Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

OK I dont want this to come out wrong or like I am offending anyone. But I just wanted to see if anyone feels the same way I do.

Does being on these boards (not just parenting but this is where I post the most) put pressure on you in areas of your life where you wouldnt normally have pressure?

Let me explain..first off...these boards have been my savior over and over again all through different stages of my life. I have come to rely on them and make wonderful friendships with people. Its truly become a part of my every day routine to come here and share everyones lives with them and I couldnt picture my life without it to be honest. But with that being said...do you sometimes feel that you are more pressured by coming here in certain instances? Like for example...I am not creative. I am not a picture taker. I dont have the patience for photo shop. But with all these threads about doing this to a card or doing that..changing things..making them black and white..changing colors..adding text, taking it away..and so on...it literally makes me feel nervous in a way. I am fine with a traditional card with a cute pic of my kid in it. But when I see all these posts, I feel like I am not being a "good mommy" because I am taking the easy way out and just going with a traditional picture card..whatever the picture is, it is.

This doesnt only just go for pictures...when I see the beautiful homes people have, it makes me sad that I dont have my own. When I see things that people buy over on the fashion board, it sometimes makes me sad because I dont have fashion sense like that or the money to go out and buy things that I would truly like to have.

Sometimes I wonder if its just my personality or if other people feel this way too? If I didnt come on these boards, I probably would have had Megans pictures taken in December..which isnt a great thing..but because of coming here, I felt..omg! I am behind..better get on this!

Does anyone get what I am saying at all?? I truly dont mean it bad...just something I am trying to express..

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

Well, the fashion board and the home board are not realistic for me. I look, but I know I will never, ever, ever, ever be able to afford anything that peo[ple post about. Things people have 3 of... never going to happen. To me, its like looking on the celebrity board and being upset I will never look like Angelna Jolie. Its just not realistic...

I did get sad when I saw people's nurseries and thought I wouldn't have a room for my baby, but we managed to find somewhere - that was within my capabilities....

I think in the beginning, when I was really stressed about how little Cailen was sleeping, and trying to get him to sleep, and how he cried everytime he was awake, I came on here for advice, and sometimes I felt that people were being a little judgemental. People were like - "Just hold him - he wants to be held" or "He needs to be with you, you can't let him cry."

I knew this, but at 2,3,4,5 in the morning... after doing it every hour, I was losing my mind, and then I felt like I wasn't doing the right thing.

and then I remembered this was the internet, and I was asking people I didnt know too well for advice that I really didnt need. I managed to figure things out on my own, and stopped asking for advice. Now I just come on here to show pictures of Cailen, and once in a while make a stupid comment about something.

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

No I really can't say that I feel that way, I really don't feel the need to keep up with anyone.

If you get caught up in feeling bad in what you don't have, you will miss out on what you DO have.

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

None of that bothers me at all. But to you.

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

I don't feel like this board puts pressure on me, but I see where you are coming from.

Regarding activities and creativeness, I know its not in me. I don't take it personally at all. Those things aren't about me.

Regarding stuff other people have, sure there are people here who have more than me, but that is true everywhere in life. I just don't look at life that way. Sure, I feel sad sometimes when people can give their kids something I can't, but its a momentary feeling and then it passes.

In the grand scheme of things, I have everything I need- a wonderful husband, a healthy child, a loving and supporting family, a job that pays me nicely. Sure I would love to have "more" and get out of my 1 br apartment with a toddler, but there are so many people who don't have what I have (especially a wonderful husband and a healthy daughter) that I focus on what I have.

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

I can relate to some degree...we just bought a house & on the home board I see some gorgeous, huge houses w/ brand new everything & I think, "wow" & get a bit jealous. But DH is doing everything he can to fix up our house & make it ours & I know I should be totally thankful for that. So like the other posters said, don't worry about what others have or what they are doing/not doing, just do what is best for you & your family.

I don't even venture on the fashion board b/c I know there's no way I could keep up w/ what girls are buying, etc. Also that isn't my priority.

On the parenting board we ALL do what we think is best for OUR child...you shouldn't 2nd guess yourself. So, you didn't get around to your holiday pic, no big deal; so you didn't want to make a border on your card...does it matter? In no way does that make you a "bad mommy."

Message edited 11/16/2007 5:34:52 PM.

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

I remember I posted after I saw everyone dressing their sons up in these giorgeous little outfits for the holidays, and here I'm thinking of putting him in a thermal top and jeans... but then when I posted about it, people made me feel better!

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

I love taking pictures and doing that stuff but yes, I do feel a certain amount of pressure. But I recognize that I put it on myself. I see what beautiful creations everyone has and want them too! Especially since no one in my family and friend circle is on here so when I do something that a LIF person has done, I look so creative

But don't torture yourself. Everyone has thier talents and what makes you a good mother has NOTHING to do with Holiday cards or the perfect photo of your child. Its being their for you DC that is what makes you a great mom!

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

Not exactly but sometimes I do feel like OMG...am I doing something wrong with dd. Like for example...me, maris and rachel got togeher when Gillian was like 3 months and Ava was about 9 months and I remember she was walking ...OMG! Gillian is going to be 12 months in 2 weeks and she is not walking. We just saw Hannah and Leah who are days apart from Gillian and have a mouth full of teeth and Gillian has 2 teeth that arent all the way up. SO I guess I question certain things I am doing right wrong or otherwise...If that makes sense. But I do realize I have a very happy baby and she does sleep trhough the nite and doesnt cry so I feel pretty fortunate and lucky more then anything.

Message edited 11/16/2007 2:47:30 PM.

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

I used to fell like that and then I had major heart surgery and that changed everything. Now I come at it from a perspective of:

A) I am just grateful to be alive. That Carrie Underwood song "so small" comes to mind. When I think of my medical bills, my health challenges, and what everyone else has and what I do not.
Read the lyrics:


What you got if you aint got love?
The kind that you just wanna give away
It's okay to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
You wanna shut the world out
And just be left alone
Don't run out on your faith

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
What you've been out there searching for forever,
Is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters, after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big, at the time
It's like a river that's so wide
It swallows you whole
While you're sittin round thinking about what you can't change
And worryin' about all the wrong things
Time's flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count, cause you can't get it back

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
What you've been out there searchin for forever
Is in your hands
Oh, When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

AND

B) you never know what happens behind closed doors. Someone who has a lot may have an issue they do not post about that is major (sick child, marriage in crisis, financial issues, etc.)

Message edited 11/16/2007 2:49:06 PM.

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

Hmmm, not really, but I guess that's because I just know that it's not my style - I'm not that big into dressing my kid up fancy, taking pictures at photography studios (never done it), etc, etc. I can certainly appreciate why others do, but I find it more humorous than anything else, that I don't, and that people probably judge ME for it.

In fact, I posted a few months ago to see if anyone else has such a disheveled, dirty little toddler on their hands, and virtually everyone said they make sure they walk out the door with their kid looking VERY nice. I don't take it personally at all - it's just a difference in lifestyle.

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

Also - honestly - I don't get upset about the creativity thing - I let Shutterfly do all the work!!!

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

The only board that makes me feel that way is the fashion board! I am not so happy with my weight and I am not have been blessed with a sense of style. I don't have an obsession with bags, I have never owed a pair of UGGS. etc. It does make me feel a little strange because I haven't!

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

Posted by lipglossjunky73

Posted by Bxgell2

Hmmm, not really, but I guess that's because I just know that it's not my style - I'm not that big into dressing my kid up fancy, taking pictures at photography studios (never done it), etc, etc. I can certainly appreciate why others do, but I find it more humorous than anything else, that I don't, and that people probably judge ME for it.

In fact, I posted a few months ago to see if anyone else has such a disheveled, dirty little toddler on their hands, and virtually everyone said they make sure they walk out the door with their kid looking VERY nice. I don't take it personally at all - it's just a difference in lifestyle.

I remember that post!

I also was thinking at the time that Cailen was young, and how he looks right now is very much in my control. At the time, he was a mushroom, but now, as he is a little more mobile and eating food, I see the food crusted in his hair, him wiping the floor with his shirt as he tries to scoot along it, and think to myself, "He'll be a filthy little boy very soon!"

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

I feel like this sometimes, mainly because I don't have a lot of mom friends so I look at what people say on here as the general mom community, whether or not that is the case. I've gotten invaluable information here and this board has talked me off a ledge on more than one occassion.

I do remember someone mentioning flash cards and thinking OMG! I am horrible, I'm not stimulating him intellectually at all!!! In fact I told DH that I read it on here and I was afraid we're not doing enough for Ryan's development and he was like are you kidding me? Do you not see how happy and how incredibly social he is, do you really think he needs anything more than for you to love him like you do? And he brought me back to my senses :)

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

I hear where you are coming from. I think that on the parenting board it's also a little easier to feel pressure because you want to feel that you doing the best for your child.

Everybody has their own "thing". I love photography and everything about it, I love learning about and playing with photoshop. But that's always been my thing.

I don't bake cakes in really cool Sesame Street character shapes. I can't make favors to save my life. I don't know the first thing about making homemade chicken soup or homemade baby food. I can't afford to buy my kid designer clothes and post pics of them. But I also work full time, run a business, and am remodeling my house - I can't do it everything . Though I may want to.

And I can't let things like that make me feel inadequate, especially as a parent.

Yes, I see there are certain things that are big on here with a *seemingly* overwhelming majority. But it's not always the whole story... there are people off doing their own thing and maybe they are not frequent posters so you don't really know about it. But if they were to post - "hey look at this cool t-shirt I made" - the next week, every poster and their mother would be making those t-shirts - KWIM? You can't hop on every trend.

So eventually you just realize that when you come on here, you get a sampling of the different lifestyles that people lead. Yours may fit in somewhere in the middle, not with the majority, not with the minority. But usually, you are not alone once you come and post on here. And that's what's great about this community.

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

I think I know what you mean, and when I feel that way I try to remember to never let what anyone else has or does steal the joy or contentment I have with my own life. I thank God every day for the blessings he's given me, be it material things, my friends and family, my health...etc. No matter what your status, there are so many that have less, and those are the people we need to compare ourselves to

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

Sometimes I feel that way but I have learned that things don't always appear what they seem. That being said then there appears to be no reason to be envious or wanting.

There are other things that I really don't like about these boards but not the things you are referring to.

You are wonderful and gifted in your own right. There is no reason you should ever feel like you need to compete or compare yourself to anyone else.

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

Posted by DanaRenee

I think I know what you mean, and when I feel that way I try to remember to never let what anyone else has or does steal the joy or contentment I have with my own life. I thank God every day for the blessings he's given me, be it material things, my friends and family, my health...etc. No matter what your status, there are so many that have less, and those are the people we need to compare ourselves to

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

i hear were you are coming from but i dont really let others lives dictate mine or my family's life. I would love to learn how to make holiday cards but i dont even get 5 hours of sleep at night anymore. So i certainly do not mindpaying to have pictures taken or having someone else do them. I just dont have the time at all. But I rarely get jealous of what other people have and I am not trying to keep up with the joneses.

Message edited 11/16/2007 3:46:15 PM.

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

On the beginning I felt really guilty that Leo married someone who wasn't going to go back to work. I feel like so many others do go back to work...they vacation and remodel, while we took this big paycut. But, I have come to terms with it.

I also feel so envious that others have family around that help with their kids.

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

Noreen, i exactly know where you are coming from and i wont lie, i do wish that i had some things that others have that i dont, but at the same time, the things that i have or what i have been through, make me different and not part of the majority and i'm happy with that.

I live my life the way that i feel is the best, as long as im happy with it and i know that im doing the best that i can, that's all that matters.

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

I think it has to do with people's interests & personalities more than anything else. I personally don't feel pressure over things like that but I think it's because I'm not that competitive about anything.

I'm interested in photography & I'm trying to teach myself photoshop so that's why I do what I do. It doesn't make me a great mom because I take pictures.

I'm not the slighest bit into fashion. My girlfriend's daughter is dressed in European & designer brands. Mine are dressed in Old Navy, Target & Gap. It doesn't make me a bad mom. It's because it's not my interest. I'm not into crafts. My friend & her daughter do huge projects together. She sends out school photo wallets in a generic Christmas card.

Being a good mom is definitely not about the Christmas card you sent out, how your dress your child or what milestones they've reached. It's about loving your child even when they've spilled paint on your rug. It's about rubbing their back when they're sick. It's about seeing your child's potential & seeing their limitations & adoring the heck out of them regardless of those levels.

I wish you didn't feel that way. As I've said before we are all muddling through life. If life were a competition, we all wouldn't fight like he11 not to cross the finish line.

eta. and if you want help with your card, just ask.

Message edited 11/16/2007 4:25:21 PM.

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like this...Please dont be offended at all! LONG

I feel that way too sometimes.

Not about pictures or outfits- but sometimes I hear what other babies Matty's age are doing and I worry why he wasn't clapping or waving or talking yet. I worry I am not teaching him enough? Or why are other babies his age sleeping so well and he isn't?

But, like a PP said, things aren't always what they seem, and we are all doing the best we can.