Re: Email from a family member

It sounds like jealousy to me but let me play devil's advocate for a minute:

A very close friend recently told me that she is very early preggo. My initial response was that she should not have told me because I will be so worried until she is further along. I told my DH that I feel that I will be stressed about how she is doing. I know, that's a VERY selfish response but I had no bad motives in thinking that way.

But I didn't make any rude comments to her about her choice to tell me.

Message edited 10/24/2006 11:54:25 PM.

Re: Email from a family member

Posted by puppylove

Posted by karacg

Posted by puppylove

Honestly.....I do see why her comment might annoy you....however.....why would this be a jealous comment? You said that she has 2 children of her own, so it's not as if she cannot have children and is jealous of you.

You also said that she is a very private person, so maybe she is just looking at it from a different angle. Perhaps she is thinking if the IVF does not work for you and DH, it will be even harder for you to have to go back and tell everyone that you cannot become pregnant after all.

Again, I do understand why you would want to tell people. I'm not saying that you should not share the news with your family, I would also tell people for the prayers and support.

And I don't know anything about your cousin besides what you wrote, perhaps she has a history of making comments like this. But I really think her email was written out of concern and support, probably mostly written because she has be there and dealt with the disappointment.

If I were you, I would email her back and explain how perhaps you took her letter wrong. Tell her you felt her letter was not the right thing to say at this point. She may have not realized her words would offend you.

Good luck to you and DH.

I don't think it is jealousy at all -- that's what other people have said and it isn't the reason. It's because she is a very private person and I know she thinks if we mis it will be harder - but she and I are so different (we get along great otherwise) and it just really upset me that she said this - especially AFTER I said "We told DH's family this weekend" not "We are PLANNING to tell DH's family this weekend" I mwan why tell me what she thinks I should do after I have already done what I've done??

I totally understand why it would upset you, considering she said this after you told her you had already told his family. As I said, it really seems that she said it out of concern for you. Maybe she thought if you had already told people you were planning on telling everyone? Like co-workers and friends? And she was concerned if things ended up sad, too many people would be all too aware of the situation.

It probably just comes from her being so private, she probably just doesn't understand why you would tell everyone about this. This doesn't make you wrong or her wrong, it just makes you different people, with different opinions on what should remain very private and what can be put out in the open.

Since you say that you two get along so well, I would really just tell her that her comments upset you and I'm sure she will tell you that she didn't mean to upset you.

As for the jealousy thing, sorry I didn't mean to imply that you thought that way. This was in response to all the other posts who pin-pointed that as the reason for her email. And I just think that that is not the case here. Not everything people do has to do with jealousy and it annoys me when EVERY problem mentioned gets jealousy as a reason for the problem. JMO

ETA: You also said that she has dealt with fertility problems and a miscarriage, so she was probably just giving words of advice since she has dealt with these difficult issues. I really think she said it out of concern and support for you.

Re: Email from a family member

Posted by BellaPaige

Posted by puppylove

Posted by karacg

Posted by puppylove

Honestly.....I do see why her comment might annoy you....however.....why would this be a jealous comment? You said that she has 2 children of her own, so it's not as if she cannot have children and is jealous of you.

You also said that she is a very private person, so maybe she is just looking at it from a different angle. Perhaps she is thinking if the IVF does not work for you and DH, it will be even harder for you to have to go back and tell everyone that you cannot become pregnant after all.

Again, I do understand why you would want to tell people. I'm not saying that you should not share the news with your family, I would also tell people for the prayers and support.

And I don't know anything about your cousin besides what you wrote, perhaps she has a history of making comments like this. But I really think her email was written out of concern and support, probably mostly written because she has be there and dealt with the disappointment.

If I were you, I would email her back and explain how perhaps you took her letter wrong. Tell her you felt her letter was not the right thing to say at this point. She may have not realized her words would offend you.

Good luck to you and DH.

I don't think it is jealousy at all -- that's what other people have said and it isn't the reason. It's because she is a very private person and I know she thinks if we mis it will be harder - but she and I are so different (we get along great otherwise) and it just really upset me that she said this - especially AFTER I said "We told DH's family this weekend" not "We are PLANNING to tell DH's family this weekend" I mwan why tell me what she thinks I should do after I have already done what I've done??

I totally understand why it would upset you, considering she said this after you told her you had already told his family. As I said, it really seems that she said it out of concern for you. Maybe she thought if you had already told people you were planning on telling everyone? Like co-workers and friends? And she was concerned if things ended up sad, too many people would be all too aware of the situation.

It probably just comes from her being so private, she probably just doesn't understand why you would tell everyone about this. This doesn't make you wrong or her wrong, it just makes you different people, with different opinions on what should remain very private and what can be put out in the open.

Since you say that you two get along so well, I would really just tell her that her comments upset you and I'm sure she will tell you that she didn't mean to upset you.

As for the jealousy thing, sorry I didn't mean to imply that you thought that way. This was in response to all the other posts who pin-pointed that as the reason for her email. And I just think that that is not the case here. Not everything people do has to do with jealousy and it annoys me when EVERY problem mentioned gets jealousy as a reason for the problem. JMO

ETA: You also said that she has dealt with fertility problems and a miscarriage, so she was probably just giving words of advice since she has dealt with these difficult issues. I really think she said it out of concern and support for you.

Well said!!! I agree.

Re: Email from a family member

Kara, I would be sooo pi$$ed - what an inconsiderate biotch

Re: Email from a family member

YES...I would be SO ANNOYED!!!!!

She should have congradulated you on finally getting PG after all the crap you have been through

Message edited 10/25/2006 2:02:31 PM.

Re: Email from a family member

So I don't want to ruin this relationship - they take care of our dog whenever we go away and she has been very supportive throughout the whole process. And I know she said it out of concern.

So today I sent her an email - "I apologize if I ws a bit abrupt yesterday in my email. I know you are just looking out for our best interest.

And she replied:

"No, I didn’t take it as being abrupt – as you say, we each do what we feel what is best for us – I only remember what happened to me the 1st time I told everyone I was pregnant and then the worst happened. "

Then we go on to other stuff.

So I need to get over it, and am glad we understand each other now.

Re: Email from a family member

Good for you Kara!!