for her, my parents were finally getting to the "good part" of life, my sister and I were the youngest - 19 when my dad died and they were just about finished with parenting and children.
I guess what makes it really hard for me is knowing where I am in life (getting married in 6 weeks) and seeing it come full circle - death and loneliness after 31 years of marriage. I just feel as if she was robbed and I want her to be happy....
SOunds like we are in the same situation. my dad passed away at 58 (3 months after I got married) and my mom was widowed at 54. My mom is now 56 and she also will never re-marry. What is your mom doing to get on with her life since your dads passing? Maybe she needs to get out a little not necessarily on dates but out with friends etc... I notice alot more men tend to date again or re marry. Honestly, I am like you...unsure of what is going to happen.
She actually has a better social life now with her friends than she did when my dad was living (they spent all of their free time together) now she goes out to lunch and dinner with her friends, has been to the movies, shops with them etc. None are male though. She is 60 now, was 55 when he passed. I just cant imagine her growing old alone I wish there was someone there for her at night when she is all alone, on weekends to go on day trips. She is getting to the age where she has aches and pains and I wish there was someone to take care of her. It makes me feel guilty - like I should be there more, but I know she is happy that I am starting my life. I think the guilt is that hardest part for me at this point.
It kills me to see old married couples walking happily down the street, or shopping together. My mom has been robbed of that ugh, I dont know, just sucks 
|
| Posted 9/2/08 7:18 PM |
| |
|
PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
|
Re: dating after death (parents)
Posted by mrskparetta
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by mrskparetta
has anyone lost a parent and the surviving parent is dating or remarried?
it has been 5 years that my mom has been alone and I wish she would think about dating. She just turned 60 and I know that she is lonely but I dont think she would ever consider dating. My heart breaks for her, my parents were finally getting to the "good part" of life, my sister and I were the youngest - 19 when my dad died and they were just about finished with parenting and children.
I guess what makes it really hard for me is knowing where I am in life (getting married in 6 weeks) and seeing it come full circle - death and loneliness after 31 years of marriage. I just feel as if she was robbed and I want her to be happy....
SOunds like we are in the same situation. my dad passed away at 58 (3 months after I got married) and my mom was widowed at 54. My mom is now 56 and she also will never re-marry. What is your mom doing to get on with her life since your dads passing? Maybe she needs to get out a little not necessarily on dates but out with friends etc... I notice alot more men tend to date again or re marry. Honestly, I am like you...unsure of what is going to happen.
She actually has a better social life now with her friends than she did when my dad was living (they spent all of their free time together) now she goes out to lunch and dinner with her friends, has been to the movies, shops with them etc. None are male though. She is 60 now, was 55 when he passed. I just cant imagine her growing old alone I wish there was someone there for her at night when she is all alone, on weekends to go on day trips. She is getting to the age where she has aches and pains and I wish there was someone to take care of her. It makes me feel guilty - like I should be there more, but I know she is happy that I am starting my life. I think the guilt is that hardest part for me at this point.
It kills me to see old married couples walking happily down the street, or shopping together. My mom has been robbed of that ugh, I dont know, just sucks
I think your WHOLE family has been robbed of that as did mine.
I am not going to lie...I think its unfair. I aslo look at other WHOLE families and say WTH happened here. I mean this just isnt right...I totally understand where you are coming from.
Also, wanted to add...my mom also has a great social life going away with friends etc...BUT still I agree...at the end of the night...then what...
Message edited 9/2/2008 7:24:35 PM.
|
| Posted 9/2/08 7:22 PM |
| |
|
maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
|
Re: dating after death (parents)
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by mrskparetta
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by mrskparetta
has anyone lost a parent and the surviving parent is dating or remarried?
it has been 5 years that my mom has been alone and I wish she would think about dating. She just turned 60 and I know that she is lonely but I dont think she would ever consider dating. My heart breaks for her, my parents were finally getting to the "good part" of life, my sister and I were the youngest - 19 when my dad died and they were just about finished with parenting and children.
I guess what makes it really hard for me is knowing where I am in life (getting married in 6 weeks) and seeing it come full circle - death and loneliness after 31 years of marriage. I just feel as if she was robbed and I want her to be happy....
SOunds like we are in the same situation. my dad passed away at 58 (3 months after I got married) and my mom was widowed at 54. My mom is now 56 and she also will never re-marry. What is your mom doing to get on with her life since your dads passing? Maybe she needs to get out a little not necessarily on dates but out with friends etc... I notice alot more men tend to date again or re marry. Honestly, I am like you...unsure of what is going to happen.
She actually has a better social life now with her friends than she did when my dad was living (they spent all of their free time together) now she goes out to lunch and dinner with her friends, has been to the movies, shops with them etc. None are male though. She is 60 now, was 55 when he passed. I just cant imagine her growing old alone I wish there was someone there for her at night when she is all alone, on weekends to go on day trips. She is getting to the age where she has aches and pains and I wish there was someone to take care of her. It makes me feel guilty - like I should be there more, but I know she is happy that I am starting my life. I think the guilt is that hardest part for me at this point.
It kills me to see old married couples walking happily down the street, or shopping together. My mom has been robbed of that ugh, I dont know, just sucks
I think your WHOLE family has been robbed of that as did mine.
I am not going to lie...I think its unfair. I aslo look at other WHOLE families and say WTH happened here. I mean this just isnt right...I totally understand where you are coming from.
we have, I dont even think I have come to that realization yet. for the first year or two, I would put up a wall whenever I thought about it. It was like a mental block, as soon as my thoughts strayed to my dad or his death or how he died and the mistakes that were made - it was an immediate roadblock. I couldnt think about it. Now I am beginning to finally realize everything that I (and my 4 siblings and mom) are missing out on. I was 19, I thought I KNEW my dad but I didnt KNOW him, I never had an adult relationship with him, only a child relationship. Now I realize what we are all missing out on. My wedding is in 5 weeks, no dad to walk me down the aisle
I remember how mad, I mean furious I would get when I would see men younger than my dad, out of shape, smoking, stuffing BK down their faces - I would rage! Why are they alive and my dad who was so active and so giving is not! Its not fair, there is no rhyme or reason - it just is and IT sucks
|
| Posted 9/2/08 7:29 PM |
| |
|
PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
|
Re: dating after death (parents)
I have 2 other siblings as well and we were all in our 20's when he had a massive heart attack in front of me and my mom and died within that hr. Totally unexpected. Curious to know...were you aware or was it also unexpected? I totally understand the frustration of the wedding. He made my wedding and died 3 months after. My wedding tapes were given to me after the fact. My bro and his wife were also preggo the week before he passed and never knew and i was preggo 3 months after his death. He never knew he would be a grandfather. Everytime there is a new milestone it hits you harder and harder. Did your family try bereavement counseling? How long ago was this? He passed Nov 06'. Honestly, I dont know that group therapy helped. I left after 2 sessions.
|
| Posted 9/2/08 7:41 PM |
| |
|
maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
|
Re: dating after death (parents)
deleted thought better of my post while family is going through a lawsuit related to my dads death
Message edited 9/2/2008 8:30:11 PM.
|
| Posted 9/2/08 7:51 PM |
| |
|
PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
|
Re: dating after death (parents)
WOW! yeah we got the holding room too. We also made it to the hospital while they tried to reveive him from the house-ambul -the hospital. Me and my mom got the news in the holding room. These experiences are traumatizing and thats probably why the spouses feel like they cant go on and the children feel so responsible for the parents KWIM..
|
| Posted 9/2/08 8:31 PM |
| |
|
