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maybeamommy
Blessed beyond belief
Member since 10/07 17048 total posts
Name:
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Did I do the right thing?
This morning when I dropped Loey off at daycare, I overheard one of the teachers in another room make a comment to a child that upset me. Let's just call the child "Billy"
I hear a child crying. I hear the teacher say, "Billy is supposed to share and he's not sharing." A little kid says something about Billy crying. Teacher responds, "Well Billy can just stand there and cry all day for all I care."
I wasn't sure if I should say anything, so I left... but I couldn't stop thinking about it when I was in the car. I called and told one of the directors.
Did I do the right thing? What would you have done?
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Posted 11/1/10 8:55 AM  |
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Aries14
Can't plan life...
Member since 8/08 2860 total posts
Name:
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
I would have done the same thing! And If I was Billy's mommy I would be very thankful  I couldn't imagine dropping my child off at daycare and one of the teachers treating them like that!
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| Posted 11/1/10 8:57 AM |
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LeShellem
A new beginning
Member since 2/07 3600 total posts
Name:
LeShelle
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Absolutely. I totally would have said the something to the director as well. Kids can't speak up for themselves. It is up to us to say something. Hopefully this teacher gets spoken to. Who saids this to another child?
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| Posted 11/1/10 8:58 AM |
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jgl
Love my little boys!!!
Member since 8/07 7060 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
I think you did the right thing but i am sure she doesnt intend on doing that and probably said it out if frustration.
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| Posted 11/1/10 8:59 AM |
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Newly1
I love my baby boy!
Member since 6/08 2804 total posts
Name:
H
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
I think you did the right thing!
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| Posted 11/1/10 9:00 AM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by jgl
I think you did the right thing but i am sure she doesnt intend on doing that and probably said it out if frustration.
I agree.
Children need to learn consequences for their action. No one is going to leave him there all day crying but he shouldn't be hugged and coddled for not sharing.
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| Posted 11/1/10 9:02 AM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
I don't have kids in daycare, but it almost seems like this teacher is acting like this is how she would handle it if it were her own home and own kids.
I think the two have to be separate. Just because she might tell her kid, go ahead cry, doesn't mean that is appropriate in the school.
I think I might go back later, mention it to whomever is in charge, and suggesting that telling a 2 or 3 year old that they can cry all day, might not get the wanted reaction from the child, but might make him not trust her and obey her in the future. (I know my thought as a child would be, she's mean...even if I knew I did something wrong).
Explaining to a child that young and reinforcing sharing would go a longer way than using psychology. JMO
edit: I just re-read and saw you did say something...I'm glad you did.
Message edited 11/1/2010 9:04:01 AM.
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| Posted 11/1/10 9:03 AM |
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Linda1003
love my 2 boys
Member since 8/08 10923 total posts
Name:
Linda
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing. I have realized.. you as a mother should NEVER feel uncomfortable about something you saw or heard at daycare... these are the people watching your child (if not now...then someday). You saying something is THE ONLY way the directors will know something is not right.. to be able to change that behavior or..get rid of the teacher. Who knows.... this may not be the ONLY complaint this teacher has against her. KWIM!!!
ETA: what was the director's response.!
Message edited 11/1/2010 9:06:52 AM.
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| Posted 11/1/10 9:06 AM |
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lucyloo
nope
Member since 1/06 9758 total posts
Name:
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
You did the right thing. I've noticed things in other rooms or with other children and I let the director know. I would hope someone would do the same if the teacher was being inappropriate with my child.
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| Posted 11/1/10 9:16 AM |
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lucyloo
nope
Member since 1/06 9758 total posts
Name:
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by neener1211
I don't have kids in daycare, but it almost seems like this teacher is acting like this is how she would handle it if it were her own home and own kids.
I think the two have to be separate. Just because she might tell her kid, go ahead cry, doesn't mean that is appropriate in the school.
ITA!
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| Posted 11/1/10 9:18 AM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by monkeybride
Posted by jgl
I think you did the right thing but i am sure she doesnt intend on doing that and probably said it out if frustration.
I agree.
Children need to learn consequences for their action. No one is going to leave him there all day crying but he shouldn't be hugged and coddled for not sharing.
ITA
Teachers are HUMAN too. Esp to deal with so many children all day, everyday. You cannot expect perfection. I dont think what she said was that horrific and I am sure it was just a phrase she said. I would not have been horrified at that phrase. i expected to read something much worse to be honest.
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| Posted 11/1/10 9:21 AM |
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lucyloo
nope
Member since 1/06 9758 total posts
Name:
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by Goobster
Posted by monkeybride
Posted by jgl
I think you did the right thing but i am sure she doesnt intend on doing that and probably said it out if frustration.
I agree.
Children need to learn consequences for their action. No one is going to leave him there all day crying but he shouldn't be hugged and coddled for not sharing.
ITA
Teachers are HUMAN too. Esp to deal with so many children all day, everyday. You cannot expect perfection. I dont think what she said was that horrific and I am sure it was just a phrase she said. I would not have been horrified at that phrase. i expected to read something much worse to be honest.
True, but I think a comment like that is something the director should be aware of. Let the director make the decision. Maybe the director will think nothing of it or maybe there were a few other things that are going on.
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| Posted 11/1/10 9:30 AM |
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Linda1003
love my 2 boys
Member since 8/08 10923 total posts
Name:
Linda
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by Goobster
Posted by monkeybride
Posted by jgl
I think you did the right thing but i am sure she doesnt intend on doing that and probably said it out if frustration.
I agree.
Children need to learn consequences for their action. No one is going to leave him there all day crying but he shouldn't be hugged and coddled for not sharing.
ITA
Teachers are HUMAN too. Esp to deal with so many children all day, everyday. You cannot expect perfection. I dont think what she said was that horrific and I am sure it was just a phrase she said. I would not have been horrified at that phrase. i expected to read something much worse to be honest.
First off.. Hayley NEVER said she was Horrified.. she was Upset as I would be too if I heard a child being spoken to in that manner. ESPECIALLY from people who get PAID to tend to comfort, teach and love your child!!!! (a mother saying that would upset me just as much but it's her child so her business).. When a daycare provider demeans a child in front of others.. it needs to be address.
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| Posted 11/1/10 9:34 AM |
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beachgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 7967 total posts
Name:
sara
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Absolutely you did the right thing and I would be thankful to you if I were billys mom.
This lady is supposed to be a professional so this type of talk is not acceptable IMO.
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| Posted 11/1/10 9:37 AM |
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annoyedTTCer
LIF Adult
Member since 4/09 3272 total posts
Name:
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by Linda1003
Posted by Goobster
Posted by monkeybride
Posted by jgl
I think you did the right thing but i am sure she doesnt intend on doing that and probably said it out if frustration.
I agree.
Children need to learn consequences for their action. No one is going to leave him there all day crying but he shouldn't be hugged and coddled for not sharing.
ITA
Teachers are HUMAN too. Esp to deal with so many children all day, everyday. You cannot expect perfection. I dont think what she said was that horrific and I am sure it was just a phrase she said. I would not have been horrified at that phrase. i expected to read something much worse to be honest.
First off.. Hayley NEVER said she was Horrified.. she was Upset as I would be too if I heard a child being spoken to in that manner. ESPECIALLY from people who get PAID to tend to comfort, teach and love your child!!!! (a mother saying that would upset me just as much but it's her child so her business).. When a daycare provider demeans a child in front of others.. it needs to be address.
agree 1000%.
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| Posted 11/1/10 9:39 AM |
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piggy007
Mommy of 2!!
Member since 11/08 1742 total posts
Name:
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by Linda1003
You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing. I have realized.. you as a mother should NEVER feel uncomfortable about something you saw or heard at daycare... these are the people watching your child (if not now...then someday). You saying something is THE ONLY way the directors will know something is not right.. to be able to change that behavior or..get rid of the teacher. Who knows.... this may not be the ONLY complaint this teacher has against her. KWIM!!!
ETA: what was the director's response.!
Linda I couldn't have said this better and I did call and speak to the director before when I felt something was off.
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| Posted 11/1/10 11:27 AM |
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sleepie76
enjoying every minute
Member since 12/07 3881 total posts
Name:
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by Linda1003
Posted by Goobster
Posted by monkeybride
Posted by jgl
I think you did the right thing but i am sure she doesnt intend on doing that and probably said it out if frustration.
I agree.
Children need to learn consequences for their action. No one is going to leave him there all day crying but he shouldn't be hugged and coddled for not sharing.
ITA
Teachers are HUMAN too. Esp to deal with so many children all day, everyday. You cannot expect perfection. I dont think what she said was that horrific and I am sure it was just a phrase she said. I would not have been horrified at that phrase. i expected to read something much worse to be honest.
First off.. Hayley NEVER said she was Horrified.. she was Upset as I would be too if I heard a child being spoken to in that manner. ESPECIALLY from people who get PAID to tend to comfort, teach and love your child!!!! (a mother saying that would upset me just as much but it's her child so her business).. When a daycare provider demeans a child in front of others.. it needs to be address.
Agreed
I dont like the fact that she said that to the other child or in front of this child.
She should have said something along the lines of," Billy needs to learn to share and that is why he is crying."
Not "he can cry all day for all I care".
I wouldn't want my child to overhear that about herself or any other child.
You need to be able to control your words around children. If she thought this was ok to say in front of a parent, I cant imagine what she would say with no one around.
Good for you for calling!
I would probably let it bother me all day and not say a word. I'm a wuss.
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| Posted 11/1/10 11:53 AM |
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CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
I would have called too.
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| Posted 11/1/10 11:55 AM |
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Cpt2007
A new love!
Member since 1/08 5946 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
I would have called as well. its one thing for a teacher to make that kind of remark to her coworkers to vent off some steam, its entirely another to say that to a peer of the crying child.
Good for you for calling. I hope the director takes it seriously.
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| Posted 11/1/10 12:00 PM |
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eddiesmommy
best buds!
Member since 5/09 11524 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
I dont see anything wrong with it. honestly. I dont think its cruel or anything. I think what she meant by it is that , they he needs to learn and its too bad he has too share, and if he doesnt like it, thats the way it is. If DS is having a tantrum or crying bc he has to do something he doesnt want to, I dont hug him so hes not upset. I have told him, Im sorry, but thats the way it is. You can cry all you want, its not going to change anything.
I dont think it was mean spirited or demeaning, but kind of just tough...those are the rules, you can cry if you want, but thats the way it is. Why coddle a child bc hes upset hes not getting his way?
Its not like he got hurt and she left him there by himself crying, that would be cruel. Or so, "you big baby, will you quit your crying, Im tired of having to listen to you" that would be harsh.
Message edited 11/1/2010 1:11:29 PM.
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| Posted 11/1/10 12:04 PM |
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Linda1003
love my 2 boys
Member since 8/08 10923 total posts
Name:
Linda
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by eddiesmommy
I dont see anything wrong with it. honestly. I dont think its cruel or anything. I think what she meant by it is that , they he needs to learn and its too bad he has too share, and if he doesnt like it, thats the way it is. If DS is having a tantrum or crying bc he has to do something he doesnt want to, I dont hug him so hes not upset. I have told him, Im sorry, but thats the way it is. You can cry all you want, its not going to change anything.
I dont think it was mean spirited or demeaning, but kind of just tough...those are the rules, you can cry if you want, but thats the way it is. Why coddle a child bc hes upset hes not getting his way?
Its not like he got hurt and she left him there by himself crying, that would be cruel.
]
No one suggested she "coddle" the child. These people are supposed tob e TRAINED in child care!!! They should know a more productive way of speaking with a child who is throwing a tantrum. The sentence basically is telling the child and all the other children that there is a lack of empathy from that teacher and she just doesn't care.
She could have said just like a pp said...explain to the other children why he is crying...ask the child if he knows why he is in trouble instead of the completely unnecessary HARSH words.
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| Posted 11/1/10 12:13 PM |
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eddiesmommy
best buds!
Member since 5/09 11524 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by Linda1003
Posted by eddiesmommy
I dont see anything wrong with it. honestly. I dont think its cruel or anything. I think what she meant by it is that , they he needs to learn and its too bad he has too share, and if he doesnt like it, thats the way it is. If DS is having a tantrum or crying bc he has to do something he doesnt want to, I dont hug him so hes not upset. I have told him, Im sorry, but thats the way it is. You can cry all you want, its not going to change anything.
I dont think it was mean spirited or demeaning, but kind of just tough...those are the rules, you can cry if you want, but thats the way it is. Why coddle a child bc hes upset hes not getting his way?
Its not like he got hurt and she left him there by himself crying, that would be cruel.
]
No one suggested she "coddle" the child. These people are supposed tob e TRAINED in child care!!! They should know a more productive way of speaking with a child who is throwing a tantrum. The sentence basically is telling the child and all the other children that there is a lack of empathy from that teacher and she just doesn't care.
She could have said just like a pp said...explain to the other children why he is crying...ask the child if he knows why he is in trouble instead of the completely unnecessary HARSH words.
Ok thats fine, I disagree. Im not sure why you are arguing with me bc I dont think it was harsh? I jsut dont, you can, thats fine. I dont think they are harsh and I dont think it was that out of line. I dont think it shows lack of empathy, I think it shows that they dont tolerate that kind of behavior when a child doesnt get their way.
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| Posted 11/1/10 12:16 PM |
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Aries14
Can't plan life...
Member since 8/08 2860 total posts
Name:
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by eddiesmommy
I dont see anything wrong with it. honestly. I dont think its cruel or anything. I think what she meant by it is that , they he needs to learn and its too bad he has too share, and if he doesnt like it, thats the way it is. If DS is having a tantrum or crying bc he has to do something he doesnt want to, I dont hug him so hes not upset. I have told him, Im sorry, but thats the way it is. You can cry all you want, its not going to change anything.
I dont think it was mean spirited or demeaning, but kind of just tough...those are the rules, you can cry if you want, but thats the way it is. Why coddle a child bc hes upset hes not getting his way?
Its not like he got hurt and she left him there by himself crying, that would be cruel.
Sorry, I disagree. I do feel like it was kinda mean spirited coming from a daycare teacher. Parents can handle their children anyway they want but it's not her kid so I don't think she gets a pass for it. There are ways in being a strict "these are the rules" teacher without being mean to a child. Like another poster said, "Billy needs to learn that he has to share and he has to make better choices". NOT "He can cry all day for all I care". I mean, come on - we are talking about little, little kids here. I would be upset if my mother said that about my dd! lol.
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| Posted 11/1/10 12:17 PM |
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Linda1003
love my 2 boys
Member since 8/08 10923 total posts
Name:
Linda
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
since when did having a debate automatically equal arguing?
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| Posted 11/1/10 12:17 PM |
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Nifheim
allo
Member since 1/09 5476 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by eddiesmommy
I dont see anything wrong with it. honestly. I dont think its cruel or anything. I think what she meant by it is that , they he needs to learn and its too bad he has too share, and if he doesnt like it, thats the way it is. If DS is having a tantrum or crying bc he has to do something he doesnt want to, I dont hug him so hes not upset. I have told him, Im sorry, but thats the way it is. You can cry all you want, its not going to change anything.
I dont think it was mean spirited or demeaning, but kind of just tough...those are the rules, you can cry if you want, but thats the way it is. Why coddle a child bc hes upset hes not getting his way?
Its not like he got hurt and she left him there by himself crying, that would be cruel.
ITA!
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| Posted 11/1/10 12:18 PM |
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