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GoldenRod
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Shawn
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Posted by rojerono
Posted by dpli
I think it can. I think when children are younger, they know parents as mom and dad and don't really understand the concept of marriage. When they are a bit older, though, I think being different from their peers is a big deal. If they don't know many other children with unmarried parents, it might bother them.
Overall, though, I think as long as they are in a healthy environment with parents who love them, I think they'll be happy.
I kind of see this... but in today's society? There is an overload of divorced parents, single mothers, single fathers, gay parents, etc... a non traditional family does not carry the same stigma today as it did years ago. And I have seen lots of kids come out fine from these types of homes.
In college, we used to "tease" one of the girls in our co-ed dorm because she was "different" than almost everyone else..... Her parents were still happily married. Pretty much everyone else had divorced and/or fighting parents.
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Posted 8/2/07 2:14 PM  |
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dpli
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Posted by rojerono
Posted by dpli
I think it can. I think when children are younger, they know parents as mom and dad and don't really understand the concept of marriage. When they are a bit older, though, I think being different from their peers is a big deal. If they don't know many other children with unmarried parents, it might bother them.
Overall, though, I think as long as they are in a healthy environment with parents who love them, I think they'll be happy.
I kind of see this... but in today's society? There is an overload of divorced parents, single mothers, single fathers, gay parents, etc... a non traditional family does not carry the same stigma today as it did years ago. And I have seen lots of kids come out fine from these types of homes.
I think in our area, non traditional families are pretty common, but I am not sure about other areas of the country and was trying to make a generalization.
I think great kids come from all kinds of non-traditional families, I think it's the parenting that matters, but the question was do I think it matters to children? In some cases, I do think it matters to them.
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| Posted 8/2/07 2:22 PM |
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LaurenExp
Waiting patiently for baby sis
Member since 8/06 11613 total posts
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L-Diddy EDD 11/11/11 :)
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
I can say this...
When kids are babies, I don't think it makes any difference in the world. As long as they are being raised by two loving, caring parents.
But as they get older, I think its a different story...
My husband has 2 kids. One is 14 the other is 10. Their mother is living with her boyfriend and the kids live in the house with them. Recently they had an "oops" and had a baby girl. They didn't get married. So, the older one is embarassed that his mother isn't married to her boyfriend and they have a kid together. The younger one thinks its a-okay to have a child out of wedlock...and to a young kid like him, marriage is love. If you're not married, you're not in love. This scares the crap out of me, honestly.
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| Posted 8/2/07 2:24 PM |
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Kara
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Posted by GoldenRod
DW and I are married, but we did it for insurance reasons. We don't believe that signing a piece of paper makes for a happier/better/more stable relationship. As far as our DC are concerned, we are "Mommy and Daddy", not "Mommy and her husband".
Staying together for years and raising a child together in a happy home shows commitment, not signing a piece of paper, then arguing, fighting, and cheating for the next 20 years.
Actions speak louder than words (or signatures on a marriage certificate).
Also, if you are concerned about medical authority, inheritance, pension, etc., you can fill out forms to take care of those things.
Well said!
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| Posted 8/2/07 3:39 PM |
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Goldi0218
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Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
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Leslie
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
It may or may not be important to the children and for us that remains to be seen as we do not have any yet. I do think that children can be raised by two people who are not married (or even one parent) and be incredible people.
But I will say this, it is important to ME to be married when I do have children and I made sure that I did not have children before I was. It may seem cliche and possibly outdated in this country, day and age but that is truly how I feel. G-d willing DH and I will stay together until death do us part, but there are no guarantees. I am accepting of other people's choices, but for me it was no kids without a ring on my finger. I am pretty traditional.
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| Posted 8/2/07 4:22 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
I didn't go through all the posts, but here is my take on it.
If those are the two choices, then yes, its better to have parents who are happily unmarried than unhappily married.
But I think if you are happy together, marriage won't change that. I also think if you are unhappy together, marriage won't change that either.
For some reason, I am a little old fashioned about this. I think when people want to commit to spend the rest of their lives together, why not get married? I think it does bring a new level of committment and I think being a family is different than living with the father/mother of your child.
Also- what do you say to your 5 year old when they ask why aren't you married?
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| Posted 8/2/07 4:26 PM |
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Whamtastic
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Member since 1/07 997 total posts
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Big Fat Baby with a Blackberry
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Posted by Shelly
Also- what do you say to your 5 year old when they ask why aren't you married?
You tell them the reason you're not married.
Families come in all shapes and sizes.
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| Posted 8/2/07 4:32 PM |
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donegal419
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Member since 7/07 7650 total posts
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K
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
ABSOLUTLEY!!!!
I did't read all the other posts, but I think that Kids want and need both a male and female role model in their lives.
Males and females bring differnt personalities and ways of doing things to a child, both of which are valuable and needed to raise a well-rounded person.
Granted, for many families, this is not possible. But kids are socialized at such an early age that Mom/Dad living with them all the time is "normal." i think underneath it hurts them when that is not the case. they notice that they're different. even though it's very wide-spread nowadays, i think it still effects kids in a negative way and even more so when the split is not amicable or one parent is not involved in the child's life in any form.
Message edited 8/2/2007 4:47:27 PM.
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| Posted 8/2/07 4:45 PM |
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rojerono
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Jeannie
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Posted by Shelly
Also- what do you say to your 5 year old when they ask why aren't you married?
My 5 year old never asked. Even after we explained that we were going to be having a wedding so that Mommy & Daddy could get married, he didn't seem to give a flying monkey one way or another! We explained that it was a way that Mommy & Daddy could be with all of our friends and family and tell them that we really love being together and that we think it is a good reason to have a big party. And honestly - that is all it was to us.. a reason to celebrate with friends and family. We would have still been a family and we still would have been happy without the marriage license!
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| Posted 8/2/07 4:57 PM |
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lucyloo
nope
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
IMO you should not be living with someone without being married or having the intent to be married to them. I don't think it is a good example to set as a parent. Will it affect children in the short run? Probably not.
In the long run however, it may cause problems with their future relationships. I know I would not want my daughter living with her "boyfriend" and baby if he doesn't have plans to marry her. A marriage is a sign commitment. To some it's just a piece of paper, to me it is not.
ETA: I am not talking about situations with surprise pregancys- to that i have no answer.
Message edited 8/2/2007 5:01:27 PM.
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| Posted 8/2/07 4:58 PM |
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Whamtastic
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Member since 1/07 997 total posts
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Big Fat Baby with a Blackberry
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Posted by donegal419
ABSOLUTLEY!!!!
I did't read all the other posts, but I think that Kids want and need both a male and female role model in their lives.
Males and females bring differnt personalities and ways of doing things to a child, both of which are valuable and needed to raise a well-rounded person.
Granted, for many families, this is not possible. But kids are socialized at such an early age that Mom/Dad living with them all the time is "normal." i think underneath it hurts them when that is not the case. they notice that they're different. even though it's very wide-spread nowadays, i think it still effects kids in a negative way and even more so when the split is not amicable or one parent is not involved in the child's life in any form.
I agree that a child benefits from having two loving parents around, when possible, but the OP was asking "Is it better to be married unhappily or committed/living together and happy?" In either case, I assumed both parents would live in the home with the child.
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| Posted 8/2/07 4:58 PM |
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JennZ
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Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
I dont think it matters. My brother just got married in June to his GF of 8 years, theyhave 2 kids and a house, cars etc. They got married for the benefits, they love each other and their kids and were NEVER going to get married. When we had the wedding the kids had no idea they WERENT married already. "Oh Mommy and daddy are getting married again?" To eac his own, bottom line is make sure your kids are happy.
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| Posted 8/2/07 5:08 PM |
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nicrae
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Member since 12/06 9289 total posts
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Mommy
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
I think that families come in all shapes and sizes and it is better to be raised in a happy healthy environment rather than one filled with fighting even if it includes a marriage certificate
My cousin grew up with parents that fought all the time. They are still married and still fight all the time. She is 26 yrs old and I believe she is truly affected by this. She has never been in a "real' relationship and she never wants to get married or have children because of her childhood. Had her parents gotten divorced and reduces the tension she lived in maybe things would have turned out differently.
My parents got divorced when I was 18 and it was a big relief. They fought a lot and I believe my brother and I were affected greatly by the tension in the house. Once they divorced things were a lot better for all of us. We only wish they had done it sooner. As children we felt forced (never by our parents) to choose sides. Perhaps if my dad had left sooner we would now have a better relationship.
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| Posted 8/2/07 6:50 PM |
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sami
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Re: Do you think it matters to children whether their parents are married or not?
Posted by Nicole728
As long as the children are in a happy positive environment I don't think it matters if their parents are married or not
I agree
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| Posted 8/2/07 6:52 PM |
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