day care - having a hard time w the thought

my baby will be just 3 weeks old tomorrow...and the post partum anxiety i seem to be experiencing feels so out of hand sometimes...and has a lot to do with the thought of leaving him with someone else once i return to work. i feel like this thought is driving me crazy. i'm so nervous that he won't be taken care of the way i want him to be. i don't believe in crying it out. i don't want him to be hungry and it go unnoticed. i don't want him to sit around in a dirty diaper. he's so little and it scares me so much to think about leaving him in someone else's care. i just want him to be cared for the same way i care for him...but how will i ever know that's happening if he's with someone else? i cry every time i think about it.

i know some of (or maybe many of) you out there must experience/have experienced feelings and worries like this. can anyone share how they cope?

and if any of you have a great day care you can recommend in or near levittown that you are happy with and trust, who takes infants, and who might take a baby part time as of april or may, please let me know.

TIA for any help, support, or just for sharing your feelings with me. i've been having such a hard time with my emotions lately and i just need to hear something from someone on this topic.

Re: day care - having a hard time w the thought

my DD is 8.5m and im just going back to work now.. and i feel exactly the same as you

i am sorry i am no help but i think its normal to feel this way... i also have PP and its still hitting me pretty hard...

Re: day care - having a hard time w the thought

My DS is now 2 years old and has been in daycare since he was 6 months old. I had a really hard time with him going to daycare at first- I felt so incredibly guilty and I missed him terribly. It definitely took me a few months to adjust to being away from him during the day but as time passed I've found that it has just become part of my normal routine and he absolutely loves it. I truly believe he gets so much out of being in day care, between the everyday socialization with other babies (now toddlers) and activities.

It will be hard at first, but I promise that it gets better

Re: day care - having a hard time w the thought

sandcastles in bethpage. My friend's son goes there still and it seems wonderful.

Re: day care - having a hard time w the thought

First of all . I know its hard to think of daycare when you look at that tiny baby and the thought of leaving him with anyone is killing you. I can't help with the daycare recommendation but I can help with how you are feeling.

DS was 6 mths (will be 4 next mth) and DD was 5 mths (is 14 mths) when they wqent to daycare. When DS was small, I saw the positive aspect of putting him in daycare because my neice and nephew went. DH HATED the thought! We ended up touring 4 daycares together and picked one when he wss 4 weeks. We were lucky enough to have my mom around to take care of him. When 6 mths came up, it was time for daycare and am much as I "okay" with it, I remember the fears I felt. The thought of someone else taking care of him made me so anxious. Time went by and I grew to trust the people that took care of him and it made me feel good that he would smile at them and go readily into their arms. I also saw how much they grew to love him. When DD came along, we put her in the same daycare.

No one will ever take care of your child like you will but hopefully you find people you can grow to trust that will love and care for him. There are may positive aspects of daycare. DS and DD are both very social and friendly. They share pretty well. DS always wants to be the first and last at "school". Dh a few weeks agop said to me, "Daycare was the best thing we did for our children". I never thought that I would hear that for him!

I hope this helps. Good luck!

Re: day care - having a hard time w the thought

My boys have both been in daycare since they were each 3 months old. I've pulled them out of two centers in that time.

With that said...overall I have been very happy with the daycare experience. I went back to work and needed care for them - daycare was the best option and so we made the best of it. But in that time I've watched them thrive (and where things were less than acceptable I changed that fast). There are pros and cons to every parenting decision we make but as one mom to another I want to share this...

Daycare is required to change your child within certain time periods each day.

Daycare is not allowed by law to allow a child to CIO.

Daycare is required to provide timed meals including snacks where appropriate. We would bring in 5 full bottles for the day and they were all used.


He won't be cared for exactly the way you would...but that's what makes you Mommy and the center of his world. He will be cared for, he will be given attention, he will be in a happy environment, he will make little friends and you will be very much a part of his day even though you are not together.



Lots of hugs!!!

Re: day care - having a hard time w the thought

It's completely normal to feel this way.

It made me sick when I was looking for daycares for DD. But I got some good recommendations on here, and I felt good about the place I chose. Her teacher made me feel so much better about leaving her. And she did REALLY well there. I would pop in randomly throughout the day, and everything was always on the up-and-up. Diapers being changed, no CIO at all. They were always on a schedule. And the babies were always being attended to.

When you find the place for you, you will know. It will make you feel better. Ask if you can pop in thoughout the day to observe. So you can get an idea of what goes on.

Good luck.

Re: day care - having a hard time w the thought

It is hard to do. I tried not to think about it the first few weeks I was home because I knew it would make me crazy.

As DS got older, and I could see how happy he was with his teachers and friends at daycare, it became much easier.

I am feeling it will be easier to leave DC 2 there because I know the infant teacher and how much DS loved her - so it's different this time around.

ETA - DS has been at the same center now for 23 months. He has had great teachers and has made some good friends. He's even got a little girlfriend. He's learned so much there.

Message edited 1/31/2012 9:07:13 AM.

Re: day care - having a hard time w the thought

It is rough, I'm not going to lie. I would love to be home with DS all the time. He is 10 months now, and when I go pick him up it is amazing to see him playing with the other kids. I know that if I were able to stay home with him, he wouldn't have this kind of social interaction. Since DH and I are shy and feel awkward in settings where we don't really know anyone, it is great because DS won't have our fears hopefully.

DS goes to daycare in Levittown. We go to Tutor Time. We absolutely love the infant teacher, and she loves all "her babies". I never worry that he is being ignored, or his needs aren't being met. She takes such great care. Also, she won over my mom, which is huge. My mom felt much better about him going to daycare after she went to pick up DS and saw all the love and attention that DS gets.

If you want any more info, please feel free to FM me. At least go check it out, you can sign up for a tour, and meet the teacher. That's what we did. Then the week before we started, when we went in to drop off DS' stuff, I just hung out there for like 2 hours watching and letting DS get used to the environment and the teacher.

Re: day care - having a hard time w the thought

My DD started daycare at 8 weeks old and the week before I went back to work was brutal. I'd cry all the time, the guilt was overwhelming. I couldn't believe I would be leaving my baby with strangers. I felt like a horrible mom- I would cry everytime I looked at her.

The key though was that I had found a daycare center that I LOVED- with a teacher that was amazing. The second I met her I just knew that I would trust her- she had such a way about her and a way with babies.

Rest assured- if you are in a good center or facility that your baby will NOT be sitting around in a dirty diaper, crying it out in a crib or hungry.
They will document everything. Every feeding, every diaper change, every nap, every change of clothes.

Within a week, we were in a groove and I felt SOOO much better. I knew DD was getting great care and that everything was fine when I was at work.

She is now 19 months old and still at the same center and I couldn't be happier- to me, it was the best thing we ever did.

I know it's hard- especially now at this early age- but as long as you find a center you trust- it will get easier by the day!

Re: day care - having a hard time w the thought

I felt the SAME exact way that you are feeling. The only thing that honestly helped me is that I just let her go, and when I came back, I saw how happy she was. After a few days she began to recognize her teachers and absolutely LOVES them!!! They had a Christmas party, and Dd wanted to be held by her teacher and not me!!! She was crying for her teacher! Although I felt a little bad about it- I do realize that she is VERY happy with everyone there and LOOOVESSS being around other kids!!
I'll be honest though, I still feel guilty (almost 6 months later) that I can't be the one who is watching her, but this is what's best for our family and most importantly DD is HAPPY!!! You'll get through it! I promise you!!!

Re: day care - having a hard time w the thought

I know how you feel -- I am going back in 3 1/2 weeks and my DD wil be 5 months and my older DD will be 3. It is hard, I won't lie, but the most important thing is that you find someone whom you trust to take care of your baby. Why don't you look into someone coming to your house or dropping your DC off at a home daycare? I have in the past when it was just DD #1 and will again this time, have someone come to my house. It just makes me more comfortable, and it isn't any more expensive.

Re: day care - having a hard time w the thought

Re: day care - having a hard time w the thought

DS's daycare used to write down when he ate and when he was changed.

If you start keeping track of when he does those things, you can see if it agrees to the sheet daycare will give you.

It does get easier.

Also, if your DC doesn't wet thru his clothes now and comes home from daycare w/ wet clothes, it could be a sign of an issue.

Message edited 1/31/2012 9:17:37 PM.

Re: day care - having a hard time w the thought

would you consider a nanny?

we visited several daycares and i did not feel comfortable putting my baby in daycare. we ended up finding a wonderful nanny and are very happy with our decision. he gets the one on one care while he is still little. once he gets older. we plan to put him in preschool with his older brother.

Re: day care - having a hard time w the thought

If it's not too far for you, we used Kiddie Academy in Syosset for 3.5 years and LOVED it. Both my kids had great experiences there. For us, we liked the daycare environment better than a nanny. You have to do what you are more comfortable with.

Re: day care - having a hard time w the thought

thank you for your responses. you've made me feel a little better about things.

i'm facing another issue now, of needing the wrong TYPE of "part-time" daycare. my job and DH's employer will both allow us to change our hours, working it out that DS would only need daycare half days. but no centers will do this; many do not offer part time daycare for infants, and those that do only offer it in fewer days during the week, instead of fewer hours every weekday. unfortunately for us, we aren't sure we can afford full time right now. so in addition to being upset about leaving him, it looks like i'm not going to have options on who to leave him with.

i appreciate you sharing your experiences. it's good to hear that other people have felt this way, have dealt with it, and a lot of you feel it was a great decision for your LO. makes me hopeful that i'll figure out a good daycare situation, and be ok w it too, and it'll be good for DS.

Re: day care - having a hard time w the thought

Can your employers possibly let you change your hours so that you are working longer hours but only three days a week?

Our daycare has 5 days, 3 days or 2 days.

My boys have been in dc since 4 months and 5 months. Older DS is almost 5 and will be "graduating" in June. We've had a very positive experience there. It's hard in the beginning, but it gets easier! I promise!!

Re: day care - having a hard time w the thought

i feel your pain! i was crying at the thought from the moment i brought ds home!! it definitely still hurts, but has gotten easier.

we send him to the teacher's pet in levittown. they do part time day care. he has only been there 2 weeks, but so far so good!