Does Anyone's Family Not "Get it?"

2 y/o DS is PDD-NOS. My parents watch him Thursdays and Fridays when I work. The past two weeks he has been difficult....lots of stimming, hyperactive, destructive (ripping crackers out of cabinets and smashing them, throwing and mashing food on the floor, for ex). Part of it I think has to do with the "snacks" that my mom gives him, part of it simply has to do with the PDD-NOS. I have him five days a week and know how exhausted I AM and I am nowhere as old as my parents I have just added another ABA session on to both days in the afternoon to help out in that regards.

Anyhow, following on the heels of an especially hard day with him yesterday and an equally hard morning (thank god he's now napping), my mom calls...and she started with a lot of SHOULD, NEED and MUST words...

he is two now (just turned 2), you NEED to get him potty trained...You MUST get him to a "real" doctor for bloodwork...they SHOULD be able to fix this...he SHOULD be put on some kind of medication...he MUST learn how to control himself....he NEEDS to start talking...he MUST learn his ABCs or he cant go to kindergarten...you SHOULD be putting him on the potty every 15 minutes...I had you and your brother potty trained by 2...he NEEDS to learn his numbers....he SHOULD be playing with his toys and not running all around the house...he SHOULD be listening, he MUST stop making those sounds...etc.

I dont know how much more of this I can take. My mother is aware of his diagnosis. I and his therapists have explained his limitations. I dont know if she doesnt "get it" or doesnt WANT to get it but each time I get off the phone, I want to cry. I dont know if i need some coping techniques? Another way to explain it? Maybe I just need a hug

Message edited 10/30/2011 1:12:40 PM.

Re: Does Anyone's Family Not "Get it?"

One of the best things I have found for my students families is trying to hook then up with a support group or getting them to speak to other grandparents.

Amazon sells books on dealing with ASD for grandparents and autism speaks has a guide for grandparents.

But overall

Re: Does Anyone's Family Not "Get it?"

You so deserve one. Just read both your posts and gosh your on a tuff road right now, it will however get better.
Mom needs to really get with the program (so to speak) maybe have her watch a session, would that help? I know my mother to has difficulty understands "why these kids are like this" is her favorite. I just think back when they were are age it was just so different, even being a mother was different. I say just try to educate her, maybe then it will sink in.
Your doing the right thing- sometimes I know we need to hear it

Re: Does Anyone's Family Not "Get it?"

Re: Does Anyone's Family Not "Get it?"

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. You Mom expects a lot of DC, many typically developed children aren't doing all these things at 2! I agree, a group would probably help, or at least give her some material to read that may be enlightening. I think you need to remind her that you are more concerned about initiating therapy at this point, and the other things on her list will come along in time.

My parents are far away, but they don't really get it--maybe if they lived closer they would, but I'm not so sure. Occasionally my mother expresses surprise at something DS is doing, some behavioral thing, and will say "you need to take care of that," and my reply is, "we're working on it, but it takes time." She was also pushing potty training at 2 (I tend to think this is a generational thing actually). DS is almost 4, and he's almost there at this point. My ILs don't ask anything, don't say anything really other than ask how he's doing at his integrated school.

Many

. Maybe remind your mother that it's hard enough in the beginning, and you need lots of support from her now, less criticism.

Re: Does Anyone's Family Not "Get it?"

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

Your mom needs to sit in on a session, or, heck have her read these posts (if you're comfortable with that).

Blood Work I don't think would show anything.

Potty training didn't happen for us until DS was almost 4.

The talking came on strong at about 2.5-3 years old.


Your DS will get there. Your mom needs to be patient and like all of us needs to take it day by day. It's very hard, but, he will come along.

My DS will be 5 in January. I cannot even tell you how FAR he's come in the last 2 years. It's amazing!

Here are more

Re: Does Anyone's Family Not "Get it?"

I have a MIL like that. She thinks DD will someday be completely cured and that will be that. DD was mainstreamed this year and we're moving her back to a self-contained classroom and you'd think it was doomsday that way some family members carry on.
What goes on with your DS is YOUR business. When we got our diagnosis, we educated ourselves on what road we were traveling down. Like the previous poster said, perhaps your mom needs to sit in on a session of parent training? That was actually recommended to me for my MIL and it helps.
Lots of hugs...it stinks.

Re: Does Anyone's Family Not "Get it?"

Do you have family training with your services? If so, I suggest she attends the sessions so she understands that there is NO certainty AT ALL for the future and the amount of progress if any will come out of services/therapy.

I think a lot of people are misled with false hope of being able to "fix it".

Many people told me that DS would make so many progress with therapy. I almost got my hopes so high I thought he would be undiagnosed at 3 yo.

Well, I did not understand why he was not progressing as others had told me about "their" miracle. Turns out is not that simple and those kids who get undiagnosed really are so borderline that a few therapies help them get back in track while others....well, they stay within the diagnosic. Some get better than others.

As long as you mother understands that. But I feel that she needs to see it for herself and have "professionals" tell her. Not you!

Message edited 11/1/2011 7:23:48 AM.

Re: Does Anyone's Family Not "Get it?"

Yes......Im still dealing with it with my dad. My inlaws are finally getting it.
I agree with Sophie....do you get parent training? Have your mom sit in on it. maybe the PT can give her some good reading about PDD-NOS.
I have twins one has autism and the other does not...he was NOT fully potty trained till he was about 3. So having him pattey trained at 2 I think is a bit much.

Re: Does Anyone's Family Not "Get it?"

Sorry you are going through this. All of it. I wish none of us had to.

I also think your mom has high expectations. At 2, my DS was barely verbal, and I think he knew and understood a lot more than he let on to most people.

As for the potty training thing, I know many typical kids who were not trained by the time they were 2, most of those boys were trained closer to 3. My DS was trained a few weeks after his 3rd birthday. I got a couple comments from parents of typical kids that it was a little on the late side. A couple of the special need parents talked to me like I was a superhero when I told them DS was trained. It's all perspective. You know your son, you know what he can handle and IMO if you push too hard with some of these things, it backfires HARD on you.

I also think it might be good for her to sit in on parent training a few times if you think it would help.

Our problem is that our families don't really see DS that often, so as he gets older and his PDD becomes more apparent, it's like they are surprised at what they see. I see all the progress DS makes, but I think sometimes what they see is the developmental gap between what he does and what typical kids his age do, because the gap has become more obvious as he's gotten older.

Re: Does Anyone's Family Not "Get it?"

I wanted to add. Potty training at 2 yo even on a typical child is NOT a reasonable expectation.

While some typical children can be potty trained at 2 yo, the average is closer to 3 yo.

Autist children are closer to 4-4.5 yo.

Any expectation of a child behaving at 2 yo is ALSO ridiculous. Hello..it's called the terrible 2 for a reason! Typical child or not.