Discipline question-Young Toddlers-Need Opinions/Advice

What did/do you do for discipline young toddlers, like 14 months and up?

Over the last couple days Gianna has bit, hit, pinched, poked her new baby sister out of frustration, anger, spite whatever it is-totally out of her normal personality.

How do I make her get that doing these things to her sister is unacceptable?

I have a feeling she is acting out...but we've been through the hitting/biting thing already and nipped it.

Right now immediately after she does it, I tell her in a stern voice, we don't hit/pinch etc., we do nice and I show her how to do it, or if she's getting really vicious, i just do it verbally then make her sit down and I ignore her.

Am I messing up this kid?

What do you do?

Re: Discipline question-Young Toddlers-Need Opinions/Advice

I got the book "The Baby Whisperer for Toddlers".
I had the same problems with my DD who was 17 months when DD #2 came along.

If she hits, scratches or throws toys at the baby, I restrain her hands and calmly say no hitting or throwing (or whatever the offense). When DD sits nicley with the baby, I will say "Emma your doing a good job sitting there with Ellie" - or something along those lines... It's def not 100% effective, but I have seen a tremendous improvement in Emma's behavior because I deal with her differently.

It's rough in the begining, but it will get better!

Re: Discipline question-Young Toddlers-Need Opinions/Advice

She's doing it for attention. We had to deal with the same thing. Joseph was doing the same thing (he was 22 months). He would hit Maddie, smile & say "I go in the corner?"

This was when we started spanking him since we were at a loss as what to do. We felt it was making things worse, so we stopped that & started ignoring it but never leaving him alone with her. We oozed praise on him when he was being nice to her.

It did help.

Posted by JRG71

I got the book "The Baby Whisperer for Toddlers".

Re: Discipline question-Young Toddlers-Need Opinions/Advice

I JUST asked the ped today! Bad behavior is attention seeking...so when you pay attention to it, you are rewarding them!

At this age, they are still like Pavlov's dogs...immediacy is all they can handle. They cannot understand "When we get home..." etc. so you need to address the issue right away.

We were told to ignore both the behavior and the child (but Aly is 18 mths).

She gave me some literature that I have to read...I'll let you know!

Re: Discipline question-Young Toddlers-Need Opinions/Advice

I def have been oozing the praise when she does things good, whether it be with Amelia or just good things in general.

I just wonder if babies under 2 really "understand" what they did is wrong.

Shana-Def let me know what the literature says.

Barb-How much do you want for that book? I want to do some reading up on it online, but def FM!!

Dh and I need to get on the same page though with this, we are so torn down that Gianna doesn't understand what she does is wrong since she's still a baby herself, but at the same time, she needs to know what's wrong or maybe what she does right.

UGHHHHHH>>......

Re: Discipline question-Young Toddlers-Need Opinions/Advice

Well, i don't have this problem BUT I can tell you from observing what does NOT work.

We have friends with a 3.5 year odl and 2 year old. The older one was VERY upset when her brother was born. She had been so spoiled and doted on for 1.5 years that she literally could NOT stand this creature in her life. She would hit him and attack him even if her parents were RIGHT there. Unfortunately, this is how they handled her:

in a VERY calm, quiet and sweet voice they would EXPLAIN to her that "we don't do that" you could see her eyes glaze over and she'd just repeat it. not once were they stern with her. eventually one day she gave him a black eye! it got to where they wouldn't allow her anywhere near him...they even took sep. vacations!

one day the mother snapped and spanked her. would you believe the child learned her lesson? the parents were actually "mean" just once and the child didn't repeat the bad behavior. ssadly, they still coddle both kids and the 2 of them pretty much chase around their toddlers begging them to behave.

so be tough, be mean (i am not saying you have to spank) and do it immediately.

Re: Discipline question-Young Toddlers-Need Opinions/Advice

We started at that age with a stern we don't do that, and a bit later we would give them a time out, but not in the corner or on a chair, we held them on our lap facing out, and just held them there. We would do a minute for each year of age.

I am not sure if they really got it at that age, but they did have a break from what they were doing and were forced to sit by themselves for that minute. After the minute I make them either apolgize to whoever they did something wrong to and then it is over and done with.

Re: Discipline question-Young Toddlers-Need Opinions/Advice

My DS is 17 months. If he hits (or bites), we sternly say "no hitting." If he does it again, we pick him up with his back towards us and put him in his pack and play for 1 minute (we leave the room). I don't know if he fully understands that what he's doing is "wrong," but he certainly is starting to understand that if he does it then mommy stops playing with him and it seems to be helping.

Re: Discipline question-Young Toddlers-Need Opinions/Advice

No advice, but lots of . I am going through the same thing. My DD is 2 and DS is 6 weeks, and she will not leave him alone, she is always poking him or throwing things at him, and nothing I do seems to work. I have tried putting her in the "naughty corner", taking away toys and even made her go to bed early a few times, and nothing works. I hope for both of us it is just a phase and they will get over it soon!

Re: Discipline question-Young Toddlers-Need Opinions/Advice

I so hope this is a phase too

Re: Discipline question-Young Toddlers-Need Opinions/Advice

Re: Discipline question-Young Toddlers-Need Opinions/Advice

I have been dealing with this also and DS #2 isn't even here yet! I noticed that my son has picked up my reactions=I guess I usually hit a table or couch and say "stop" when he is doing something or trying to hit or kick me because he has been doing it now when he gets mad. When he is frustrated he does try to hit me, I have used time out and I think it is effective with him. All I have to do is threaten 'time out' and he stops now. I also make him say sorry before I let him out of time out. I don't think he knows exactly what's going on, but I figure if i follow the same routine, he will eventually catch on more.

Re: Discipline question-Young Toddlers-Need Opinions/Advice

Posted by snuggleupagus

Posted by Ali

My DS is 17 months. If he hits (or bites), we sternly say "no hitting." If he does it again, we pick him up with his back towards us and put him in his pack and play for 1 minute (we leave the room). I don't know if he fully understands that what he's doing is "wrong," but he certainly is starting to understand that if he does it then mommy stops playing with him and it seems to be helping.

Posted by snuggleupagus

one day the mother snapped and spanked her. would you believe the child learned her lesson? the parents were actually "mean" just once and the child didn't repeat the bad behavior. ssadly, they still coddle both kids and the 2 of them pretty much chase around their toddlers begging them to behave.

IMO, it is not helpful to be "mean" or spank. You may -- in fact you probably will -- get them to stop that particular bad behavior, but by spanking you're teaching the child to hit (which is ironic because the child is getting in trouble for hitting in the first place). The only reason they stop doing the bad behavior is because they fear getting yelled at or getting hit again, not because they have learned that it's wrong to do that.

I'm not saying tie them up and throw stones... ...but you can be too gentle and not get your point across as well. These parents in particular tend to talk calmer and sweeter to the kids when they're misbehaving and the kids have no fear. At such a young age, you can't reason with them, you have to show them they were wrong/bad. I never said anyone SHOULD spank anyone, just pointed out that the one time the mom lost hope and tried it, the child got the point and NEVER did it again. It's cause and effect and that's how babies, toddlers and young children learn a lot of things.

Re: Discipline question-Young Toddlers-Need Opinions/Advice

Posted by snuggleupagus
I'm not saying tie them up and throw stones... ...but you can be too gentle and not get your point across as well. These parents in particular tend to talk calmer and sweeter to the kids when they're misbehaving and the kids have no fear. At such a young age, you can't reason with them, you have to show them they were wrong/bad. I never said anyone SHOULD spank anyone, just pointed out that the one time the mom lost hope and tried it, the child got the point and NEVER did it again. It's cause and effect and that's how babies, toddlers and young children learn a lot of things.

Re: Discipline question-Young Toddlers-Need Opinions/Advice

Posted by sweetness

Posted by snuggleupagus

Posted by Ali

My DS is 17 months. If he hits (or bites), we sternly say "no hitting." If he does it again, we pick him up with his back towards us and put him in his pack and play for 1 minute (we leave the room). I don't know if he fully understands that what he's doing is "wrong," but he certainly is starting to understand that if he does it then mommy stops playing with him and it seems to be helping.

Posted by snuggleupagus

one day the mother snapped and spanked her. would you believe the child learned her lesson? the parents were actually "mean" just once and the child didn't repeat the bad behavior. ssadly, they still coddle both kids and the 2 of them pretty much chase around their toddlers begging them to behave.

IMO, it is not helpful to be "mean" or spank. You may -- in fact you probably will -- get them to stop that particular bad behavior, but by spanking you're teaching the child to hit (which is ironic because the child is getting in trouble for hitting in the first place). The only reason they stop doing the bad behavior is because they fear getting yelled at or getting hit again, not because they have learned that it's wrong to do that.

I'm not saying tie them up and throw stones... ...but you can be too gentle and not get your point across as well. These parents in particular tend to talk calmer and sweeter to the kids when they're misbehaving and the kids have no fear. At such a young age, you can't reason with them, you have to show them they were wrong/bad. I never said anyone SHOULD spank anyone, just pointed out that the one time the mom lost hope and tried it, the child got the point and NEVER did it again. It's cause and effect and that's how babies, toddlers and young children learn a lot of things.

While I don't agree with spanking at all, i do see where you are coming from. I've seen relatives, friends and even strangers "reason" or "plead" or "rationalize" with their kids. The kids have no boundaries, no respect for their parents and pretty much know they can push the limits and get little or no consequences for it.

That is the exact opposite I will expect from my girls

My IL's and parents tell me to cut gianna some slack, she's still a baby herself, but I think there needs to be a balance somewhere and it has to start sooner rather than later.

I just hope I am doing the right things.
I really hope this is just a phase and an adjustment period cause Gianna really is a good baby and i've never seen this vicious side of her.