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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Do you feel that being a BTDT
you have a greater tolerance for how others parent?
Obviously I'm not talking about cases of true neglect or abuse but more of a "whatever way you want to do it...go for it" kind of attitude.
I thought it was more my way of thinking but from speaking to other moms of my kids' friends, I find us to all have a similar attitude.
How about you?
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Posted 10/12/10 4:50 PM  |
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joenick
Us
Member since 6/06 9370 total posts
Name:
Valerie...aka...Do Me A Favor?
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Re: Do you feel that being a BTDT
Absolutely.
Having "older" children, you realize that all parents need to "feel their way" and learn WITH their child.
No one knows all there is to know about child-rearing when that bundle is placed in your arms.
Hell...I still don't know half of what I need to know and I've been at this parenting gig for almost 9 years.
What I've learned as a BTDT parent is:
* We all want what's best for our child. But what's BEST for my child may not be what's BEST for your's and vice-versa.
* Things like feeding your 6 month old cheese or not, or deciding what color to paint the nursery are not life-altering decisions. There will be MUCH bigger fish to fry as that child grows up. Take each step as it comes, and just try your best along the way.
* EVERYONE is going to have an opinion about your parenting decisions...EVERYONE!! Do what you think is best and use your best judgement.
I am definitely more tolerant. I'm sure I was there when Nicholas was a baby too.
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| Posted 10/12/10 4:59 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Do you feel that being a BTDT
I think I might. I seem to recall being a little more stuffy and judgmental before I had kids and even when I was a relatively new mom. The older I get.. the more I experience.. the more mellow I get with the judge-y stuff.
But.. that holds true with life in general too.
There is a saying something like"If you are 18 and you think you know everything.. you are 18. If you are 30 and you think you know everything.. you are still 18." I guess that's what it is.. you grow through your experiences and start to realize that the world isn't so black and white. 
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| Posted 10/12/10 5:00 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you feel that being a BTDT
Posted by joenick
..are not life-altering decisions. There will be MUCH bigger fish to fry as that child grows up. Take each step as it comes, and just try your best along the way.
I think this is the biggest reason. I think of myself when I was a new mom & the battles I picked over things & I cringe.
Posted by rojerono
There is a saying something like"If you are 18 and you think you know everything.. you are 18. If you are 30 and you think you know everything.. you are still 18."
Love that quote!
I wrote on another post that I'm not sure when we all get graded on our parenting. Is is when our kids listen as a 7 year old? Is it when they are a valedictorian in high school? Is it when that valedictorian is overcompensating and becomes the party kid with a DWI? Is it when they're adults who cut off their parents? Is it when they pick a spouse similar to you & then try to work on their childhood issues be repeating the same pattern?There is no formula for success.
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| Posted 10/12/10 5:22 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Do you feel that being a BTDT
Posted by nrthshgrl
I wrote on another post that I'm not sure when we all get graded on our parenting. Is is when our kids listen as a 7 year old? Is it when they are a valedictorian in high school? Is it when that valedictorian is overcompensating and becomes the party kid with a DWI? Is it when they're adults who cut off their parents? Is it when they pick a spouse similar to you & then try to work on their childhood issues be repeating the same pattern?There is no formula for success.
I look at them as a living progress report with no final grade.
I commend myself for the wins along the way - when they are happy, secure, open hearted, generous, empathetic, doing well in school..
And I recognize my part in the negatives too - when they are unduly anxious, when they act without consideration, when they use cruel words, when they get a bad report.
But the older I get the more I look at the good and the bad as opportunities to learn more and get better and DO better.. FOR them and with them.
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| Posted 10/12/10 5:41 PM |
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CathyB
Member since 5/05 19403 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you feel that being a BTDT
For the most part. The things I'm hung up on are the things I'm still not 100% comfortable with in my own parenting, if that makes sense.
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| Posted 10/12/10 7:29 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you feel that being a BTDT
Absolutely!
I remember when the kids were younger and there were posts about kids screaming and crying and people stating that the kids she be removed. You put things in perspective and said you wouldnt feel that way but rather would give that parent a helping hand. Now that DD is older I can relate to knowing that not everything is black and white and offering assistance rather then judgement is the best route to go.
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| Posted 10/12/10 10:17 PM |
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