Do you ever feel like a single mom?

Don't get my wrong my DH loves my DD and does everything to help when he's around, unfortunately he has a far commute and isn't home much.

I work full time and pretty much take care of the baby Monday - Friday by myself. She's still sleeping when he leaves and sometimes he gets home in time to put her to bed. So i'm the one who gets her ready in the morning, takes her to day care, works all day, picks her up, tries to play with her if she's not too exhausted, feed, bathe, get ready for bed, put her down, clean the bottles, make the bottles, pack her daycare bag, make dinner, eat dinner (usually around 9pm), clean up dinner, go to bed. I do work one day from home which helps but its so stressful to try to prove myself to work and pay attention to her.

It's just so depressing that life has to be this way. I'm miserable because I miss her, I'm exhausted, rundown and don't want to work full time (but have too) and he's miserable because he never gets to see her, feels bad I have to do everything alone and feels bad I can't go part time.

How can we ever have 2? I can barely handle one alone.....

Message edited 4/12/2007 9:54:05 AM.

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

yes, now that DH is back to work and gets home late I fee like a single mom.

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

I'm sorry, but I must admit that sometimes I feel like it would be easier if DH didn't try to help so much

I feel bad for feeling this way, but sometimes he just gets in the way and is not helpful.

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

i could have written this post, infact all my firends joke with me that i AM a single mom. my dh works long hours. and he does it so i can be a sahm. he is gone when they wake up in the morning and asleep when he gets home at night. its the weekends when we get ALOT of family time in. its just the sacrifice we have to make inorder for me to stay home. and although i hate it alot of the times. its the best decision for us.

ps. i have two children and once a routine is down, its not that much harder then having only one child. trust me.

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

Yes, my DH works 7 days a week from March-November. Right now he is away working on our cabin upstate 7 hours away. I hate it

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

I can agree with you on this some days!!
DH and I started to make a list of things that needed to be done for the baby and for the house. We split up jobs and I am trying to get him to stick to it.
I agree with you - some days I feel like I do EVERYTHING!! To me, just having to pack her up, bring her to the babysitter, unload and repeat on the way home is a huge chore in itself!
Maybe your DH can do some "other" things that will help your day for ehwn DD has gone to sleep. He can do the dishes, vacuum, do laundry and take out the garbage after she is in bed.

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

I am a single parent so I feel for you! I'm so exhausted this past week and very sleep deprived. I only hope that she starts sleeping through the night by the time I have to go back to work or I don't know what I will do!

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

totally! And I am so sad when I am left with just Gillian while he is at work. Some days I feel bored and dont know what to do. How many times can ya walk around a mall. I know he is working hard for the family but I sometimes feel like the weight is on me.

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

OMG, I could have written everything you did. This is me. Same routine and all...and DH talks about having another, I dont think I could handle another if things stay like this.

Message edited 4/12/2007 10:39:30 AM.

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

Yes! I am a sahm and dh is gone from 8am till sometimes after 8pm. It sux. I get really upset when he tells me he has to work on some Sat.s 1/2 days as well. Thank Goodness that's only once in a while. Im with DS all day. I love every minute, but, sometimes need a little break...you know..some "me" time. I feel so guilty for saying that, but, it's true. Im exhausted by the time dh walks in the door.

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

I can relate to you on some days, although I can't say my DH dosen't help out. Fortunately we are both engineers working at the same place so we commute to work together and drop DD off at daycare together. There are some days where I have had to do everything on my own b/c he went in early or has been away and it is tough.

Maybe DH can pack her daycare bag for you the night before so all you have to put in there is her bottles. Maybe he can clean the bottles for you, dishes, etc. while you have some time to your self when he gets home? I know little things like having the diaper bag ready to go the night before, my stuff (lunch, purse, bag,etc) ready to go the night before is a huge help. Any chance he can try to get home an hour earlier? I bet that would help you alot?


I also work from home two days a week, so I know how it is to have to do everything all day. I enjoy every minute with her but like the person who posted before me, you need a little break.

It is so hard to have a work/life balance but one thing you have to remember, work is work, but your family is everything and you never know what the next day brings. Ok Ok, I'm rambling on, but I'm just thinking. My company is big on overtime but I choose not to work it and maybe that effects my raises or whatever but I choose not to so that I can be home with my family and enjoy them. I had a dear friend killed by a drunk driver a couple years ago and that has just made me have a whole new perspective on life.

Message edited 4/12/2007 12:39:18 PM.

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

I could have written this as well....

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

Honestly? All the time.

My dh leaves for work at 2 in the afternoon and doesnt walk back in the door until 2 in the morning. HE doesnt wake up the next day until like 11. So that leaves him one bottle and MAYBE 20 minutes of playing with her. I do EVERYTHING for her. He loves her and would like to spend more time with her, but for now, I feel like its just me. Everything depends on me. I am stuck in most of the time (cant wait for the nice weather) because he takes the one car we have to work with him. So some days, as much as I adore Megan, I am very lonely. My mom and sister are my lifesavers, they come over a lot!

Sometimes it makes me really sad that I feel like I am alone in this and other days I feel really strong that I can honestly say that I am the one who is taking care of our daughter.

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

It is really hard some days when you have almost all of the child care responsibilities....but there are nice rewards like when the baby needs comforting, the first person they want is mommy.

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

I also could have written his myself! DH works in CT. so he leaves very early in the morning to catch the ferry and sometimes doesn't come home until after Charlie is asleep. I feel terrible for him because he misses so much. I work 5 days a week too in addition to all my other "duties". Plus I commute an hour each way 3 days a week. It's not exactly, the June Cleaver life I pictured!

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

Sounds like me and DH too - not a good situation, but DH was laid off when I 1st became pregnant, we are both blessed that he now has a good job... DH gets very sad about it, but we wouldnt be able to survive otherwise....

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

I understand how you feel. Dh works overnights and sleeps during the day, so most times I am by myself with Madeline. Its hard and exhausting- and I don't even work FT , so i can imagine how it must be for you .
I just tell myslef its not always going to be like this. His hours will change, Madeline will get on a different sleep schedule, jobs may change.
Maybe your DH can help with bottles for the next day when he gets home? It seems like an awful lot rests just on you .

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

Message edited 4/12/2007 5:59:54 PM.

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

Yes, I feel like a single parent quite often since JT works nights, however, he spends all day with Ava, so at least he doesn't feel like he never sees her. It was absolutely horrible in the beginning. I would wake up, change her, feed her, console her, whatever, all in my rush to get ready for work because he was getting home after 2am and had to take care of her all day. Then I'd work and come home and do it all again until bedtime. I was miserable. BUt as Ava's gotten older, she's become such a pleasure to take care of, and I enjoy my time with her and I don't feel overwhelmed anymore. I promise that it gets easier. She's ten months old now, and gives herself her bottles, feeds herself(while I sit with her, of course) and entertains herself. Those things make a BIG difference, imo. Trust me, Jodi, you will feel a lot better when she gets a little bit older. It does get easier.
Now, JT is better at doing his job and has gotten quicker with his work, and as soon as he's done, he can come home, so I see him almost every night now. It's amazing. Hang in there, my dear

Message edited 4/12/2007 6:34:42 PM.

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

yep, i do most of the childcare too and work FT. my DH helps when he is here and we had an argument about what time he's been coming home from work so its getting better bc he comes earlier. but he doesnt see DS at night, he's already sleeping when he gets home.

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

I felt that way while they were babies - mainly because they rely so heavily & need thier mom more.

In fact, I felt that way until I had the second baby. Then he was forced to take care of the first one.

Re: Do you ever feel like a single mom?

I feel like I wrote your post exactly, except that my husband doesn't even work long/late hours! I guess that's what being a mom is all about. There are definitely times that I miss parts of my old life, but I just keep focusing on my gorgeous child and the fact that it will get easier and easier as time goes on (hopefully). That gets me through on a day to day basis.