Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

Did having children change your marriage? (Positively or negatively?)

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

Yes, for the better.

I always thought I had a great marriage, but seeing the way he is with her and takes care of her just amazes me.
I think the responsibility towards her that we share brings us closer, if that makes sense?

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

Our marriage is so much better now. Yes, we were a "family" as Mr&Mrs but now we are truely a team and have formed a very strong union. We have a marriage centered relationship rather then child centered as well. That just means that our relationship is #1 with a very close #2 to my son and future children. Some consider that to be wrong but if Mommy and Daddy are very happy then we feel baby will be too!

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

There are tough times yes, I won't lie. Parenting is damn hard work! But I honestly have fallen inlove with my husband all over again. We were married 7 years before having our daughter and this past year has been the best by far.

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

Postively. There is always the stress that comes along with having kids - I think we all have that at times. But for me, it's what kept us together through some very difficult times.

Nothing tugs at my heart more than seeing DH trying to put Maddie's hair in pigtails. Nothing makes more sure that I married the right person when he is pretending that Joseph has turned invisible. Nothing makes me love him more when I see him taking a nap, surrounded by babydolls he is unknowingly babysitting. He's a great dad even if at times he isn't a good husband. So when I'm storming up the stairs muttering to myself that I can't believe I married so poorly, I remember that his genes are what makes up 50% of my children - and for that reason alone I could forgive a lot more that I ever thought I could.

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

Having a child definitely changed our marriage, mostly for the better. Of course, there is no more hot sex whenever we feel like it but we still manage to arrange a few "special nights" . Just spending one on one time and simply talking is also a challenge but I think it you just need to make an extra effort with those things after the children come along.

However, I think seeing your husband be a great parent to your child makes you fall in love with him all over again and that feeling goes way deeper than what you felt before. You are also binded in ways that you weren't before the baby, not only because the two of you created another life together but because you went and continue to go through so much together on daily basis that it inevitably brings you closer.

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

I will be honest and say that for the first year of her life the affect on our marriage was probably not a positive one. We work opposite shifts from each other and both work FT. We were exhausted, hardly saw each, EXHAUSTED and well EXHAUSTED! We were basically single parents though we were married because we were never together 5 days out of the week. Before her I could wait up for him and nap the next day when I got home from work and he could do something similar for me. But now that's not an option. We have now each gotten into our own routines and are much happier.

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

Like every major event in life, nothing is 100% positive, or negative. There are lots of positives, many of which were already mentioned. There are also negatives. Less money, less "couple time" (even just cuddling together on the couch to watch a movie). Less sleep, so everyone is a bit more grouchy than usual. Once everyone adapts, and routines settle, you realize that the positives outweigh any of the negatives, and the "negatives" start to become "positives". Now, instead of cuddling on the couch with my DW to watch a movie we both like, I'm on the couch with my wife, DS and DD watching a show my DS likes.... I have less money for toys for myself, but I find I have so much more fun playing with my DS with *his* toys. The lack of sleep thing goes away after a while, so that's just temporary.

ETA: We actually spend more time together, and talk more now that we have kids. I am home every night to be with my family. No more hanging out after work, spending lots of hours riding my bike, shopping for toys or tools, etc. Now, everything revolves around DC and DW. We also talk a lot about what the kids are doing, DW fills me in on the days activities, we discuss tomorrow's activities, strategies for any hurdles, etc.

Message edited 1/18/2007 7:38:44 AM.

xxxxxxx

Message edited 2/10/2007 4:05:55 PM.

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

The first couple of months it was sooo hard but now we have a routine and our marriage has changed for the better.

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

It was really hard the first 4 months. We are finally getting to where it's easier and we're really enjoying being parents. We just got more comfortable with our new roles, are getting a little more sleep, and have been able to find time for each other pretty consistently. DH has learned not to stress over BS anymore too, which is nice. So yes overall it's definitely changed our marriage and definitely for the better!

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

We have a strong relationship and work very well together...so the stress/anxiety that comes along with having a baby only brought us closer

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

I dont have a child yet....I am pregnant and I can tell that it has brought DH and I closer....hopefully that will continue!!

If I see him try to do pigtails, I think I will have to have sex with him

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

I love him more now than ever. It's the things that he says like how beautiful our son is.

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

Posted by GoldenRod

Like every major event in life, nothing is 100% positive, or negative. There are lots of positives, many of which were already mentioned. There are also negatives. Less money, less "couple time" (even just cuddling together on the couch to watch a movie). Less sleep, so everyone is a bit more grouchy than usual. Once everyone adapts, and routines settle, you realize that the positives outweigh any of the negatives, and the "negatives" start to become "positives". Now, instead of cuddling on the couch with my DW to watch a movie we both like, I'm on the couch with my wife, DS and DD watching a show my DS likes.... I have less money for toys for myself, but I find I have so much more fun playing with my DS with *his* toys. The lack of sleep thing goes away after a while, so that's just temporary.

ETA: We actually spend more time together, and talk more now that we have kids. I am home every night to be with my family. No more hanging out after work, spending lots of hours riding my bike, shopping for toys or tools, etc. Now, everything revolves around DC and DW. We also talk a lot about what the kids are doing, DW fills me in on the days activities, we discuss tomorrow's activities, strategies for any hurdles, etc.

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

Mine changed for the better. We always had a great marriage, and while we fight and bicker when we're exhausted and Genevieve is driving us cazy, I have seen a lot of great benefits!

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

I think having our son has positively changed our relationship. Sure things are VERY different but there is a different kind of bond now. Before it was great being Mr&Mrs but now it's an amazing feeling being a family

Now buying a house....that's a whole other story

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

The first couple of weeks was really difficult. Now we are definately stronger but having a baby definatley changed our relationship. BUT for me, it's being home on leave and not working that is more difficult on our relationship than the baby is. But that is mostly because of how I feel, not that DH is not doing his share.

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

Negatively (but I don't look at it that way).

Bob should have never had children, period. We always discussed having children, but as time wore on he was on the fence about actually having them. He is incredibly selfish and non supportive; all of the things that you need to have a good father. When Amber came along, he was never really there for her and openly admitted on more than one occassion that he "resented" her, he had to get used to the idea of "loving" her, etc. He looked on her like a burden; a drain on his time and his (cough-cough) wallet I believe he does love her on some level, but it's not the type of bond that a father should share with his child. Sadly, she adores him Her being in my life gave me the strength and opened my eyes to what kind of person he really was and is the driving force behind my divorce. So yes, in some respects it was negative but I would have blindly went along with things if I wasn't looking out for someone else's interests (thus making it a positive). Heck, ANY reason to have him gone would be a positive right now

I got the best out of the worst and could care less how bad the journey was to have her in my life

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

Posted by GoldenRod

Like every major event in life, nothing is 100% positive, or negative. There are lots of positives, many of which were already mentioned. There are also negatives. Less money, less "couple time" (even just cuddling together on the couch to watch a movie). Less sleep, so everyone is a bit more grouchy than usual. Once everyone adapts, and routines settle, you realize that the positives outweigh any of the negatives, and the "negatives" start to become "positives". Now, instead of cuddling on the couch with my DW to watch a movie we both like, I'm on the couch with my wife, DS and DD watching a show my DS likes.... I have less money for toys for myself, but I find I have so much more fun playing with my DS with *his* toys. The lack of sleep thing goes away after a while, so that's just temporary.

ETA: We actually spend more time together, and talk more now that we have kids. I am home every night to be with my family. No more hanging out after work, spending lots of hours riding my bike, shopping for toys or tools, etc. Now, everything revolves around DC and DW. We also talk a lot about what the kids are doing, DW fills me in on the days activities, we discuss tomorrow's activities, strategies for any hurdles, etc.

Re: Do you mind if i ask a personal question??

Posted by nyteacher13

Posted by nrthshgrl

Postively. There is always the stress that comes along with having kids - I think we all have that at times. But for me, it's what kept us together through some very difficult times.

Nothing tugs at my heart more than seeing DH trying to put Maddie's hair in pigtails. Nothing makes more sure that I married the right person when he is pretending that Joseph has turned invisible. Nothing makes me love him more when I see him taking a nap, surrounded by babydolls he is unknowingly babysitting. He's a great dad even if at times he isn't a good husband. So when I'm storming up the stairs muttering to myself that I can't believe I married so poorly, I remember that his genes are what makes up 50% of my children - and for that reason alone I could forgive a lot more that I ever thought I could.

your post brought tears to my eyes! Very touching...