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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
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Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Thiese questions were discussed on The View. I thought it would be an intersting topic to discuss. So here goes...
Is it better to be married unhappily or committed/living together and happy?
If you choose to live together instead of getting married, do you think children benefit more from their parents being married as opposed to children who's parents opt to not get married?
Does a piece of paper (as it was put on the show) guarantee that they will grow up to be more secure?
Message edited 8/2/2007 11:38:21 AM.
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Posted 8/2/07 11:35 AM  |
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MrsNaunie
Kai helps my father dump out.
Member since 9/06 1181 total posts
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Lauren
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
I think it's way more important for children to be raised in a positive environment.
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| Posted 8/2/07 11:37 AM |
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Moehick
Ready for the sun!
Member since 5/05 30339 total posts
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Properly perfect™
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
I think it matters very much to children if their parents are married or not. I think when they are young they would rather have mom and dad under the same roof even if they are fighting but as they grow older they realize that sometimes divorce is for the best.
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| Posted 8/2/07 11:38 AM |
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yankinmanc
Happy Days!
Member since 8/05 18208 total posts
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Nope, not one iota. Many of my Mummy friends aren't married and it works out just fine. Its quite normal (I think) these days. Buying a house together is just as big a committment as getting married it.
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| Posted 8/2/07 11:40 AM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
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Stephanie
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
I think as long as your relationship with your SO is strong and healthy, then it does not matter if you are married, as far as the children are concerned. I do believe that marriage brings on a whole new level of committment for a couple even if they are joined by children and choose not to get married and co-exist indefinately. If you are very unhappy as a couple and find yourselves in the "family way", then I believe it is better for both of you and the child to not be together.
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| Posted 8/2/07 11:41 AM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Posted by Moehick
I think it matters very much to children if their parents are married or not. I think when they are young they would rather have mom and dad under the same roof even if they are fighting but as they grow older they realize that sometimes divorce is for the best.
Just out of curiosity..how would the child/children know the difference between mom and dad being married or mom and dad living together unless they are old enough to understand what marriage is?
I'm on the fence about this, but I just feel like regardless they know who mommy and daddy are whether married or not, and I don't think it makes/breaks who they end up becoming in life.
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| Posted 8/2/07 11:43 AM |
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ziamaria
I love this boy!
Member since 4/07 3372 total posts
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
parents together happily is the most important - if ur not happy, the kids will feel it and it makes for an uncomfortable situation. not sure if marriage/living together affects it.
my stepson only knows me as the only female in my husband's life. before we were married it didn't seem to bother him, but he was ecstatic when he found out we were getting married, so maybe it does affect the kids, who knows?
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| Posted 8/2/07 11:51 AM |
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Nicole728
My Happy Girl
Member since 7/06 8198 total posts
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Me
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
As long as the children are in a happy positive environment I don't think it matters if their parents are married or not
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| Posted 8/2/07 11:56 AM |
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SweetestOfPeas
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Posted by Nicole728
As long as the children are in a happy positive environment I don't think it matters if their parents are married or not
I agree
my cousin and her DH got married last year, after being together for 20 yrs and they have a 14 yr old daughter. they got married b/c of legal issues. he is very sick (cancer) and doesn't have much time left 
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| Posted 8/2/07 11:57 AM |
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Maathy317
Grammie's Little Man
Member since 2/06 3235 total posts
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D
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Children benefit from a stable, loving, positive environment. It doesn't matter whether or not their parents are married for that to happen.
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| Posted 8/2/07 11:57 AM |
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LIMOMx2
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Nope.
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| Posted 8/2/07 11:59 AM |
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Palebride
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Lori
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
I think happiness is the most important thing...but from a medical perspective, I think marriage can be important.
As they were saying on the show, if you are not a relative to someone who is in the hospital, you may not be allowed to see them, or make decisions for them. So in that case, marriage would be important.
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| Posted 8/2/07 12:00 PM |
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Phyl
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Posted by SweetestOfPeas
Posted by Nicole728
As long as the children are in a happy positive environment I don't think it matters if their parents are married or not
I agree
my cousin and her DH got married last year, after being together for 20 yrs and they have a 14 yr old daughter. they got married b/c of legal issues. he is very sick (cancer) and doesn't have much time left
 
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| Posted 8/2/07 12:00 PM |
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
I cant really say except from my own experience which is that my parents are still married and I had a very happy childhood. I cant imagine my life any other way but I am 100% there are millions of happy kids out there with divorced parents.
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| Posted 8/2/07 12:01 PM |
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Kara
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Posted by Moehick
I think it matters very much to children if their parents are married or not. I think when they are young they would rather have mom and dad under the same roof even if they are fighting but as they grow older they realize that sometimes divorce is for the best.
I disagree. I think being raised in an environment where the parents are fighting all the time ESPECIALLY at a young age is very unhealthy. I think many studies have proven that it affects even infants. Just because they don't understand what is being said and what is going on doesn't mean their bodies and minds don't comprehend and adapt to the tension and the tone of voice used in the home.
I think it's much more important for children to be raised in a positive, supportive, healthy environment than it is for parents to stay married just because they have children.
I think a more interesting question is whether people think marriage would married, all other things the same. Happily married or happily living together? I'm not sure if that would matter to me or not. I think the only reason it does matter to me is that it makes inheritance, etc. much easier should something happen to one parent - which is easily fixable with the right paperwork for the most part. If you're living together and not married with children, you should have a solid will AND living will. I can't say absolutely that I think parents should be married, especially when many same-sex couples who are / would be fantastic parents aren't legally able to be married. As others pointed out, marriage can be very important with respect to medical care, too. As long as the parents are responsible and prepared, all that should matter is that they have a happy, healthy environment for their children.
Message edited 8/2/2007 12:17:55 PM.
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| Posted 8/2/07 12:16 PM |
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lucyloo
nope
Member since 1/06 9758 total posts
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Yes, I think it matters. Why live together and not get married or have the intention too? I don't think that sets a good example. It's like teaching your kids you can have your cake and eat it too.
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| Posted 8/2/07 12:16 PM |
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Moehick
Ready for the sun!
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Posted by Kara
Posted by Moehick
I think it matters very much to children if their parents are married or not. I think when they are young they would rather have mom and dad under the same roof even if they are fighting but as they grow older they realize that sometimes divorce is for the best.
I disagree. I think being raised in an environment where the parents are fighting all the time ESPECIALLY at a young age is very unhealthy. I think many studies have proven that it affects even infants. Just because they don't understand what is being said and what is going on doesn't mean their bodies and minds don't comprehend and adapt to the tension and the tone of voice used in the home.
I think it's much more important for children to be raised in a positive, supportive, healthy environment than it is for parents to stay married just because they have children.
I think a more interesting question is whether people think marriage would married, all other things the same. Happily married or happily living together? I'm not sure if that would matter to me or not. I think the only reason it does matter to me is that it makes inheritance, etc. much easier should something happen to one parent - which is easily fixable with the right paperwork for the most part. If you're living together and not married with children, you should have a solid will AND living will. I can't say absolutely that I think parents should be married, especially when many same-sex couples who are / would be fantastic parents aren't legally able to be married. As others pointed out, marriage can be very important with respect to medical care, too. As long as the parents are responsible and prepared, all that should matter is that they have a happy, healthy environment for their children.
ITA....I can only go by observing my nieces. My brother and his ex fought all the time before they got divorced 5 years ago. My 3 nieces were devastated when they divorced and when i would say it was for the better they always said no they just wanted mom and dad in the same house even if they were fighting.
Now that they have grown and matured some they accept the divorce more but still have not given up on the hope that their parents will get back together.
Now maybe this is an isolated case and they are the only kids to feel this way but I based my answer on this
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| Posted 8/2/07 12:22 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Honestly, I think it depends on how aware the children are of how unhappy the parents are. My parents divorced while I was in college, and growing up I always knew they weren't lovey dovey, but I never knew how unhappy they were. My brother and I were quite content to have our family trips and family dinners, even if it pained our parents to humor us.
I'd imagine that had they gotten divorced while we were young we would have missed out on so much with them. I knew friends who split their time between both parents and never felt like they had a true home, and friends who lived with one primary parent and missed out on truly getting to know the other parent since they saw them only a few hours a week.
It would have been different if they were always screaming or physically hurting each other, but my parents more just ignored one another, and as children I don't think we saw much wrong with that.
ETA: I think I misunderstood the question. As a child I did like knowing that we were the "Smith" family...I think I might have thought differently if at Parent's Night it was my parents Mr. Smith and Ms. Jones...While you can be a family without that piece of paper, and be married without sharing a last name, as a child I liked us all having the same last name and not having to explain why mom had a different name.
Message edited 8/2/2007 12:46:33 PM.
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| Posted 8/2/07 12:39 PM |
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GoldenRod
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Shawn
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
DW and I are married, but we did it for insurance reasons. We don't believe that signing a piece of paper makes for a happier/better/more stable relationship. As far as our DC are concerned, we are "Mommy and Daddy", not "Mommy and her husband".
Staying together for years and raising a child together in a happy home shows commitment, not signing a piece of paper, then arguing, fighting, and cheating for the next 20 years.
Actions speak louder than words (or signatures on a marriage certificate).
Also, if you are concerned about medical authority, inheritance, pension, etc., you can fill out forms to take care of those things.
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| Posted 8/2/07 12:43 PM |
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rojerono
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Posted by dita
Yes, I think it matters. Why live together and not get married or have the intention too? I don't think that sets a good example. It's like teaching your kids you can have your cake and eat it too.
I married the father of my sons about 3 months ago. We have lived together since I was pregnant with my oldest son. My sons have been raised in a happy and emotionally rich environment and have been actively parented by both of us.
Now we are married. The piece of paper that we share has not changed how we parent our children in the slightest. My kids - honestly - still don't know what marriage is.
I think the example that we have set for our kids is a terrific one. We have taught them mundane things like the importance of brushing your teeth, eating your veggies, and the value of saying please and thank you. We have taught them that family is important and hard work pays off. We have tried to teach them that love keeps a family together and that you should never judge someone for their personal decisions or for doing something that may not be traditional or 'normal'. We continue to teach them everyday.
And.. what is cake for - if not to eat it?
Message edited 8/2/2007 12:53:36 PM.
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| Posted 8/2/07 12:52 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Posted by rojerono
Posted by dita
Yes, I think it matters. Why live together and not get married or have the intention too? I don't think that sets a good example. It's like teaching your kids you can have your cake and eat it too.
I married the father of my sons about 3 months ago. We have lived together since I was pregnant with my oldest son. My sons have been raised in a happy and emotionally rich environment and have been actively parented by both of us.
Now we are married. The piece of paper that we share has not changed how we parent our children in the slightest. My kids - honestly - still don't know what marriage is.
I think the example that we have set for our kids is a terrific one. We have taught them mundane things like the importance of brushing your teeth, eating your veggies, and the value of saying please and thank you. We have taught them that family is important and hard work pays off. We have tried to teach them that love keeps a family together and that you should never judge someone for their personal decisions or for doing something that may not be traditional or 'normal'. We continue to teach them everyday.
And.. what is cake for - if not to eat it?
I think everyone should do whatever feels right for them, but for you why did you wait to get married? Did you think you might not stay with him? If that's too personal, of course do not respond! I know some people place no importance on the piece of paper, but since you did get married it seems like that means something to you.
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| Posted 8/2/07 12:59 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
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D
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
I think it can. I think when children are younger, they know parents as mom and dad and don't really understand the concept of marriage. When they are a bit older, though, I think being different from their peers is a big deal. If they don't know many other children with unmarried parents, it might bother them.
Overall, though, I think as long as they are in a healthy environment with parents who love them, I think they'll be happy.
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| Posted 8/2/07 12:59 PM |
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Whamtastic
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Member since 1/07 997 total posts
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
committed/living together and happy.
I believe that children thrive in a positive environment. Ideally, a household with two parents who love each other and love their child wholly and act accordingly.
I don't think that marriage guarantees anything, but if I were committed to someone and had children with them, I think at some point I personally would want that commitment "finalized" and I'd want that piece of paper - for legal reasons (custody, finances, etc. should something happen to one of us or if we split up), but also for me. But that's just me. If a family is happy in their situation, who am I to judge?
And these days, with so many marriages ending in divorce, who's to day that getting married helps your chances of staying together at all?
ETA:
Posted by dita
Yes, I think it matters. Why live together and not get married or have the intention too? I don't think that sets a good example. It's like teaching your kids you can have your cake and eat it too.
This rubs me the wrong way. I guess it depends on your values and the values you want to teach your kids. I don't want my kids to have kids with people they don't think they'll want in their lives down the road, but I do want to teach my kids to be happy and live the life that they want - to be respectful, hard working, polite, thoughtful, and loving. But if they choose to marry or not? Doesn't bother me, as long as they're happy with their decision.
Message edited 8/2/2007 1:13:27 PM.
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| Posted 8/2/07 1:01 PM |
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rojerono
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Posted by nov04libride
I think everyone should do whatever feels right for them, but for you why did you wait to get married? Did you think you might not stay with him? If that's too personal, of course do not respond! I know some people place no importance on the piece of paper, but since you did get married it seems like that means something to you.
Different strokes for different folks. Rob and I did not get married because my first pregnancy was a surprise that came right after a pretty rough patch in our relationship. Being pregnant made our relationship somewhat rockier because we both sort of felt like we were being 'forced' together by circumstances rather than by pure choice. We were nowhere NEAR ready to get married because of this - but we weren't of the mind to abort or give the child up. We did love each other and we both wanted to be hands on parents and decided to try living together and see how it developed. We happened to fall further in love - and have another child and came to realize that we wanted to create a life together. And honestly - we just didn't really think about marriage because we were happy and it didn't seem to matter. Then I made a bet with my marriage lovin' boss that I would get married if he would quit smoking. He did, I did - the end. 
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| Posted 8/2/07 1:12 PM |
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rojerono
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Posted by dpli
I think it can. I think when children are younger, they know parents as mom and dad and don't really understand the concept of marriage. When they are a bit older, though, I think being different from their peers is a big deal. If they don't know many other children with unmarried parents, it might bother them.
Overall, though, I think as long as they are in a healthy environment with parents who love them, I think they'll be happy.
I kind of see this... but in today's society? There is an overload of divorced parents, single mothers, single fathers, gay parents, etc... a non traditional family does not carry the same stigma today as it did years ago. And I have seen lots of kids come out fine from these types of homes.
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| Posted 8/2/07 1:18 PM |
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