Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

Do you worry that you aren't pretty enough? Thin enough? Provide nice enough things?

As stupid as this sounds, I sometimes worry that I won't be what my children, especially my dd, needs to be and that something about me will be a point of ridicule. I know it's insecurities but I sometimes wonder if I'm the only one.

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

You are not the only one But Morgan you are so A-W-E-S-O-M-E! Both kiddies already know that...I see it in the way they look at you...you are their everything and that feeling of love and admiration won't change unless you change.

Message edited 5/19/2010 11:33:39 AM.

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

Hmm, I never really gave it much thought to be honest. I give my children 125% all the time (as I know you do too) and I pray that is good enough for them.

I'm sure I will not be athletic enough. I don't have a sporty bone in my body, but you can bet your asss I'll be on the sidelines cheering like a lunatic at whatever they choose to do.

I'll do my best at whatever it is, and hopefully it's enough.

I am pretty sure that our kids love for us go much deeper then pretty, skinny, athletic, artsy, brainy. KWIM?

You are an unbelievable mother Morgan. That is more than enough for any child.

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

Posted by Ang-Rich

You are not the only one But Morgan you are so A-W-E-S-O-ME! Both kiddies already know that...I see it in the way they look at you...you are their everything and that feeling of love and admiration won't change unless you change.

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

Honestly, no. I know I am who I am and they will have to love me for that, as I love them unconditionally for who they are.
Whatever weakness I have, I plan to just be honest about.
I know I'm not perfect - and I'm not afraid for them to know that.
They just need to know/feel that I am doing the best I can for them/by them.

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

Yeah totally. I'm going to try really hard not to be the "fat" mom before DD starts school. I joined WW today actually

Sometimes I think I won't be smart enough for them, or cool enough when they get older.

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

There are things I wish I would have done, and acomplished - I don't feel I've lived to my full potential in a lot of ways .....but that's my own insecurity - I don't think my kid will ever be disappointed in the fact that I didn't go to law school -

I will tell you that as Sean is getting older, I'm becoming more and more paranoid (and working harder and harder) to lose this extra weight. I would absolutely DIE if my kid got abused me of ME.

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

yes. I push a stroller with these 2 beautiful kids in it. Walking next to my slim jim dh. I feel so chunky like people wonder how i fit into this picture.

DH lives in COMPLETE FEAR of the day josh comes home with homework and realizes that dh is dyslexic. DH is haunted by it. Left back in 1st grade, to then spend the rest of his school years in the same grade as him brother, being pegged as the one who was left back.

His greatest accomplishment is passing calculus 2. I did not see him for an entire semester. Hours and hours were spent in his school's basement focusing and concentrating. I think that is why my husband is the never ending college student. Bright guy, who from age 6-19 wasn't seen as smart. In college, no one knows his past.

I think he is scared Josh will see him as less then. I already know that his reading outloud days are numbered with Josh...as of right now, josh isn't reading along. Once josh knows which words are skipped...I think that will be the end of storytime

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

Yes I think about this alot. I do my best for DD and love her as much as is humanly possible, but I know from experience that children can be disappointed by their parents in ways that adults sometimes think are insignificant.

As for the weight thing, it is my goal to not be the fat mom for her and for myself.

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

Posted by SweetCaroline

Honestly, no. I know I am who I am and they will have to love me for that, as I love them unconditionally for who they are.
Whatever weakness I have, I plan to just be honest about.
I know I'm not perfect - and I'm not afraid for them to know that.
They just need to know/feel that I am doing the best I can for them/by them.

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

yes. I'm having one of those days today where I just don't have the energy or the patience to keep up with her.

At 35 weeks pregnant, I'm just so tired. All. The. Time.

I feel like an awful mom these days. My patience is about thislong and all I want to do is sleep all day.

I guess my answer differs slightly from everyone else's, but that's the way that I've been feeling very inadequate lately.

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

Yes...

My family grew up struggling with money and it really affected me - I had to worry about it all the time as a kid. I really don't want my DS to feel that way and I think about it all the time.

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

Yes, but my fears aren't about my own looks, or intelligence, or being cool, or athletic.

My fears are based on my own relationships with my family, especially my mom, and how broken they are.

I am afraid I won't know how to have a normal loving relationship with my DC when they older.

I don't know what it is like to talk to my mom, share my life with her, and actually want her in my life.

I would hate for my DS and DD to hate me the way I hate my mom.

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

Yes-I loved my mom completely as a child but I remember being embarrassed when she came to school because she was heavy. I'm not proud of that moment and I just want to shake my 10 year old self, but I still remember it and don't want my kid to go through that.

However, I don't think that means I need to be perfect (I wish). I think it means that I need to be honest with my shortcomings and help teach my kids compassion-but I worry that it is not enough. I'm sure my mom thought she was doing the same and still I had those moments.

I want to be the best version of myself that I can be, for me and for my family.

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

Posted by wowcoulditbe

Posted by Ang-Rich

I edited for space.

But, WOW, you guys made me cry. Thanks for the kind words.

This wasn't meant as a pity post ...just trying to address my insecurities. I feel uncomfortable in my skin sometimes. Thanks everyone

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

Posted by jambalady

Yes, but my fears aren't about my own looks, or intelligence, or being cool, or athletic.

My fears are based on my own relationships with my family, especially my mom, and how broken they are.

I am afraid I won't know how to have a normal loving relationship with my DC when they older.

I don't know what it is like to talk to my mom, share my life with her, and actually want her in my life.

I would hate for my DS and DD to hate me the way I hate my mom.

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

I know lots of rich, pretty, and thin moms who are awful at caring for their child - those superficial things will never amount to anything. What do you remember about your own mom? That she looked like a supermodel or that she took great care of you and showed you she loved you everyday?

My abusive, schizotypal, OCD, bipolar mother was beautiful. Funny. Didn't really make much of a difference....

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

I just worry that I can't give them enough time since I work and I will always feel guilty about that but there is nothing I can do.I wish I was a SAHM.

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

absolutely!! my mom was heavy growing up and i know kids can be cruel. i've had your momma jokes told to me and it hurt my feelings. i don't regret my tattoos at all but sometimes i worry that i'll embarass declan (and future kids) with them. i know tattoos are so normal now, but i dunno. i know how dumb people can be and judge me first before getting to know me. i just don't want him to suffer at all from it (ex. his friends parents not approving and not letting him play with them)

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

Honestly, don't worry about being pretty enough, thin enough, etc. Yes it's good to be in shape somewhat so you will be in better health for your children. But you don't need to be movie star thin to be that way. Your children think you are beautiful, and I'm sure you are!

I do worry that I am not patient enough at times--neither of my parents were good at exhibiting patience and it is hitting me how little I know about patience, especially as my son is a toddler now. But I do my best and try to learn from my mistakes. No use worrying that I won't be enough--I can't change how I am completely, only try to work on improving how I am.

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

Posted by beautyq115

I just worry that I can't give them enough time since I work and I will always feel guilty about that but there is nothing I can do.I wish I was a SAHM.

Re: Do you ever worry that you aren't good enough for your child in some fundemental way that you can't change?

My Mom was thin and pretty when I was younger and guess what? I was still embarrassed by her, just because, I had no good reason. She still reminds me of it to this day, unfortunately I hurt her feelings. Apparently a friend asked me if she was my Mom and I said no and my mom over heard me and she never let me live it down. I have no idea why I did that in grammar school. I would imagine because I wanted the other girl to think I was mature enough to walk home alone.

Anyhow my two year old already tells me to be quiet when I start to sing...etc... so I guess it's already starting. Admittedly, I don't have a good voice, but that doesn't stop me.

I guess all we can do is be secure enough to know that they will be embarrassed of us for something at some point and that it's totally normal.